


My Fallen Angel

by Belliatryx



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-10
Updated: 2018-11-10
Packaged: 2019-08-21 11:33:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 32
Words: 112,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16575668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Belliatryx/pseuds/Belliatryx
Summary: Esmeralda has had a lot to deal with in the past 2 months. Her half-brother Rick went into a coma and died, her sister-in-law Lori is with now with her other half-brother Shane, the Dead aren't so dead, she has to find meds in a zombie apocalypse, and the man she is developing feelings for is as difficult as they come.How will she handle everything and will she get with Daryl?Read to find out.





	1. Prologue: Esme

**Author's Note:**

> Vote and message please. Please be nice if you have a problem don't be mean about it just message me politely. This isn't my first fan fiction but is my first one here.
> 
> I don't own anything walking dead wise. I only own Esmeralda and my ideas with her. Please don't plagiarize my ideas I have worked hard for them. Thank you.

My name is Esmeralda Grimes, Esme for short. I am 23 years old and I am the half-sister of Rick Grimes and Shane Walsh. How you may ask? Well, Shane's dad cheated on his wife with Rick's mom after her husband passed, and even though it was a one-time thing, here I am. I grew up mostly with Rick, but every summer I spent with Shane; even though his mom hated me. I was closer to Rick, but ever since he died 2 months ago and this damn zombie apocalypse happened, I am trying to become closer to Shane.

I wake up to the noise of my tent zipper being opened.  
"Esme time to get up, wanna help with breakfast?" Lori's voice rings in as she peeks into my tent. I grumble a bit and roll my eyes. She knows I hate mornings. "I'll make you tea if you help me."   
"Fine...." I sigh as I get up, shivering as my sleeping bag falls from my body. Lori laughs and closes the tent for me to get ready.  
I say my morning Wiccan Prayer. “Lord and Lady please grant unto me the Power of Water, to accept with ease and grace what I can not change. The Power of Fire for energy, and courage to change the things I can. The Power of Air for the ability to know the difference. And the Power of Earth for the strength to continue my path with you. So mote it be and blessed be.”   
I Then pull on my black skinny jeans and a red tank top. I pull on my socks and braid my long black hair; remembering that I need to ask Lori for my hairbrush back. I grab Rick's old gun and strap it to my belt. I had picked it up at his house when all hell broke loose.

I grab my knife before I open up my tent, to see Lori putting a small pot to boil. I pull on my hiking boots that were sitting outside my tent, slipping my knife into them as I stand up. I walk up to see she has rice and leftover squirrel in a pot as well. I frown, the squirrel was getting old, but at least I'm not starving. Shane walks up "Good morning," he says cheerfully. I grumble an awkward “hi” and start mixing the pot of food as Lori pours my tea. 

"So what's the plan today, butt?" I ask and smirk as he rolls his eyes at my nickname.  
"Well we need people to go on a run and get some supplies, plus we need to get your insulin." I nod, knowing he's right. "Who're you sending this time?" I ask pulling my nearly empty med vial out of my pocket. I hate this stuff I think to myself.  
"I was thinking Glenn, T-Dog and a few volunteers." I nodded again knowing that Glenn knew the city and my meds by now; as he went on runs for me before. 

I check my blood sugar as Lori places a bowl of food in front of me. 96 I'm good for now, I hope Glenn and the others can find more or after today we are going to have problems.  
Once a plan was made, it is decided that Glenn, Andrea, Morales, Jacqui, T-Dog and Merle are all going on the run. I didn't like that Merle was going, but he did have to start pulling his damn weight around here; like his brother Daryl. At least Daryl hunts and gets us food, all Merle does is sit around camp bitching.

I walk up to Glenn, a small smile forms on my best friend's face. "You better be careful and come back," I say hugging him.   
"I always do right?" he laughs hugging me back. "uh huh..." I mumble. Looking at the others I raise my voice so they can all hear me. "Watch each other's backs you hear? Oh and don't do anything stupid." I say pointedly looking at Merle. They all nod, and I give the rest, excluding Merle, a hug. I watch them pile in the cars and leave.   
Please Lord and Lady let them be alright.  
I sigh, I have a bad feeling about this run. I help clean up breakfast then crawl into my tent picking up my book to read and escape the feeling.


	2. Chapter One: New Guy

A couple hours later I’m distracted from my book by a car alarm. I run out of my tent to see the others gathering around the RV. “What is it Dale, talk to me?” Shane yells at him.  
“Is it them? Are they ok?” Amy asks.   
“Well, I'll be damn…” Dale says.   
“What is it?” Shane asks.  
“A stolen car is my guess.” Dale answers.  
“Does that count these days?” I laugh out. 

The red sports car pulls up and I see a grinning Glenn get out. I run up and hug him. As Amy bugs about Andrea.“Where are the others?” I ask him. “Yes, Andrea is fine! Everybody is, well not Merle so much…” I raise my eyebrows at him but Shane interrupts my forming questions. 

“Are you crazy? Driving this wailing bastard up here? Are you trying to draw every walker for miles?” He shouts at Glenn, as he pulls the battery wires out.  
“I think we're okay,” Dale says.  
Shane scowls at him. “You call being stupid okay.”  
“Well, the alarm was echoing all over these hills. Hard to pinpoint the source. I'm not arguing, I'm just saying. It wouldn't hurt you to think things through a little more carefully next time would it?”Dale answers looking between the two.   
“Sorry, I got a cool car.” Glenn smiles.  
I laugh. “Oh it's gorgeous, but still not a 1969 Shelby GT500 Mustang .”  
“You know cars?” Glenn looks at me.

I was about to answer when the cube van pulls up. Andrea comes out I smile at her as she runs to her sister tearfully. Morales then reunites with his family. T-Dog and Jacqui say hi to me. “Glad you guys are safe.” I say.

“Me too. Wouldn't be here if it wasn't for the new guy.” T-Dog says.   
“New guy?” Shane asks suspiciously.   
“Yeah, crazy vato just got into town. Hey, helicopter boy come say hello.” Morales says and yells at the van.

As I turn to see the new person I freeze. It can be, he's dead, what the fuck? How?  
“Dad!” Carl yells hugging Rick.   
Rick hugs Carl and picks him up as he walks to Lori kisses her. He hugs her tight then sees me. Rick puts Carl down and approaches me. I don't realize I’m crying till he opens his arms to give me a hug and I run into him.  
“How?” I pull away from him slightly. He just wipes some of my tears away smiling at me. How is this possible? You're dead, am I dreaming? Shane said you were dead. SHANE!   
“Shane you said he was dead, you lied?” I rounded on Shane in anger.   
“I thought he was, I put my head to his chest, heard nothing, the electric in the hospital was all off. I thought he died.” Shane answers worry on his face.   
“Hey its okay, it's not his fault. Calm down, Sis.” Rick says rubbing my back I nod and hug him again.   
I have my brother back. Oh, thank you, Lord and Lady! Thank you! 

Were all now sitting around a fire, I keep glancing towards Rick afraid that at one point I’m going to wake up and he's going to be gone.   
Rick had told his story of waking up in the hospital and find out about the zombie apocalypse.   
Everyone let the horrible story sink in then Dale cleared his throat. “Have you given any thought to Daryl? He won't be happy to hear his brother was left behind. ”  
Oh god, Daryl is going to kill my brother for what he did. I think guiltily.   
“I'll tell him. I dropped the key it's on me.” T-Dog answers frowning.   
“I cuffed him, that makes it mine.” Rick argues.   
Glenn jumps in. “Guys it's not a competition, I'm not trying to sound racist, but it might sound better coming from a white guy.”   
“I did what I did. Hell if I'm going to hide from him.” T-Dog says.   
“We could lie.” Amy says. I look at her like she’s crazy.  
“I don't think so!” I shout. “Would you want us to lie if it was your sister?”   
“Hey back off, we can tell the truth. Merle was out of control, something had to be done or he would've gotten us killed.” Andrea jumps in. Then looks at Lori. “Your husband did what was necessary. And if Merle got left behind, it's nobody’s fault but Merle’s.”   
“And that's what you want to tell Daryl? I don't see a rational discussion to be had from that, do you?” Dale asks in disbelief.   
“Daryl isn't the monster you make him out to be. I'm sure as hell not saying he's not going to get pissed. Hell, I'd be pissed, but eventually, he'll understand. He's not his brother.” I say in defense.   
“I was scared and I ran, I'm not ashamed of it.” T-Dog said. Still looking guilty.   
“We were all scared; we all ran. What's your point?” Andrea asks.   
“I stopped long enough to chain that door, the staircase is narrow. Maybe half a dozen geeks can squeeze against it at once. It's not enough to break that chain. Not that padlock. My point is Dixon is alive, and he's still up there handcuffed to that roof and that's on us.” T-Dog replied to Andrea.  
“That's good T-Dog, that means there is hope.” I slightly smile. No matter how small it is…   
With that everyone slowly went to bed.


	3. Chapter Two: Promises

I woke up to the smell of food and the sound of laughter outside my tent. I get up and get dressed, I also check my blood sugar, 88. Gabbing Rick’s gun I think about last night, I smile. Thank you, Lord and Lady! Thank you so much for giving my brother back!... Should I give this back?   
I go outside and see Rick. I walk up and smile more. “Hey this is yours, you should have it back.”   
He smiles and replies. “Keep it, I have one. Did you get your insulin from Glenn? What is your level at?” I shake my head and run to Glenn.   
“Hey got my Insulin? I forgot to ask yesterday, me being distracted and all.”   
He smiles, nods, and starts to dig in a sack. “Yeah I have it, plus something else as well. I'm glad your brother is alive.”   
“Me too. What do you have?” Curiosity lacing my voice. He pulls out 10 vials of insulin and a brand new glucose reader. This will last a good while, maybe 6 months if nothing goes wrong.  
“Wow, thanks, Glenn.” I hug him, as he's about to reply, a child screams. 

Almost immediately we run into the woods to see a walker eating a deer with Daryl’s arrow sticking out of its heart.   
Well, Daryl isn't going to be happy about this.   
Dale hacks the head off the walker and it rolls next to my foot I scoot it away with my shoe a bit.  
“It's the first one we've had this far up the mountain.” Dale says.  
“Well, they're running out of food in the city, that's what.” Jim points out.   
A bush starts to rustle catching us all off guard as Daryl walks up.   
“Son of a bitch! That's my deer!” I flinch at the sound of Daryl’s yelling.   
“Look at it all gnawed on by this filthy, disease-bearing, motherless, poxy bastard!” Daryl continues kicking at the corpse.   
“Calm down son, that's not helping. “ Dale says.  
“What do you know ‘bout it old man? Why don't you take that stupid hat back to On Golden Pond.” He pulls the arrow from the deer and continues talking. “I've been tracking this deer for miles. Gonna drag it back to camp, cook us up some venison. What do you think? Do you think we can cut around this chewed up part here?”   
“Would not risk that.” Shane answers.   
“Sadly, deer would have been a good change from Squirrel.” I say now glaring at the deer like it was the fault of the poor thing.   
Daryl sighs in aggravation. “That's a damn shame, I got more squirrel, dozen, that'll have to do.”  
He walked by the head of the walker and it began moving again.   
“Come on people, what the hell? It's gotta be the brain, don't Y'all know nothing?” Daryl says killing the walker with his crossbow then stalks back to camp. We follow him as he calls out. “Merle! Get your ugly ass out here! I got some squirrel, let's stew them up!”

“Daryl… slow down a bit I need to talk to you.” Shane calls to him. I sigh knowing what's coming next.   
“About what?” He turns around.   
“About Merle, there was a problem in Atlanta.”   
“He dead?”   
“We're not sure….”  
“He either is or ain't.” Daryl snaps.  
Rick then steps in. “There isn't an easy way to say this so, I'll just say it.”  
“Who are you?” Daryl turns his attention to Rick.  
“Rick Grimes.”   
“Well, Rick Grimes you got something you wanna tell me?”  
“Your brother was a danger to us all, so I handcuffed him on a roof, hooked him to a piece of metal. He's still there.” Rick explained. Anger rose on Daryl’s face. I felt bad for him.   
“Let me get this straight you handcuffed my brother to a roof and left him there?” Daryl yelled.   
“Yeah…”

“Watch the knife!" Tdog yells. “ That's when I see it and Shane puts Daryl in a choke hold. I put my hand on my gun. “You best let me go!” Daryl shouts. “Daryl, calm down please, let us explain.” I say as I look in his eyes but he's too angry to understand right now.   
“Screw you, lady. Let me go!”   
“I think it's better if I don't.” Shane replies lowering Daryl to the ground.   
“Chokeholds illegal.”   
“You can file a complaint.”  
“Come on man, we'll keep this up all day.”  
I kneel down in front of both of them. “Daryl look at me, please. Calm down. Let's all have a calm discussion, please.” I put my hand on his arm, he flinches but grunts and Shane lets him go. Rick kneels down with us.  
“What I did was on a whim, your brother does not work and play well with others.”   
“Both our brothers made a mistake.” I say. Daryl looks at me confused. “Your brother almost got the others hurt, my brother handcuffed him to a roof for good reason but it's still a mistake.”  
“It's not Rick’s fault, I had the key, I dropped it.” T-Dog says.   
“You couldn't pick it up?” Daryl asks sarcastically.   
“I dropped it down a drain.”   
“If that's supposed to make me feel better it don't.” Daryl Replies  
“Well, maybe this will. I chained the door to the roof so that no geeks could get to him. With a padlock”   
Daryl stood up, me and the others following suit.   
“It's gotta count for something.” Rick tries.   
“Daryl there's a chance he's still alive.” I say trying to comfort him, as he tries desperately not to cry.  
“To hell with Y'all, just tell me where he is so I can go get him.” He yells.   
“I'll go back to show you.” Rick says. 

Shane and Rick argue till eventually, Rick wins by pointing out that there are guns to get as well. 

“So you and Daryl that's your big plan?” Lori jumps in obviously not happy. Granted, I wasn't either, I just got my brother back, now he's risking his life for someone who almost got the group killed. Rick turns toward Glenn.

“Oh come on....” Glenn knew what Rick wanted.   
“You know the way, you've been there before, no problem, I know it's not fair to ask but I know 2 women who would feel safer if you were to go to.” Rick points to Lori and me at the last part. Glenn nods agreement when T-Dog says he'll go as well. 

While the group gets ready. Daryl waits in the van impatiently honking the horn. I walk up to him a bit nervous.   
“Can I ask you something, Daryl?” He looks at me.   
“You just did.” He huffs obviously not wanting to talk.   
“You know what I mean.” I roll my eyes at him.   
“Hn, what?”  
“Look I know I have no right to ask, but I know what you're going through, I just got my brother back, I can't lose him again. Can you please watch Rick’s back?”   
He stares at me with his blue eyes like I'm crazy, I stare back, begging with my green and blue gaze.   
“Why should I? He put my brother there.” He finally asks.  
“Look both of our brothers made mistakes… When you bring your brother back I'll… I'll have his back, I promise, and I don't go back on my promises.”  
Daryl kind of scoffs or maybe holds back a laugh I can't tell.   
“How are you going to have my brother's back?”   
“Hey! I'm capable! I'm a blue belt in karate, I know how to use a gun, and I'm good with words, plus I am Rick and Shane’s sister I can help handle them, you know put my word in. I'll have your back as well, just promise me, please.”   
“Karate ain't going to help with the geeks but… Sure whatever…”  
“Thank you!” I smile and walk away, I look back. “Oh, and be careful yourself.”   
As the group is about to leave, I hug Rick bye not wanting to let go.  
“Please be careful, we just got you back.”  
“I will, I promise, a Grime’s promise.” He says.   
I watch them drive away and turn morosely to help with chores. 

The girls and I are doing laundry, I'm washing someone’s blue shirt when Carol speaks.   
“I do miss my Maytag.”   
“I miss my Benz, my sat nav.” Lori says.  
“I miss texting.” That was Amy.  
“I miss my coffee maker with dual-drip filter and built-in grinder.” Jacqui speaks.  
“I miss showers.” I say as a piece of my dirty hair falls in my face.   
“I miss my vibrator.” Andrea says.  
There was a pause then we all laugh as Carol replies with “I do too.” 

“What's so funny?” Ed, Carol’s husband stalks over.   
“Just swapping war stories, Ed.” Andrea replies.   
We all go back to doing laundry but Ed stays watching us with a glare. I get annoyed at him.   
“Ed, tell you what you don't like how your laundry is done do it yourself.” Andrea says snapping before I do tossing him his shirt.   
“Ain't my job, missy.” He tosses the shirt back.   
“What is your job Ed? Sitting around smoking all day?” I ask, pissed now.   
“Well it sure as hell ain't listening to some uppity smart-mouthed bitch, let's go.” Ed says, Carol starts to walk but I grab her.   
“I don't think she needs to go anywhere with you Ed.” Andrea retorts.  
“And I say it's none of your business. Come on, now!” Ed yells at Carol.   
“So she can show up with bruises later, Ed? Huh?” Jacqui finally steps in.  
“Carol…” I say softly as she starts to go, I still have her wrist.  
“You know what? This ain't none of your business!” Ed yells at us, slapping Carol in the process.   
I lose it. I punch him in the gut. Shane shows up out of nowhere pulling Ed to the ground and punching him in the face.  
Again…  
And again…  
And again….  
“Shane! Ok! He's had enough!” I yell trying to stop him from killing the man.   
“You put your hands on your wife, your little girl or anyone else in this camp one more time, I will not stop next time do you hear me?” Shane yells at Ed.   
I looked at Shane in shock. I've never even seen Shane like this. I place my hand on his arm as he breathes heavily. “You alright Shane?” I ask.  
“Yeah just thought he was going to hurt you. Shouldn't have hurt his wife either.” He spat.  
“I agree, but… Well, why don't you go sit down? Relax.” I say the last part as more of an order. He nods slowly.   
“Let me know if you need anything, alright.” I say. He nods and leaves as I look to the others apologetically. 

Carol takes Ed to their tent as the rest of us finish the laundry. After chores I go and read, trying to forget what happened and my worries for Rick and admittedly, a certain redneck.


	4. Chapter Three: Goodbye Amy

After about two hours of reading, I finished my book I sigh, now what was I going to read? I get out of my tent to ask Dale if he has any good books when Amy and Andrea come over with a bunch of fish.

“Ladies, because of you, my children will eat tonight, thank you.” Morales says.   
We eat every day because of Daryl, and you never thank him. But, they did do a good job. I think rolling my eyes. “Great job guys.” I say smiling.   
“Thank Dale, it's his canoe and gear.” Andrea replies.  
“Mom, look at all the fish!” Carl runs up to us. Lori stays where she's at cringing at the slimy fish.   
“Where'd you two learn to fish?” She asks.  
“Our father.” Amy replies grinning.   
“Can you teach me how?” Carl asks excitedly.   
“Sure, I'll teach you all about nail, knots, and lures, of course, if it's ok?” Amy looks to Lori for permission.   
“You won't catch me arguing.” Lori says.  
“As long as you keep him safe.” I say, being slightly overprotective of my nephew, I put my hand on his shoulder as he looks up at me annoyed. I just laugh. 

Dale walks up with a slightly worried expression on his face. “Hey Dale, when's the last time you oiled those reels? They're a disgrace.” Andrea says.   
“I uh, I don't want to alarm anyone, but we may have a bit of a problem.” Dale says ignoring Andrea’s question. He then points to Jim who is digging repeatedly and aggressively. 

We approach Jim but he ignores us still digging. “Jim, why don't you hold up alright? Just give me a second here please.” Shane calls to him.   
“Dale says you've been out here for hours. “ Morales adds.   
“So?” Jim sighs not stopping in his efforts of digging. I glance over at Shane confused and worried.   
“So, why are you digging? Are you heading to China?” Shane asks slightly annoyed.   
“What does it matter? I'm not hurting anyone.” Jim answers.   
“Jim, you're hurting yourself, look at your hands.” I say softly.   
“Esme is right, plus its 100 degrees out, you can't keep this up.” Dale agrees.  
“Sure I can watch me.” Jim argues.   
Lori steps in. “Jim, they aren't going to say it, so I will. You're scaring people, you're scaring the kids.”   
“There isn't anything to be scared of. I mean, what the hell, I'm out here by myself. Why don't you all just go and leave me alone.” Jim yells.  
“We think you need a break, why don't you go and sit in the shade.” Shane tries.  
“Yeah, I'll get you some food, water and I can patch up those blisters as well. What say you, Jim?” I smile at him.  
Shane nods and continues. “I'll tell you what in a bit, after your break, I'll come and help you out. Jim, just tell me what it's about.”   
“Or what?...” Jim asks stabbing the shovel in the ground and glaring at us.   
“There isn't an ‘or what’. I'm asking you. I'm coming to you, asking you, please. I don't wanna have to take it from you.” Shane says.  
“ And if I don't, then what? Then you're going to beat my face in like Ed aren't you?” Jim scoffed. “Y'all saw his face, huh? What's left of it. See, now that's what happens when someone crosses you.”  
Shane's expression hardened. “That was different, Jim. Ed was hurting Carol”  
“So, that is their marriage, not yours. You're not judge and jury here. Who voted you king boss, huh?” Jim yells.  
Shane’s voice raises. “Jim, I'm not here to argue with you, alright just give me the shovel, okay?” Shane reaches out to take the shovel but Jim shoves him away swinging at him. Shane pins Jim to the ground, as Jim screams “You have no right, you have no right!”   
“Jim, nobody's going to hurt you.” I tried to reassure him.  
Jim glares at me “That's a lie, the biggest lie there is, I told that to my brother, wife and my two boys. I said it 100 times, it didn't matter they came out of nowhere, there were dozens of them, just pulled them right out of my hands. The only reason why I got away was because the dead were to busy eating my family.”  
All of our expressions soften sympathetically. We helped Jim up, then gave him some water and food. I patched up his blisters. Letting him relax for the rest of the day.

Morales set up the fire pit, as Amy and Andrea were gutting the fish. I helped stir some rice as a side.  
Morales and Jackie were talking to Dale about his watch, I ignored most of the conversation until I hear Dale say. “Time, it's important to keep track of, isn't it? The day at least. Don't you think, Andrea, back me up here. It's like what a father said to a son when he gave him a watch that had been handed down through generations he said I give you the mausoleum of all hope and desire, which will fit your individual needs no better than it did mine or my father's before me. I give it to you not that you may remember time, but that you may forget it, for a moment now and then, and not spend all of your breath trying to conquer it.”  
Silence was heard after Dale’s speech. I knew that it was something that would be held in our all of our hearts, something we would never forget. As we finish eating our fish Amy stands up to go somewhere. Andrea jumps her case, “Where are you going?”  
“I have to pee, geez try and be discreet around here.” Amy replied. We all chuckled as she heads to the RV. 

That was when we heard it, Amy's cry. We all turn around and jump up when we see a walker biting her. Andrea screams for her sister. That's when we noticed we're all surrounded. I take out my gun and start shooting, killing three. When the gun runs out of bullets, I start to use my knife, killing two more. That's when I feel something tug on my hair and I get pulled to the ground my knife falls from my hand. I look up only to notice a walker trying to take a bite out of me. I put my hands to its throat. I keep it away from me trying to think of how I can kill it. Just then, as all of its weight falls on top of me, I notice a bolt sticking through its skull. The Walker is rolled off of me and I see Daryl standing there, with his hand out for me to take.

I take it, pulling myself up. “Thank you.” I say, he nods. We hear a bullet hit a Walker that's crouching over Ed. Poor Carol.   
“That's the last one!” Shane shouts. I look over the campsite realizing the damage that’s been done. Andrea is crying over her sister, Carol and Sophia are crying over Ed. 

The next morning we start to clean up the campsite. Even though you can tell nobody has gotten sleep. Andrea is still crying over her sister.  
“ She won't even talk to us, she's been there all night. What do we do?” Lori asks, sadly looking over at Andrea.  
“I'll tell her how it is.” Rick says he walks the over to Andrea, without missing a beat she pulls the gun on Rick who freezes and raises his hands in submission. I put my hand on my gun holster just in case I have to protect my brother.   
“I know how the safety works.” She states coldly not looking away from her sister.   
“Alright, alright, okay I'm sorry.” Rick says slowly backing away from her.  
“Y'all can't be serious, let that girl hamstring us?” Daryl yells. “The dead girls a ticking time bomb.”  
“What do you suggest?” Rick ask.  
“Take the shot,” Daryl suggests. “Clean in the brain from here, hell, I can hit a turkey between the eyes from this distance.  
“No, for God's sake, let the girl be.” Lori says.

Just then we hear Jackie scream “A walker bit Jim.”  
I turn around to see Daryl start stocking towards Jim “Show it to us!” he demands.  
Jim picks up a shovel lying on the ground and hold it up defensively. T-Dog then sneaks up on Jim and wraps his arms around him and makes Jim drop the shovel.  
“I say we put a pickaxe in his head and the dead girls and be done with it.” Daryl suggests.   
“Is that what you would want if it were you?” Shane asks with disbelief.   
“Yeah and I’d thank you while you did it.” Daryl replies.   
“ I would want it too, Daryl, but it may not be what they want.” I say.  
“I hate to say it, I never thought I would, but maybe Daryl's right?” Dale says.   
“Jim's not a monster, Dale, or a rabid dog.” Rick argues.  
“I'm not suggesting…” Dale tries but Rick cuts him off.  
“He's a sick man, we start down that road, where do we draw the line?”   
“The line’s pretty clear. Zero tolerance for walkers or them to be.” Daryl argues back.   
“What if we can get him help?” Rick almost sounds like he's begging. “I heard the CDC is working on a cure.”   
“I heard that too, I heard a lot of things before the world went to hell.” Shane says.  
“What if it’s still up and running?” I asked hopefully.  
“Man, that's a stretch right there.” Shane replies.  
“Shane let's go talk, the rest of you clean up camp.” Rick grabs Shane's arm and drags him away so they can talk privately.

An hour later we walk up the hill to bury our dead. I'm walking by Glenn; I look over to see he’s sad.   
“Hey, you going to be ok?” I asked. He looks over at me with the faint smile.  
“Yeah, I will be.” I nod as Daryl’s pick up truck stops. We bury our dead and have a small silent funeral for them. In my head, I say a prayer for Amy and the others. You have gone and now I wonder why it is you must depart, and even though you’re just a memory your spark of life is in my heart. No tears or wishing bring you back, no hope can change this plan of time. I must wait as you go onward into those Summerlands divine. The sun in this world, where you left me, rises, shining, then descends, setting in the western quarter yet soon to come back up again. Within your land, there is no shadow and love eternal never dies. I know you're with me every moment even though this brief goodbye.   
As we walk away I turn around and look at Amy's grave. “Goodbye Amy, I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to know you better.” I whisper as Glenn puts a comforting arm around my shoulder. 

After the funeral, we're all trying to relax around the fire pit. Shane and Rick are off somewhere still arguing about the plan. 30 minutes later I see Shane and Rick walk up to us.   
“I've been thinking about Rick's plan,” Shane starts. “Now look there are no guarantees either way. I'll be the first one to admit, that I've known this man a long time, I trusted instincts. I say the most important thing here, is we need to stay together, so those of you that agree we leave first thing in the morning for the CDC.”  
“Everybody try and get some sleep. Tomorrow is going to be a big day, we gotta pack up and head out.” Rick says as he heads to his tent.

Before going to bed I check my blood sugar 76, I frown a bit low so I eat a granola bar from my stash of food I have, for situations like this. I pack up my belongings and write in a journal I have about Amy and the others I don't want to forget, I also write Dale's time saying in it. When I'm tired enough I go to my tent. “Dreams of shadow, dreams of light, hear and heed my will this night. Dreams of truth, dreams of lies, let me walk through sleeping skies. Dreams of water, dreams of mead, bring me to the things I need. Dreams of silk, Dreams of steel, manifest my will made real.”   
After my prayer, I finally go to bed.


	5. Chapter Four: One Gun and a Bullet

After getting ready and packing up the whole entire campsite Shane calls everybody to order. “Alright everybody listen up, those of you with CBs we’re going to be on channel 40. Let's keep the chatter down, okay? Now you got a problem and don't have a CB or can't get a signal or anything at all, you're going to hit your horn once and that'll stop the caravan, anybody got any questions?”  
I look around to see everybody shaking their heads, but Morales speaks up.   
“We're, we're not going.” He steps forward.   
“We have family in Birmingham,” his wife explains “we want to be with our people.”  
“You go, your on your own, you won't have anyone to watch your backs.” Shane says trying to convince them from leaving.   
A sad goodbye is given to Morales’s family I hug the kids and tell them to listen to their parents. In my heart I know I'll never see them again. Oh Lord and Lady keep them safe….Do I count them dead already? I think as I wave the goodbye to them.

We had only gone about 3 miles when the radiator hose gives out on us, “I told you we'd never get that far on that hose,” Dale said to Rick as he waved his hat about trying to clear the smoke in the air. “I said I needed the one from the van.”  
“Can you jerry-rig it?” Rick asks.  
“That's all it's been so far. It's more duct tape then a hose and I'm out of duct tape.”   
“There's nothing we can use?” I ask. Dale shakes his head “I see something up ahead a gas station if we're lucky.” Shane says as he scouts the area with binoculars.

“Hey everyone, it's Jim, it's bad.” We turn around to see Jackie. “I don't think he can take anymore.” She says a she turns back into the RV.   
“Hey, Rick you want to hold down the fort? I'll driver ahead and see what I can bring back.” Shane suggests. Rick nods and heads to the RV.  
“I'll come along too.” T-Dog says. “Back you up.”  
Shane nods his head and turns to Dale and I. “You all keep your eyes open. We will be right back.” 

A good couple of minutes later Shane and T-Dog pull up they found a hose but we still can't fix the RV. Just then Rick comes out.  
“Jim wants to be left here, it's what he says he wants.” Rick says shocking us all.   
“And he's lucid?” Carol asks.  
“He seems to be.” Rick nods.  
“Back in the camp, when I said Daryl might be right and you shut me down, you misunderstood me,” Dale speaks up. “I would never go along with callously killing a man. I was just going to suggest that we asked him what he wants and I think we may have the answer now.”  
Shane shakes his head. “So we just leave him here? We take off? Man, I'm not sure I could live with that.”   
“I don't think I can either, but it's Jim's decision and he's made up his mind.” I say as I shake my head. That's 4, no, 3 people dead now. Not including Morales’s family.  
Rick and Shane go to the RV and get Jim. We place him under a tree and give him a gun with one bullet. We all say goodbye and leave.  
On the way to the CDC, I write in my journal about Jim and Morales’s family. I don't want to forget about anyone. This journal holds everything that's happened since Rick went into a coma. I guess you can say it’s my story of the Apocalypse.


	6. Chapter Five: Dr. Jenner

The Caravan hadn't stopped again until we finally reach the CDC as soon as it came to stop, I immediately exited the RV. I looked around seeing all the dead corpses everywhere it smelled rancid and I started to panic. Everyone gathered around the front as Rick banged on the doors and Shane tries to pull them up.

“There's nobody here.” T-Dog says.   
“Then why are the shutters down?” Rick asks.   
Daryl shoots down a walker that was coming towards us. “You led us into a graveyard!” he yells.  
“He made a call.” Dale defends him.  
“It was the wrong damn call!” Daryl yells. Shane makes his way up to Daryl shoving him back. “Shut up.” he then turns to Rick. “Rick this is a dead-end.”  
"Rick, brother, we need to go." I call trying to gain his attention.   
“Where are we going to go?” Carol asks.  
“She's is right,” Lori says. “We can't be this close to the city after dark.”  
“Fort Benning, Rick, it's still an option.” Shane says trying to convince him.   
“On what, no food, no fuel, that's a hundred miles.” Andrea shakes her head in frustration.   
“Hundred and twenty-five I checked the map.” Glenn corrects her.   
“Forget Fort Benning!” Lori says. “We need answers tonight, right now.”   
“We'll think of something.” Rick says trying to reassure everyone.   
“Come on everyone back to the cars.” Shane orders everyone to move along. I turn around about to go back into the RV.

All the sudden Rick yells “The camera it moved!”  
“You imagined it.” Dale says shaking his head.  
“No it moved, I know you're in there.”He yells staring at the camera, his voice was full of pleading desperation. At this point, Shane has practically dragged Rick to the cars.   
“You're killing us!” Rick shouts repeatedly to the camera as Shane got my brother to turn away from the CDC. I jump at the sound of a loud clang. As I spin around I am blinded by a bright light. 

Shane starts yelling orders as I blink to try and see again. We all make our way into the CDC looking around, everything looks as if it's been untouched.   
“Hello?” Rick calls. I raise my gun as a man approaches with his own gun.   
“Is anybody infected?” He asks.  
“One of our group was, he didn't make it.” Rick answers. The man hesitantly takes a few steps forward. “Why are you here? What do you want?”   
“A chance.”  
“That's asking an awful lot these days.”  
Rick nods his head. “I know.”  
“You will all admit to a blood test that's the price of admission.”  
“We can do that,” Rick says as he finally lowers his gun. “You got stuff to bring in you do it now, once the doors close it stays closed.”   
Without another word, we all head outside to grab our things instantly making our way back in.

We are crowded together in a spacious elevator riding down to the main floor. I stood by Rick and Shane with Daryl in front of me.   
“Doctors always go around packing heat like that?” Daryl questions.   
“There was plenty left lying around.” The scientist, we found out to be Dr. Edwin Jenner, answers. “I familiarized myself with it, but you look harmless enough. All except you have to keep my eye on you.” He looks down Carl who smiles but I put my arm on his shoulder protectively. I don't know if we can trust this person yet. The elevator finally comes to a stop as we all stumble out and follow him to a control room.  
“Are we underground?” Carol asks.   
“Are you claustrophobic?” Jenner looks at her.   
“A little.”   
“Try not to think about it,” Jenner says then calls out to no one in particular. “VI, bring up the lights in the big room.”  
As he commanded the lights lit up. “Welcome to zone 5.” He smiles at us.   
“Where is everybody? The other doctors, the staff?” Rick asks Jenner.   
“I'm it, It's just me here.”   
“So who was the person that you were speaking with? VI?” Lori asks in confusion.   
“VI,” Jenner calls out to the room. “Say hello to our guests. Tell them... welcome.”   
“Hello guests.” A computerized female voice greets us. “Welcome.”   
“I'm all that's left. I'm sorry.”

After that, we get to a small room where he would be taking blood samples. Once it gets to my turn though Rick steps up.   
“You probably shouldn't do hers, she has diabetes and she hasn't eaten, her blood sugar could be low and it would make it worse.”  
“Is she infected?” Jenner asks suspiciously.   
“No, no I'm not, but I do have diabetes.” I say as I pull out my insulin for proof.   
I go and check my blood sugar, 99, while he sticks Andrea. After the blood work, he takes us all to get food.

After a good meal, wine and some goofing off, Shane decided to ruin the mood by asking about what happened. Once learning the depressing news Jenner takes us to where we would be staying.   
“Most of the facility is powered down, including housing so you'll have to make do here,” Jenner explained as he continued to lead the way. “The couches are comfortable but there are cots in the storage if you like or need them, there's a wreck room down the hall that you kids might enjoy, just don't plug in the video games, okay. The same applies if you shower, go easy on the hot water.” With that, he walked off to where he would be staying. Glenn looks at us a grin on his face. “Hot water!”   
“That's what the man said.” T-Dog laughs.   
I smile at the thought of a hot shower. I look around to see who I should stay in the room with but everybody pretty much paired up leaving only one room left and me to fend for myself. I look at Daryl awkwardly standing there not knowing what to do.   
“Umm… I guess that leaves us to this room, don't worry I won't bug you. I'll get a cot.” He looks at me like I'm crazy, then realizes the situation, that I'm right, and shrugs.   
“Whatever.” He grunts.  
I rush to the storeroom and grab a cot. Oh Lord and Lady please don't let me make him mad that is the last thing I need.

When I get back to the room Daryl is sitting on the couch going through his pack. I mind my own business like I promised and set up the cot. I get clean clothes out of my bag and pause. Should I let him have the shower first?  
“Umm… Daryl.” He looks up from what he's doing.  
“You can have the shower first.” He says as if reading my mind and goes back to ignoring me.

I go into the bathroom and start the water. I look around seeing the ocean scented shampoo and conditioner. I strip and step in the hot water, sighing as I feel my muscles relax. I clean myself off and want to just sit a bit longer but remember that Daryl still needs to shower. I shut the water off and dry myself. After getting dressed and wrapping the towel around my hair I open the door.  
“You can shower now...” I look at the couch Daryl is gone, but the couch is made up like a bed. I hear a slight snore and look at the cot where he is sleeping. I smile a bit. Who knew he could be a gentleman? I quietly say my night prayer and go to sleep.


	7. Chapter Six: A Millisecond

I wake up to the sound of running water. Water, where am I? The CDC, that’s right. I sit up looking at the small room I shared with Daryl, his pack was on the cot and he must be in the shower. I get up and put my shoes on, grab the rest of my stuff and walk to the dining hall where I see Dale and Glenn.

Dale is cooking what looks to be eggs and Glenn is groaning over his plate, he is hung over. “Morning, feeling ok there Glenn?” I ask sitting next to him putting my hand on his shoulder. He groans an answer and shakes his head. I smile as the others make their way in.   
“Morning.” Rick greets everyone.  
“Are you hungover Dad? Mom said you would be.” Carl asks. I look at Rick and sure enough, he looks bad.  
“Mom’s right.” He mumbles an answer.  
“Mom has that annoying habit.” Lori smiles as I chuckle.   
T-Dog brings a skillet of eggs and passes them around as I am checking my blood sugar, 123, it’s high, probably from the wine I had last night, I inject some insulin and eat small today.  
Shane walks in and goes to get coffee, an annoyed look on his face. “Hey.” He mumbles to us all.   
“Hey, feel as bad as I do?” Rick questions.  
“Worse.” He replies as he turns around taking a sip of his coffee.  
“The hell happen’ to you? Your neck.” T-Dog points to Shane’s neck where there are 3 scratches. I stand up and approach to look at them.  
“Must’ve done it in my sleep.” Is Shane’s answer as I move his shirt to get a better look.   
“Never seen you do that before.” Rick says as I nod knowing there is more to this story than he is letting on.  
“Me neither, not like me at all.” Shane says as he glances at Lori who is trying to ignore this whole conversation. They must have gotten in a fight…but why would she scratch him… great, this is going to be a lot of drama and when is she going to tell Rick? I think as I shake my head. 

Just then Dr. Jenner comes in. “Morning.” He calls to everyone. We all greet him as Dale asks a question. “Doc, I don’t mean to slam you with questions first thing in the……”   
“But you will anyway.” Dr. Jenner sighs.   
“Well, we didn’t just come here for the eggs” Andrea retorts, as I agree.  
Jenner leads us into the control room and begins to type on one of the computers. We all stand waiting patiently as the screen flickers on.   
"Give me a playback of TS-19," Jenner says, talking to VI.  
"Playback of TS-19," Vi answers.  
"Few people ever got a chance to see this," Jenner explained. "Very few."   
I watched the screen as he went through many slides of the images. Carl has a curious look on his face as he finally speaks up. "Is that a brain?"   
"An extraordinary one," Jenner replies. "Not that it matters in the end, Take us in for EIV."   
"Enhanced internal view." VI answers again. The video on the screen changes perspective as it shows the subject lying down. There were certain lights spread across the screen that Shane points out, "What are those lights?"  
"It's a person's life," Jenner answered. "Experiences, memories...It's everything, somewhere, in all that organic writing, all the ripples of light, is you--the thing that makes you unique, and human."   
"You don't make sense..." Daryl asked. "Ever?" I smile at his sentence, but I get what Jenner is saying.  
"Those are synapses," Dr. Jenner continues to explain. "Electric impulses in the brain that carry all the messages. They determine everything a person says, does or thinks from the moment of birth to the moment of death."   
"Death?" Rick echoed. "That's what this is? A vigil?"   
"Yes... or rather the playback of the ...vigil." He answers sadly.  
"This person died?" Andrea asked. "Who?"  
"Test subject 19. Someone who was bitten and infected....and volunteered to have us record the process." Jenner turned his attention back to the screen. "VI, scan forward to the first event."   
"Scanning to the first event," VI answers. The video on the screenplays again, but the lights on the brain began to go dark.   
"What is that?" Glenn asked.  
“It invades the brain like meningitis," Jenner explains. “The adrenal glands hemorrhage, the brain goes into shutdown, then the major organs.." Jenner paused as he continued watching the screen just as the brain finally went completely dark. "Then death...." He looked down. "Everything you ever were or ever will be gone."   
I stare at the screen finally realizing what this was. This was what happens to you when you get bit, the fever, the sickness, everything on this screen is what happens in the brain and body. It looks like pain and most of all, of course, death. This is what happened to Jim, to Amy, to all the others we countlessly fight and will fight till all this is gone. “Oh my gosh.” I whisper as Sophia pipes up. “Is that what happened to Jim?”  
"Yes," Carol confirms my thoughts. I peered over at Andrea who seemed to be distressed, I frown and walk over to her putting my arm on hers. She smiles weakly at me. Watching what happened to both Amy and Jim after they died from this must heartbreaking for her.   
"Scan to the second event," Jenner calls to VI. "Scanning to the second event," VI reiterated.   
"The resurrection times vary wildly," Jenner says as the video scans forward. "We had reports of it happening in as little as three minutes. The longest we heard of was eight hours. In the case of this patient, it was two hours, one minute....seven seconds."   
I watch the screen in anticipation. For a moment everything was still and dark, then a few sparks of red light started to appear at the base of the brain stem.   
"It restarts the brain?" Lori asked.   
"No..., just the brain stem," Jenner answered. "Basically, it gets them up and moving."  
"But they're not alive?" Rick asked.   
"You tell me," Jenner said.   
Rick gazes up at the screen and shakes his head. "It's nothing like before. Most of that brain was dark."  
"Dark, lifeless, dead... The frontal lobe, the neocortex, The human part, that doesn't come back; the you part. Just a shell is driven by mindless instinct."   
Mindless... that's what these things are, mindless bodies, a shell of nothing. This is what happened to everyone's loved ones…. I think. Just then a line shot through the subject's brain, destroying the brain stem as well as a small portion of the brain.   
"God!" Carol cried. "What was that?"   
“Oh…” I gasp.  
"He shot his patient in the head," Andrea breathed. "Didn't you?"  
"VI, power down the main screen and workstations," Jenner says ignoring Andrea.   
"Powering down main screen and workstations," VI said, as the computers and screen shut off.   
"Do you happen to know what this is?" I ask still staring at the blank screen.  
"It could be microbial, viral, parasitic, fungal..." Jenner trailed off.   
“Or the wrath of God?" Jacqui added.  
Jenner nodded his head. "There is that."  
I scoff at the two. One hell of a fucking god, more like the wrath of mother nature if anything…  
"Somebody must know something," Andrea tried. "Somebody, somewhere."   
"There are others, right?" Carol asked hopefully. "Other facilities?"  
"There may be some," Dr. Jenner answered. "People like me."   
"But you don't know?" Rick asked. "How can you not know?"  
"Everything went down. Communications, directives...all of it. I've been in the dark for almost a month."   
"So it's not just here," Andrea said. "There's nothing left anywhere? Nothing? That's what you're really saying, right?"  
Jenner chose again not to say anything. I look around at everyone as this all sinks in. We're all alone it's just us here. My eyes meet a pair of blue ones across the room, and we stare at each other for a millisecond before he turns away.   
“Man, I'm gonna get shit-faced drunk, again," Daryl says as he ran his hands over his face. I chuckle for a second before being interrupted.  
Dale stepped forward looking over at something. "Dr. Jenner, I know this has been taxing for you and I hate to ask one more question, but that clock...It's counting down, What happens at zero?"  
I follow Dale’s gaze… Forty Minutes till zero.  
Dr. Jenner seemed hesitant to reply. "The...basement generators, they run out of fuel."  
"And then?" Rick asked. Jenner once again refused to answer as he began to walk away. Rick turned to speak to the room, "VI, what happens when the power runs out?"   
"When the power runs out, facility-wide decontamination will occur." VI answers without hesitation.

Everybody was following behind Jenner, as Daryl bombarded him with questions, to no avail of answers. We continued to follow down the stairs where we were met with Glenn, Rick, Shane, and T-Dog again.  
"Jenner, what's happening?" Rick asked.   
“The system is dropping all the non-essential uses of power," Jenner answered. "It's designed to keep the computers running to the last possible second. That starts as we approached the half-hour mark."  
Rick and Shane started to give out orders to pack our stuff so we could leave and meet up in the stadium room. Just then a loud clanging sound was heard.   
“He just locked us in!" Glenn yelled. My heart sunk and panic set in….  
Rick stalked towards Jenner. "Jenner, open that door now." He demanded.   
“There's no point," Jenner argued. "Everything topside is locked down. Emergency exits are sealed."  
"Well, open the damn things," Daryl snapped.   
"That's not something I control. The computers do. I told you once that front door closed, it wouldn't open again. You heard me say that." Jenner then glanced all around us, and even though I seemed like a harmless girl, I made sure my glare was known. "It's better this way." he tried to reason with us.   
“What is?” Rick asked.  
“What happens in twenty-eight minutes?” I yelled at Jenner, I was done, I was about to slap him.  
Jenner jumped to his feet as he snaps at me. "Do you know what this place is? We protected the public from very nasty stuff! Weaponized smallpox! Ebola strains that could wipe out half the country! Stuff you don't want getting out! Ever!" He paused and sat back down in his chair, calming himself. "In the event of a catastrophic power failure… in a terrorist attack, for example...HITs are deployed to prevent any organisms from getting out."   
"HITs?" Rick asked confused.   
"VI, explain," Jenner ordered.  
"HITs-- high-impulse thermobaric fuel-air explosives consists of a two-stage aerosol ignition that produces a blast wave of significantly greater power and duration than any other known explosive except nuclear. The vacuum-pressure effect ignites the oxygen between 5,000 and 6,000 degrees and is used... when the greatest loss of life and damage to structures is desired." The now very annoying computer explained.   
"It sets the air on fire," Jenner mumbled. "No pain. An end to sorrow, grief..regret.Everything."  
I stood there shocked. This was sure as hell, not the way I wanted to go. I wanted to fight, and that's what I did, I ran to Jenner slapping him. “Open the fucking doors!” I yelled in his face. “My family is not going out like this you fucking coward!” I felt a pair of arms grab me, but I fought. “Esmeralda that’s enough.” Rick’s voice calmed me.  
“Open the damn door.” Daryl yelled throwing his leftover whiskey bottle.  
"You should've left well enough alone," Jenner muttered. "It would've been so much easier."   
"Easier for who?" Lori snapped.   
"All of you. You know what's out there... A short, brutal life and an agonizing death. Your sister, what was her name?" Jenner asked Andrea.  
“Amy.”  
“Amy, you know what this does. You've seen it.” Jenner tells her. Then turns to Rick. “Is that really what you want for your wife, sister, and son?"   
"I don't want this." Rick snapped.   
“How fucking dare you! How dare you lock us in here with no say, no choice, knowing we would die. You don’t get to choose that for us. Now let us out!” I yelled at him.   
Daryl and Shane had finally given up on axing the door, both panting as they made their way back over to us.   
"Can't make a dent," Shane muttered.   
"Those doors are designed to withstand a rocket launcher," Jenner said. I sighed not knowing what to do.  
“Well, your head ain't!" Daryl yelled running at Jenner as all the guys tried to hold him back from the attack.   
“Just let him kill the fucker he’s going to die here anyway.” I told the guys.   
“Esme…” Lori chastised me, but I saw the small smile on her face.  
After they settled Daryl, Jenner had stood from his seat. "You do want this," he said to Rick. "Last night you said you knew it was just a matter of time before everybody you loved was dead."   
My eyes widened as I glanced up at my brother in shock. Lori held the same expression as me as Carl cried into his mother's shoulder.   
"You really said that?" Shane asked, disappointment in his voice. "After all your big talk?"   
"I had to keep hope alive, didn't I?" Rick said.   
"There is no hope," Jenner tried again. "There never was."  
"There's always hope," Rick argued. "Maybe it won't be you, maybe not here, but somebody somewhere." "What part of 'everything is gone' do you not understand?" Andrea scoffed.   
“Listen to your friend," Jenner said. Motioning to Andrea. "She gets it. This is what takes us down. This is our extinction event."   
“You don’t know that you're just a fucking scientist who has given up, well we haven’t,” I say to Jenner then round on Andrea. “And you, don't you fucking give up on us, we will find a way, we are not dying like this.” I scold her.   
"This isn't right," Carol said tearfully. "You can't just keep us here."   
"One tiny moment, a millisecond," Jenner tried to assure her. "No pain."   
"My daughter doesn't deserve to die like this." Carol starts to sob.   
"Wouldn't it be kinder, more compassionate to just hold your loved ones and wait for the clock to run down?" Jenner asks. I glare at him wishing looks actually could kill.   
At the sound of a gun cocking, I snapped my head towards Shane direction as he had a scary glint in his eyes. The same look he had when he had beaten Ed. "Open the damn door or I'm gonna blow your head off," Shane threatened. "Do you hear me?"  
"Brother, this is not the way to do this. We will never get out of here," Rick tried to calm him.   
"Shane, you listen to him," Lori tried to help, though I doubted it would.   
"It's too late," Shane said.   
"He dies, we all die!" Rick said as Shane started to yell in frustration.   
"Shane!" I yelled at him, as much as I wanted him dead, I knew Rick was right.   
Just then Shane turns around and starts to shoot the computers repeatedly yelling, Rick struggles with Shane for a second and manages to pry the gun out of his hands. Knocking him off of his feet and onto the ground. "Are you done?" he muttered.   
Shane scoffed. "Yeah, I guess we all are."  
Rick turns to Jenner. “I think you're lying.”   
"What?" Jenner asked, confused.  
"You're lying," Rick repeated himself. "About no hope. If that were true, you'd have bolted with the rest or taken the easy way out. You didn't. You chose the hard path. Why?"   
"It doesn't matter."   
"It does matter. It always matters. You stayed when others ran. Why?"   
"Not because I wanted to," Jenner replied as he stood to his feet. "I made a promise, to her." he pointed up to the main screen. "My wife."   
"Test subject 19 was your wife.." Lori stated in astonishment.  
I rolled my eyes. “What does this matter, Rick?” He just held his hand up to me and nodded for Jenner to continue.  
"She begged me to keep going as long as I could. How could I say no? she was dying. It should've been me on that table," Jenner continued. "I wouldn't have mattered to anybody. She was a loss to the world. Hell, she ran this place. I just worked here...In our field, she was an Einstein. Me? I'm just Edwin Jenner. She could've done something about this. Not me."  
I jumped at the sound of metal scraping against metal, to look over and see Daryl attempting to get that door open with the ax again. I couldn’t blame him I wanted out just as bad.   
"Your wife didn't have a choice," Rick said. "You do. That's all we want, a choice, a chance."   
"Let us keep trying as long as we can," Lori begged him.   
Jenner sighed as he made his way over to some controls. "I told you topsides locked down," he muttered. "I can't open those."   
As soon as the metal doors had opened again and Daryl quickly dropped the ax. “Come on, let's go!” He yelled at us.  
Everyone was quick to get up the ramp, I looked around doing a mental headcount and noticed 3 people were missing: Dale, Andrea, and Jacqui. I ran down the stairs to them, Dale was trying to convince Andrea to come with us. “Guys lets go.” I yell. Just then I was yanked by my arm towards the door. I turn around to see Daryl. “Let me go I have to help them.” I yell at him.   
“It’s her choice.” He said tossing me into Shane’s arms who looked at me mad.   
"Get down!" Shane yells out as he shoots the glass, barely leaving a mark.   
"The glass won't break?" Sophia squeaked.   
"Rick," Carol called as she made her way towards him. "I have something that might help."   
"Carol, I don't think a nail file's gonna do it," Shane muttered.   
Carol ignored him. "Your first morning at camp, when I washed your uniform I found this in your pocket," she said as she handed him a grenade. Rick looked hesitant but he took the grenade out of her hand. "Everyone get down!" he called.  
I ducked down as Shane shield my body from harm, I looked around as best I could to see Daryl staring at me. We held our stare until the blast from the grenade sounded.   
“Let’s go, everyone!” Shane yelled helping me up and pushing me towards the now broken window. We make our way outside to have to kill more walkers who were attracted by the noise. I only killed 2 that were in my way.   
We all hurried into the RV as I was pushed by Daryl under the table who crawled in next to me. I looked at him nodding a thank you, as the loudest bang made my ears hurt, then came the heat wave.   
Once it seemed to be done we all stood up staring at each other in shock. We lost 3 more…. I think to myself just as Dale and Andrea made their way into the RV, to my surprise, Only 1…   
I only stayed awake enough to know that we were going to try for Fort Benning next.


	8. Chapter Seven: The Graveyard of Cars

I was now sitting in the RV with Shane and Andrea cleaning our guns. Shane was teaching Andrea how to clean her gun. I already knew how to do all this seeing as how Rick and Shane taught me all about guns when I was 15. 

I was pulled out of my own thoughts when the RV and Caravan came to a stop. Looking around I notice the road is blocked by a lot of cars. I got up and made my way to the front looking at Glenn in the passenger seat. “Is there a way through?” I ask.  
“We don’t know.” He answers me. The beautiful purr of Daryl's motorcycle grew louder as he pulled up to Dale's side of the RV.   
"See a way through?" Dale called over the loud engine. Dale began to drive again slowly following Daryl, trying to make it past the cars. I let out a loud groan as the sound of the radiator hose going out rang through everyone’s ears. We all piled out of the RV stretching and taking a look at the engine. Smoke was coming from the front, I coughed as I waved my hand and pulled my shirt over my nose to help me breath better.  
"I said it," Dale sighed. "Didn't I say it? A thousand times. Dead in the water."  
“Problem Dale?” Shane asks.  
"Just a small matter of being stuck in the middle of nowhere with no hope of.." He trailed off as he saw Daryl searching through a nearby vehicle. "Okay, that was dumb."  
“If you can't find a radiator hose here.." Shane hinted.   
"There's a whole bunch of stuff we can find," Daryl said as he dug through the back of an abandoned vehicle.  
"I can siphon more fuels from these cars for a start," T-Dog agreed.  
"Maybe some water," Carol said hopefully.  
"Food," Glenn added.  
“Medical supplies.” I smiled at everyone.   
"This is a graveyard," Lori pointed out. “I don't know how I feel about this." She continued. There was at least one corpse in every car, but we needed the supplies.  
“We still need to search Lori.” I say putting my hand on her shoulder to comfort her.   
"Come on, Y'all, Just look around. Gather what you can." Shane orders.

I search all the cars I could grabbing a bag from one and placing in anything I could find: clothes that would fit Lori and me, a couple of shirts I found for Sophia and Carl. I also found a hairbrush, some hygiene stuff, and a toolkit. I was digging around in another car when I heard someone saying something. I turn around seeing Rick motioning for me to get down. I look around and feel the blood drain from my face as I see all the walkers. I drop down under the car I was searching for pulling my bag with me. 

Footsteps along with groans of walkers shuffled past me as I held my breath from the smell of disease. Worry and fear were coursing through me for the others. I wondered if Shane, Lori, and Carl were ok, but it took a good three minutes or so for the army of walkers to pass by for me to feel safe enough to slide out from under the vehicle. I looked around as everyone else came out of their respective hiding spots, I ran to Lori and Carl to make sure they were ok. Just as I was sure they were fine the sound of a terrified scream caught me off guard as Sophia sprinted off into the woods. Two walkers hot on her trail with Rick shortly behind. 

Lori and I sat with Carol trying to calm her as we waited for Rick to come back with her, but he came back alone. Trying to explain to Carol what happened was not going well. He had to distract the walkers and had hoped that Sophia would come back to us but being a child she probably got lost on her way back. 

Shane, Glenn, Rick, and Daryl went off to follow Sophia's trail. But it hadn't taken Glenn and Shane that long to return, assuring Carol that everything was fine and that both Daryl and Rick were looking after it, but by the look on Glenn and Shane's face I could tell... they hadn't had any luck. 

Lori continued to help Carol as others either scavenged or moved cars. I was scavenging for supplies as much as I could trying to keep my thoughts off Sophia, Rick, and Daryl. 

"Why aren't we all out there looking?" Carol asks suddenly. "Why are we moving cars?"  
"We have to clear enough room so I can get the RV turned around as soon as it's running," Dale says.  
"Now that we have fuel we can double back to a bypass that Glenn flagged on the map. Going back's going to... be easier than trying to get through this mess," Shane agrees.  
"We're not going anywhere till my daughter gets back," Carol yells.  
"Of course, Carol, no one said that we're leaving without her." I assure Carol as I placed my hand on her shoulder.  
"Rick and Daryl, they're on it, okay?" Shane assures her. "Just a matter of time."  
"Can't be soon enough for me," Andrea says. "I'm still freaked out from that herd that passed us by, or whatever you'd call it."  
"Yeah, what was that?" Glenn wonders as well. "All of them just marching along like that."  
"A herd sounds about right," Shane answers. "We've seen it. It's like the night camp got attacked. Some wandering pack, only fewer." He then clears his throat, trying to change the subject. “Okay. Come on, people. We still got a lot to do. Let's stay on it."

I was scavenging and helping move cars until it was almost dark. The whole time I keep getting distracted and Glenn having to keep me on track. I was worried about them. Glenn's voice pulled me from my thoughts again. "They're back," I hurry over to where the others are standing in front of Rick and Daryl. I can't see Sophia anywhere.   
"You didn't find her?" Carol cries.  
"Her trail went cold," Rick answers hesitantly. "We'll pick it up again at first light."   
"You can't leave my daughter out there on her own." Carol sniffs. "To spend the night alone in the woods."  
"Out in the dark's no good," Daryl says. "We'd just be tripping over ourselves. More people get lost."  
"But she's twelve," Carol argues. "She can't be out there on her own. You didn't find anything?"  
"I know this is hard, but I'm asking you not to panic," Rick says in a soothing tone. "We know she was out there."  
"We tracked her for a while," Daryl adds.  
"We have to make this an organized effort," Rick says. "Daryl knows the woods better than anybody. I've asked him to oversee this."   
"Is that blood..?" Carol asks as she looked down at the ankles of Daryl's pants.  
"We took down a walker," Rick answers. "There was no sign of it anywhere near Sophia." He quickly added to reassure Carol.  
"How can you know that?" Andrea wonders.  
"We cut the son of a bitch open," Daryl admits. "Made sure." I cringe at the thought. 

Carol tried to catch her breath as she stumbles over towards the railing, sitting down as Lori and Andrea soon join her to comfort her. "How could you just leave her out there, to begin with?" Carol snaps as she regains most of her breath. "How could you just leave her?" Rick knelt down in front of her.   
"Those two walkers were on us," Rick replies. "I had to draw them off. It was her best chance."  
"Sounds like he didn't have a choice, Carol," Shane says in Rick's defense.  
"How was she supposed to find her way back on her own?" Carol sobs. "She's just a child."   
"It was my only option. The only choice I could make," Rick pleads for her to understand.  
"I'm sure nobody doubts that," Shane says.  
"My little girl got left in the woods." Carol whispers. Rick stocks off, upset with himself as others went to get ready for bed.

I follow Rick after a little while down the road he comes to a stop and sits on the railing. I walk up behind him and put my hands on his shoulder. “You did what you had to Brother. No one else would have done any better. I’m sure she’s fine.”   
“How can we be so sure?” He asks me still not looking at me. I give his shoulders a squeeze.   
“We can’t, but you’ve always taught me to have hope, and because of you I always find a way to. Remember when I got lost in the woods while we were out camping? What was I like 10? No younger than Sophia? You were the one who found me crying under the stupid tree. Well, that’s what you’ll do you’ll find her as well. I’m sure of it.”  
“Your right Esme, thank you, Sis. You're a great Grimes” He says finally turning around. We walk back to the RV silently.

We all woke up earlier than usual to get a head start on searching for Sophia, who knows how long it'll take to find her, I just hope she's okay and that we do find her. Lord and Lady help us find this poor child and help me to have courage, Every action has a reaction. Every problem has a solution. Every thought can be manifest. The courage of a lion in me. Yesterday, today, and tomorrow. So mote it be and thank you! I pray and tuck my pentacle under my shirt again as Rick places an arsenal full of hand weapons down on top of a hood of a truck. "Everybody takes a weapon," He instructs.   
"These aren't the kind of weapons we need," Andrea complains just as I expected she would. "What about the guns?"   
“We've been over that," Shane says in exasperation. "Daryl, Rick and I are carrying, we can't have people popping off rounds every time a tree rustles."   
"It's not the trees I'm worried about," Andrea mutters.  
"Say somebody fires at the wrong moment, a herd happens to be passing by, see, then it's game over for all of us. So you need to get over it." Shane said in an attempt for Andrea to see reason. She just turned away scoffing. I rolled my eyes as I turned towards Shane, Rick, and Daryl.   
"So what's the plan?" I ask.  
“The idea is to take the creek up about five miles, turn around and come back down the other side," Daryl explains. "Chances are she'll be by the creek. It's her only landmark."   
"Stay quiet, and stay sharp," Rick adds. "Keep space between you but always stay within sight of each other."

We walked for maybe a good two hours looking for Sophia before we came to a small orange tent. No noise was coming from it. Daryl held out his hand to prevent the rest of us from moving as he gestured for us to stop in a crouching position.   
"She could be in there." Shane says.  
"Could be a whole bunch of things in there," Daryl replies as he holds up his crossbow and takes silent steps towards the tent.  
Rick gestures for Carol to join him. "Call out softly," He instructs. "If she's in there, yours is the first voice she should hear."   
"Sophia?" Carol calls out softly. "Sweetie, are you in there? Sophia, it's mommy. Sophia. We're all here, baby. It's mommy."  
Daryl was inside of the tent by now, and it took him a good minute or so for him to finally exit. "It ain't her," He says.  
Andrea sighs. "What's in there?"   
"Some guy did what Jenner said," Daryl explains. "Opted out. Ain't that what he called it?"

Just then we all hear church bells ringing. We all spin around looking at each other. We run towards them only for them to stop. Halting we strain our ears for another sound of them. "What direction?" Shane asks.  
"I think that way," Rick answers pointing to where he could hear the second chime. "I'm pretty sure."   
"It's hard to tell out here, it keeps echoing throughout the woods it could be in any direction," I say trying to catch the sound accurately.   
"If we hear them, then maybe Sophia does too," Carol says hopefully.  
"Someone's ringing those bells, maybe calling out to others," Glenn says.  
"Or signaling that they found her," Andrea adds.  
"She could be ringing them herself," Rick says. "Come on."  
We take off in the direction of the bells, I hope that in this church we would find Sophia, for Carol and the group, we lost so many people already. After running a couple of minutes we saw a white building ahead. The church?... Maybe, but there were no bells on the roof.   
"That can't be it," Shane voices my thoughts. "Got no steeple, no bells."   
Rick sprints off towards the church anyways, ignoring Shane's calls after him. We follow shortly behind him, finally reaching the front steps of the church as the bells had stop ringing.  
Rick and Daryl push open the doors. As I peer inside I only saw 3 walkers. Sophia wouldn’t be in here not with them 3. Another dead end…. I think sadly as Rick, Shane, and Daryl take care of the walkers.   
I smile as Daryl makes kissing noises to catch the female walker's attention before he swung the hatchet at her, the tip of the blade cutting in far enough to damage her brain. Daryl practically jumps back as the corpse fell to the ground. I stifle a laugh that wants to escape from me. This was no time to laugh, Sophia wasn’t here.   
I was searching about the church when suddenly Rick shouts desperately. "Sophia!" He calls, kicking open another door that only just lead to the outside again.   
Daryl was at the front of the church by the statue of Jesus. "Yo, J.C," He greeted the statue. "You taking requests?" He scoffs. I actually laugh at that. He turns to look at me a slight smirk on his lips before he goes to the door of the church with the others.   
“This can’t be the church Brother, there are no bells.” I tell Rick as I get to the group. Just as he was about to reply the sound of ringing bells starts up again. We all dash out the door towards where the sound was coming from only to just find out it's some stupid, automated system. Glenn walks over to the fuse box, ripping out some wires to turn off the bells before it attracts an unwanted herd.   
"A timer," Daryl scoffs. "A damn timer."   
"I'm gonna go back in for a bit," Carol says softly. The others shortly follow her back inside whereas I decided to stay outside. I sit on the steps of the church staring at the trees around me lost in my own thoughts of Sophia, hoping that she was fine somewhere safe and that we would find her soon. I grab my pentacle from my neck. Oh Lord and Lady please let her be safe and sound. Please help me to understand what lesson this situation holds for all of us. Please help me say the right things to those in need. Please and thank you. I prayed in my own Wiccan way.   
Just as I was done the group joins me outside to figure out our next move.   
"Y'all gonna follow the Creek Bed back, okay?" Shane announces. "Daryl, you're in charge. Me and Rick, we're just gonna hang back, search this area another hour or so just to be thorough."   
"You're splitting us up?" Daryl askes, hesitant about the plan. "You sure?"  
"Yeah, we'll catch up to you," Shane replies.  
"I wanna stay too," Carl chimes in. "I'm her friend." Carl then looks back to both Rick and Lori for any sign of assurance for him to go, Lori lets out a sigh before she pulls him into a hug. "Just be careful, okay?"  
“You listen to your father Bud. You hear me?” I say giving him a hug.   
“Yeah, yeah.” Was his stubborn reply.   
Lori steps forward to hug her husband which gives me enough time to give a hug to Shane, and then Rick. "We'll be along soon enough," Rick tells me as I pull away. I nod my head as I follow after everyone. 

We all came to a stop after a little while of following behind Daryl. I sat down beside Carol on a log as she spoke. "So this is it?" She asks. "This is the whole plan?"  
Daryl shrugged his shoulders. "I guess the plan is to whittle us down into smaller and smaller groups," He says.  
"Carrying knives and pointy sticks," Andrea scoffed she then turned to Lori, "I see you have a gun." Literally pissing me off to no limit.   
"Why you want it?" Lori says as she holds it out to her. "Here, take it. I'm sick of the looks you're giving me. All of you." She then sat down on the log with Carol and I. "Honey, I can't imagine what you're going through, and I would do anything to stop it, but you have got to stop blaming Rick. It is in your face every time you look at him. When Sophia ran he didn't hesitate, did he? Not for a second. I don't know that any of us would have gone after her the way he did or made the hard decisions that he had to make or that anybody could have done it any differently. Y'all look to him and then you blame him when he's not perfect. If you think you can do this without him, go right ahead. Nobody's stopping you.”   
I smile at Lori. “Good job.” I whisper to her.   
Andrea sighs, holding out the gun to Lori again. "We should keep moving." Everyone silently agrees with her, I stand up from my spot beside Carol as we all followed after Lori.

After a while of walking, we heard it, a gunshot. I stopped in my tracks and looked at Lori. The same worry was on her face as well. Rick, Carl, and Shane.  
“Let's keep walking they are fine I’m sure.” Daryl says. So we kept walking but I couldn't drop the feeling I was having, something was wrong and I knew it. 

"Still worrying about it?" Andrea's voice pulls me from my thoughts as I glance over at her, then follow her gaze to Lori.  
Lori sighs. "It was a gunshot." She says plainly.  
"We all heard it." Daryl says.  
"Why one, why just one gunshot?" Lori asks.  
"Maybe they took down a walker." Daryl suggests.   
I scoff at him. “Really Daryl…”  
"Please don't patronize me," Lori says. "You know Rick wouldn't risk a gunshot to put down one walker, or Shane. They'd do it quietly."  
"Shouldn't they have caught up with us by now?" Carol asks softly.  
"There's nothing we can do about it anyway," Daryl replies. "Can't run around these woods chasing echoes."  
"So what do we do then leader?” I ask in a sarcastic tone. I was worried and didn’t care to be nice right now.   
“Same as we've been. Beat the bush for Sophia, work our way back to the highway." Daryl explains.   
"I'm sure they'll hook up with us back at the RV." Andrea tries to assure Lori and me. 

We were on our way back silently when Andrea's voice pulls us to a stop. "I'm sorry for what you're going through," She says to Carol. "I know how you feel."   
Carol nods her head. "I suppose you do," she murmurs. "Thank you… The thought of her, out here by herself It's the not knowing that's killin' me. I just keep hopin' and prayin' she doesn't wind up like Amy."  
Carol notices the hurt expression on Andrea's face which snaps her back to reality. "Oh, God! That's the worst thing I ever said."  
Andrea thankfully shrugs it off. "We're all hoping and praying with you, for what it's worth."  
Daryl scoffs as he walks up to the both of them. "I'll tell ya what it's worth...not a damn thing," He says with annoyance clear in his voice. "It's a waste of time, all this hopin' and prayin'," He mutters. "We're gonna locate that little girl. She's gonna be just fine," He assures Carol. "Am I the only one zen around here? Good lord."  
“No your not, I’m Wiccan.” I say smiling at him. He just raises an eyebrow at me confused but he doesn't ask anything as I look away embarrassed. 

After maybe about another hour and a half of walking, Daryl finally comes to a stop with us following his lead. " We'll lose the light before too long. I think we should call it." He announces.  
"Let's head back." Lori agreed.  
"We'll pick it up again tomorrow?" Carol asks quietly.  
"Of course we will.." I assure her. Carol nods her head as Daryl whistles, catching our attention to follow him.   
"How much farther?" I ask.  
Daryl shrugs his shoulders. "Not much, maybe a hundred yards as the crow flies."  
Andrea sighed. "Too bad we're not crows." I smile but agreed with her. 

The sound of terrified scream caught us all off guard, and from what we can make out; it was Andrea.   
"Andrea!" I call out for her as I hurry off into the direction I could make out her cries from, but as we were approaching, a brunette on a horse came trotting in as she hit the walker with a bat.  
"Lori, Lori Grimes!" She calls as she gets the horse to come to a stop.  
"I'm Lori," Lori answers her.  
"Rick sent me...you've got to come now," This stranger says. The worry overcame me again.   
"What happened, who are you?" I quickly ask.  
"There's been an accident, Carl's been shot," The brunette replies in a hurry. It had taken me a moment to process the words that had fallen from her mouth. "He's... still alive, but you've got to come now."  
Lori nods her head as she shrugs her pack off of her shoulders handing it to me and hurrying up to the brunette on the horse ignoring Daryl's protests. "Rick said you had others on the highway, that big traffic snarl?" Glenn nods his head as she carried on. "Backtrack to Fairburn Road. Two miles down is our farm. You'll see the mailbox the name's Greene." On that note, the brunette hurries off with Lori back to her farm.   
I wanted to collapse, Carl was shot and I was left here to worry. I knew something was wrong the instant I heard that shot and now I couldn’t do anything. I hadn’t realized I was shaking until Glenn puts his hand on me to steer me towards the others and the RV.


	9. Chapter Eight: Searching

I jump out of my seat as I see the farm come into view, Carl was in there hurt and I had to get to him. I was at the door of the RV opening it before it even came to a full stop. I stumble out and run to Rick and Lori on the porch. “Is he alive? Is he ok? Where is he? Can I see him?” The questions come pouring out.   
Rick stops me by giving me a reassuring hug. “He’s alive, he’s ok, he’s asleep in one of the rooms. Yes, you can see him, I’ll take you to him.” He lets go of me and gestures for me to follow him.

Carl is pale, his body is limp as he lay in the bed, his bandages were a little bloody but I could see he was breathing. A sigh of relief escapes from me as I sit down beside him on the bed. I take his small hand in mine. The tears I've been holding back since last night silently fell now. He was alive, but he was hurt and there was nothing I could do about it.  
“What happened, brother?” I ask Rick who put his hand on my shoulder.   
“We came across a deer in the woods, Carl wanted to pet it but then there was a gunshot and he just fell. Otis was the one who did it, he didn't mean to he was hunting the deer and didn't see Carl behind it. The shot went straight through the deer and hit… hit Carl. We ran here where Hershel worked on Carl. Shane and Otis went to go get supplies that were needed for the surgery but Otis didn't make it back. They are having his funeral later.” Rick tells the story then leaves me to be with Carl. 

After almost the whole day with Carl, and missing Otis’s funeral, I collect myself and thoughts to go meet the Greene family. I learned that the girl who came on horseback was Maggie, she had a little sister Beth. There was also Beth’s boyfriend Jimmy. Then there was Patricia who was Otis’s wife. I walk up to who I figure would be Hershel the last of the Greene family.   
“I’m sorry to bug you, but you must be Hershel, am I correct?” I ask the old man.  
“Why yes, I am. And you are?” He asks a smile on his face.  
“Esme Grimes, Rick’s younger sister, I wanted to thank you for helping my nephew Carl, please if there is anything I can do to help you or your family don't hesitate to ask of me.” I smile at him.  
“You are a very sweet girl Esme.” Hershel smiles back at me. “If need be I’ll call to your assistance.” 

Later we all gather around the truck. We were going to be looking for Sophia some more.   
"How long has this girl been lost?" Hershel inquires.   
"This'll be day three," Rick answers. Maggie comes jogging up and squeezes between Hershel and Rick to lay out a map on the hood of the vehicle. "County survey map," She explains. "Shows terrain and elevations."  
“Thank you.” I say as I tried to understand the map I was now looking at. I’m sure Rick, Daryl, and Shane can read it, guess I’m just following one of them.   
"This is perfect," Rick expresses. "We can finally get this thing organized. We'll grid the whole area, start searching in teams."   
"Not you," Hershel argues. "Not today. You've given three units of blood. You wouldn't be hiking five minutes in this heat before passing out." He looks across the van at Shane. "And your ankle Push it now, you'll be laid up a month, no good to anybody."   
Daryl nodded his head. "Guess it's just me."   
“I’m here to help too Daryl." I stated.  
“Esme, no. It’s too dangerous.” Shane’s disappointed voice comes.  
“What would you have me do brother, sit here being useless? Hell no! I’m going whether you like it or not.” I say angrily annoyed that he can’t trust me to stay safe.   
Daryl then clears his throat awkwardly to gain our attention. "We're gonna head back to the creek," He decides. "Work our way back from there."  
"I can still be useful," Shane sighs. "I'll drive up to the interstate, see if Sophia wandered back."  
Rick nods his head. "Alright, tomorrow then. We'll start doing this right."  
"That means we can't have our people out there with just knives," Shane points out. "They need the gun training we've been promising them."  
"I'd prefer you not carrying guns on my property," Hershel jumps in. "We've managed so far without turning this into an armed camp."   
"All due respect, you get a crowd of those things wandering in here..."  
“Look, we're guests here," Rick reminds Shane before turning his attention back to Hershel. "This is your property and we will respect that." He glances around between all of us before he pulls his Python out of his holster, placing it on the hood of the car. Shane rolls his eyes before doing the same. I follow suit, sadly placing Rick’s old gun on the truck. "First things first: Set camp, find Sophia."  
“I hate to be the one to ask, but somebody's gotta," Shane says. "What happens if we find her and she's bitten? I think we should all be clear on how we handle that."  
Rick hesitates, a guilty look on his face. He still blames himself for Sophia and as much as I try to convince him it wasn't his fault. He won't believe me. "You do what has to be done.”  
I look away from his sad face. As much as I knew it was the truth, I couldn't think of it, I couldn't bear the thought.  
“And her mother?" Maggie asks. "What do you tell her?"  
"The truth," Andrea replies. I nod in agreement.  
"I'll gather and secure all the weapons, make sure no one's carrying till we're at a practice range off-site," Shane offers. "I do request one rifleman on lookout." He expresses to Hershel. "Dale's got experience.”  
"Our people would feel safer, less inclined to carry a gun," Rick adds in hopes to convince Hershel, he thinks for a moment before nods his consent.  
“Thank you." Rick says.

Getting ready for the hunt I make sure I have my knife. I knew I could get my gun back only for the hunt, having to return it when I get back. I walk up to Shane as he is packing more guns.  
“May I have Rick’s old gun?” I ask.  
“Why are you going? What are you trying to prove, Esme?” He looks at me upset.  
“I’m not trying to prove anything other than I am capable. Besides, we all should be looking. This is a child, and I can’t just not do anything. I have to help.”   
He shakes his head then nods. “Fine but you better be careful.”  
“Always, brother.” I say as he hands me my gun.

I head to where Daryl is waiting. “Ready?” He grumbles and I nod.  
Daryl and I walked in silence for about an hour before we find an old farmhouse. I stop just right outside the house as Daryl goes straight up to the doors and kicks them in, I shake my head at his antics. I follow him inside and scan through the first floor. I keep my eyes open for anything out of place. I grab my gun out of the holster as I scan the opposite room from Daryl. There isn't anything in sight that could let us know Sophia was near. Disappointed I go to where Daryl is in the kitchen.   
“It's still fresh.” He says as I look at the can of food in his hand.  
“You think she can still be near?” I ask with hope.  
“Could be let's check upstairs first.” He says and makes his way up.  
I follow but upstairs holds no sign of Sophia.   
We searched the surrounding area for two more hours before heading back. It would be dark soon. We really hadn’t come across any walkers thankfully. 

When I get back we told the others what we found. Afterward, I gave Shane my gun with a satisfied smile. “Told you I would be fine.”  
He shakes his head but still smiles at me then looks at Daryl. “Nothing happened?”   
“No, we didn't come across any walkers.” He answers.  
“That's not what I meant…” He says to back. I look at him confused as Daryl’s face changes to shock then rage.   
“ARE YOU IMPLIN’ I’M A RAPIST?” He yells getting up in Shane’s face. I now understood what Shane’s question implied.  
“SHANE!!!” I yell I pushing him away from Daryl. “WHAT THE HELL!”   
“HEY! I’m just making sure your ok.” He says to me. Daryl stomps off to his tent.  
“Do I fucking look raped to you? What the hell, besides you know what would have happened if he tried anything!”   
“Whoa, I was just….”   
“Being an overprotective asshole. Yeah, I know.” I say turning around to go to my own tent.

“Hey Esme, you in there?” Came Glenn’s voice from outside my tent, I put my book down.  
“Yeah, I’m here, you can come in.” I answer. He unzips the tent and peaks his head in.   
“I was actually hoping we could take a walk.” He tells me nervously.   
“Oh… Ok.” I say getting up confused. What's up with him? 

We walk far enough away that no one around and could hear us before Glenn says anything.   
“So you know that run I went on with Maggie?” He asks, I just nod. “Well before I went I got the normal list from people of things they need or may want right like I always do.” Again I just nod confused even more of where this was going. “Well, Lori asked me to get a pregnancy test….”   
I laugh. I actually laugh. “What? Your joking right.” I say between breaths, but the look on his face told me he wasn't and that sobers me up from my hysterics. “No…. No…. she can’t be, not in this type of world…. Oh. My. Goddess! No…” I shake my head and look back to the campsite where she was hanging up laundry. Who’s child? Shane’s or Rick’s? And in this world… Oh Lord and Lady please no! I just sigh and look at Glenn.  
“Thank you for telling me.”  
“No problem though, uh, you didn't find out from me ok?” He says nervously.  
“Right, of course not,” I say as we make our way back to camp slowly. “So how did the run go anyway? Find anything useful?”   
I look over at Glenn to see him blushing. What did I say?   
“It went fine…. Umm oh…. I found you 2 more vails.”  
“Oh cool thank you! Hey, are you ok?”   
“Yeah, yeah I’m fine.”  
“Glenn? What's wrong? You can tell me.” I say nudging his arm.  
“Umm.. well… ok… I slept with Maggie on the run…”  
I laughed again. That's all? “And are you two?...”  
“Oh umm, I don't know.”   
“Do you want to be?”   
“I don't know. I think so.”  
“Well then ask her out.” I say as we get back to my tent. 

The next morning I’m helping Carol hang up the laundry when Lori comes out of her tent.   
"I can't believe I slept in," Lori says as she joined us in hanging up the laundry.   
"You must've needed it," Carol replies.   
"Next time wake me, alright?" Lori requests. "Especially on laundry day.”  
“Oh, we were doing fine.” Carol answers. I just nod. I didn’t know what to say to her right now. Was the test positive? Why didn't she tell me? Will she tell me? Or hell Shane and Rick?   
"Speaking of Hershel," Carol speaks up knocking me out of my thoughts. "I had an idea I wanted to run by you both."   
"What's that?" Lori asked.  
"That big kitchen of theirs got me thinking. I wouldn't mind cooking in a real kitchen again," She chuckles. "Maybe we all pitch in and cook dinner for Hershel and his family tonight, kind of looking for things to keep my mind occupied."  
"After everything, they've done for us, seems like the least we could do," Lori agrees. I just nod again.   
"Would either of you mind extending the invitation?" Carol wonders.   
“Why?” I ask wondering why we had to do it.  
"You're Rick's wife," She says as she nods towards Lori. "Kind of makes you our unofficial lady. And you, Esme well you his sister so that gives you rank as well."  
“I didn't know I had rank, but sure I see no harm in asking.” I say.

Later we gather around T-Dogs truck to continue the search.   
“We got a lot of ground to cover,” Rick announces. “Alright, everyone's getting new search grids today," Rick explains. "If she made it as far as the farmhouse Daryl and Esme found, she might have gone further east than we've been so far."  
“I'd like to help," Jimmy speaks up. "I know the area pretty well and stuff."  
"And Hershel's okay with this?" Rick asks.   
Jimmy nodded his head. "Yeah. He said I should ask you.”  
“Alright then, thanks.” Rick says.  
"Nothing about what Daryl and Esme found screams Sophia to me," Shane speaks up from where he was sitting in the passenger door frame. His ankle was still a problem, so he'd been trying to keep off of it as much as he could. "Anyone could have been holed up in that farmhouse.”  
“Anyone includes Sophia, right?” Andrea says.  
"Whoever slept in that cupboard was no bigger than yay-high," Daryl informed. He held out his hand to indicate a height just a little bit higher than his waist.  
“Dary’s right Shane and if we skip out looking in that area more we can miss her. It’s a good lead.” I say still annoyed at Shane for his outburst yesterday  
“Maybe we will pick up her trail again.” Rick says hopefully.  
"No maybe about it," Daryl argues as Dale came up by his side with the duffle bag that contained the weapons. "I'm gonna borrow a horse, head up to this ridge right here," He says as he points to the ridge indicated on the map. "Take a bird's-eye view of the whole grid. If she's up there, I'll spot her."  
"Good idea. Maybe you'll see your chupacabra up there too," T-Dog jokes.  
“Chupacabra?" Rick asks. I laugh remembering this story.  
"You never heard this?" Dale asks as he pulls a gun out of the bag and gave it to Rick. "Our first night in camp, Daryl tells us that the whole thing reminds him of a time when he went squirrel hunting and he saw a chupacabra."   
Jimmy openly chuckles, causing Daryl to glare at him. "What're you braying' at, jackass?" he snaps.  
"So you believe in a blood-sucking dog?" Rick answers for him.  
Jimmy tried to reach for the gun that Rick had placed on the hood, but Rick snatched it away before he could get a grip on it. "Hey, ever fire one before?"  
"Well if I'm going out, I want one," Jimmy says.  
"Yeah, and people in hell want Slurpees," Daryl mutters sarcastically as he strapped his crossbow to his shoulder before he went off to start his grid. I laugh at his comment part of me actually wanted to go with him, as crazy as that sounds he wasn't that bad to be around when he wasn't being an ass.   
"Why don't you come training tomorrow?" Shane suggests. "If you're serious, I'm a certified instructor."  
"For now he can come with us," Andrea offers.  
"He's yours to babysit then." Shane shrugs.  
Rick then explains the grids and the what the plan was. We searched almost all day to no avail. It was now almost sunset and I seemed to be the only one to realize that Daryl wasn't back yet.


	10. Chapter Nine: True Scars

I spend the rest of the day helping around the camp with odds and end chores. I was still worrying about Daryl, it was almost sunset now and he still hasn't shown up. I am putting up wood for the fire when Andrea calls out from her post on the RV. “Walker!”   
I run over and follow her line of sight out to the fields across from where she sat. I see a lone figure staggering towards our direction. It didn't seem to be moving very fast, I wasn't sure if it even knew we were here.   
Rick comes jogging over to the RV. "Just the one?" He asks.  
Glenn, T-Dog, and Shane come to my side holding weapons. Andrea snatches up Dale's binoculars and looks through them at the roaming figure. She lowers them a bit too excitedly and kneels down to grab Dale's gun. "I bet I can nail it from here." She says as she raises the rifle to aim.  
"No, Andrea, put the gun down." Rick orders calmly.  
"You'd best let us handle this," Shane jumps in as he, T-Dog, Glenn and I approach. I grab out my knife from my boot.  
"Hold up," Rick says. "Hershel wants to deal with walkers."  
"What for, man? we got it covered." Shane calls back.  
We continue our way towards the walker, Rick curses beneath his breath as he grabs himself a weapon; shortly following after us.   
As we approach I realize one thing, this wasn't a walker it was Daryl and he was severely wounded.   
“Is that Daryl?” Glenn asks.  
“Daryl are you ok? What happened out there? Where's the horse?” I ask.  
“That's the third time you've pointed that thing at my head you going to pull the trigger or what?” He says to Rick who then lowers his gun but I still hear a gunshot, I freeze and watch Daryl stagger and fall backward. I couldn't hear over all the shouts as I run towards him. Andrea approaches and bombards us with questions. "Is he dead?" She asks panic hinted in her voice.  
"Unconscious," Rick mutters. "You just grazed him."  
"But look at him. What the hell happened?" Glenn asks. "Look, he's wearing ears."   
I look the man over and realized Glenn was right. He didn't look good at all and he was indeed wearing ears around his neck with a shoelace. What the fuck happened out there?  
Rick rips the string from Daryl's neck and tucks it in his chest pocket. "Let's keep that to ourselves." He suggests I couldn't help but agree.  
“We have to get him to Hershel, move you!” I hiss as I practically push Andrea aside. I didn't know why I was so upset, maybe it was just the stress of everything that happened recently.   
"Guys?" T-Dog called from the back of the group. "Isn't this Sophia's?"   
We all come to a stop as we look back at T-Dog. He was holding the same doll Morales' daughter had given to Sophia before they left the group. 

I help Hershel clean and bandage Daryl's wounds as he informed us where he found the doll on a map.  
“Found it washed up on the creek bed right there. She must've across there somewhere.”   
“Cuts the grid almost in half.” Rick says to Shane.  
“Yeah, your welcome.” Daryl says.  
“How’s he looking?” Rick turns to Hershel and I. I was cleaning the small scrapes and scratches on his back as Hershel stitched up the arrow wound. I couldn't help but notice all the scars he had and wonder what happened to him in his life.   
“I had no idea we would be going through antibiotics so quickly. Any idea what happened to my horse?” Herschel asks I could tell he was irritated.  
“Yeah the one that almost killed me? If it's smart it left the country.” Daryl fires back. I just shake my head as I clean up the dirty rags and gauze.   
“We call that one Nelly, as in Nervous Nelly. I could have told you that if you bothered to ask. It's a wonder you people have survived this long.” Herschel says.  
I left the room at that point with Rick to see Lori sitting outside the room.  
“He’s going to be fine.” Rick tells her when Shane comes out of the room.  
“I hate to say it but I’m with Hershel on this one, can’t keep going out there, not after this.” Shane says.  
“You would quit now?” Rick asks. “Daryl just risked his life to bring back the first real evidence we've had.”  
“Shane, no, you can quit, but I’m not going to,” I angrily shake my head. “I can’t believe you would give up on a child.”   
“That's one way to look at it, the way I see it he risked his life for a doll.” Shane says.  
“Yeah, now I know how you see it.” Rick says walking away.  
“Your ridiculous Shane.” I say following after Rick. 

I leave to go to my tent but when I get to the porch Andrea and Dale are sitting there. I try to ignore them, but I can't help but overhear Dale’s words.  
“Don't be too hard on yourself, we've all wanted to shoot Daryl.”  
I scoff and round on the two of them. “HOW DARE YOU!” I yell. They looked at me shocked when Andrea tried to say sorry to me. “NO! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT! NOT ONLY DID YOU ALMOST KILL DARYL! YOU DEFIED RICK’S AND HERSHEL’S ORDERS! YOU PUT THE GROUP AT RISK WITH THAT GUNSHOT! DID YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT THAT GUNSHOT BRINGING MORE WALKERS? NO! I THINK NOT, BECAUSE YOU DON'T THINK! YOUR LUCKY THAT YOU FUCKING MISSED OR OUR ONE HUNTER, WHO ACTUALLY BRINGS FOOD FOR THIS GROUP WOULD BE DEAD! THE NEXT TIME YOU GO AGAINST MY BROTHERS ORDERS AND HARM SOMEONE ELSE IN THIS GROUP, I WILL PERSONALLY SEE THAT YOU ARE NOT ABLE TO HOLD ANY WEAPON OTHER THAN A FUCKING STEAK KNIFE! DO YOU UNDERSTAND?”   
“Esme… I….” Andrea tried again.  
“I SAID I DON'T WANT TO HEAR AN EXCUSE!” I yell at her again. As I turn away, Dale speaks up.“Esme she was trying to protect the group from a walker.”  
“One walker Dale, no guns for one walker, you know that! If she wanted to help she could have gotten off her stupid ass and killed it with a knife, instead she almost killed one of our group. Yeah, some fucking help she is.” I say finally going into my tent. I had had enough of people.

“Esme, dinner is ready.” I hear Carol call from outside my tent later.   
“Ok coming.” I said.  
Dinner was quiet till poor Glenn brought up playing the guitar. After dinner, I was helping Carol make Daryl’s food and go clean his wounds again.   
“How do you feel?” Carol asked as we entered.  
“Bout as good as I look.” He replies.  
“We brought you some dinner, you must be starving.” She then leans down and kisses his head.  
“Watch it I’ve got stitches.” He says looking embarrassed I couldn't help but chuckle, I gained a small glare for that.   
“You need to know something you did more for my little girl today than her own daddy did in his whole life.” Carol says lightly. I frown at that. We all knew how much of an asshole Ed was.  
“I didn't do anything Rick or Shane wouldn't have done.”  
“I know your every bit as good as them, every bit.” Carol then leaves us alone.  
“I need to change your dressings. Do you want to eat first?” I ask getting things ready.  
“No, I’m fine.”   
I move to his head to clean his stitches but he moves away. I look at him confused. “I said I’m fine woman.”   
“Daryl if we don't change them the wound could get infected and were running low on antibiotics as it is.” I say trying again, but again he moves away from me.”Don't make me get Rick and Shane to hold you down.” I say as I cross my arms. He glares at me as I give him a “try me” look. He grumbles something I can’t understand but moves closer to me. I clean his wounds in silence but the whole time I am, I can feel him staring at me. When I’m finally done he grumbles for me to get out. “Eat your food or it’ll get cold.” I order as I shut the door. 

The next day I wake up to Rick slightly shaking me. I turn around in my sleeping bag and groan at him. “Hey Sis, it's almost noon, you feeling ok?” He asks. At his words, I sit up and realize that I am drenched in sweat and smell like crap.  
“Oh, I’m sorry I didn't mean to sleep in so long.” I say rubbing my eyes I was still tired for some reason.   
“It's ok. You must’ve needed the sleep you look a little pale, and you are drenched in sweat, why don't we check your sugar?” He says looking around my tent to find my kit. He grabs it and helps set everything up. My blood sugar was high today, that's why I was tired and sick. 160.  
“You're not doing anything today. Your resting. Understood?” Rick says as he is pulling insulin into a syringe. I just nod trying to think of why my sugar is high.   
“What have you eaten lately was it yesterday's dinner?” Rick ask almost like he was reading my mind.   
“No I checked my levels yesterday they were fine and after dinner as well.” I answer.  
“Well, maybe it's all the stress lately since the CDC, Carl, Sophia and now Daryl. I heard about your outburst to Andrea last night.” Rick says looking at me. “Not normally like you, unless it's family.”   
“That's probably what it is, but I am not sorry for what I said to her, not one bit. Besides this whole campsite has become like family. We protect our group, and Daryl feeds us and he’s one of the only people helping to look for Sophia now. So yes I feel I have every right to be pissed at her.” I say matter of factly. I could tell he thought I was just being stubborn, he knew I could hold a grudge.  
“Well, even as right as all of that is, she is sorry for what she did, she even apologized to Daryl when he went to his tent this morning.”  
“He's out of bed? He needs to be resting.” I said trying to now get out of my sleeping bag to go yell at him to get back to bed. Rick grabs my arm and lightly yanks me back down, holding the syringe to my face to show that he was going to stick me. He pulls up my shirt a tad and gives me the shot while he talks.  
“He’s fine. Herschel allowed him to move to his tent as long as he stayed in bed. He just wanted out of the stuffy room apparently, and I love how you ignored all of what I said about Andrea. Esme is there something I should know about you and Daryl?” Rick says a slight smirk on his face. My eyes bulged out of my head.   
“What NO! I don't care that she said sorry. Still doesn’t make it right, It's not like she just took his toy and not shared, no she almost killed him, Rick, and yes I care that Daryl wasn’t resting he needs to or he won't heal.” Was my retort. Nothing was going on between Daryl and I, but why did his question make me embarrassed?  
“Right well I’m going to go get you water why don't you go see if Hershel will let you take a shower today.” Was all he says. 

All I did for the rest of the day was rest and drink lots of water by the end of the day though my sugar was back to normal and I no longer smelt like nasty cotton candy. Lori was nice enough to wash all of my blankets and clothes. So when I went to bed that night I slept better than I did in weeks.


	11. Chapter Ten: Tragedy

So far, today was peaceful. We were all sitting around the campfire eating breakfast. It felt great, my sugar level was normal, we had food and water, there hasn't been a walker incident for a while. Everything with the old campsite, the CDC, Sophia, and Carl seemed to be so far away. Don't get me wrong we were still doing everything to find her, but right now at this moment, things were great. 

I looked around at everyone, they are all just talking or sitting peacefully. Except for Glenn he was off away just staring at the barn. I got up to go see if he was ok, when he suddenly turns around, worry on his face. The peaceful feeling in my stomach was now drowned by panic. What does he know that we don't?...   
"Um, guys?" Glenn calls. Everyone turns to him curiously as I walk up to him.  
“What's wrong Glenn?” I ask.  
"So.." Glenn mutters before blurting out, "The barn's full of walkers."  
“....What?...” I half choke one the word. 

Shane peers through the small crack of the doors to the barn, stepping away instantly to approach Rick once he knew for sure walkers were in there. "You cannot tell me you're alright with this,"  
"No, I'm not," Rick answers. "But we're guests here. This isn't our land."  
"This is our lives, man!" Shane yells.  
"Lower your voice," Glenn pleads.  
"We can't just sweep this under the rug," Andrea says.  
"It ain't right," T-Dog adds. "Not remotely."  
Shane paces back and forth shaking his head. The look on his face was starting to scare me. "Okay, we've either got to go in there, we've got to make things right or we've just got to go. Now we have been talking about Fort Benning for a long time now."  
"We can't go," Rick says forcefully.  
“Why, Rick, why?" Shane asks like he didn't understand, even I knew why we couldn't leave.  
"Because my daughter is still out there," Carol speaks up, pulling everyone's gaze towards her.   
Shane runs his hands over his face with a sigh. "Okay, I think it's time that we all start to just consider the other possibility."  
"Shane, we're not leaving Sophia behind, I’ve told you that before. I’m not giving up on her. We are not having this conversation again!” I say mad that he would say such a thing to Carol.   
"I'm close to finding this girl," Daryl agrees. "I just found her damn doll two days ago."  
"You found her doll, Daryl," Shane argues. "That's what you did. You found a doll."  
"You don't know what the hell you're talking about!" He barks, taking intimidating steps towards Shane.  
“I'm just saying what needs to be said. You get a good lead, it's in the first forty-eight hours!"  
"Shane, stop!" Rick snaps.  
“Let me tell you something else, man," Shane continues, completely ignoring Rick. "If she was alive out there and saw you coming, all method out with your buck knife and geek ears around your neck, she would run in the other direction, man!”  
“Shane, enough!” I yell shaking my head.   
Daryl and Shane began to yell at each and everyone had to step in to get them to stop. I push Daryl back farther from Shane. “Enough I’ll deal with Shane we're not going to stop looking for her.” I tell him. He just nods at me, but he was still staring at Shane angry.   
"Keep your hands off of me," Shane snaps at Lori as she pushes him away from the group, he starts to walk away from all of us.  
"Now just let me talk to Hershel," Rick calls after him. "Let me figure it out."  
Shane stops to yell at him again. "What're you gonna figure out?" He asks a starting to move towards Rick just as he had done with Daryl. Only to have Lori stop him once more.  
"If we're gonna stay," Rick continues, "if we're gonna clear this barn, I have to talk him into it. This is his land."  
"Hershel sees those things in there as people, sick people," Dale informs him. "His wife, his stepson.."  
"You knew?" Rick asks.  
Dale nods. "Yesterday. I talked to Hershel.".   
"And you waited the night?" Shane asks.  
“I thought we could survive one more night. We did. I was waiting till this morning to say something, but Glenn wanted to be the one."  
Shane scoffs at him before turning to Rick again. "The man is crazy, Rick, if Hershel thinks those things are alive or-"  
Everyone froze as the chains on the barn door start to rattle as the walkers push against it, trying to get to the food they can hear fighting outside.

 

I sat with Carl and Lori, Carl was doing “homework.”   
“Does Shane think Sophia’s dead?” Carl asks out of nowhere. I look at him sadly.  
“Shane’s just scared.” Lori says.  
“Of the walkers in the barn?”   
“Yes.” I answer.   
“Mom, Aunt Esme, I’m not leaving till we find Sophia, and I don't even want to go after that.”  
“Well, we're not leaving Carl.” Lori says. I look at her, my face saying all it needs to say. We don't know if we can stay here. Why make promises you can’t keep?  
“Finish the problems Carl.” Lori says looking away from me.  
“I just think, she, she’s going to like it here. This place, it could be a home.” Carl says.   
I just smile at him as Lori pulls him into a hug. I get up as I spot Rick walking up to the house. I follow him. “Rick.” I yell. He stops and waits for me.  
“Going to talk to Herschel?”  
“Yeah. Why?”   
“Can I come?”  
“Sure. I don't see why not.”  
We find Herschel sitting at his table eating and reading the bible.   
“Bit of light reading for lunch?” Rick asks.   
“Been so busy, tending the fields, I get my studying in where I can.”  
“Well, you know we can help you out with your work?”   
“It's my field to tend.”   
“Herschel, we can help, it's the least we can do.” I say.  
“Nope.”  
After a slight pause, Rick sighs. “We found the barn.”   
“Leave it be.” Is the only reply we get.   
“Well we’d like to talk about it, but either way, your barn, your farm, your say.” Rick says.  
“I don't want to talk about the barn, I don't want it to be..”  
“A discussion.”  
“I need you and your group gone by the end of the week.”  
“Herschel?” I gasp not believing my ears.   
“I talked to Dale, you and I have our differences, the way we look at the walkers, but those people they may be dead, they may be alive, but my people, us, we are alive, right now, right here. Right in front of you. You send us out there and that can change.” Rick pleaded.  
“I've given you safe harbor, my conscience is clear”  
“This, this farm is special you've been shielded by what's been going on out there. Dale said you saw everything happen on the news, well, it's been a long time since the camera stopped rolling.” 

Herschel gets up to clean his plate as Rick continues to talk and follow him. I slowly follow trying to come up with something to say. “The first time I saw a walker it was just half a body snapping at me from the ground, and my inclination wasn't to kill it, but what the world is out there isn't what you saw on the TV it is much, much worse and it changes you. Either into one of them or something a lot less into the person you were.” Rick finished.  
“Please do not send us out there again.” I say pleading and worry in my voice. Rick walks up to me and places his hand on my shoulder.   
“My wife is pregnant.” Rick tries one last time as he sees the scared look on my face. Herschel turns around. “That's either a gift here or a death sentence out there. If we were to stay we can help you with the work with securing this place. We can survive together.”   
“Rick I'm telling you we can’t.” Herschel shakes his head.  
“Herschel… Think about this.” I plead again.  
“I have thought about it.”   
“Think about this, think about what you're doing.” Rick argues.   
“I've thought about it!” Herschel yells.  
“Think about it again, we can't go out there.” Rick yells back.  
Rick turns around and pulls me with him out of the house.   
“Rick… I… We….” I stumble over my words as I turn to him.  
“I know, sis, I know. I'll figure something out. Ok, I will. Just do me a favor, right now see if Andrea is ready to go and grab the map I'm going to talk to Shane really quick ok.”   
I nod and do as he asked.

We were talking over the map Rick was giving us the plan when Herschel came to us.  
“Rick.”  
“Herschel, We just have our guns out, because we're going to go look for Sophia.” Rick explains.  
“Before you do that, I could use your help with something.”  
“Count me in.” Andrea says as I nod in agreement.   
“Thank you but I just need Rick.” Herschel replies.   
“I'll be down at the barn keeping watch till your ready.” Andrea says grabbing her gun.  
“And I'll make sure we have all the supplies ready to go for the search.” I say folding up the map.  
Rick nods and follows Herschel. 

I made sure we had everything ready, but even after a few hours he still wasn't back. I was now sitting on the porch with Carl when Andrea and Tdog came over.  
“Do you know what's going on?” Tdog asks Glenn.  
“Esme, you've seen Rick?” Andrea asks me.  
“Not since he left,” I answer. "Why?"  
“What?” Glenn says.  
“He went off with Herschel, but we were supposed to leave a couple hours ago.” Andrea explains.   
“Yeah, you were.” Daryl says walks up with Carol. “What the hell?”  
“Rick told us he was going out.” Carol says worriedly.  
“Damn it! Isn't anybody taking this seriously, we got us a damn trail?” Daryl yells at us.   
“Hey, I have everything ready, I was just waiting for Rick.” I defend myself.  
“Oh, here we go.” Daryl says looking at Shane walking up with all the guns. “What's all this?”  
“Shane?” I question as he hands Daryl a gun.  
“You with me man?” He says. “Time to grow up! You got yours?” He asks Andrea.  
“Yeah, uh, where’s Dale.” She says as he hands one to Tdog. “I thought we couldn't carry.”   
“He’s coming. Yeah well, we can and we have to. Esme you got yours?” He says.  
“Yes, but Shane what are you doing?” I ask now worried. He looked pissed.  
“Look it was one thing sitting around here picking daisies when we thought this place was supposed to be safe, but now we know it ain't. How about you man you going to protect yours?” He asks holding a gun out to Glenn who takes it hesitantly.   
“Can you shoot?” He asks Maggie.  
“Can you stop?” She replies. “You do this, you hand out these guns, my dad will make you leave tonight.”  
“Shane! She's right!” I say now coming down the stairs.  
“We have to stay Shane!” Carl says running past me.   
“What is this?” Lori comes from the back.  
“We ain't going anywhere, ok. Look, Herschel, he's just going to have to understand, ok, he going to have to and we need to find Sophia, am I right?” He says taking a knee in front of Carl and trying to hand him a gun. “Now I want you to take this, you take it and you protect your mother. You do whatever it takes. You know how.”   
I grab Carl as Lori steps in front of him. “Rick said no guns. This is not your call. This is not your decision to make.” Lori says getting in his face.   
“OH SHIT!” Tdog yells. 

I turn my head to see what's going on. Rick, Herschel, and Jimmy were bringing in two walkers on poles. He was walking them towards the barn. What the fuck? The whole group started to run to them.   
“What the hell are you doing?” Shane yells at them.  
“Shane just back off!” Rick says.  
“Why do your people have guns?” Herschel yells.  
“Are you kidding me? See what they are holding on to.” Shane yells.  
“I see who I'm holding onto.”   
“Nah man you don't see.”  
“Just let us do this then we can talk.” Rick says trying to steer the walker.  
“What do you want to talk about, Rick? ” Shane yells.

He starts yelling a lot at Herschel about if the walkers were alive, would they do this, or would the do that? All the while shooting the female walker. At this point, I don't know what is going on with him. He’s not acting like the brother I know. He’s gone mad, crazy! Rick and I keep yelling at him to stop. He finally shoots the female walker in the head.   
"Enough risking our lives for a little girl who's gone!" Shane is shouting. "Enough living next to a barn full of things that are trying to kill us! Enough! Rick, it ain't like it was before! Now if Y'all want to live, if you want to survive, you gotta fight for it! I'm talking about fighting right here, right now!" He turns and begins to make his way towards the barn doors.  
Everyone starts to yell at him as he raises a pickax to the door. Shane ignores everybody's protests and begins to beat on the padlock.  
"Shane! Stop it!" I yell at him.   
"Don't do it!" Glenn plead.  
"Please!" Rick adds.  
As the lock brakes, Shane tosses the pickax to the side and instead of removing the chains, he removes the board that had been placed in the handles to keep the door closed. The walkers had been pushing on the doors, but not hard enough to open it fully. Shane begins to bang on them to try to rile them up to press against the door and open it themselves.  
I push Carl and Lori behind me. “Stay behind me! Do you understand, you stay behind me!” I say to them Lori just nods, Carl is crying in her arms. Seeing his tears I get pissed at Shane. I'll deal with him later. Grabbing my gun and turning off the safety. I raise it slightly getting ready for the walkers.   
Shane backs away from the barn and pulls out his handgun, waiting for the walkers to finally come out. Andrea is the first to join Shane at his side, with T-Dog right behind her, and then Daryl. As if on cue, we begin to take down each walker that found its way out of the barn. 

Finally, all the walkers were dead. I turn around to check on Lori and Carl who was still crouching behind me. I notice Dale finally made it to us, a stunned look on his face. I was about to walk up to Shane and ask what the fuck? When a small growl comes from the barn.   
I felt my heart drop and let out a gasp as the last walker came out of the barn. It was Sophia.   
"Sophia?" Carol sobs from behind all of us. "Sophia!" She tries to run to her daughter, but Daryl steps out and grabs her to keep her from going any further. I understood Carol's desire to hold her daughter even if it was for one last time.   
I looked over at Rick as he starts to move forward, approaching Sophia. He pulls his python from its holster and raised it, aiming at the little girl's head. He hesitates for a brief moment before pulling the trigger, as she falls to the ground in a lifeless heap with the other dead, I feel my heart go with her.


	12. Chapter Eleven: Cruel World

Everyone was silent as we all try to soak in what had just happened. The only sounds were Carol's and the Greene’s sobs as they cry. Poor Carol had just lost her daughter for the second time in just a few weeks. I couldn't imagine the pain. I don't know what I would do if I lost Rick a second time but I'm sure a daughter is worse in its own way. I turn my eyes over to Daryl and Carol. Daryl was trying to pull her to her feet, once she was stable she ran off towards camp. I knew she wanted to be alone. 

“Wait.” Rick speaking caught my attention, I turn my head to see Beth looking around the walkers. She stopped at a female walker and it moved to grab her pigtail. Beth screams as the walker growls at her trying to grab onto her arms. Shane was the first to move, grabbing Beth and pulling her away from the walker. T-Dog ran forward and stomps on the walker in an attempt to keep it down. Instead, Glenn grabbed the walker by its wrists and holds it still as Andrea moves to find a weapon. Please woman you have a gun in your hand…. I move and shoot the walker in the head, allowing Glenn to let go of it. Beth hurries over to her father and latches onto him as he and Patricia lead her back to the house, with Maggie and Glenn shortly behind them.  
I look at Shane as he paces for a few moments and runs his hands over his face agitatedly before he follows after them. I was going to follow when Rick puts his hand on my shoulder and shakes his head.   
“Why?” I ask agitated.   
“Esme your temper will agitate him more and you know it. Look at what happened between you and Andrea.” Rick says. I could see Andrea look at us at the mention of her name.   
“They both deserve it.” I shake my head. “Fine, then you watch him.” Rick just nods and hurries to catch up with him, knowing that it wasn't exactly a good idea to let him out of his sight anywhere near the Greene family. Especially after what had just happened.  
I slowly walk back to camp and lay in my tent leaving it open for air flow. “Esme time for the funeral.” I hear Lori call.   
“Coming.” I answer as I struggle to stand up, I was drained after everything.   
After the funeral, everyone went their own way. I went inside to help with a few chores when I hear Maggie scream for her father. I run upstairs to see Beth on the floor unresponsive. “What happened?” I ask crouching down to help check if she hit her head or anything.   
“She just fainted.” Maggie answers.   
“Let's get her on the bed, you get her feet.” I say I move to pick up her upper body. Turns out Herschel had gone to one of his bars. So Rick and Glenn went to go get him. Maggie and I watch over Beth in the meantime. She woke up but is now in shock.   
I was helping to try and get Beth to eat or even drink when the door opens Lori came in with Carl. “How is she?” She asks. I shake my head and put the water bottle I was holding down.   
“Have Rick and Glenn came back?” I ask.   
“No actually, I'm getting really worried and was wondering if you can watch Carl for a bit, let me clear my head.” She says, sighing. She did look tired. “Sure, come on kid, let's go find something fun to do.” I say, moving to him, I turn to Maggie. “Let me know if you need anything ok.” She just nods. 

Carl and I were drawing in the dirt when Shane comes over looking furious. “Esme, have you seen your sister?” He asks.   
“Not since she asked me to watch Carl, why?” I say standing up.   
“She’s missing.” Shane shakes his head and stomps away from me making his way over to where the others stood, which I'm assuming they attempted to find Lori as well, wherever the hell she went anyway. I run over to them now worried and even more angry with both of Shane and Lori.   
"I checked the yards," T-Dog announces as he approaches us as well.  
"Where is she?" Carl asks, looking at me for answers.   
"What the hell is even going on?" I look at everyone for answers, Andrea is the one to finally speak up.  
"Lori was worried about Rick, I think she went after them" She explains.  
"You think or she did go after them?" I ask.  
"She didn't say anything about that." Andrea rolls her eyes at me.  
I scoff at her, "Of course, some help you are." I mutter.   
Carol approached us with an annoyed expression on her face. "She asked Daryl to go into town and look for them, she must've gone herself."   
A whimper escapes Carl's mouth, catching all of our attention. I place my hand on his shoulder only for him to roughly pull away as he makes his way up to the house. "Did you know about this?" Shane asks as he approaches Dale.  
Dale shakes his head. "No, I didn't."  
"Did she take a gun?" Shane mutters, annoyance in his voice.   
“I don't know, but I wouldn’t let her go out there alone.” Dale answers.   
“I'm going to find her.” I say as I go to move Shane spins me around.   
“NO!” I look up at him yanking my arm away from him.  
“Excuse me!” I half scoff at him.   
“I SAID NO, YOU ARE STAYING HERE. I'LL GO!” He yells in my face, making me freeze. He then stomps off to Carol’s Cherokee and starts it up, leaving.   
I blink and shake my head trying to figure out what the fuck just happened. He has never yelled at me like that, even when I did piss him off before. I could see Dale and the others staring at me to make sure I was ok. I didn't even know if I was.   
I turn around to see Daryl’s little camp off in the distance. I don't know why I walked there, but I did. I pause as he looks at me a little annoyed. I just continue walking off into the forest. I don't know how long I walked before I notice something was following me. I pull my gun and turn around, expecting a walker. Daryl ducks thinking I was going to shoot. I lower my gun and holster it as I stare at him, waiting for him to speak. He just stares back. I turn around and find a log to sit on. Daryl leans against a tree a short way away from me.   
I don't know how long we sat in silence before I say the first thing that came to my mind. “This new world fucking sucks.” My voice didn't sound like mine.  
“No shit.” Daryl replies looking at me.   
“It changes people, I don't understand it, but it does,” Daryl just nods in return. “Why did you follow me?” I ask, finally looking him in the eye.   
“You looked like you were in a daze like you didn't know where you were going?” He answers.   
“So you followed me to watch over me?” He just shrugs. “May I ask why you didn't help Lori find my brother and Glenn?”   
“Not my problem.” Was all he said.   
“I guess that's true, but it would have been better than Lori off out there, getting hurt.”  
He scoffs at me. “So it's ok if I get hurt, man fuck you woman.”  
I shake my head finally understand what I said. “NO… Daryl, that's not…”  
“I was out there looking for that little girl every day, that sure as hell wasn't my problem either! I help you all the time! That's all I ever do for you ungrateful piece of shits! Do I ever get a thank you for catching you all your dinner? No, I don't. So screw all of Y'all! You can find your own way back,. I got better things to do then sit here and babysit you!" He yells at me and turns to leave, I get up and run to him, grabbing his hand. He turns glaring at me.  
“Daryl, I'm sorry, I realize what I said must have sounded like. Trust me, I'm sorry, and for your own words, I do appreciate what you do for us, I really do, and though they may not show it, I know that they do as well. I'll now know to say thank you to you everytime you bring food. I'm sorry that I didn't before, and what I meant was that Lori is sure to get hurt out there because she doesn't know what she's doing. You do, I know that if you had gone out there, well there is a great chance you would come back. Of course, I would still worry about you, though.” I explain.   
His face softens a bit and he starts walking. I slowly follow him only to realize that my hand is still in his. I stare at our hands interlaced and I slowly blush, his hand was rough but warm. We come to a stop right at the edge of the woods. Daryl looks at my face and follows my gaze down to our hands. He grunts and pulls his hand out of mine. I look up at his face but I can't tell what he is thinking. He turns and goes to his camp.  
I walk to the house to see Carl sitting on the step. He looks at me, stands up and hugs me tightly. I look at the others all huddled in a circle, mumbling to each other. Just then Shane and a very tired Lori drive up. Carl runs to them as they get out of the car. Shane was talking. "First things first; I gotta look after you," Shane said, catching him mid-conversation with Lori. "I gotta make sure the baby's alright."  
"You're having a baby?" Carl nearly snaps. "Why didn't you tell me?" Lori couldn't muster up any words as her son already began to make his way to the house; not having enough patience to listen as to what she could've said. Dale walks up and places his hand on Lori's back. "Come on. Let's make sure you're alright."  
Later that day I am hanging out with Carl in the living room, the others were gathered around doing their own thing when Lori and Shane join us. I look at them with a blank expression on my face. "I am so sorry that I left without telling you two," Lori sighs as she looks from me to Carl.   
"It's okay," Carl smiles at her, "I wasn't scared."  
“You know what Lori, sorry doesn’t cut it this time! You were in a car wreck for fuck sakes, almost bit by a walker. You could have been killed, not only leaving your son without a mother but killing that child you have in you, which by the way yeah thanks for the heads up on that one! From now on your watching Carl, I will watch him only when I want to hang out with him, not when you ask me to!” I yelled at her.  
“ESME ENOUGH!” Shane yelled at me. I rounded on him.  
“NO! YOU ENOUGH SHANE! YOUR ANTICS OUT THERE AT THE BARN COULD HAVE GOTTEN US ALL KILLED! AND RICK IS RIGHT THIS ISN'T EVEN YOUR LAND! WHICH MEANS NOT YOUR RULES! I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK HAS GOTTEN INTO YOUR HEAD BUT YOU NEED TO REEVALUATE YOUR SHIT CAUSE NEXT TIME YOU YELL AT ME LIKE YOU DID EARLIER WILL BE YOUR LAST TIME!” I explode on him. I then turn to catch the eyes of everyone in the room, I glare at them as I make my way out of the house to my tent.   
I sigh. I had known that Lori was pregnant, I found out when Glenn told me, but I waited for Lori to tell me herself. It was only confirmed by Rick when he told Herschel in the kitchen begging for him not to kick us out. Lori and I use to be close now, I don't know anymore. I also knew that Shane must know that kid is his. She slept with him more times then I can remember. She only slept with Rick once that I know of. I had no clue what was going on with Shane ever since Rick came back he has slowly been going insane and mean. Was he jealous that Rick was back? Yup, that had to be it. Lori was also telling Rick this was his kid, that must be pissing him off. I don't know what to think anymore. I shake my head as I grab my book and started to read, escaping this cruel world.


	13. Chapter Twelve: Safety?

Shane and Tdog are packing up the van to go look for Rick and Glenn. I am just sitting at camp eating my breakfast and ignoring most of the people. I was still mad about yesterday. Lori and Shane thankfully are staying away for now. I was just throwing my paper plate away when I hear Dale. "They're back!" I snap my head in the direction of which he is pointing.  
Carl runs up to his dad, Lori and I following shortly behind staying a slight ways away.  
Lori pulls away a bit and looks at Rick in worry. "Are you hurt?"  
"No, but what happened to you?" Rick asks as he looks over her face.  
"I was in a car accident," Lori explains.  
"Accident? how?"  
“Yeah Lori, tell him how, this should be fun.” I say letting anger coat my voice. Rick looks at me and can tell just how angry I am.  
"I was looking for you." Lori says looking down.  
"Snuck out on her own," Shane jumps in. "I brought her back."  
“Yeah what a hero you are.” I say rolling my eyes as he glares at me.   
“Are you crazy?" Rick nearly snaps. "You could've-"  
"Who the hell is that?" T-Dog interrupts Rick's worry, pointing to the back seat of the car.  
"That's Randall." Glenn answers.  
"And why is he here?" I ask confused and worried. These seemed to be my two main emotions lately.

 

We were all gathered in the kitchen, Rick and Glenn told the story of what happened in town. Herschel was healing Randall’s leg.   
"We couldn't just leave him behind," Rick explains. "He would've bled out--if he lived that long."  
"It's gotten bad in town." Glenn adds.  
"What do we do with him?" Andrea asks looking around.  
Hershel came into the room, wiping the blood off of his hands before anybody had the opportunity to answer. "I repaired Randall's calf muscle as best I can, but he'll probably have nerve damage," He informed us. "Won't be on his feet for at least a week."  
"When he is, we give him a canteen, take him out to the main road, send him on his way." Rick explains his plan.  
"Isn't that the same as leaving him for walkers?" Andrea asks.  
"He'll have a fighting chance." Rick points out.   
"Just gonna let him go?" Shane questions. "He knows where we are."  
"He was blindfolded the whole way here," Rick snaps. "He’s not a threat."  
"Not a threat?" Shane scoffs. "How many of them were there? You killed three of their men, you took one of them hostage-but they just ain't gonna come looking?"   
"They left him for dead, Rick explained that Shane,” I say. "No one is looking."  
"We should still post a guard," T-Dog proposes. I nod at that part. I could agree with that logic.   
"He's out cold right now," Hershel explains. "Will be for hours."  
"You know what? I'm gonna go get him some flowers and candy," Shane huffs as he starts out of the room. "Look at this, folks we back in fantasy land." I scoffed and rolled my eyes at him. 

Hershel steps after him. "You know, we haven't even dealt with what you did at my barn yet," He points out. "Let me make this perfectly clear, once and for all, this is my farm. Now I wanted you gone. Rick talked me out of it, but that doesn't mean I have to like it. So do us both a favor and keep your mouth shut."  
“Yeah, Shane remember what I told you last night.” I say glaring, wow I could hold a grudge.   
Shane didn't seem to be affected by our words. He just looks around sighs and leaves.  
"We're not gonna do anything about it today," Rick continued once Shane is gone. "Let's just cool off."  
Everyone silently agrees as they all stand up to leave the room. I stand up from my chair and stretch. Rick looks at me.  
“Sis, a word, please.” I look at him and by the expression on his face, I knew Lori had told him about my outburst. I just nod and follow after him. 

We walk around the farm as we talk. Staying away from people.   
“What happened?” He asks looking at me worried.   
I shake my head. “What “miss tattletale” didn't tell you the whole story?”   
“Esme, I'm not mad, so no attitude please, now what happened?”   
“After you left to go find Herschel, Lori came into the room while I was helping with Beth. She asked if I could help by watching Carl, I saw that she was tired and figured she was going to rest. I kindly agreed and watched Carl. Now, you know I love the kid and will watch him, but you also know I've always said he’s your kid. I'm not going to watch him all the time, he’s not always my responsibility; I'm an Auntie I should be spoiling him, not "mommying" him. Before you found us after you woke up I was constantly watching him while she and Shane ran off. So, when she left to go find you this last time, it was my last straw. I was going to go find her and have a nice easy talking to her on the way back. However, Shane decided he would go look for her and literally yelled in my face about it. That's not including Shane acting insane and crazy.” He nods along listening. He was always the better listener of my two brothers, Shane just normally gave out logical answers and always pointed out rudely when I was wrong.   
“Well, I can’t blame you for snapping then” He sighs looking at Lori who was cooking lunch.   
“Brother, what are you going to do about everything?”   
“Well, Lori has decided that the child is ours, not Shane’s. Granted we don't have a way to prove if it is mine or his, but well I think I know whose it is.” He shakes his head.  
“I'm sorry.”  
“You all thought I was dead. I understand why it happened Esme, I just wish it wasn't so complicated.” I just nod as we head back to camp for lunch.  
Rick walks into his tent with Lori. I could hear them moving around and getting dressed.   
I sit outside on a camping chair and without meaning to, listen in on their conversation.  
“We need to talk about Shane.” Lori tells him.   
Rick sighs. “What's he done now?”   
“He thinks the babies his, no matter what it's yours.”  
“He’ll accept that.” I hear Lori scoff at Rick’s words, even I knew that was a far reach.   
“You're going to have to make him, he won't listen to me. He's delusional and he's dangerous. When I went looking for you, he came after me.”  
“Well of course he did.”  
“He lied to me to get me back here. Said you were already back.” I sat up in my chair now, really listening at this point.  
“What?”  
“You saw what he did at the barn, he's threatened Dale and Hershel and he scaring people he's scaring me and he yelled at Esme. and I think he killed Otis. I think he left him behind, I think he did it not just to save Carl, but because he loves me.” I shook my head. He wouldn't. He's a cop.  
“But you don't know that.”  
“And he thinks that we are supposed to be together. No matter what.”  
“Those gunmen left that kid behind today. I killed two people myself, because of you, and Carl and Esme and the baby. It was going to be me and not them, no matter what!”   
“You killed the living, to protect what is yours?”   
“That's right.”   
“Shane thinks I'm his, he thinks the baby is his and he says you can’t protect us, that you're going to get us killed, he's dangerous Rick and he won't stop.” Would my brother really be this crazy? Well, Esme your already seeing the effects.   
I stare off in the distance, thinking of everything I just heard. 

This last week Randall healed up and Rick and Shane left to take him away. I helped Maggie and Lori make Beth a meal as we talked about Glenn manning up. I understood what both of them were saying but still understood Glenn’s thoughts as well. I had talked to him about what happened. After Lori left to go take Beth the food I cleaned up as Maggie and Glenn went for a walk. 

I was in my tent reading when Lori came running out of the house. “Andrea, Esme have you seen Maggie or Herschel?”  
“Not Herschel but Maggie and Glenn walked by a while ago.” Andrea answered.  
“What's wrong Lori?” I asked.  
“Can you find them? Esme come with me.” Lori says as she runs back to the house, I follow.   
We get back to the house as we sit with Beth till Maggie gets there.   
“Are you crazy? What if dad finds out?” Maggie asks Beth.  
“What's he going to do kill me for committing suicide?”   
“Stop being such a brat.” Maggie says sitting by her. “He’d die, so would I. This isn't just about you. We all lost mom.”  
“We’ll lose each other and I couldn't stand that.”   
“So you give up?” Maggie asks. I leave the room at this point. 

Maggie and Beth continue to argue as Lori, Andrea and I are in the kitchen.   
“Where is Herschel?” Andrea asks clearly annoyed.  
“He doesn't wanna find out yet.” Lori says and I nod. “It's a family affair, we’ll let them work it out.”   
“Exactly, they will figure it out.” I say.   
“That's working it out?” Andrea scoffs.  
“When Beth stops fighting that's when it's time to worry.” Lori says.  
“This could have been handled better.” Andrea replies.  
“How so?” I ask looking at her confused.   
“Lori shouldn't have taken the knife away.” I stare at Andrea in shock.  
“Excuse me?” Lori asks.  
“You were wrong, like Dale taking my gun, that wasn't your decision,” Andrea says, “She has to choose to live on her own, she has to find her own reason.”  
“What you want me to tie a noose for her?” Lori asks sarcastically.   
“Wow, I can not believe you right now.” I say.  
“If she is serious she will figure out a way.” Andrea turns to me.   
“Doesn't mean we can’t stop her or let her know that we care.” I retort back.   
“That has nothing to do with it.” Andrea says, “She only has so many choices in front of her, and she believes the best one is suicide.”   
“That's not an option.” Lori says.  
“Of course it is.” Andrea retorts, “She doesn't need to be yelled at or treated like a child.”   
“She is a child.” I say scoffing at her.   
“So what? Give her a loaded gun?” Lori asks. “You’ll understand if we don't send you in there right?”  
“I came through it.” Andrea says.  
“And became such a productive member of the group.” Lori says sarcastically. “Let Maggie handle this her own way.”  
“I contribute, I help keep this place safe.” Andrea argues.   
“Right almost killing Daryl, is keeping this group safe. Forgive me if I don't believe you, and I am sure you wouldn't have let Amy try what Beth is doing, so again just let Maggie handle her sister and you keep out of it.” I say and walk out of the room, with one last glance at Andrea’s stunned face. 

 

Maggie comes out of the room looking tired goes to the sink and grabs a glass of water. “Hey, how is she?” I ask.   
“She still wants to…. She wants me to do it with her….. Tonight” Maggie sighs and looks at the floor.  
“I'm sorry, do you want me to go find your dad or Patrica to look after her a while? Or I can go up there.” I say getting up.  
“No it's ok, Andrea is with her right now.” Maggie shakes her head. I freeze at her words then run upstairs.   
“What?” Maggie yells following me upstairs shocked at my sudden burst. We get to the room and don't see Beth. Maggie runs to the bathroom to hear Beth crying. We bang on the door. “Beth!” Hearing the glass shattering, Lori comes in as well and helps by opening the door with a fire pick. Beth turns around with a cut wrist. Maggie helps her.

Maggie, Lori and I go outside later to see Andrea running back to the house. She stops in front of us.   
“Where were you?” Maggie asks.  
“I heard, is she alright?” Andrea asks panting, this sets me off and I slap her.  
“ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? YOU WERE ALL FOR HER COMMITTING SUICIDE AND NOW YOU'RE WORRIED FOR HER, FUCK YOU!” Andrea looks at me shocked.   
“Stay away from her, stay away from us, and don't you dare step a foot in this house again!” Maggie threatens from beside me. Andrea nods and turns away. 

I couldn't sleep that night at all. I tossed and turned and eventually just went outside and tended the small fire till everyone was awake.  
I am sitting by Glenn at the camp while Lori pours Carl and me some tea.   
“So what are you going to do? We all would feel better if we knew the plan. Is there a plan?” She asks Rick. My eyes go to him.   
“Are we going to keep him here?” Glenn asks from my side. I lean my head on his shoulder wanting to sleep.  
“We will know soon enough.” Rick answers gesturing behind us. I sit up and turn in my seat to see Daryl walking towards us his knuckles bloody. Did he just torture that kid?  
“Boy there's got a gang, 30 men, they have heavy artillery and they aren't looking to make friends. They roll through here, our boys are dead, and our women, well they are going to wish they were.” Daryl says bleakly. I look from him to Rick and back shocked, I didn't know what to be shocked about more what he said or what he did.  
“What did you do?” Carol asks him, seeing his wounds.  
“We had a little chat.”   
“Some chat.” I say shaking my head a Daryl. He just looks at me.  
“No one goes near this guy.” Rick announces.  
“Rick, what are you going to do?” Lori asks what we're all wondering.  
“We have no choice he's a threat. We have to eliminate the threat.” Rick says looking a bit lost.  
“You're just going to kill him?” Dale asks.  
“It's settled. We’ll do it today.” Rick says leaving. Dale runs after him, more than likely to convince him otherwise. 

I was on my way to give Andrea and the prisoner water when I see Shane open the door to the barn. Next thing I know I hear Andrea and Shane yelling. I drop the stuff and run over, grabbing my gun in the process.   
“You like talking? Huh? Open your mouth!” Shane is yelling, holding the gun to Randall.  
“Ok, Shane not now!” Andrea yells at him.  
“SHANE ENOUGH!” I push him back. “What the hell is going on here? I ask. Only then do I see Carl behind Shane.   
Shane turns around to Carl and drags him out of the barn. “Get your ass out of the barn.” I follow as he pushes Carl out.  
“Shane!” I warn trying to get his attention.  
“Please don't tell my parents.” Carl says. I look at him.   
“Carl that ain't cool man you could have gotten hurt in there.” Shane says to him.  
“I can handle myself.” Carl tries to defend.  
“You do not go near him again do you hear me.” Shane threatens his finger in Carl’s face. I pull him back.  
“Shane! Enough, I will handle this," I glare at him. “Carl go to your mom.” I say looking to him.  
“Carl stop trying to get yourself killed.” Shane calls to him.   
“Go, Carl!” I say to him when he turns around. I push Shane. “Don't you talk to him like that ever again!”   
“He could have been hurt.”   
“I get that Shane, but you take him to his mom and dad to handle it. You are not his father!”   
“I act more like his father than Rick does! Rick was gone for two months.” He looks at me like I'm the insane one. I slap him.  
“BECAUSE YOU LEFT HIM IN THE HOSPITAL SHANE! YOU ARE NOT HIS FATHER! RICK IS! NOT YOU AND THAT BABY IS RICK’S AS WELL!” I stomp away to make sure that Carl is with Lori.


	14. Chapter Thirteen: This Group is Broken

The rest of the day I roam around camp tending to small chores that needed to be done. I am cleaning my own tent, having run out of useful chores when Dale walks to me.   
“May I talk with you?” He asks.  
I smile at him. “Are you not already?”   
He laughs. “So about Randall, where do you stand on this?”   
“I honestly can’t really say where, on one hand, this is killing a man, but the laws are gone now. On the other hand, I will do whatever it takes to protect this group. Even if that means killing a man who can bring a group of killing rapist to us.”   
“But as a Wiccan do you not believe in Harming no one.”  
“Yes An ye harm none, do what ye will. It is a belief I own, but I also have the right to protect myself and others.”  
“Do you really think that killing him is the right thing to do?”  
“If it means keeping his group away from us then yes, Dale he knows Maggie and her father, which means he knows where this farm is, and he more than likely knows where his group is. Which means he can lead them here. Easily. I'm sorry Dale, but I'm with Shane and Rick on this.”  
Dale looked sad but nods and walks away. I sigh. Oh Lord and Lady let this be the right thing. If his soul is good at heart let him into the home of Summerland. 

Later I'm sitting outside with Rick, he was staring off in the distance. I could tell he was rethinking the Randall situation.   
“Brother, It's the right thing to do, the only thing.”  
He turns to me and stares in my eyes for a second. “Do you really believe that Esme?”   
“If you had asked me that question about 6 months ago before the world had gone to shit, I would say no I don't, but now I think it is yes. It will keep this group, our family safe.”   
Lori comes out the door at this point. “It's almost time. I know this isn't easy for you.”  
“It isn't easy for anyone, but I thought it through, I made the call, I'm ready to do this.”  
“You don't have to be the one to do it, Shane or Daryl...” Lori says.  
“Yes, yeah, it has to be me.” Rick interrupts her. “I brought him back here. Maybe I shouldn't have. I gotta keep these people safe. That is what I'm going to do.”  
“What about Dale?” Lori asks. I look away sadly, I didn't know what to say to that.   
“He's got an uphill battle.” Rick sighs. “You said you support me.”  
I look at Rick at this point then to Lori.  
“I do.” She answers. Rick nods.   
“But you didn't say if you think I'm making the right call.” At this Lori looks away.   
“This is the right call.” Rick says to her.  
“I agree, brother.” I say putting my hand on his shoulder. Lori just looks between us both then nods.  
“Yeah.” She finally agrees. 

We now gather in the kitchen to have the last discussion about Randall. Carl stands at the back hoping that Rick and Lori don't notice but Rick does and stares at him. “Go on bud.” I say finally from my seat in front of Rick. He sighs and leaves.   
“So how do we do this?” Glenn asks. “Just take a vote?”  
“Does it have to be unanimous?” Andrea asks, obviously thinking about Dale.  
“How about majority rules?” Lori asks.  
“Let's just see where everybody stands, then we can talk through the options.” Rick says.   
“Well the way I see it, there is only one way to move forward.” Shane says.  
“Killing him?” Dale asks obviously still trying to change everyone's mind. “Right? I mean why even bother taking a vote it's clear which way the wind is blowing”  
“Well if people think we should spare him, I wanna know.” Rick says exasperatedly.   
“Well I can tell you, it's a small group, maybe just me and Glenn.” Dale answers, I look to Glenn, who sadly looks at Dale.   
“Look I…. I think you're pretty much right about everything, all the time, but this time…”  
“They've got you scared.” Dale looks dumbfounded.   
“He's not one of us.” Glenn tries to explain. “And we've lost too many people already.”   
I sadly nod at his point turning sideways in my seat to look at everyone; I did not want to lose anyone else in this group.   
“How about you? Do you agree with this?” Dale asks Maggie.  
“Couldn't we continue keeping him prisoner?” She asks Rick.  
“Just another mouth to feed.” Daryl says. I turn to look at him as he leans on the wall.   
“It may be a lean winter.” Herschel says.   
“We can ration better.” Lorie suggests.   
“Well, he could be an asset,” Dale says still trying to convince us. “Give him a chance to prove himself.”  
“How Dale?” I ask.   
“Put him to work?” Glenn questions.  
“We're not letting him walk around.” Rick shakes his head.   
“We could put an escort on him.” Maggie suggests.  
“Who wants to volunteer for that duty?” Shane asks sarcastically, but I look at Dale knowing his answer.   
“I will.” He says.  
“I don't think anyone should be walking around with this guy.” Rick says trying to calm everyone down.   
“He's right, I wouldn't feel safe unless he was tied up.” Lori says as I nod in agreement.  
“We can’t exactly put chains around his ankles and sentence him to hard labor.” Andrea explains.   
“Look, say we let him join us, Right? Maybe he's helpful, Maybe he's right, but we let our guard down and he runs off and brings back his 30 men.” Shane says. I shudder at the thought.   
“So the answer is to kill him?” Dale questions. “To prevent a crime he may never even attempt? If we do this we're saying there is no hope. Rule of law is dead, there is no civilization.”   
“Oh my god.” Shane sighs. I roll my eyes at him.   
“Could you drive him further out? Leave him as you planned?” Herschel asks.  
“You barely came back this time.” Lori shakes her head. “There are walkers, you could break down, you could get lost.”   
“Or get ambushed.” Daryl adds into my growing fear as I look at Rick.   
“They're right we should not put our own people at risk.” Glenn says as I nod.   
“I agree.” I say grabbing Rick’s hand for reassurance.   
“If we go through with it, how would you do it? Would he suffer?” Patricia asks. I look at Rick but Shane answers.   
“We could hang him, just snap his neck.”   
“I thought about that.” Rick shakes his head. “Shooting may be more humane.”  
“And what about the body?” Tdog finally speaks up.  
“OH whoah whoah…. Hold up!” Dale interrupts. “Hold on your talking like this is already decided.”   
“You've been talking all day, going around in circles, you just wanna go around in circles again?” Daryl asks, done with the conversation.   
“Dale he's right…” I try to say.  
“This is a young man’s life!” He yells. “And it is worth more than a five-minute conversation. Is this what it's come to? We kill someone because we can’t decide what else to do with him?”  
“Dale…” I try to intervene but he continues to yell.   
“You saved him, and now look at us. He's been tortured, he's going to be executed. How are we any better than those people who we are so afraid of?”  
The group stays quiet for a minute. Then Shane finally speaks up.   
“We all know what needs to be done.”  
“No, Dale is right.” Rick interrupts him. “We can’t leave any stone unturned here. We have responsibilities…”   
Andrea interrupts Rick. “So what's the other solution?...”  
“Let Rick finish, damn it!” I yell at her.   
“We haven’t come up with a single viable option yet.” She glares at me. “I wish we could…”  
“So let's work on it.” Dale says frustrated. I sigh and put my head in my hands. I didn't know what to do now.   
“Stop it, just stop it.” Carol’s voice brings my head up, I had forgotten she was even in the room. “I'm sick of everybody arguing and fighting. I didn't ask for this, you can’t ask us to decide something like this. Please decide, either of you, both of you, but leave me out.”   
“Not speaking out, or killing him yourself, there’s no difference.” Dale says to her.   
“All right, that's enough,” Rick interjects. “Anybody wants the floor before we make a final decision has the chance.”   
Everybody at that point quiets down. We all look to each other. As Dale finally speaks up.   
“You once said we don't kill the living…” He points to Rick.  
“That was before the living tried to kill us.” He shoots back.   
“But don't you see if we do this, the people that we were, the world that we knew is dead.” Dale still argues. I look away. The world as we knew it is already dead…..  
“And this new world it's ugly, it's harsh, it's survival of the fittest, and that's a world I don't want to live in.” He continues on. “And I don't believe that any of you want to. I can’t. Please.” He begs. “Let's just do what's right, Isn't anybody else going to stand with me?” Nobody looked at him and I could feel the anxiety rising. I stood up and walked to him.   
“Ok, Dale. I'm with you.” I say. I look around.   
“He's right, we should try to find another way.” Andrea speaks up.   
“Anybody else?” Rick asks the room. Nobody else spoke and I knew that majority won.  
“Are you all going to watch too?” Dale shakes his head sadly. “No, you’ll go hide your head in your tents and try to forget that were slaughtering a human being. Oh, I won’t be a party to it.” He walks away and pauses at Daryl. “This group is broken.” Then out of the house. I walked out the back door at that point. Not knowing why those words hurt my heart so much. 

We were all at the campfire waiting, I couldn't help but try to listen for the gunshot but before I knew it Rick was walking Carl up to the camp. “We're keeping him in custody for now.” He announces. I look at him in shock.  
“I'm gonna find Dale.” Andrea says and leaves. Lori looks mad and approaches Rick.   
“Carl, go inside,” She says. “Now, please.” Carl finally walks away as I stand up.  
“He followed us, he wanted to watch. I couldn't.” Rick says. I put my hand on his shoulder.  
“That's okay, that's okay.” Lori whispers to him and hugs him as I rub his back. 

A little while later I'm dozing in my camping chair when a scream startles me awake. I look around. “Rick?” I question.  
“Grab Carl.” He tells Lori as she runs to him.  
I stand up. "Rick?" I question again.  
“Tdog get a shotgun!” Rick announces. As we all run towards the screaming. I grab my gun and take the safety off. We all run and I come to a stop when I see how badly Dale is hurt. I cover my mouth feeling sick, I drop my gun as the tears start to run down my face. I can’t process anything as the others come around. I hear the gunshot and turn back just in time to see Daryl give back the gun to Rick. I fall crying. That makes 8 now….. Oh Lord and Lady, Why? 

The next morning we all gather for Dale’s funeral. I let the tears spill as we all listen to Rick. “Dale could... could get under your skin. He sure got under mine, because he wasn't afraid to say exactly what he thought, how he felt. That kind of honesty is rare and brave. Whenever I'd make a decision, I'd look at Dale. He'd be looking back at me with that look he had. We've all seen it one time or another. I couldn't always read him, but he could read us. He saw people for who they were. He knew things about us... the truth... who we really are. In the end, he was talking about losing our humanity. He said this group was broken. The best way to honor him is to unbreak it. Set aside our differences and pull together, stop feeling sorry for ourselves and take control of our lives... our safety... our future. We're not broken. We're gonna prove him wrong. From now on... we're gonna do it his way. That is how we honor Dale.” I put my flowers down on his grave and go to my tent. The rest of the morning I help with chores checking the fences and killing stray walkers. 

“It's going to be tight 15 people in the house.” Rick was saying as we all gather to hear the rest of the day's plans.   
“Don't worry about that. With the swamp hardening and the creek drying up.” Herschel says.  
“With 50 headed cattle on the property, we might as well be ringing the damn dinner bell.” Maggie continues.   
“She’s right we should have moved you all in a while ago.” Herschel says.   
“All right let's move the vehicles near each of the doors facing out.” Rick started giving off orders. We all followed his orders and got things done. 

“I see why you're not taking Shane with you. Just know I've got no patience where he's concerned.” Herschel was talking to Rick on our way back to the house.   
“Well, he's turning over a new leaf.” Rick says. I laugh.  
“Right.” I say looking back at him.   
“Andrea,” Rick calls to her. She turns and walks over to us. “When I'm out with Daryl, help Herschel keep an eye on things here.” He says to her.   
“Me?” She questions.   
“Shane’s got a way of letting things get out of hand, especially when he's all torqued up.” Rick explains and I laugh again.   
“I think we’re all a bit torqued up at this point.” She replies.  
“If you're staying here permanently he's going to understand it's what Rick and I say, not whatever he wants.” Herschel explains the rule.  
“You've become close.” Rick says.  
“We talk.” She agrees as I snort. I knew about the two.  
“Then you know he's not a bad guy.” Rick says.  
“Yup he's just his own worst enemy.” I agree.   
“You want me to babysit Shane? Why not Esme?” Andrea asks annoyed.   
“Because no matter what Shane doesn't listen to me.” I answer.  
“I need to make sure that every time I leave the farm all hell doesn't break loose.” Rick tries to explain to her.  
“Then maybe you should stop leaving.” Andrea retorts and walks away.  
“Will you keep an eye on things?” Rick asks her as she walks away.  
“Of course.” She says over her shoulder. I shake my head and walk with Rick and Herschel into the house. 

We continue to pack up all of our tents and as I am packing up mine I find Dale's old book. I didn't know what to and before I knew it I was crying. An arm wraps around my shoulder and I realize it's Glenn. When I'm done he just rubs my back and helps me continue to get everything in the house that needs to be in there. I claim the corner that Rick and Lori were going to use. 

I was bringing out more water bottles to Daryl who was packing up what was to be Randall's care package. I hand them to him when Tdog brings Daryl Dale’s old gun. “Wish I knew where mine went.” He says. I shake my head. How do you lose a gun?...   
“Ready?” Rick walks up.  
“Yeah.” Daryl answers.   
“I'll go get the package.” Tdog states.   
“Thanks.” Rick agrees.  
“You be careful out there, both of you.” I say hugging Rick and turning to Daryl who just nods.   
Tdog comes running back up to us. “Randall is missing!”   
“What?” I ask as Daryl and Rick run to the shed to investigate.   
“How could he go missing, did he escape?” I ask as they look around trying to figure out what happened.   
“Rick, Rick!” We hear Shane call, I turn around in time to see him come out of the woods.   
“What happened?” Lori and I yell as I see his bloody face.  
“He's armed.” He yells and I feel my heart drop. “He's got my gun.”  
“Are you ok?” Carl asks.  
“I'm fine. Little bastard just snuck up on me, clocked me in the face.”   
“All right Herschel, Tdog, get everybody back in the house. Glenn, Daryl come with us.” Rick gives out orders.  
“T I'm going to need that gun.” Shane says. Tdog gives him his gun.   
“Just let him go wasn't that the plan?” Carol asks.  
“The plan was to let him go away from here, not on out front doorstep with a gun.” Rick answers. “Get everybody back in the house, Lock all the doors and stay put! Esme, watch Lori and Carl. You still got my old gun?” He orders as I nod and grab my gun turning to get the others in the house. 

We sit for a while and when I start to feel anxious I get up and walk around double checking the windows again making sure everything is locked. I start to pace around when I couldn't figure out anything else to do.  
“Esme, honey, sit down.” Lori says watching me dig a rut in the carpet. I just shake my head and run a hand through my hair.   
“I'm going after them.” Andrea says standing up, I turn to go with her.   
“Don't they could be anywhere and if Randall comes back we are going to need you.” Lori says then looks at me pointedly. I sigh as the door opens and in walk Glenn and Daryl. I run up to them.   
“Rick and Shane ain't back?” Daryl asks looking for them.   
“No.” I answer.  
“We heard a shot.”  
“Maybe they found Randall?” Lori asks.  
“We found him.”   
“Is he back in the shed?” Maggie asks.  
“He's a walker.”   
“Did you find the Walker that bit him?” Herschel questions.  
“No, the weird thing is, he wasn't bitten.” Glenn says.  
“What?” I ask confused.  
“His neck was broke.” Daryl explains.  
“So he fought back?” Patricia asks just as confused as I was.  
“The thing is Shane and Randall’s tracks were right on top of each other’s, and Shane ain't no tracker, so he didn't come up behind him, they were together.” Daryl explained more, confusing me even more.   
“What are you saying, Daryl?” I ask fearing his answer.   
“Would you please get back out there and find Rick and Shane, to figure out what's going on.” Lori interrupts his answer.   
“You got it.” He says and turns around.  
“Thank you.” Lori says.  
I follow Daryl outside to get an answer but freeze when I see all the walkers. I feel the blood drain from my face.


	15. Chapter Fourteen: Losing Everything

I stare in horror at the sight before my eyes. I stop counting how many of them there are as Hershel and the others came outside. “Patricia kill the lights.” Hershel tells her.  
“I'll get the guns.” Andrea says as I unholster mine.  
“Maybe they will just pass just like the heard on the highway, should we just go inside?” Glenn asks.  
“Unless there is a tunnel downstairs I don’t know about, a herd that size will rip the house down.” Daryl answers.   
“So what do we do?” I ask hoping he has a better answer than the ones I could think of.   
“We will have to…” Daryl tries to answer but gets interrupted by words I never wanted to hear.

“Carl’s gone.” Lori says to me. I run into the house to search for him, heart pounding and worry coursing through me. Please Lord and Lady no not him, not Carl! Take me, not him! I beg as I check literally everywhere I can think; including in cabinets and closets. I search everywhere... with no luck. 

“The barns on fire.” I hear Beth say as I am passing into the living room.   
“They are heading for it. Maybe Rick set it on fire to lure them in?” Patricia says as I look outside with her.   
“Was a good plan.” I say turning around to continue my search.  
“I can’t find him anywhere!” Lori comes downstairs looking at me for hope as I sadly shake my head.   
“So maybe he snuck outside.” Carol says following her.  
“WHAT DO I DO?” Lori shouts.  
“Lori, Carol may be right.” I say grabbing my gun again knowing I would be looking for him outside.   
“Maybe he went looking for Rick or went after Randall himself.” Carol says.  
“That would be like him.” I sigh.  
“Maybe he set the fire?” Patricia says as I turn around thinking she may be right. I had a place to start looking.   
I run out to Hershel who was shooting down a ton of the walkers.   
“Have you seen Carl out here?” I yell over the noise.  
“No!!!” Hershel replies, I nod shooting down a couple walkers as I turn to the barn to start my search.  
“Herschel! Esme! Let's go! It's time to go!” Lori yells to us. I turn around and run to her.   
“Carl?!?!” I question her.  
“We have to trust that he is with Rick.” Carol says to me, I look to Lori who looks just as lost as I feel, but she still nods to me. 

Hershel refuses to come; so the others and I ran around the back, I shoot down 5 walkers before I have to reload my clip. I hear Beth scream and turn to around to see Patricia getting bit, I grab onto Beth but she wouldn't let go. I look to Patricia as she continues to scream. I pull Beth’s arm off of Patricia’s as I see the light fade from her eyes. At that point, I knew I didn't want her to turn. Without another thought, I shot her in the head.   
“Beth! Come on! It's too late!” I say wrapping my arm around her and dragging her with me. That's 9 now…..   
I make sure Lori and Beth are in the truck as I jump in the back still shooting at walkers that get close. I turn just in time to see Andrea shoot a walker about to hurt Carol, then see a walker jump on top of her. She didn't get back up. That now makes 10…. I look for Carol again but can’t see her anywhere. At that moment the car lurches forward and I have to hold on, I bend down near the cab and open up the back window of the truck. “Where are we going?” I ask Tdog who is driving.   
“Off the farm, we can’t stay here.” He answers. I nod and sit down.

As my head clears from the adrenaline I only then realize 3 major things: 1) I don't know what happened to the others I'm not with, 2) We no longer had a safe place to stay and 3) I don't have any of my supplies, which means I only have the one insulin bottle I keep on me for emergencies. Well, this definitely counts as an emergency….. Please Lord and Lady let the others be safe and find us…. Let everyone be safe, we have lost too many as it is. 

“We gotta turn around.” Lori’s voice comes from the cab.  
“Straight back to that heard? Umm… no.” Tdog says. I turn around and stick my head in through the window.   
“Lori that's not a good idea.” I whisper as I see Beth sleeping.   
“The highway is back there. That's where they will be.” Lori says.  
Understanding now what she was saying I turn to Tdog. “T she is right Rick will go back to where we first broke down, and Glenn too.”   
“Were heading east, get to the coast, we should have done that from the jump. Look we've got a shot to get out of here in one piece.” Tdog argues.   
“We've got to find Carl! He may have escaped with somebody...” Lori pleads.  
“Tdog please.” I beg.   
“I hate to say it but they are on their own.” Tdog continues. “There is nowhere to even begin to start looking.”  
“You're wrong...” Lori says.  
“We just gave you where to start T.” I say getting mad.  
“Look we can’t go back, I'm sorry. It's suicide.” Tdog says like it's final.  
“Alright, then let me out.” Lori says opening the door.  
“Wait for me!” I call pulling my head out of the truck and standing up in the bed.  
Tdog comes to a screeching stop. “WHOA HEY!” He yells. I balance myself to not fall.   
“You turn around or you let us out right now.” Lori says.   
“You’re out of your damn minds.” Tdog says finally agreeing.   
I sit back down as Tdog turns the truck around. 

On our way to the spot I get uncomfortable sitting on the metal and have to stand up, I lean against the truck cab staring forward, there was a lot of walkers around and something moving in the distance after we get closer do I realize it's a car. “Guys I see the green car! Speed up.” I tell the Tdog and he does. I wave to the car and eventually see Glenn wave back. A little while later I hear the purr of a beautiful familiar bike and wave as Daryl and Carol pass us. When we finally get to the spot I jump out of the bed when I see Rick and Carl.   
“Oh thank god!” Lori cries as we run and hug them.  
“Where did you find everyone?” Rick asks Daryl.  
“Well these guys tail lights zigzagging all over the road, figured it had to be an Asian driving like that.”  
“Good one.” Glenn laughs as I giggle.   
“Where’s the rest of us?” Daryl asks.  
“Were the only ones who made it so far.” Rick answers.   
“Shane?” I ask looking at Rick. He just shakes his head. My heart clenches and I feel my eyes begin to water. 11 now…… “How?....” Rick just pulls me into a hug as I cry.  
“Andrea?” Glenn asks as I pull away trying to listen.   
“She saved me then I lost her.” Carol says.  
“We saw her go down.” Tdog says as I nod.  
“Patricia?” Herschel asks next.  
“They got her too.” Beth answers. “Took her right from me. I was... I was holding on to her daddy and they just… Esme had to… What about Jimmy? Did you see Jimmy?”   
“He was in the RV it got overrun.” Rick answers.   
“You definitely saw Andrea.” Carol asks.  
“There were walkers everywhere.” Lori answers.  
“Did you see her?”   
“I'll go back.” Daryl says.  
“No.” Rick objects.  
“We can’t just leave her”   
“We don't even know she's there.” Lori points out.   
“She isn't there, she isn't, she's somewhere else or she's dead,” Rick argues. “There’s no way to find her.”  
“So we're not even going to look?” Glenn questions.  
“Guys I saw her go down, I don't think she could have survived that.” I say wiping away more tears.  
“We gotta keep moving. There have been walkers crawling all over here.” Rick points out as a walker starts to come for us.  
“I say head east.” Tdog offers.   
“Stay off the main roads, the bigger the road the more walkers, more assholes like this one. I got him” Daryl says shooting the walker in the eye with his crossbow.   
We gather the supplies left for Sophia and a few other things. We leave the blue truck and head off. 

“Rick... “ I whisper from the back seat of the red wagon.  
“Hmm…” He looks in the back mirror while driving.  
“We are going to have to go on a run soon for more supplies, my main pack was in the house and I didn't have time to get it.”   
He stares at me in the mirror knowing what that meant.  
“How much do you have left?” Lori asks catching on.  
“One bottle.” I answer looking out the window now.   
“We’ll figure it out. Check your blood sugar right now for me please.” Rick says in a very serious tone that I knew not to argue with.   
I pull out my pack from the one backpack I had and realized I was also running low on blood strips. Carl watches as I checked my sugar. He always likes to. “It's at 110.” I give Rick the number, he just nods and continues to drive following the others.  
The dive continues on quietly as I stare out my window thinking about everyone we lost. Including Jimmy that is now 12…. I cried for Shane till I fall asleep and wake up to a honk. 

 

I got out of the truck to stretch my legs and see what's going on.   
“You out?” Daryl asks.  
“Running on fumes.” Rick answers.  
“We can’t stay here.” Maggie says.   
“We can’t all fit in one car.” Glenn says.   
“We will have to make a run for gas in the morning. “ Rick says.  
“Spend the night here?” Carol asks.  
“I’m freezing.” Carl says from beside me. I pull off my jacket and drape it around him.   
“We will build a fire yeah?” Lori asks.  
“You go out looking for firewood you stay close.” Daryl orders. “Only got so many arrows, how are you doing on ammo?”   
“Not enough.” Rick says.  
“We can’t just sit here with our asses hanging out.” Maggie argues.  
“Watch your mouth, everyone stop panicking and listen to Rick.” Herschel chastise.   
“Alright, we set up a perimeter. In the morning we will find gas and some supplies. We’ll keep pushing on.” Rick makes a plan.  
“Glenn and I can go make a run now try and scrounge up some gas.” Maggie suggests.  
“No, we stay together, god forbid something happens and people get stranded without a car.” Rick states.  
“Rick we're stranded now.” Glenn says.   
“I know it looks bad. We've all been through hell and worse but at least we found each other, I wasn't sure at first, I really wasn't but we did, were together. We keep it that way” Looking around no one looked like they believed him. “We will find shelter somewhere, there has got to be a place.”   
“Rick look around. Okay? There are walkers everywhere. They are migrating or something.”   
“There's got to be a place somewhere where we can hole up, but that we can fortify. Hunker down. Pull ourselves together. Build a life for each other. I know it's out there we just have to find it.”   
“Even if we do find a place we think is safe we can never be too sure, for how long? Look at what happened at the farm. We fooled ourselves into thinking that was safe.” Maggie says.   
“We won't make that mistake again.” Hershel states.  
“We will make camp tonight. Over there. Get on the road at the break of day.” Rick says pointing to an old structure.  
“Does this feel right to you?” Carol asks Daryl who just kind of looks unsure of what to say.  
“What if walkers come through or another group like Randall’s” Beth asks Rick.   
“You know I found Randall right?” Daryl asks Rick.   
“That's right you never did explain everything that happened.” I say moving to his side now.   
“He had turned, but he wasn't bitten.” Daryl states.  
“How is that possible?” Beth asks.  
“Rick, what the hell happened?” Lori asks.  
“Shane killed Randall. Just like he always wanted to.” Daryl states like it were obvious. I shook my head not wanting to believe it but knew it was possible. Especially with the way he had been acting.   
“And what then the herd got him?” I ask.   
There was a long pause before Rick finally said anything. “We're all infected… “  
“What?” Daryl and I ask at the same time.  
“At the CDC Jenner told me. Whatever it is, we all carry it.” Rick explained. I shook my head not understanding.   
“And you never said anything?” Carol asks appalled.  
“Would it have made a difference?”   
“You knew this whole time?” Glenn asks.  
“How could I have known for sure? You saw how crazy that mo…”  
“That was not your call.” Carol argues.  
“Ok, when I found out about the walkers in the barn I told everyone for the good of everyone.” Glenn stated and I nodded.  
“Well, I thought it best that people didn't know.” Rick stated. I shook my head again not understanding, trying to clear it and understand how that was a good idea.   
“Rick… I… that was not good what if someone had died from some freak accident and then turned we would not have known to kill the brain fist and then one of us would have gotten bit.”  
“I'm sorry, I didn't think about that. I thought it best not to say anything.” He says and walks away with Lori following. 

I went to collect firewood and after a while, I see Rick and Lori arguing Lori wouldn't let Rick touch her. I walk up to Rick figuring it was an argument about the child or something stupid like it always is.   
“What happened?”   
“Nothing…” Rick answers looking down at the ground.   
“Brother?” I say trying to meet his eyes as he turns around and walks away from me. I put the firewood where it needed to go and wash up near the waterfalls that were coming from the stream. Then helped set up camp and sat down for a while.

After a while, everyone started to freak about a bush rustling.  
“What is that?” Beth asks.  
“Could be anything, a raccoon, a possum.” Daryl answers getting his bow.  
“Walker?” Glen states. I stand up and put my hand on my gun.   
“We need to leave I mean what are we waiting for?” Carol says panicking.  
“Which way?” Glenn asks looking around as everyone stands up.  
“It came from over there.” Maggie says pointing.   
“The last thing need is for everyone to be running off in the dark,” Rick tries to calm everyone down. “We don't have the vehicles and no one is traveling on foot.”   
“Don't panic.” Herschel says.   
“I'm not, I'm not sitting here waiting for another herd to blow through we need to move now.” Maggie says panicking.  
“No one is going anywhere.” Rick argues.   
“Do something.” Carol says to him.  
“He is…” I say as he yells at her.  
“I am doing something, I'm keeping this group together, alive. I've been doing that all along, no matter what. I didn't ask for this, I killed my best friend for you people for christ sake…..”

The blood rushes from my body as I understood his words, I couldn't believe what I just heard. I stare at him as he continues on, but I could no longer hear what he was saying, all I knew was that he just admitted to killing my brother. He admitted to killing Shane. The tears came back and I turn around at that point. I start to walk away, I didn't care, I had to get away, I could no longer look at him. I didn't want to hear it, I couldn't. I heard my name being called and I start to run, I wanted to get away I wanted it all gone. All of it: the walkers, the constant running, the pain, the arguing, the drama, but most of all I wanted my old life back. The life that didn't include worrying about what I was going to eat the next day, the life that didn't include people dying every day. As fast as I could I ran. My heart ached, my head hurt and my tears were cold against my face but nothing could feel worse than the betrayal I felt. 

Daryl’s POV:  
“I am doing something, I'm keeping this group together, alive. I've been doing that all along, no matter what. I didn't ask for this, I killed my best friend for you people for christ sake.” Rick yelled at us. I couldn't help but look at Esme at this point, it was her brother that was killed, regardless at how much of an asshole Shane was. Her face was nothing but shock. 

“You saw what he was like, how he pushed me, how he comprised us, how he threatened us. He staged the whole Randall thing, lead me out to put a bullet in my back. He gave me no choice, he was my friend but he came after me. My hands are clean.” Rick went on but I don't think she heard any of it as her breathing got faster and her face turned to something I knew all too well betrayal. “Maybe you are better off without me. Go ahead. I say there is a better place out there for us but maybe it's just another pipe dream, maybe I'm fooling myself again. Why don't you go and find out yourself? Send me a postcard.” I look at everyone’s shocked faces, but I wasn't, I saw what Shane was like, I saw it coming. “Go on there's the door, you can do better? Let's see how far you get, no takers fine let's get one thing straight, you're staying, this isn't a democracy anymore.” 

Everyone was frozen as Rick turned to leave and calm down. I turn to look one last time at Esme but realize she had walked away into the forest behind us. “Esme,” I call but she doesn't seem to hear me. Carol follows and calls for her as well but Esme takes off running this time. “Tell the others,” I say to Carol who turns back to camp. “Esme!” I call again and follow her. She runs quickly and seems to gain speed. I follow for a while till I lose her around a big tree and have to take down a walker. I track her for a while but have to keep finding the track again.

Damn it, women, why you gotta be emotional?......


	16. Chapter Fifteen: Lost and Lonely

Esme’s POV:   
I run till my lungs and legs beg me to stop. I fall to my knees and cry on the ground till I am was hoarse. I finally come to when I notice it is first light. I sit up wiping my face as everything comes back to me again. I start shaking, I didn't know whether it was from the cold, shock, sadness or how tired my body was. I look around and notice one dangerous thing; I had no clue where I was.

Part of me knew I should stay where I was, Rick found me once before and there was always Daryl, but I was angry and hurt. I don't want to go back, I don't want to see Rick. Hell, I don't even want to see the group right now. I knew I had to get up or Mister Tracker would find me, I get up and start to walk. I had to at least find shelter. I walk for what seems like 30 minutes when my stomach starts to growl. 

Sighing I pull off my backpack and grab one of my emergency granola bars. I sit down and force myself to think. Shane….. And Rick taught you how to survive, come on…. Damn it, how many times have you gone camping with them? What do you have on you? 

I finish my food and dump my pack’s contents onto the ground. I had: my journal, 3 pens, a spare change of clothes with a couple of underwear, 5 more granola bars, a brush, a toothbrush, a small thing of toothpaste, two water bottles, one empty and the other ¾ full, my diabetic pack, my knife in my boot, my gun in my police belt, having 3 bullets left, and a utility knife. That's all I had. Food and meds were going to have to be my priorities right now. 

I continue to walk in the direction I was heading, sure that it was the opposite direction of the group. I walk for a long while only coming across 2 walkers, easy enough to handle with my knife. The walkers at this point don't scare me, hell, I took my anger out on them. It was their fault this world went to shit. Their fault that Shane changed into an ass. Their fault that we had to originally leave Rick behind. 

I continue on till I found a road with a sign that read ← prison, I don't even want to go near there it may be infested with walkers or if the people in there were still alive I don't want to know what kind of people they are. So I go the other way only resting when I need to. I sip on my water and halve a granola bar for food again. Walking on I found a bush with some elderberries I pick a bunch and put them in my empty water bottle I then eat the rest until I remember how much sugar they contain. Testing my sugar levels an hour later it is a tad high, 150. 

Finally getting to the end of the road I find a small intersection going to a small neighborhood. I bang on the door of the first house I get to and only hear one moan. I open the door to have the walker fall on the ground. I quickly kill it and swiftly move into the house. It smells rotten. I check all the rooms not finding any more walkers. I check the kitchen finding some canned beans and other canned veggies. In the pantry, I was lucky enough to find a couple of water bottles, but there were no meds anywhere. 

I move the walker out of the doorway and shut the door locking it. I make sure that all other windows and doors are locked. After that I check to see if the water would work, sadly it doesn't. I put all of my stuff in one room and change the sheets so I could sleep as it was now getting dark. 

Daryl’s POV:  
I had tracked her for days, she led us all to a small neighborhood where she had scavenged every house for food and supplies. Even scavenged a Walgreens for her meds she needed. I was angry with myself that this girl could outrun me. I knew that she didn't want to be found. I had told this to Rick and the others many times after about a month of not finding her. We finally gave up after 2 months, but every once in a while we would find something that would show she had been in the area. Wiccan books would be left behind with carvings in coffee tables, almost like she was bored. Her old clothes were left in a clothing store on the ground. One walker had her pentacle necklace in its hand and her diabetic pack was left with another backpack in the room. Thankfully after checking it's stomach contents we knew she was ok. All of this would start the search again. It angered me every time we didn't find her in the next neighborhood. 

Esme’s POV:   
Dear Journal,  
It is now day 300 and not much has happened since I wrote a long time ago. Today I couldn't help but think of the others. How they are doing. I guess it all started because of the walker I killed that looked a lot like Carl. I can’t get that image out of my head. I miss him a lot, I miss telling him to pick on his dad and blame it on me. I miss Lori’s constant badgering and her making my tea. What I wouldn't give for tea right now, or as she calls it leaf juice. I miss Rick no matter how angry I am at him. Though I guess that no longer is a thing, I don't know, somedays I understand other days I'm angry and constantly taking it out on the walkers. Other days I'm just lonely, no matter how many books I read and make friends with, I still miss them.   
I caught that rabbit finally, and it tastes good with the raspberry jam I made. I think Daryl would be laughing at me at how long it took to catch that stupid thing. Though I am getting better at throwing my knives at walker's heads. I found another survival book though it had nothing new in it. I guess that's what happens when no one is able to publish new books. Do you think I will become the 1st new author if the world starts a new again? Hmm…. it's a thought.  
Lori would be giving birth any day now. I wonder if she is as cranky as she was with Carl. She might be worse considering the world.   
Ugh…. I hate how much I find myself missing them right now. I even miss Glenn and his shyness with Maggie, Daryl, Hershel, Beth, Carol, and Tdog. I wouldn't even know where to begin looking for them now. They are probably huddled up somewhere safe and cozy. Hell, they are probably grilling up a nice venison steak that Daryl got. I wonder how Mr. Grouchy is doing. He probably tracked me really far. I wonder how long it took him to give up. On one hand I'm sure he didn't care but on the other hand, he tracked Sophia for a long while. Is he still out there tracking me? Probably not. No, it's been too long.   
Anyway, tomorrow I am going to find a place to scavenge for more meds since I'm running low. The only place I can see on the map that would have any more meds is the prison I passed a long time ago. It has an infirmary. I am hoping that it won't be too bad. Going to sleep now. Hopefully.  
Esmeralda Grimes. 

The next morning I wake up and crawl from the backseat of my suburban into the front seat. I say my morning prayers still missing my pentacle I lost 3 months ago. I had started sleeping in a car since I almost didn't make it to the car from a house that got overrun. It was easier to put a mattress in the back and all of my supplies in the back seats and all that. Since it was just me it was better this way. I clean up with some baby wipes, check my blood sugar, 95, and went on my way.

I pull up to the front of the prison an hour later to find a few walkers around the fence. I kill them with my knives from the holster on my thigh. I then open the gate and locked it shut with a key lock. I kill the few walkers in this part of the fences and go to one of the towers. I kill the two that are in here and drag out the bodies. 

I then turn to look at the field. There were hundreds of walkers in the field. The place was packed with them and the other gates were open letting more walkers in. There was no way I would get in with no help. 

I sigh in frustration and anger. I sit down trying to ponder where to next when I hear voices outside. I freeze.

Daryl’s POV:  
We were all stopping to get water and hunt after not finding anything in the last house we checked. When Rick and I came across what looks to be a prison. We gather the group after hunting some more small rabbits and squirrel and head to the front of the prison. There is a silver suburban in the front and freshly dead walkers. I look into the car and see some fresh supplies. I turn and motion for the others to remain quiet. Rick comes to me and sees that this suburban is kept neat and clean with fresh supplies in it. He knew what that meant. People. Living people, not walkers. I look over the suburban again and see a familiar journal in the front seat. I open the door and open it. 

Dear Journal,  
It is now day 187, today has not been a good day at all. I found nothing in any of the five houses I have looked in. I am also running low on insulin again. Also, I am not getting any better at hunting I suck at this. That fucking squirrel ran up the tree and I missed it. My knife got stuck and I had to climb to get it. Daryl would laugh at how fucking terrible I am. Damn it I can’t keep them out of my head. Why can’t…………….

“It's not nice to read someone’s Journal!!!” I hear her voice. I shut the Journal and look around not seeing her anywhere. Rick and the others are doing the same. 

Esme’s POV:   
I crawl to the opening of the tower to look outside and cannot believe my eyes. The others are there in all their glory. Glenn holding a spear of some kind, Maggie has an ax, Tdog had a weird fire poker, Carol a scythe, Herschel had his rifle, Beth a machete, Carl and Lori had guns. Rick was holding a wire cutter and Daryl, of course, had his crossbow. I didn't know if I should be scared or happy. Part of me was happy and relieved. They were safe, the other part confused and didn't know what to do. How would they react to me now after all this time?

They all look tired and disheveled, especially Rick and Lori. Her stomach was looking like she could burst any day now. I look to Carl and couldn't believe that he was now taller. I smile at him, though he couldn't see. I saw Daryl looking in my car. He signals for the group to get down and be quiet. I chuckle to myself and my eyes go wide, I hadn't heard my own laugh in forever. Daryl then opens the passenger side of the suburban and pulls out my journal. I knew then he recognizes it. I get embarrassed and say the thing I can think of.  
“It's not nice to read someone else's journal!!!”   
They all start to look around for me.  
“Up in the tower!” I yell for them, my voice sounding like a stranger to me.   
They all look up and some start to smile and others laugh, but Rick looks shocked.   
“Aunt Esme!!!” Carl’s voice rings up to me as he waves. I couldn't help but smile and cry at the same time as I wave back.  
“One sec I'll come down and let you in!” I yell and run down the tower. I open up the gate and run to Carl hugging him and Lori. “Oh, how I missed you! Look at you! You, Lori, have gotten big.”   
“Haha, yeah thanks, due any day now.”   
I turn to the others that have gathered. “Glenn!" I hug him "How are you?”  
“Doing ok. You look good. How did you make it here” He asks as I hug all the others and turn to see Daryl, I smile and hug him when he tries to pull away I laugh and turned to the last person. 

He was standing off slightly from the group and I could feel the tension form in the group. I could see that he didn't know what to do, his eyes begged mine for the answer and that made me sad; at that moment I knew that I just wanted my brother back. I run to him crying and letting the anger out that I held onto for so long. I finally pull away when I feel someone else hugging me. I turn to see Carl, I laugh and attempt to pick him up like I use to.  
“Ugh… ok, bud you're too big for that now.” The whole group burst into laughter.  
“Why did you leave Aunt Esme?” Carl asks after we all died down I frown.   
“I was angry bud, but hey I'm here now, ok.” I said.   
“Cause of what dad did to Uncle Shane?”   
“Yes, buddy.” Was my simple reply as I look away.   
“So what brought you to the prison?” Tdog asks thankfully changing the subject.  
“Medical supplies, I'm running low on insulin.”   
“How low are you? Are you ok? Have you been keeping….” Rick’s brotherly questions came rolling off his tongue and strangely make me happier.   
“Whoa, brother I'm ok for now, I have been having to ration a lot though I have had to keep my sugar low and eat a lot of berries and sugar to keep my sugar high enough that it isn't bad. But it hasn't been fun.” I answer.   
“Well, then this should make you happy.” I hear from behind me, I turn to see Glenn getting into the back of the green car. He comes back with a small familiar looking bag, in it were 4 insulin bottles, 2 test strips bottles, 2 granola bars, my old knife I lost and a glucose reader.   
“Where did you get all this?” I ask hugging him.  
“It was a habit to grab the meds and we came across this in a walker-infested house you were in once. About 3 months ago. That was how we knew you were still alive.”   
“Yeah though I couldn't track you after that.” Daryl’s gruff voice came from behind me. I turn to meet his eyes.  
“I'm sorry, I started staying in the suburban after that, only going in houses when I needed to. I didn't want to get overrun again. That night 3 months ago, I almost died.”   
“S’okay.” He nods and pats my shoulder.   
“So I wonder how many times did you almost find me?” I ask.   
“Lost track of you after about a month.” He answers annoyed. “We just checked every neighborhood after that found your carvings and clothes, looked for you a lot those times.” I nod understaning what he meant.   
“So what brings you all to the prison?”  
“Shelter, somewhere to be safe. Somewhere Lori can have the child.” Herschel answers.  
“It’ll be nice to relax and not have to keep running.” Maggie says.  
“I thought you all would have a place by now.” I say turning to Rick.  
“We haven’t had much luck in that department.” He looks away. I put my hand on his shoulder.  
“That's fine. You now have a great place.” I turn to the prison with my arms wide open. He laughs.  
“Yup it's perfect. But we have to clear it out.”   
“So then let's get started.” 

After Rick closes the gate and all of us clearing the field we walk into the clear field all happy.   
“Fantastic.” Carol says.  
“Nice shooting.” Daryl complements her. I nod having noticed she has become a better shot.  
“You ok?” I ask Lori.  
“Haven’t felt this good in weeks.” She smiles at me.  
“Good.”  
“We haven't had this much space since we left the farm.” Carol says. We all laugh and run around the field happy. 

I'm walking the gate with Rick now checking to make sure that it is safe. Were quiet on the first round but starting the second Rick finally asks his question I knew he was holding in.   
“Did you try to come back to us?”   
“Yes about a month after I left I did. But I didn't even know where to begin to look.”   
“You know why I did what I did right?”  
“I have a good feeling as to why. Though part of me doesn't want to believe it even still.”  
He just nods, understanding.  
“He was angry that you came back, he was angry at Lori for not staying with him and not admitting that the child is his. He was angry at me for taking your side. He was angry that we were no longer his family. He wanted you out of the picture. He… he… tried to kill you right?”   
“Yes, he did.”   
I nodded and wiped away the few tears that shed.   
“How are you and Lori?” I ask changing the subject.  
“Not that well, she was just as upset as you when she found out. But she still holds a grudge a bit. Add onto that that it is my fault you left and it's a lot for her to handle.”  
“I'm sorry brother, do you want me to talk to her?”   
“Only if you want to.” I nod and make my way back to the group.

I look around as I hear laughing coming from Carol and Daryl. I raise an eyebrow as I hear their words.  
“I'll go down first.” Daryl says.  
“Even better.” Carol replies.  
“Stop.” Daryl laughs.  
I don't know why their flirting hurt me, not like I had any reason to really care, but it did bug me. I make a note to ask Glenn and Maggie about them two. Wow Esme, what are you in high school?..... Ugh. I shake my head at myself as I catch up to the two heading back to camp.   
“I'm glad your safe and back.” Carol says to me, I smile at her.  
“Thank you. Me too, I'm glad you all are safe.” I say to her and Daryl.   
“Yeah.” He says as Carol puts an arm around me and we walk to the group in time to hear the girls singing. Carol pulls me down to sit next to her and I do. Daryl sits down next to me. I smile at him.  
“What?” He asks.  
“Nothing sorry.” I blush.  
“Beautiful.” Herschel says.  
“Very.” I smile at Maggie and Beth.  
“Better all turn in, I'll take watch over there, we have a big day tomorrow.” Rick says.  
“What do you mean?” Glenn asks.  
“Look I know were all exhausted. This was a great win today.” He smiles at me, then looks around. “But we have to push on a little bit more. Most of the walkers are dressed as guards or prisoners, looks like this place fell early. Which means the supplies could still be intact. They have an infirmary, a commissary.”  
“An armory?” Daryl questions.  
Rick nods. “That will be outside the prison, but not too far away, the warden’s office will have info on the location. Weapons, food, medicine. This place could be a gold mine.”  
“Were dangerously low on ammo. We’d run out before we make a dent.” Herschel says worriedly.   
“That's why we have to go in there, hand to hand,” Rick says. I look at everyone a tad worried. “After all we've been through, we can handle it, I know it. These assholes don't stand a chance.”   
I chuckle at his last part. He gets up to go stand watch as Lori gets up and follows him. I see them argue. I shake my head and start to get ready to sleep. The others doing the same. 

I say my nightly prayer and lay down. “Oh yeah, Esme.” Comes Daryl’s voice from behind me. I roll over to see him holding out my pentacle to me. I sit up in surprise and happiness as the others all look at us.   
“Oh, my goddess! Where did you get this?” I smile.   
“Found it in a walkers hand the same day we found your pack. Cut the fucker open to make sure you were okay…. Forgot I had it till I heard your prayer.”  
“Thank you!” I say and without thinking about it I lunge myself onto him to hug him. “It means so much that you found it and returned it to me. Oh thank you and thank you, Lord and Lady!”   
“Esme I think you just shocked Daryl dead.” Came Glenn’s voice. I pull away and looked at Daryl and sure enough, he looks shocked that I had done that. I can't help but laugh.   
“You ok?” I ask slightly even more embarrassed.   
“Fine.” He grunts. “We should all sleep now.”   
He rolls over and gets comfortable. I lay back down and stare at the flickering light from the fire on the angel wings on his vest until I fell asleep.


	17. Chapter Sixteen: Prisoners

Again I was having the nightmare of walkers chasing me, but this time I was not getting anywhere, the cold and walkers were gaining on me, but I could not seem to run faster than them. When they were almost on top of me a bright light vanquishes them. When I turn around there is an angel with strange copper flaming wings, it had no face or distinctive features; except a familiar calming scent. I could not figure out where I knew this scent from, it was earth, leather, oil, and something else I could not remember. 

I am sleeping comfortably when I start to hear people whispering and laughing. It was starting to annoy me so I pull my blanket around my head and try to roll over only to have something stop me. I grumble a bit and try to move again.  
“Uh oh, I think I woke her up mom.” I hear my nephew's voice say.  
“Go away, Carl… aren't you supposed to be in school….” I say and curl up more into the warmth around me.   
“Esme, I think you need to come back to reality…” I hear a voice say.  
“It is too early in the morning for that…” I say trying to turn again, this time something moves next to me.   
I wonder what it is, as reality suddenly hits me. I open my eyes to see a brown shirt and chest moving. I slightly sit up and look around as Daryl’s poncho falls from me. How did I end up with that? His arm is still around my waist and the others are trying hard not to laugh. I feel my cheeks redden as I look back down at Daryl next to me. I slightly pick up his arm and move it from me, but at my tough, his eyes snap open.  
He looks at me, pulls his arm from me, sits up and looks at the others. I look away blushing even more. “What?” I hear his tired gruff voice ask. At this Glenn and Maggie start actually laughing. Which makes everyone else laugh.  
“Daryl and Aunt Esme sitting in a tree…” Carl starts to sing.   
“Carl, don’t even start!” I warn.   
“K-I-S-S-I-N-G.” He sings at me.   
“That's it.” I say getting up and tackling him to the ground tickling him.   
“Ahhh…. No…. Dad help…” He laughs out.  
“Nope, you're the one that should know that Esme doesn't like the mornings or being picked on for that matter….” Rick replies smiling at us two, as I finally stop and hold onto him by his arms.  
“You done, bud?” I ask.   
“Ok. ok. Sure.” He says and I let him go. He gets up and runs away, only to turn around. “Daryl and Aunt Esme sitting in a….”   
He only gets so far when Daryl gets him in with a noogie. We all start to laugh as Carl squirms away from him and runs behind Rick.   
“Ok. Ok. Enough of that we should all eat and then get ready for the day.” Rick says.

I walk over to my spot and pick up the poncho folding it. I turn to look for Daryl who was walking over to me. “I'm guessing I got cold in the middle of the night?” I ask holding the poncho out to him. “Thank you.” I smile.  
“Yeah, kept tossing and turning. Your welcome.” He says taking it.   
“Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up.” I say embarrassed.  
“S’okay.” He says sitting down at his backpack. “Sorry about you know….” He trails off.  
“No problem.” I say understanding. I sit down and get my diabetic pack to check my sugar level. 

As I get everything ready I keep feeling eyes on me, looking up to see Daryl watching me. He meets my eyes and looks away. I raise an eyebrow but continue to put the test strip into the reader. I glance back up to see him watching what I am doing again. I was used to this kind of thing with people who didn't know much about diabetes.   
“You can ask questions if you want.” I say to him.  
“Huh, don't even know what it is other than you have diabetes and that thing reads your blood sugar.” He says leaning forward a bit to watch.   
“Yes, you are right, this is a glucose reader. Glucose is a fancy way to say blood sugar.” I explain holding up the machine. “This is the test strips, which go into this slot, always has to make sure it clicks in with this reader or it won’t read correctly,” I say as I go through the process. “This here is the lancet. It just pricks my finger to get the blood.” I prick my finger. “You put the blood here on the test strip and hit this button, wait for it to beep and voila, the lovely number pops up. Well, not so lovely as this is a low number.” I say frowning at the 65 flashing on the reader.  
“Is that bad? Do we need to get you something?” He asks with a strange worry to his voice.  
“I'll be fine, just need to eat one of these stale granola bars and I'll be fine. It's when it is below 50 that we need to start worrying. 90-120 is normal and after eating it is normal to be as high as 140. Anything more than that is when I need insulin. But thank you.” I say as I grab one of the bars.

Everyone else was getting ready as I tested my sugar again 30 minutes later. It was at a good 98 now. Daryl comes and looks at the number later when he saw me checking it, he nods his head and walks away without a word. I tilt my head at this, as Maggie sits next to me.  
“So you and Daryl?” She asks with a smirk on her face.  
“Huh, what no… Why does everyone ask me that?” I shake my head at her as Glenn comes and sits with us as well.  
“Oh come on Esme, I thought we were friends, I told you about Maggie and me.”   
“Glenn, you and Maggie had sex, nothing is going on between Daryl and me.” I say blushing at the thought of us together. Maggie must have seen this as her smirk grew larger.   
“But Miss Esme wants there to be something going on.”   
“No…. NO…. I didn't say that. Now hush up, what are we in high school?” I ask.  
“Then how did you end up snuggled together in your sleep?” Glenn asks still persistent.  
“Look, I was apparently cold in my sleep, I was tossing and turning and woke him up, he gave me the poncho and I must have accidentally cuddled him in his sleep ok. Nothing more.” Both of them don't look like they believe me. I just shake my head at them as I pack up the rest of my things.  
“Do you like him?” Maggie asks looking like she was trying to read my face.  
“No…” I say and grab my backpack to get away from them. Glenn grabs it from me.  
“I am holding this hostage till either you tell the truth or convince us that your answer is true.” He smirks.  
“OK that is just cruel, you can’t keep my meds from me and again, what are we in high school?” I ask.   
“Ready to go Esme?” Rick calls over.   
“Yeah, coming,” I answer. Trying to get my bag back. Glenn keeps it out of reach. “You two are acting like teenagers.” I say shaking my head.   
“Got to keep ourselves entertained somehow in this new world.” Maggie laughs as we all walk to the gate the group was at.

I have my knife in my hand as the group readies their weapons. Rick opens the gate and the killing begins, as the walkers come for us. I knock them over and kill them with my knife. We get to the gate and see some with riot gear on that, keeps them protected. Maggie kills it by hitting under the helmet and we all begin to do the same. Eventually, they are all dead and we agree that we have to go inside the prison and make sure there is no breach. 

We check inside to find nothing. Rick finds the keys to the prison and we now move into the block. We clear out the small number of walkers in the cell and get comfortable in the cells. I take a cell where I can see what is coming for me if in danger, a habit I got into from being on my own. It's also a great spot to keep watch on the others.   
“Right sure it's only so that you can watch Daryl.” Maggie whispers to me with a smirk as she questions why I took this cell and not the one next to hers and Glenn’s.  
“You're ridiculous. Now can I have my bag back so that I can change and check my sugar?” I ask.   
“I'll see what Glenn says.” She laughs and walks out of my cell.  
I wait till she comes back with meds, a set of clean clothes and some baby wipes.   
“This is all I get, really?” I ask shaking my head.  
“Well, you can just answer my question honestly.” She laughs. I look out at Daryl laying on the perch and ask myself the same question. Do I like him? I honestly didn't know, on one hand, he was stubborn and can be obnoxious, but since he wasn't around his brother anymore there was a more loyal and honest man in him. I got jealous of the thought of him and Carol together that was a big hint that I might. I look back at Maggie.  
“I don't know, can I promise to answer truthfully when I know myself?” Her face softens at that moment and she nods. She leaves to her cell. After changing, brushing my matted hair and wiping down as best I could with the wipes I finally say my night prayers and go to bed on the strangely comfy mattress. 

The next morning we gather all the weapons and gear we found so far in the prison.   
“Not bad.” Daryl says as I put down some more things I had gathered.  
“Flashbangs, CS Triple-Chasers. Not sure how they’d work on walkers but we’ll take them.” Rick says checking over everything we have.  
“I ain't wearing this shit.” Daryl says picking up a riot mask that has gross goo slowly falling off of it.   
“I agree.” I say scrunching my face in disgust.  
“We could boil them.” Tdog suggests as a piece of skin falls out of the glove he picks up. I take a step back from him slightly bumping into Daryl.  
“Sorry.” I whisper as I move around him to stand next to Herschel.   
He just nods. “Ain't enough firewood in the whole forest. No,” He shakes his head. “Besides we got this far without ‘em, right?”   
I nod agreeing with him the whole time.   
“Herschel.” Carol calls from behind us, we turn to her.  
“Everything alright?” Rick questions.  
“Yeah, nothing to worry about.” She says as Herschel follows her.  
“Want me to go check?” I ask Rick, he looks at me and I see the worry in his eyes that I knew only I could see. I nod and follow after them.

“It's the baby I think I lost it.” I hear Lori say as I walk up to the cell.  
“You haven't felt it move?” Herschel asks her.  
“Nothing, and no Braxton-Hicks. At first, I thought it was exhaustion or malnutrition.”  
“You're anemic?”   
“If we’re all infected then so is the baby. So what if it's stillborn? What if it's dead inside of me right now? What if it rips me apart right now?”  
“Stop.” I say as she slightly jumps from just now noticing me.   
“Don't let your fear take control of you.” Herschel says to both of us as he turns to see the fear on my face.   
“Ok, but let's say it lives and I die during childbirth?”   
“That's not going to happen.” I say now sitting next to her and rubbing her back.  
“Why not? How many women died in childbirth before modern medicine? If I come back what if I attack it? Or you? Or Esme? Or Rick? Or Carl? If I do if there is any chance you put me down immediately. You don't hesitate. me, the baby, if were walkers you don't hesitate and you don't try to save us. Okay?”   
“Okay, I will do it,” I say as I turn to her because Herschel can’t answer her. “I promise I'll do it but you have to promise me you will fight for you and this baby, got that.” She looks at me and nods.  
“Okay.” she sighs then shakes her head. “It might have been better if…”  
“If what?” Herschel asks.  
“If I hadn't made it off the farm.”   
“Lori…” I whisper angrily.   
“Look you're exhausted, you're frightened.” Herschel interrupts me seeing that I'm getting angry.  
“I am. You know my son can't stand me? And my husband after what I put him through... “  
“We've all been carrying that weight, all winter”  
“Lori,....”  
“I tried to talk to him, He…”   
“He’ll come around.”  
“He hates me. He's too good a man to say it, but I know.”  
“He doesn't.” I say to her shaking my head.   
“I put him and Shane at odds. I put that knife into his hands.”  
“You know who doesn't give a shit about that?” Herschel asks. “This baby, now let's make sure everything is okay.” He says and begins to check her. 

I leave to let Lori have a small amount of privacy. Getting back to Rick I look him in the eye to silently let him know that things might not be okay. He looks away from me and helps Tdog into his vest. I go to my cell and grab my police utility belt and join the rest of the others getting ready only to hear Carl arguing with Rick.   
“Carl, bud. Listen to your father. We need you to hold the fort here. Ok?” I say as he looks at me as I slightly tilt my head towards Beth with a smirk on my face.  
He sighs but nods his head. “Sure.”   
“Great. Let's go.” Rick orders handing Carl the keys. I grab my gun and follow after Glenn and Maggie. 

There has been nothing so far but dead bodies on the floor. It's too dark and everybody can't help but be nervous. Glenn marks every hall and turns with arrows so we know how to get back to our cell block. After a while, I start to think we're going to be lucky to not run into anything only to turn a corner with a ton of walkers huddled together. We turn and run. It's a cluster fuck as we try and get away. Every turn seems to have more walkers. I grab onto Glenn and Maggie pulling them back when I see more walkers coming down the hall to us.   
“This way.” Glenn says as he pushes Maggie and me into a closet. We stay in there till things outside quiet down. I slowly open the door to see no one.   
“Rick?” I whisper yell.  
“Dad?” Maggie calls.   
“Rick?” Glenn calls.  
“AHHHHH!!!” We hear and run down the hall. “BROTHER!?!” I call fearing for Rick. We turn the corner to see Herschel had been bitten by a walker on his calf. Glenn and Rick pick him up as more walkers follow the noise. “Daryl, Esme!” Rick points at the walkers. I push Maggie to follow the others as Daryl and I handle the walkers. We make it into a room where Daryl and Tdog hold the door shut as I find a metal rod to put through the handles. 

Tdog continues to hold the door as I go and check on the others.  
“Hold him down, Esme hold his leg for me. There is only one way to keep him alive,” Daryl holds Herschel’s body. I do as he says only to freak when he starts chopping his leg off. “Esme,” Rick warns, I take a breath and hold down his leg, turning my head away from the chopping. When it's done I see that Herschel has passed out.   
“Duck.” I hear Daryl warn and get down looking at Rick for answers.   
“Holy shit.” I hear a voice I don't recognize.   
“Who the hell are you?” Daryl questions. I stand up and see what look to be prisoners behind the cafeteria gate. I grab my gun from the ground and point it at them as Daryl moves around us.   
“Who the hell are you?” One asks.  
“He’s bleeding out, we have to get back. Come around here and put pressure on the knee.” Rick says to Maggie.   
“Come on out of there.” Daryl says as I move next to him putting myself between Rick and the prisoners to protect them.   
“What happened to him?” One prisoner asks as they all come into the room.  
“He got bit.”  
“Bit?” he asks as he pulls out a gun.   
“Whoa, Whoa.”  
“Drop it.” I say pointing my gun at his head.   
“Nobody needs to get hurt.” Tdog says. As the prisoner with the gun tries to decide who to point the gun at.  
“Do you have medical supplies?” Glenn asks going into the other room to look. The walkers start to bang on the door and the prisoners start to panic.   
“Who the hell are you people anyway?” The one with the gun asks.   
“Don't look like no rescue team.” A blond one says.  
“If a rescue team is what you are waiting for don't.” Rick says picking up Herschel.   
“Yeah, good luck with that. Worlds went to shit.” I say.   
“Come on we got to go.” Rick yells at us as Glenn comes out with a rolling table.   
They get Herschel onto the table and Tdog gets the door. Killing the one walker that comes through. I stand my ground on the prisoner as Rick and the others move to the door.  
“Daryl, Esme. Let's go.” Rick yells to us. I wait for the others to be out the door and look at Daryl who hasn't moved.  
“Guys.” Tdog says from the door.   
“Daryl.” I say. He looks at me pushes my gun down and moves me behind him still holding crossbow at the prisoners and walks me out the door with Tdog shutting it from there we run and follow the others killing walkers as we go. 

“Stop, stop.” Rick says as we hear a noise again. We realize it's not walkers but the prisoners following us. We move again getting to our cell block. Putting Herschel onto a bed. Carl runs to get towels and I grab pillows at Carol’s command. I'm helping Carol place the pillows when I hear the stupid prisoners again. Everyone gets upset when Rick explains how we came across them. “Beth come here, come help.” I say moving from my spot and making her take over what I was doing. Partially to distract her but more for me to go check that the gate was locked. 

I follow Rick after he tells Glenn to keep an eye on Herschel. I make sure that Carl locks the gate behind Rick and I. I follow Rick to see Daryl and T arguing with the prisoners.   
“Everyone relax there is no need for this.” Rick says trying to gain control of the situation.  
“How many of you are there?” the one with the gun asks.  
“Too many for you to handle.” I say pointing my gun at him again.  
“You guys rob a bank or something? Why don't you take him to the hospital?”   
Rick, Daryl, T and I look at each other confused.   
“How long have you been locked in that cafeteria?” Rick asks.  
“Going on like 10 months.”   
“A riot broke out haven't seen anything like it.” The big prisoner said.  
“Attica on speed, man” That was the blonde one.  
“Ever heard about dudes going cannibal? Dyeing, coming back to life?” The short one said.  
“One guard locked us up in the cafeteria, threw me this piece, said sit tight and he would be right back.”  
“Yeah, that was 292 days ago.”  
“294 according to my….”  
“Shut up!”  
“Yeah been thinking the army or national guard would be showing up any day now.”   
“There is no army.” Rick said.  
“What do you mean?”   
“There is no government, no hospitals, no police. It's all gone.”   
“For real?” the blonde one asks  
“Were serious.” I say.  
“What about my mom?”  
“My old lady? My kids?”  
“You got a cell phone we can borrow?”  
“You just don't get it do you?” Daryl asks.  
“There is no phones, no computers. No electronics.” I say.  
“As far as we can tell half the population has been wiped out.” Rick says. “ Probably more.”   
“Ain't no way.” The one with the gun argues.   
“See for yourself.” Rick says and we lead them outside. 

The prisoners enjoy the outside while we explain to them how the disease infects us and how we got into the prison.   
“There is no way Mr. Robin Hood killed all these things. There must be fifty bodies.” Andrew says.  
“No, he didn't not on his own. Like I said earlier there is more of us.” I say.   
“Where did you come all from?” Thomas asks.  
“Atlanta.” Rick answers.   
“Where you headed?”  
“For now nowhere.”  
“Guess you can use that area near the water. Should be comfortable.” I scoff at Thomas’s words but Rick shakes his head at me.  
“Were using that area for crops.” Rick explains.  
“We’ll help you move your gear out.” Thomas says as if he didn't hear Rick.  
“That won’t be necessary. We took out these walkers, this prison is ours.”  
“Slow down cowboy.”  
“You snatched the locks off out our doors.” Andrew argues.  
“We’ll give you new locks if that's how you want it.” Rick retorts as I chuckle at his joke.  
“This is our prison we were here first.” says Thomas.   
“Locked in a broom closet? We took it and set you free. We spilled blood. This is our prison.”  
“We're moving back into our cell block.”  
“You’ll have to get your own.” I say shaking my head.  
“It is mine. I still have artifacts in there.” He says going for his gun. “That about as mine as it gets.” He says pointing the gun at my face. Do not flinch, do not get scared. I think as I glare at this man. I can see Daryl’s crossbow in the corner of my eye making me calm just a bit.  
“You have balls pointing that at me.” I say sounding more confident than I really felt. I slowly move my hand to my knives as Rick steps in front of me.   
“Whoa whoa whoa. Maybe let’s try to make this work out so everybody wins.” Axel says.   
“I don't see that happening.” Thomas disagree  
“Neither do I, since he just pointed a gun in my sisters face.” Rick says.  
“I ain't going back in that cafeteria for one more minute.” Thomas says.   
“There are other cell blocks.” Axel says.   
“You could leave. Try your luck out on the road” Daryl suggests.   
“I'm with Daryl on this one.” I say moving from behind Rick with my gun in my hand now.   
“These 4 pussies can do all this the least we can do is take out another cell block.” Thomas says.  
“With what?” Oscar asks.  
“Atlanta here will spot us some real weapons.”   
“I don't think so!” I scoff at him. “Find your own shit.”   
“I wasn't talking to you, Bitch. You will, won't you boss?”   
“How stocked is that cafeteria?” Rick asks putting his hand on my shoulder stopping me from arguing again. “It must have plenty of food. Five guys lasting almost a year.”  
“Sure as hell don't look like anybody's been starving.” Daryl walks next to me his crossbow still at aim.   
“There is only a little left.” Thomas says.  
“We’ll take half,” Rick says. “In exchange, we will help clear out a cell block.”   
“Didn't you hear him? There is only a little left.” Andrew argues.   
“Bet you have more food then you have choices. You pay, we’ll play. We’ll clear out a block for you and you keep to it.”   
“All right.”  
“Now let's be clear on somethings, if we see you out here anywhere near out people, if I so much as even catch a whiff of your scent, I will kill you.” Rick threatens.   
“Deal.”


	18. Chapter Seventeen: Escalation

We follow the prisoners back to the cafeteria to get our share of the food.   
“Pantry is back here. “ Thomas says.   
“You never tried to break out of here?” Tdog wonders.  
“Yeah, we tried to take the doors off, but if you make one peep those freaks would try to break down the door. The windows have bars on them that even Heman couldn't get through.” Oscar explains.   
“Bigger than a 5 by 8.” Axel says.   
“You won’t find me complaining.” Big Tiny says. “Doing 15. My left leg can barely fit on one of those bunks.”  
“They don't call him Big Tiny for nothing,” Oscar jokes.   
“Done jerking each other off?” Thomas interrupts. “ Sick of waiting back here.”   
I roll my eyes but follow to the pantry anyway. The pantry had more food than I have seen in the last 300 days combined. A little bit left my ass….. I think eying a can of peaches.   
“This what you call a little bit of food?” Daryl states my thoughts.  
“It goes fast.” Thomas retorts.  
“Sure it does.” I shake my head in anger.  
“You can have a bag of corn, some cans of tuna fish…..”  
“We said half, that's the deal.” Rick interrupts him as I'm about to argue again. “What's in there?” He questions pointing to a door.  
“Don't open that.” Oscar warns I raise my eyebrows at him when a horrid smell hits my nose making me gag. The prisoners laugh as I try not to throw up.   
“He wanted to know.” Thomas laughs out.  
“Can’t wait for my own pot to piss in.” Axel says to no one in particular.   
At this, we start to pack up our half of the food.

We gather up our half of the food and carry it back to our cell block. I had to admit I was as excited as Tdog about having food again. My stomach was hurting now just thinking about it all.   
“Foods here!” Tdog announces as we get back. “Canned beef, canned corn, canned cans.”  
“There is a lot more where this came from.” I say just as excited.  
“Any changes?” Rick questions Lori and Glenn, causing my excitement to fall as I stop to listen.  
“Bleeding is under control and no fever, but his breath is labored and his pulse is way down and he hasn't opened his eyes yet.” Lori answers causing me to frown.  
“Take my cuffs put them on him.” Rick tells Glenn.   
“What?” I question.  
“I'm not taking any chances.”   
I nod understanding but still didn't like it. I take my food to Tdog as Rick passes his as well and talks to Lori. 

When we're done with the food we gather up some weapons were willing to give up and head back to the prisoners.   
“Why do I need this? When I have this?” Thomas asks holding crowbar and his gun.  
“You don't fire a gun unless your back is up against a wall.” Daryl answers.   
“Noise attracts them.” I explain.  
“It really riles them up.” Daryl says.  
“We will go in 2 by 2. Daryl and Esme will run point with T. That's the only 3 group, I'll bring up the rear with you.” Rick explains pointing to Andrew. Stay tight and hold formation, no matter how close the walkers get. Anyone breaks ranks, we can all go down. Anyone runs off, they could get mistaken for a walker, end up with an ax to the head.”  
“That's where you aim, these things only go down with a headshot.” Daryl tries to explain.  
“You ain't gotta tell us how to kill a man.” Thomas says.  
“They aren't men. There something else.” T says.  
“Just remember to go for the brain, or you will end up dead, Mr. Macho or not.” I snap at him.   
“Esme, I will make you stay here.” Rick whisper warns to me. I roll my eyes at him but nod anyway as I turn to Daryl and follow him and T.

“Man it's too damn dark in here.” Oscar says.   
“Gotta hold it up high out in front of you,” Daryl explains as we round a corner. “You're going to hear them before you see them.” Not if they keep talking….. I think annoyed at the prisoner’s complaining that's been going on. I was surprised that Daryl hadn’t snapped yet.   
“It's coming!” Axel screams as we hear a clang in front of us.  
“SHHH!!!” Rick and I shush him at the same time.   
We hear snarls from the walker and Daryl holds us at that point. One rounds the corner then another, I get my knife ready when all of the sudden the prisoners push past Daryl and me to go ham on the walkers. It quickly becomes apparent that they didn't listen to a word we said as they are not going for the heads. I look at Daryl and the others in annoyance, I can tell they thinking the same thing I am. These guys are going to end up dead…. 

Once we get that group of walkers killed we continue on. Daryl tries to explain again that it has to be the brain and not any other part of the body. He honestly had more patience than I did with this group. We were dealing with another group of walkers when I hear a gun go off 3 times. I turn around not seeing Rick.   
“RICK!” I call getting worried. He doesn't answer back and I run to where he is to see Oscar, Thomas, and Rick standing there staring at each other.  
“What happened? Are you okay?” I ask Rick.   
“I'm fine….”   
“I didn't ask you fucker!” I yell interrupting Thomas’s sarcastic answer as I turn to Rick who just nods to me and looks at Big Tiny.   
“Let me see it.”   
Big Tiny turns around and Rick shines a light on a huge scratch on Big Tiny’s back.   
“Honestly I feel fine.” He says.  
“I'm sorry, man.” Rick says.  
“I can keep fighting.”   
“You cut that old guy’s leg off to save his life.” Andrew argues.   
“Look where the scratch is.” I say shaking my head. Knowing, sadly, what had to be done.  
“Guys I'm fine. Just… I'm fine.” Big Tiny yells. “Look at me in not changing into one of those things.” He almost calms down.   
“Look there has to be something we can do.” Oscar says. “Lock him up.”  
“Yeah, quarantine him.” Axel agrees.   
“We gotta do something.” Andrew argues. “Why are you just standing there? We gotta save him?”   
“There’s nothing we can do.” Rick tells him.  
“You son of a bitch.” Andrew says. I'm about to say something when Big Tiny yells.  
“I'M ALL RIG….” He falls to the ground. I barely have time to process what happened as Thomas goes crazy smashing his head in. I back up from what is going on only to be pulled behind Daryl. I look at him confused. He just shakes his head. I look back at Thomas who has finally stopped and just stares at us. He then walks off as if nothing happened. “What the fuck was that?” I ask no one in particular.   
“Beats me.” Daryl answers. 

We continue on clearing the halls.   
“Did you see the look on his face?” Daryl asks Rick. “He makes one move, Just give me a signal.”   
Rick nods and turns to me. “You stay with Daryl. Do not leave his side.” Then catches up with T. We enter what seems to be the Laundry mat. It seems clear, but there is a door with chains on it.   
“I'm not opening that.” Thomas says.  
“Yes, you are, just the one door, because we need to control this.” Rick says. We all get our weapons ready.  
“You bitches ready?” Thomas asks, then opens both doors.  
“DAMN IT!” I yell.   
“I said one door.” Rick yells.  
“Shit happens.” Thomas retorts.   
I use all 5 of my throwing knives and have to resort back to my normal hunting knife. I step forward to kill a walker when I feel an arrow pass right next to my face and a walker falls that was coming to my side. I turn to see Daryl staring at me. As he shoots again killing the walker I was trying to kill. “Are you going to listen to Rick or just stand there?” He questions me. I glare at him and kill a walker getting close to me again and then move closer to him.   
“Who says I have to listen to him? He's not my father and I'm 24 years old.” I argue.  
“Then why did you come back to me?”   
I was about to argue that I didn't listen to Rick when I had realized I had. I just glare at him, not having a valid answer. I continue to just kill the walkers that got close to Daryl and me as Daryl killed further ones. I stab a walker in the head and shove it away from me as I look to make sure Rick is okay, I see Thomas almost hit him in the head with his pick. Rick dodges and stares at him.   
“Rick!” I call when Thomas shoves a walker at him. Daryl moves quicker than I can.   
“T mind the gap.” He calls. I run to both of them as Daryl kills the walker. That's the last of them as Daryl helps Rick up, I check him for bites.  
“I'm fine.” He says to me. I then round on Thomas pulling my gun and aiming it at his head.   
“It was coming at me, bro.” Thomas says, ignoring my gun.   
“Yeah, yeah. I get it.” Rick says. “Shit happens.”   
They stand there for a second before Rick kills him. Planting his machete into his skull.  
“No!” Andrew screams about to hit Rick with the bat.   
“I wouldn't.” I warn, aiming my gun at him now. He runs off.  
“I got him.” Rick says and chases after him. I turn my aim to Axel now, as Daryl has Oscar.   
“Get down on your knees.” Daryl says.  
“Both of you.” I say to Axel.   
“We don't have no affiliation to what just happened,” Axel says. “Tell him Oscar.”  
“Stop talking, man.” Oscar replies.  
Rick comes back without Andrew, I knew then he was dead. Rick confronts Oscar and Axel. It's then decided that they will live but stay in their own cell block just like was planned.   
“Oh, man,” Axel says. “I knew these guys. They were good men.”   
“Let's go.” Rick says.  
“So you're just going to leave us here?” Oscar asks. “Man this is sick.”  
“Were locking down this cell block. From now on this part of the prison is yours. Take it or leave it that was the deal.” Rick says.  
“You think this is sick? You don't want to know what's outside.” Daryl says.   
“Consider yourselves the lucky ones.” Rick says from behind the door.   
“Sorry ‘bout your friend's man.” Daryl says and leaves, I follow suit as I hear Tdog talk.   
“Word of advice, take those bodies outside and burn them.” 

When we got back the state of the group was gloomy. I hug Glenn as Carl explains what happened.  
“Herschel stopped breathing, mom saved him.” I look at Glenn in shock.  
“It's true.” He confirms. I go into the cell and stand next to Maggie putting my arm around her in comfort.   
“Still no fever.” Lori says from the bottom of his bed. We all gather around him as his lips move, trying to figure out what he was trying to say or do, in a bit his eyes open and I smile and laugh in relief.   
“Daddy.” Maggie says.  
“Daddy.” Beth laughs.  
He takes Rick’s hand and we all smile as Rick passes on his hand to Beth and leaves to follow Lori. I leave the cell to let the girls have some time with their father. 

I am wiping the blood off of me with baby wipes when I hear a grunt at my cell door. I look up to see Daryl standing there.   
“How can I help you, sir?” I ask laughing at my joke. He raises his eyebrows at me like I'm crazy.  
“Don't call me sir.” He says. I just smile and tilt my head waiting for the answer to my question. He just stands there awkwardly.   
“What can I help you with Daryl?” I ask again after a sec.  
“May I use some?” He points to the pack of baby wipes next to me.   
“Oh sure. Go ahead and take as many as you need.” I say grabbing one for myself still cleaning blood from my arms. He stands there for a sec, then walks in and grabs from the pack and starts to clean his hands, to which I almost laugh at how lazy he is about it. I then give up with watching him and grab the wipes from his hands.   
“Huh? What?” He steps back from me as I grab his hand.  
“You can’t be lazy with how you do this.” I say as I start cleaning all the spots he missed.  
“What are you, my mother?” He asks starting to pull away. I grab his wrist stopping him.   
“No, but if you don't clean this off right you might get sick, and that's not a good thing.” I look him in the eyes. He stares at me for a sec then looks away.  
“I'm not a child, woman.” He grunts pulling away as I start on his arm.   
“Then you should know how to clean yourself.” I say sarcastically.   
“Give me that.” He pulls the clean wipes from the hand I wasn't using and starts to actually clean his arm correctly. I laugh and sit back down.   
“You missed a spot.” I say as he grabs another wipe from the pack.   
“So did you.” He says throwing another wipe at me.  
I grab it and look at my arms which were clean.  
“No, I didn't.”   
“You did right here.” He says and starts to clean my left shoulder. I look down at it and sure enough, there was blood.  
“Oh.” Was all I could say. As I watch him clean the blood off me. I look up at his face, he seemed to be deep in thought. When he was done he just looked at me. I don't know what went through his mind when he shakes his head and leaves taking my pack of baby wipes with him. I watch him plop down on his mattress and just continue to clean his hands. I look around and see Glenn staring at me with a smirk on his face. I flip him off and lay down.


	19. Chapter Eighteen: Greif with Miracles

The next morning we work on getting the cars in.  
“Ok let's get the other car in we’ll park ‘em in the west entry of the yard.” Rick says looking at me and indicating my suburban, I nod and grab my keys out of my pocket.  
“Good, our vehicles out there look like a giant vacancy sign.” Daryl says, to which I tilt my head in confusion.  
“After that, we need to load up these corpses so we can burn them.” Rick continues.  
“Gonna be a long day.” T says looking at the field.  
“Where’s Glenn and Maggie? We could use some help.” Carol asks coming back from the car. I look around not seeing them.  
“Good question, I haven’t seen them since yesterday night.” I answer.  
“Up in the guard tower.” Daryl answers.  
“Guard tower?” Rick questions. “They were just up there last night.”  
“Glenn! Maggie!” Daryl calls for them.  
We wait for a second before Glenn opens the door with no shirt on and buttoning up his pants.  
“Hey what's up guys?” He calls as I burst out laughing.  
“You coming?” Daryl calls. To which I can’t help but laugh harder as I can see Glenn get embarrassed.  
“What?”  
“You coming?” He calls again with a huge smile on his face. The others start to laugh as well.  
“Come on we could use a hand.” Daryl clarifies finally.  
“Yeah, yeah well be right down.” He calls after understanding. I try to catch my breath but can’t help but still laugh.  
“You dying there?” Rick asks me, I just shake my head.  
“I'm good, I think.” Giggling a bit still as I turn to go to my suburban when T stops us.  
“Hey, Rick.” We all turn around to see what he wants, I follow his gaze to see Axel and Oscar walking on the other side of the gate. I grab a knife on instinct.  
“Come with me,” Rick says to T and Daryl, I stay a bit behind with Carol.  
“That close enough,” Rick says as they pass the guard tower that Glenn and Maggie come out of. “We had an agreement.”  
“Please mister, we know that we had a deal. But you gotta understand….” Axel says. “We can’t live in that place another minute. You follow me? All the bodies… people we knew, blood, brains, there are ghosts.”  
“Why don't you move the bodies out?” Daryl asks.  
“You should be burning them?” Tdog says.  
“We tried,” Axel explains. “We did.”  
“The fence is down on the far side of the prison. Every time we drag a body out those things just lineup.” Oscar explains further. “Dropping the bodies and running back inside.”  
“Look we had nothing to do with Thomas and Andrew.” Axel gets frustrated and walks closer to Rick. I tighten my hold on my knife and pull it from the scythe. “Nothing, you're trying to prove a point? You proved it, bro. We’ll do whatever it takes to be a part of your group. Just, please, please… Don't make us live in that place” He begs.  
“Our deal is non-negotiable,” Rick says. “You either live in your cell block or you leave.”  
“I told you this was a waste of time,” Oscar says to Axel, both look defeated. “They ain't no different than the pricks who shot up our boys. You know how many friends corpses we had to drag out there this week? Just threw them out. Humph. These were good guys. Good guys who had our backs against the really bad dudes in the joint, like Thomas and Andrew. We've all made mistakes to get in here, chief. And I'm not going to pretend to be a saint, but believe me, we've paid our due, enough to rather hit that road than to go back into that shithole.”  
Rick turns to Daryl who shakes his head in answer, he turns to me and I stare in his eyes letting him know I agreed with Daryl, I did not trust these men. Even if Oscar's story made me a bit sad. Rick turns back to them and we move them back to their side of the fence with Daryl locking the gate.  
I stay quite as T and Rick argue.  
“Are you serious? You want them living in the cell next to you?” Rick asks T. “They will just be waiting for a chance to grab our weapons. Do you want to go back to sleeping with one eye open?”  
“I never stopped.” T answers, to which I sadly nod in agreement. “Bring them into the fold, if we send them off packing we might as well execute them ourselves.”  
“I don't know Axel seems a little unstable.” Glenn says.  
“After all we've been through, we fought so hard for all this, what if they decide to take it?” Carol questions.  
“It's just been us for so long, they are strangers, I don’t… it just feels weird all of a sudden to have these other people around.” Maggie says. I nodded.  
“You brought us in.” T counters.  
“Yeah, but you turned up with a shot boy in your hands.” Maggie concludes.  
“Besides we don't even know if what they say is true. About why they are in here in the first place,” I say. “They could be murderers. I don't want them near anyone let alone Carl and Lori.”  
“They are convicts, bottom line.” Carol says agreeing with me.  
“They can’t even kill walkers.” Glenn says.  
“Those two might actually have less blood on their hands than we do.” T says.  
“I get guys like this, Hell, I grew up with them. They are degenerates, but they ain't psycos. I could have been in there with them just as easily as I'm out here with you guys.” Daryl says.  
“But your not one of them, and you aren't a degenerate like them, you are useful and a good person.” I say to him. He stares at me for a second when T talks to him.  
“So are you with me?”  
“Hell no. Let them take their chances out on the road just like we did.”  
“What I'm saying, Daryl....”  
“When I was a rookie I arrested this kid 19 years old, wanted for stabbing his girlfriend, the kid blubbered, during the interrogation, during the trial, suckered the jury. He was acquitted due to insufficient evidence….” Rick starts his story.  
“Then two weeks later he shot another girl.” I finish hearing this story before. I turn around to look at the two at the gate.  
“We have been through too much. Our deal with them stands.” Rick says then walks away with the rest of us following.

“Move the cars to the upper yard, point them facing out, they will be out of the way but ready to go if we ever need to bail.” Rick explains to us all as he tosses the keys to Glenn, I grab my keys again to move my suburban and run with Glenn to the cars. I Move my car where it needs to go and grab some of my other supplies from the back that would be useful. From there I use an empty box to give the prisoners a weeks worth of food for the road. Glenn locks the gate as I step back from Axel and Oscar.  
“That's enough to last you a week.” Glenn explains.  
“Thank you, bro.” Axel says I raise my eyebrow at him.   
We turn and go to where Rick and Daryl are to help check the fence again.   
“Should I take that one?” Glenn asks pointing to a stray walker.  
“No, if that armory hadn’t been picked clean we could spare the ammo.” Rick explains.  
“I'll start making runs the sooner the better.” Daryl says I nod thinking it's a good idea.  
“I can go with you, maybe you can teach me how to hunt better,” I ask. “I learned a bit while I was on my own. Up to you of course.”   
“Up to Rick.” Daryl answers.   
“Rick isn't my boss you know.” I say annoyed.  
“Yet you still always listen to him.” He retorts as we catch up to Rick and Glenn. 

On our way back from getting wood we see Herschel on his crutches. I smile at the scene.  
“Looky here.” Daryl points out.   
“He is one tough son of a Bitch.” Glenn laughs dropping his wood down, I do the same.  
“All right Herschel!” Glenn calls out.  
“Shh…” Daryl shushes him. “Keep your cheers down.” He points out the walkers coming to us now.  
“Oh, man can't we just have one good day?” Glenn sighs.  
“Don't jinx us.” I say glaring at the stupid geeks. I turn back to watch Herschel more smiling again as I see him regain his balance. I step up next to Rick at the gate as I see Lori, she looked happy and well rested.  
“She looks better.” I say to him.  
“Yeah, she does.” He says not looking at me as I see him smiling at her, I smile more slightly praying that they could work out whatever was going on between them.   
“Walkers! Look out!” I hear Carl call. I turn back to see a bunch of walkers coming from behind the group.  
“No!” Rick calls as we all run to the gate. “Get out of there! Lori”   
“Lori! Carl!” I call them. We get to the gate, but it's locked.  
“Glenn has the keys!” I yell to Rick.   
“Keys!” He yells to Daryl, who gets the keys from Glenn and passes them on.   
We get the gate open passing Axel and Oscar on the way in. When Rick gets the second gate open we run into the yard. I grab my hunting knife ready to kill walkers.

We kill all the walkers in the yard as Glenn checks the gate.   
“Those chains didn't break on their own, someone had to have taken an ax or cutters to them.” He explains. I turn to look at the prisoner's my blood beginning to boil with anger.   
“You think they did it?” Glenn questions.  
“Who else?” Rick asks. I'm about to pull my gun and kill Axel when an alarm starts to go off.  
“Son of a fucking bitch! Can’t we get a break?” I yell.   
“What's that?” Glenn asks as we look around trying to find where it's coming from.  
“Oh, you've got to be kidding me!” Daryl says with anger. I look around at the walkers now coming out of the woods to the prison gates. Rick tosses the keys to Daryl and starts to shoot the speakers. Glenn and I do the same.  
Rick approaches the prisoners and asks how this could happen, Oscar then explains the backup generators. It is then decided that we are going to go into the generator room and shut them down. We get into the prison and cell block C.  
“Loir! Carl!” Rick and I call again.  
“We took out 5 of them in there.” Daryl says as he, Glenn and the prisoners join us.   
“There were 4 in here, but no sign of Lori or any of them” Rick answers him.   
“They must have been pushed back into the prison.” Glenn suggests.   
“What do we do?” I ask to no one really, I turn around looking for any sign again even though I know there isn't any. Keep yourself together Esme!.... I chastise myself as I can feel myself start to shake with worry for Carl and Lori. I feel a hand on my shoulder and I turn to see Daryl looking at me with worry. I shake my head at him. I'm not okay right now. He squeezes my shoulder then turns at Rick’s voice.   
“Somebody is playing games.” He says frustrated. “We’ll split up and look for the others.” He explains and we turn back around to go outside. “Whoever gets to the generators first shut ‘em down!”   
Glenn and Axel go get Herschel and Beth from the yard as Rick, Daryl, Oscar and I go to the generators. We run and close the door holding it shut as Rick tries to shut them off.   
“How do you shut these down?” He calls to Oscar.  
“Go we got this.” Daryl tells him, as he moves away from the door I put my back to the door using all my wait and leg strength to help keep it shut. I slide to the ground as I do so. At that moment I see Andrew come out of nowhere and hit Oscar with something.   
“Rick!” I call feeling useless as I know what will happen if I move from my spot.   
“Esme, move,” Daryl says from above me. I look at him confused.  
“What?”   
“Grab my bow and have it ready for me, then move. Were letting these fuckers in and killing them.” He explains. I nod bending to grab his bow.  
“On three,” I say. “One, two, Three….”  
I put my legs under me and jump up, turning in time to have Daryl grab his bow from my hand kill one walker, then stab another one. I slam the door shut and run to help Rick, Daryl following me. We get there in time to see Oscar with Rick’s gun pointing at Rick. Andrew behind Rick encouraging Oscar to shoot. I'm about to get my gun when I feel a hand on mine, I turn to see Daryl holding his knife up. He puts his finger to his lips, telling me to keep quiet then starts to moving slowly behind Oscar. Oscar then shoots Andrew and slowly hands the gun to Rick. Rick then shuts off the alarms. With the events done and the alarms off, I slowly realize that I don't feel well. I turn to follow them out but get dizzy.  
“Rick?” I call. He turns to me and I see him and Daryl moving to me quickly as I realize everything is going black. 

I wake up to a bunk bed above me, I'm in my cell. My headaches like crazy and my mouth was dry.   
“Rick?” I try to call but my voice just doesn't sound right. I see moven’t by my side and turn my head to see Herschel sitting by me he had a small smile on his lips.   
“How are you feeling?” I shake my head and put my hand to my lips. He nods and grabs some water from my bedside. He sat me up a bit and lets me drink. I nod after a bit and lay back down.  
“Rick?” I question. Trying to remember what got me here but my head was still foggy.   
“He will be back in a little while, but he is fine.” Herschel answers me. I look at him confused. Where did he go? I wonder.  
“He's handling things outside of the prison.” He explains more. I nod understanding.   
“What happened?” I ask trying to grab for the water bottle again, Herschel hands it to me as he sees my shaking hand. I take a sip waiting for him to answer.  
“You don’t remember?” He asks. “What is the last thing you remember?”  
I think back. “I remember you walking, then running from walkers, a lot, I remember everyone getting separated, the sound of the alarm giving me a headache, the generators, Andrew attacking Oscar and Rick. Then that's it. All black from there.” Herschel nods along with my story.  
“Daryl had to carry you from there. Your sugar got low. Dangerously low, 45, had to melt sugar in your mouth and give you your last glucose pen, we watched your sugar from there. About 30 minutes ago it finally got to a good 93. All the running drained your energy.” Herschel explains. Well, that explained the headache and dizziness.   
“How did we get back in our cell block? Are the others okay? Where are they?” I asked trying to sit up more. He allows me to sit on the edge of my bed but would not allow me to stand up.   
“Daryl and Maggie are on a run for supplies, should be back soon, Carl and Beth are just outside, Glenn is manning the gate for when Maggie and Daryl get back, Rick is handling the prison.” I nod along to him explaining where everyone was when I realize he left 3 people out.  
“Herschel, where is Lori, Carol, and T?” I ask looking him in the eyes now. Just then I hear a weird noise. I look at my cell door to see Carl holding a baby. I freeze at the site of it. Lori had the baby.  
“Carl, where is your mother?” I ask him, I stare at his face but it's blank. I see dried tears stained on his face. I look to Herschel as my heart drops in pain.   
“No…. No…. No…” I say shaking my head. “Tell me it's not true.” I beg Herschel as tears start to fall. Herschel puts his arms around me as I cry into his shoulder. Again I hear a small gurgle sound, I pull away and look at the baby again. I wipe my eyes and cheeks of the tears.   
“May I?” I ask Carl. He nods and walks in holding the baby out to me. I pull it into my arms and hold it to my chest.   
“She is healthy, Maggie and Daryl should be back soon, hopefully with formula.” Herschel tells me. I nod staring at what I now realize is my new niece.   
“What's her name?” I ask Carl, he just shakes his head, turns around and leaves my cell.   
“Carl?” I question, but Herschel interrupts me.   
“He will be ok, it's been a long day for all of us.” He says. “Beth, honey.”   
Beth comes in then and smiles at me, then looks to her father.   
“Get Esme some food please, then please watch the baby, let her rest a bit more.”   
“I'll be fine once I eat Herschel.”   
“You still need to rest. You have overworked yourself today.”   
“Yes, sir.” I smile at him, then look again at the baby girl in my arms. 

A little while longer I hear some ruckus going on downstairs in the cell block. I walk out a bit and see Maggie and Daryl are back with some baby formula. Daryl is holding the baby and starts to feed her. I smile at the site as she stops crying.  
“She got a name yet?” Daryl asks as I make my way down next to him.  
“Not yet.” Carl answers. “I was thinking maybe Sophia, then there’s Carol, too.” I frown as he goes down the list of names of people we've lost. “Andrea, Amy, Jacqui, Patricia, or Lori… I don't know.”   
“Yeah, you like that? Huh, Little ass-kicker?” Daryl coos at the baby, making me giggle a bit. The others then notice me there as I put my hand on the baby’s arm smiling at her.   
“Right that's a good name, right?” Daryl smiles at everyone.  
“We can nickname her Little Ass-kicker but that is not her name.” I laugh and the others laugh along as well.   
“Nah, she likes Little Ass-Kicker, you like that, right sweetheart.” Daryl coos to the baby again.   
We all laugh again.  
“Hey Esme, how are you feeling?” I hear from behind me, I turn to see Maggie with Glenn.  
“I'm ok. My sugar is fine now.”   
“What's your number at?” Daryl asks, I turn to him looking at me and remember our conversation about diabetes. He was keeping track I realized and smile a bit.  
“120. I ate a good meal when I woke up about an hour ago.” I answer him, he nods. 

Early the next morning I get up and walk outside to get some fresh air and think, I was still confused on the previous day's happenings while I was past out. I know we had lost Lori, Carol, and T, but I didn't know how. Thinking about it all made me tear up again. I walk around a bit to see someone in the distance. I pull my knife and keep low to the ground at that moment, but as the figure got closer I realized it was Daryl. I put my knife back and start walking towards him only to realize he was walking to a corner of the yard with 3 makeshift Crosses. He walks up to one grabs something from his vest pocket and places it down on the grave. I walk up a bit more as he turns around. He pauses when he sees me.  
“I'm sorry, I didn't mean to…”  
“You didn't .”  
“Do we know whose is Lori’s?” I ask staring at the white flower on Carol’s grave. He shakes his head. I just nod and sit in front of the middle grave looking between all three. Daryl puts his hand on my shoulder. I look up at him and place my hand atop his. He looks down at me and we nod to each other. He then walks away leaving me to grieve.


	20. Chapter Nineteen: Found and Taken

“Esme?” A voice breaks me from my trance of staring at the graves. I turn to see Maggie standing a bit behind me. I get up realizing my legs were numb. I wobble a bit and she comes to help me stand better. “Are you ok?” She asks. I nod clearing my throat.   
“I'm fine, my legs just fell asleep.” I answer as I realize that it's probably around nine now. I was out here for a while. The tears on my face were now dry.  
“Well breakfast is ready. Oatmeal.” She says looking at me with worry.  
“Sounds good.” I say as we walk back together. When we get back inside everyone is sitting around together talking, but it falls silent as I walk in, I look around knowing they were talking about me or at least Rick maybe. I walk upstairs grabbing my diabetic pack and go downstairs to sit next to Carl. I check my sugar, 102. I look up when a bowl is placed in front of me.   
“Thank you.” I say to Beth as I see her.   
“How are you feeling today?” Herschel asks from his seat.   
“Much better than yesterday, thank you.” I answer softly taking a bite of the oatmeal.  
“Everybody okay?” I hear Rick’s voice from the cell block. I turn to get up at the same time.  
“Yeah, we are.” Maggie answers.  
“What about you?” Herschel asks.  
“Cleared out the boiler block.” Rick says.  
“Rick? Are you okay?” I ask noticing he avoided my gaze and didn’t answer the question.  
“How many were there?” Daryl questions.  
“I don't know, a dozen, two dozen,” Rick answers his question. “I have to get back, just wanted to check on Carl.” He says stepping away from me when I step closer.  
“Rick, we can handle taking out the bodies. You don't have to” Glenn says.  
“Brother? Are you okay?” I ask again, confused about him ignoring me.  
“No, I do,” Rick answers only Glenn again. He walks up to Daryl passing me. “Does everyone have a gun and a knife?”   
“Yeah. We're running low on ammo, though.” Daryl answers. I was getting angry now.  
“Maggie and I were planning on making a run this afternoon,” Glenn says. “We found a phone book, some places we can find some bullets and formula.”  
“We cleared out the generator room. Axel’s there trying to fix it in case of emergency. We’re going to sweep the lower levels as well. Also going to take Esme hunting, teach her more.” Daryl explains. I look at him surprised as he had not totally agreed to take me hunting last we talked about it.   
“Good, Good.” Rick says and walks out.  
“Rick!” I call after him, but he doesn't come back. “Ugh.” I sit down in frustration and look at everyone.   
“How long has he been ignoring others?” I ask.  
“Since Lori.” Maggie answers. I nod understanding, my anger lifting a bit.   
“I'll check on him.” I say getting up again.   
“No,” Herschel said. I turn to him confused. “He needs time.”   
“But, he's…..”  
“He needs time Esme. Give him time it's only been 2 days.”   
I sit again nodding and turn around to my now cold oatmeal. 

Later that day Glenn and Maggie had gone on the run as they planned and Daryl, Carl, Oscar and I are clearing the lower levels. I didn't like the thought of Carl with us, but he convinced me when he said he would do whatever I told him to do, even if it was run. We are moving to get to the place where we left off when we hear a metal clunking noise from a hall we already cleared.   
“Must have missed it last night.” Oscar says. I just nod.   
“Just looks like there’s only one or two of them, don't look like they have much fight,” Daryl says poking on the door. “They ain't going nowhere, we’ll take care of it on the way back.”  
“You sure?” I ask. He nods then turns to Carl whistling.  
“Come on.”   
“You know, my mom she liked her wine. She liked to smoke in bed, Virginia Slims.” Daryl says talking to Carl. I tilt my head a bit wondering where this was going. Daryl wasn't much one to talk, now that he was sharing a bit, my curiosity was peaked. “I was out playing out with the kids in the neighborhood. I could do that with Merle gone. They had bikes, I didn't.” He says turning to check on me, I nod, turn to check on Oscar a bit behind us, he was fine. I continued to stay close enough to hear his story. “We heard sirens getting louder. They jumped on their bikes, going after it you know, hoping to see something worth seeing. I ran after them, but I couldn't keep up. I ran around the corner and saw my friends looking at me. Hell, I saw everybody looking at me.” I frown slightly knowing where this story was going. “Fire trucks everywhere, people from the neighborhood, it was my house they were there for. It was my mom in bed, burnt down to nothing. That was the hard part. You know she was just gone, erased. Nothing left of her. People said it was better that way, huh, I don't know. Just made it seem like it wasn't real you know.” Daryl says. I look at him sadly, but smile a bit, he was trying to tell Carl something.   
“I shot my mom,” Carl says shocking me to look at him now. “She was out, hadn't turned yet, I ended it, it was real. Sorry ‘bout your mom.” Tears filled my eyes as I looked at Daryl not knowing what to say.  
“I'm sorry about yours,” Daryl responds. I shut my eyes tightly fighting the tears and roughly wiping them away. Daryl pats him on the shoulder then turns to me. “Come on.” I nod and pass him a bit, as I do he puts his hand on my back a bit like he was guiding me.   
“Sorry about that.” Daryl whispers a bit.  
“It's okay.” I tell him. It wasn't his fault. I looked at Carl sadly. This world was getting to him the same way it got to all of us, I didn't want that to happen to him, but I was just now realizing he has now seen and been through to much. 

We continue on and I must have just been in a daze letting Daryl guide me because Oscar's voice scared me.   
“Oh, that's what I’m talking about.” I jump and turn around to see Oscar going into a room we had just past. We follow him into the room and see him with slippers.  
“What the hell you need slippers for?” Daryl asks.  
“You know, end of the day relaxing.” He answers. I just shake my head. I hear a walker behind and turn when the guys shoot it. I shake my head at the ring in my ears from the guns.  
“All right.” Daryl praises.  
“Must have been at the cell in the end.” Oscar says.  
“Yeah, we've checked everywhere else.” I agree Daryl drops down looking at the walker. “What's up?” I ask as he pulls something from the walker.  
“That's Carol’s knife.” Daryl says. I look at the walker in anger.  
“You don't think?” I question him as he looks at the walker thinking.   
“Don't know.” He says then gets up angrily kicking the wall.   
“Daryl?” I question stepping in front of Carl out of habit.   
“You guys go back.” He tells us.  
“What?” I question confused at his outburst.  
“You heard me, go back.”   
“Carl, go with Oscar,” I say turning to him. He just looks at me. “Please, you promised.”  
“Ok.” He nods and turns to go.  
“You take care of him.” I say to Oscar.  
“Yes, ma'ma.” Was his reply as they left.  
“You go to Esme.” Daryl says to me as they turn the corner.  
“You think she’s alive don't you.” I round on him.  
“I don't know.”   
“So let's follow this hall and find a trail.”   
He just stares at me then turns and we start walking.   
“You and she were close weren’t you?” I ask trying to fill the dead air.   
“Not really.” He says I look at him.  
“Seems like it.”   
“Hn.”  
“I mean all the flirting.” I laugh a bit. He stops and looks at me like I'm crazy. “Were you two a thing? Or just messing around?”  
“No, we never did anything. Was just joking.” He answers, looking me in the eye intently.   
“Ok.” I say, looking away from him. I don't know why hearing that nothing happened between them made me happy. It just strangely did. 

A while has past and we still haven't found anything. All we did was clear a few more walkers. I could tell that Daryl was getting frustrated. I stop when he kicks a door. I turn to him as he sits down next to a wall. I sit down next to him as he clicks Carol’s knife on the floor. I didn't know what to say, so I just sat there. After a while, the door ahead of us starts to move with all the noise. I stare at it. Stupid fucking things……. Daryl gets annoyed first, he gets up moving the walker that kept the door cracked and swings the door open. He pauses at the door.   
“You okay?” I ask and stand up, I walk to the door and look into the room to see Carol moving her head towards us. I smile and laugh. Daryl picks her up and we make our way back to the group. 

When we get there we put Carol in her cell. I clean her off and give her a bit of water. After a while, she falls back asleep. I hear a commotion outside so I get up to see what it is.   
“Rick?” I question seeing him with someone I don't recognize. She was a black woman with dreadlocks and a bandana. There was a sword on the floor that I assumed was hers.  
“Who the hell is this?” Daryl asks coming in from behind me.   
“You wanna tell us your name?” Rick asks her.  
She stares at him not saying a word.  
“Y’all come on in here.” Daryl says to the others.  
“Everything alright.” Rick asks turning to us. I just smile.  
“You’re gonna wanna see this.” Daryl replies.  
“Go ahead.” He says to Herschel. “Carl get the bag.” He turns back to the woman. “We’ll keep this safe and sound.” He showing her the sword then passing it to me. “You’ll be safe here. The doors are locked, and we can treat that.”   
“I didn't ask for your help.” She finally speaks.  
“Doesn't matter. Can’t let you leave.” Rick replies, then follows us out to Carol.

She was awake now. I smile at her. As Rick and Hershel say hi to her.  
“How?” Herschel asks.  
“Solitary.” She replies.  
“Poor thing fought her way into a cell, must have passed out. Dehydrated.” Daryl explains. She sees Beth with the baby, looks around for Lori, turns to Rick who just nods to her silent question.  
“Oh, I'm sorry.” She cries with him. I tear up. She turns to me and hugs me again. She then turns to the baby and holds her, crying, but smiling. After a lovely moment together, I help Carol get dressed in some new clothes, give her some more water and let her rest a bit more. 

I leave her cell to find Rick, it finally seemed like he was talking so I wanted to talk with him about everything. I find him with Daryl talking about the woman.  
“I don't know, she just walked up to the gate with the formula.” Rick was explaining.  
“Formula?” I question. They turn to me.   
“Yes, baby formula. She had it with her.” Rick said. I was confused, why would she have the formula with her.   
“Do we know why she came here?” I ask.  
“No, we were just going to go in to ask her some questions.” Daryl says.  
“My type of questions or your chats?” I ask. He shakes his head at me.   
“We’re not going to hurt her unless she tries something stupid first.” Rick answers. Then starts walking to where she is held.  
“She doesn't seem stupid to me.” I say following.

“We can tend to that wound for you, give you a little bit of food and water, and then send you on your way, but you're going to have to tell us how you found us first,” Rick says to her. “And why you were carrying formula.”  
“The supplies were dropped by a young Asian guy with a pretty girl.” She says. My heart started racing.  
“What happened to them?” I ask her.  
“Were they attacked?” Herschel asks.  
“They were taken.” She answers, only confusing all of us more.  
“Taken? By who?” Rick asks.  
“By the same son of a bitch who shot me.”   
“Hey these are our people, you tell us what happened now!” Rick says grabbing her wound.  
“Rick!” I yell at him, not liking where this was going.  
“Don't you ever touch me again!” She pushes him away. Daryl points his bow at her.  
“You better start talking you’re going to have a much bigger problem than a gunshot wound.” He threatens.  
“Daryl!” I call to him, we were not going to torcher her if I could help it.  
“Find ‘em yourself.” She says, not scared of the bow at all.  
“Hey, shh, shh, shh. Put it down.” Rick says to Daryl then turns to her. “You came here for a reason.”  
“There’s a town, Woodberry. About 75 survivors. I think they were taken there.” She says.  
“A whole town?” I ask amazed.  
“It's run by this guy, calls himself the Governor, Pretty boy, charming, Jim Jones type.” She says.  
“He got muscle?” Daryl questions.  
“Paramilitary wannabes. They have armed sentries on every wall.” She answers.  
“You know a way in?” Rick questions, I could already see the plan forming in his head.  
“It's secure from walkers, but we could slip our way through.” She says.  
“How did you know how to get here?” I ask her, confused still.  
“They mentioned a prison, said which direction it was in, said it was a straight shot.” She tells me.   
“This is Herschel, the father of the girl that was taken and this is Esme, my sister. They’ll help take care of that.” Rick says pointing us both out. 

I let Hershel stitch up the wound, I only help clean it and hand him supplies. The whole while she was pretty much quiet.   
“Thank you.” She finally talks as we’re pretty much done. I smile at her.  
“Your welcome.” I say, Hershel just nods. I pack up the supplies and find Rick and the others debating what to do.  
“How do we even know if we can trust her?” Oscar asks.  
“This is Maggie and Glenn. Why are we even debating?” Beth asks, obviously scared for her sister. I put my hand on her shoulder in comfort.   
“I agree with Beth, I see no reason for this woman to be lying, she may be quiet but she told us what we needed to know. Without having to torture her.” I say slightly glaring at Rick and Daryl with my last statement.  
“What you two become friends now in there? And we ain't, I'll go after them?” Daryl says. I shake my head at his sarcastic reply.  
“Well this place sounds pretty secure, you can’t go alone.” Rick says to Daryl.  
“I'll go.” Beth and I say at the same time.  
“Me, too.” Axel steps up, surprising me.   
“I'm in.” Oscar also surprises me.  
Rick looks at all of us then nods. It was settled. We start to get supplies ready for the rescue mission.

While the others packed up the cars I help the woman get her things ready, we then walk her to the gate.   
“Wasn't this place overrun?” She asks.  
“It was.” Beth says opening the gate.  
“And you cleared it out all by yourselves?”   
“Yes we did, we lost some great people doing it, but we did.” I answer and turn to help the others.   
I walk up to Rick and Carl talking.  
“How long will you two be gone?” Carl asks.  
“Look if something happens while we’re gone…” Rick starts, but Carl interrupts.  
“We’ll be alright.”   
“If anything happens, you get everyone locked in the cells, you keep everyone safe.”   
“I will.”  
“I know. I know you will and take care of your sister, all right.”   
“Please be careful.” I say to him.  
“I will.” He says. Rick pats his shoulder and we move to go to the cars.  
“Daryl has been calling her Ass-kicker.” Carl speaks up. I smile at the nickname. We turn around to look at Carl.  
“Ass-kicker?” He chuckles and I nod.  
“Little Ass-kicker. Yes.” I confirm.  
“I've been thinking, what should we really call her?” Carl asks.   
“What do you think?” Rick asks him.  
“Remember my third-grade teacher? Ms. Mueller?” Carl asks looking between Rick and me.  
“Of course.” Rick answers as I nod, she was a sweet teacher.  
“Her first name was Judith. Do you think that's a good name?”   
“I think that's a fine name.” Rick answers.  
“It's perfect.” I smile at Carl.   
“Judith it is.” Rick finalizes.   
“Come on.” I say to both of them. Rick puts his arms around mine and Carl’s shoulders leading us to the group. I get to the car and pick the seat behind Rick.  
“Bring them back.” Herschel says to Rick, I frown, it almost sounded like he was pleading. Rick nods to him and I place my hand on his arm. Then get in the car when Rick does. 

The drive there was talk about getting to know this Woodberry place and how the Governor works. After a while Michonne, as we finally got to know her name, tells us to pull over. We all get out of the car.  
“They have patrols, were better off on foot.” Michonne says.  
“How far? Nights coming.” Rick questions.  
“A mile, maybe two.”  
“That's not to bad.” I say grabbing my pack from the trunk and handing out the others.  
We walk with Michonne leading.   
“I know what you did for me, for my baby while I was…. Working things out. Thank you.” I hear Rick tell Daryl from behind me. I smile slightly.  
“It's what we do.” Is all Daryl says and yet he thinks he's a terrible person….. I shake my head.  
“Rick.” Daryl’s warning voice breaks me out of my thoughts.  
“Down.” Rick says as I hear the walkers raspy growls come closer to us. “Get information. No gunfire.” He orders. I grab my hunting knife and get ready. I kill 3 before I hear Rick say. “This way.” We follow to a shack shutting the door. I gag at the smell of it inside.  
“Keep it down.” Rick says.  
“Ah, that smell, it's loud.” Daryl says.  
“It's putrid.” I gag again.   
“What is that?” Oscar asks as we go farther into the shack.  
“It must be a fox, or what's left of one.” Daryl answers shining his light on what was a dog. “I guess Lassie went home.”   
“Poor thing.” I frown at grabbing onto my pentacle. At that moment walkers started to pound on the windows and door. Rick whistles to Daryl and we turn around to a bed that has a weird shape covered on it. Rick and Daryl move to uncover a man that yell for us to get out of his house.   
“Ah, who the hell are you?” He yells at us next.

“We don't mean you any harm.” Rick says with his hands up.  
“Get out of my house!” He yells again.  
“Okay, Okay, Okay, we will, but we can’t right now.” Rick says.  
“Now!” He yells causing the walkers outside to get more riled up.  
“Shut him up.” Michonne warns.  
“Get out right now!” He yells again. I shake my head.  
“Sir we will, but right now you need to shut the fuck up.” I glare at him. “There are walkers outside.”   
“I'll call the cops.” He says. I laugh.  
“I am a cop,” Rick says. “Now I need you to lower the gun, don't do anything rash, everything is fine, let's just take this nice and slow, okay? Look at me. Hey, Hey.” Rick says lowering his weapons to the ground at the same time.  
“Show me your badge.” The man says cocking his gun. I sheath my knife and unclip my gun and take it from the holster, I take the safety off.   
“All right, it's in my pocket, it's in my pocket. Now I'm just going to reach down nice and slow.” Rick says at the same time as he pushes the gun out of his face. It goes of shooting the back door. The man runs to the door. Rick grabs him. “Do not open that door.” He warns.  
“Let go of me!" the man screams and bites Rick. Rick let's go, the man runs to the door and as he's about to open it Michonne stabs him with her sword. I cover my mouth. “Oh.” I say as he falls. The growls from the walkers outside get louder and I hear glass start to break.  
“What now?” I ask.  
“Remember the Alamo?” Daryl asks Rick.   
“Help me… with the door.” Rick says understanding the plan.  
“You've got to be kidding me.” Oscar says.  
“He's dead. Check the back.” Rick tells him. I was still confused on what the plan was.   
“It's clear.” Oscar calls from the back.  
“One, two, three.” Daryl and Rick count. At that moment Michonne opens the door and they push the man’s body outside. I got the jist of the plan at that point and follow the others out the back door. 

We finally get to Woodbury, slinking along behind Michonne, she leads us to a spot where we can see the front gate, four men were posted. Michonne leaves at that moment.  
“Hey, Hey.” Rick whispers trying to get her back.  
“Michonne.” I call her but she continues on.  
“Damn it, okay we need to downsize.” Rick says taking off his rifles and pack. I nod taking off my pack and grabbing only my diabetic pack and attaching it to my police utility belt.   
“Ain't no way we are going to check in all those buildings, not with all the guards there.” Daryl says. I look at the sentries keeping watch, he was right. I was about to ask what the plan was when I hear a twig snap behind us. I grab my knife and turn only to see Michonne gesturing us to follow her. She leads us to the side of Woodbury where we then sneak in by a fence behind a house.   
“This is where you were held?” Rick asks.  
“Where I was questioned.” She clarifies.   
“I thought you said there was a curfew.” Daryl says looking outside.  
“The street is packed during the day, those are stragglers.”   
“If anyone comes in here were sitting ducks,” Rick says. “We gotta move.”   
“They could be in his apartment.”   
“Yeah? What if they ain't.” Daryl asks doubting her.  
“Then we will look somewhere else.”   
“You said you could help us.” Rick says frustrated.  
“I'm doing what I can.”   
“Then where are they?” Oscar asks.  
“Enough, standing here arguing isn't getting us anywhere.” I say.   
“Hey,” Rick says calling us to him I follow annoyed. “If this goes south we’re cutting her loose.”   
“You think she’s leading us into a trap?” Oscar asks.  
“I don’t.” I answer.  
“Right now it's the blind leading the blind. Let's split up.” Daryl says. I look at him confused.   
“I don't think that's a good idea.” I say with worry.  
Just then a knock on the door happens, my hand flies to my gun unclipping it and pulling it from its holster. Rick pulls me with him behind the wall to hide. We hear the door open at that moment.  
“I know you're in here. I saw you moving from outside.” Comes an old man voice. “All right, now. You're not supposed to be in here and you know it.” I can hear him getting closer to Rick and I. Rick silently moves in front of me and when the man comes around the corner he jumps him.  
“Shut up. On your knees.” Rick says. “Hands behind your back. Zip tie him.” He tells Daryl, who does. “Where are our people?” He questions the man.  
“I don't know. I don't know.” He says frightened.  
“You are holding some of our people. Where the hell are they?”  
“I don't know.”   
“Open your mouth,” Rick says shoving a rag in his mouth. Daryl then clocks the man in the head with the back of his bow. I cringe at that. We then move him out of the way. At that point, we hear gunshots and yelling coming from outside. Rick opens the door and we follow the noise. We find where they are being held and find that they are going to move them. Rick grabs a smoke grenade and uses it. We then grab Maggie and Glenn and run. Running we then get into a building that is close by for cover.  
“Ain't no way out back here.” Daryl says coming back from the other side of the house.  
“Rick, how did you find us?” Maggie asks.  
“How bad are you hurt?” He asks Glenn.   
“I'll be alright.” He answers panting.  
“Where’s that woman?” Maggie asks. I turn around not seeing Michonne.  
“She was right behind us.” Rick says.  
“Maybe she was spotted?” Oscar says.  
“Want me to go look for her?” Daryl questions.  
“No. We gotta get them out of here.” Rick orders. “She’s on her own.”   
“Daryl, this was Merle.” Glenn says. I turn in shock to him.  
“What?” I ask.   
“It was, he did this.” Glenn says looking at Daryl. I turn to him seeing the disbelief on his face.  
“You saw him?” Rick asks.  
“Face to face,” Glenn admits. “Threw a walker at me, he was going to execute us.”   
“So… my brothers this Governor guy?” Daryl asks confused.  
“No, it's somebody else.” Maggie answers. “Your brother is his lieutenant or something.”   
“Does he know I'm still with you?” Daryl asks.  
“He does now, Rick I'm sorry. We told him where the prison was, we couldn't hold out.” Glenn says I feel my heart drop.  
“Don't. No need to apologize.” Rick says.  
“They're going to be looking for us.” Maggie says.  
“We have to get back, brother.” I say to Rick. He nods in agreement.  
“Can you walk?” He asks Glenn. “We got a car couple of miles out.”   
“I'm good.” He answers.  
“All right. Let's go.” Rick says helping him up.   
“If Merle is around I need to see him.” Daryl calls as we were making our way to the door. I turn to him in disbelief.  
“Not now, we’re in hostile territory.” Rick says to him.  
“He's my brother, I ain't goin……”   
“Look what he did. You want to see him after this?” I ask in anger pointing to Glenn. It did not go unnoticed that Maggie was wearing his shirt either. I was pissed.   
“Look we gotta get out of here now.” Rick says.  
“Maybe I can talk to him, man, maybe I can work something out.” Daryl argues.  
“No, no, no. You're not thinking straight. Look no matter what they say, they are hurt. Glenn can barely walk. How are we going to make it out if we got overrun by walkers and this Governor catches up to us?” Rick explains.   
“Daryl I… We need you.” I beg.   
“Are you with us?” Rick asks after a second.  
“Yeah.” Daryl answers. I sigh in relief.


	21. Chapter Twenty: Realization

We come up with a plan to use as many smoke grenades to cover us and get out the way we came in.   
“All right stay close, on three.” Rick says getting ready to open the door. “One, two, three!”   
Daryl then throws the grenade.   
“Go!” Rick calls and we run shooting at anyone that gets in our way making our way slowly to the spot. We take cover next to a building.   
“Any grenades left?” Rick calls over the gunfire.  
“Uh-huh.” Daryl answers going through the bag.  
“Get ‘em ready, we gotta gun into the wall.” Rick orders.  
“You guys go ahead, I'm going to lay down some cover fire.” Daryl tells us.   
“No, we gotta stay together.” Maggie yells.  
“Daryl she’s right.” I argue.  
“Too hairy. I'll be right behind you.” He argues back.  
“Daryl…” I was about to argue again when he interrupts me.  
“I said, I'll be right behind you!” He yells at me, the look in his eyes countered all my arguments. I nod at him, he grabs another smoke grenade and stands up.  
“Ready?” He says and throws the grenade and we move to get to a truck where Oscar ends up shot. I turn and look for Rick who was out in the open standing over the man that shot Oscar.  
“Rick!” I call him. “Rick! Get your fucking ass over here!” I yell again and he finally runs over to us we get up on the truck.  
“Daryl!” Rick calls to him.  
“GO!” He calls back.  
“Daryl!” I call him. “Let's go!”   
“I said GO!” He yells back and Rick pushes me to go over the fence. I jump over and turn around staring at where Daryl should be jumping over soon.  
“Come on Daryl….” I keep muttering. Soon after there is noise coming from below the wall. I wait hoping it's Daryl, only to see Michonne crawl out from under the gate. I sigh in frustration and relief. At least she was okay.  
“Where in the hell were you?” Rick says pointing his gun at her. “Turn around.” He orders and as he does he takes her sword.  
“Rick.” I say annoyed at him, he just glares a bit at me. I shake my head and turn back around to the gate, still waiting on Daryl.   
“Get what you came for?” I hear Rick ask her.  
“Where are the rest of your people?” Michonne asks.  
“They got Oscar.” Glenn says.  
“Daryl is missing, you didn't see him?” I ask, my voice almost coming out begging. She shakes her head.  
“If anything happens to him…” Rick threatens.  
“I brought you here to save them.” She says.  
“Thanks for the help.” Rick says sarcastically.  
“You’ll need help to get them back to the prison.” She says. “Or to go back in there for Daryl. Either way, you need me.”   
“We're going back in,” I say, making up my mind. “Rick?” I beg. He nods to me. 

We make our way back in, hearing a ruckus at the back of the town. We make our way there and see Daryl and Merle fighting each other, then they bring in walkers to the fight as well. When Rick shoots first we all start shooting. I shoot down the closest walker to Daryl and he turns to look in my direction, I pick my head up a bit for him to see me. I smile at him, he just nods and goes back to keeping himself safe. Rick throws a smoke grenade in and we shoot out the lights. The townspeople run and I make my way slowly to where I last saw Daryl. I grab his hand as he grabs his bow.   
“Let's go.” I say leading him to Rick and the others.   
We run making our way back to the truck we left earlier. We kill some walkers and by sunrise, we make our way to the van where Michonne and Glenn are waiting.  
“Glenn.” Rick calls.  
“Rick, Esme, Maggie, Oh thank god.” Glenn calls coming to us.  
“Now we got a problem here. I need you to back up.” Rick says to him and Michonne.  
“What the hell is he doing here?” Glenn yells when he sees Merle. I didn't blame him or Michonne as she pulls her sword.  
“Hey, hey, hey!” Rick pulls his gun and gets in her way.   
“Put it down!” Daryl yells at her.   
“He tried to kill me!” Michonne yells at him.  
It becomes a yelling fest at that point and no one was getting anywhere. I was getting tired of it all.  
“ENOUGH!!!” I yell getting everyone to shut up for a second before Merle ruins what I was about to say.   
“Man looks like your going native, brother.”  
“No more than you, hanging out with that psycho back there.” Daryl counters.  
“Oh yeah man he is a charmer, I got to tell you that, been putting the wood to your girlfriend Andrea, a big time baby.” He tells Michonne.  
“What?” I ask. She was alive? How? I saw her go down?  
“Andrea is in Woodbury?” Glenn asks.  
“Yeah right next to the Governor.” Daryl confirms.  
“Figures that bitch would go for a man like him. Ugh.” I say in disgust. Michonne goes to strike at Merle.  
“I told you to drop that.” Rick warns again. “You know Andrea?” He questions her.  
“Yup she does,” Merle explains, when she won't talk. “Her and blonde spent all winter cuddling up in the forest. Mmm, yeah. Ms, Nubian queen here had two pet walkers, no arms, cut off the jaws, keeping them in chains. Kind of ironic now that I think about it.”  
“Shut up, bro.” Daryl yells at him.  
“Hey man we snatched them out of the woods, Andrea was close to dying.”   
“Is that why she’s with him?” Maggie asks.  
“Yeah, snug as two little bugs. So what are you going to do now Sheriff? Huh? Surrounded by a bunch of liars, thugs, and cowards.”   
“Shut up!” Rick and I yell at him.  
“Oh man look at his, Pathetic. All these guns and no bullets in them.”  
“Merle, shut up!” Daryl yells at him again.   
“Shut up yourself! Bunch of pussies you roll…” That's as far as he gets when Rick hits him in the head with the but of his gun. Seeing that made me smile a bit, I did not miss his arrogant ass one bit.   
“Asshole.” Rick says. 

“It won't work.” Rick says, Glenn, Maggie, Daryl and I were talking about Merle.   
“It's gotta.” Daryl says.  
“It'll stir things up.”   
“Look the Governor is probably on his way to the prison right now. Merle knows how he thinks and we can use the muscle.”   
“I'm not having him at the prison.” Maggie says.  
“Do you really want him sleeping in the same cell block as Esme, Carol or Beth?” Glenn asks.  
“He ain't a rapist.” Daryl defends.  
“Well, his buddy is.”  
“They ain't buddies no more, not after last night.”  
“There is no way Merle is going to live there without putting everyone at each other's throats.” Rick says.  
“So you're going to cut Merle loose and bring the last samurai home with us?”   
“She’s not coming back.”   
“She’s not in the right state to be on her own.” Maggie retorts.  
“She did bring you guys to us.” Glenn says.  
“And then ditched us.” Rick says.  
“At least let my dad stitch her up.” Maggie asks.  
“She’s too unpredictable.”   
“That's right we don't know who she is.” Daryl says. “But Merle, Merle is blood.”   
“No, Merle is your blood,” Glenn says. “My blood, my family is standing right here and waiting for us back at the prison.”  
“And your part of that family.” Rick says.  
“Exactly, Daryl, if Merle wanted to come back in Atlanta he could have, he knew where you were, but he didn’t.” I finally speak up. “We are family, and if he comes back it will cause problems.”  
“Man, yall don't know…. Fine, we'll fend for ourselves.” Daryl says, my heart drops.  
“Daryl….”   
“That's not what we’re….” Glenn tries.  
“No him, no me.” Daryl counters.   
“Daryl you don't have to do that.” Maggie says.  
“Please.” I say, putting my hand on his arm, he moves away from me.  
“It was always Merle and me before this.” Daryl says.  
“Don't.” Maggie says.  
“Are you serious?” Glenn questions.  
“Daryl, please.” I beg, my heart hurt more than I could explain or comprehend at the thought of him leaving.   
“You're just going to leave, just like that?” Glenn asks.  
“You would do the same thing.” Daryl counters him. “So would you if it were Rick.” He turns to me.   
“My brothers not an ass like yours and what are we going to tell Carol?” I ask angrily now.  
“She’ll understand,” Daryl says then starts walking to his brother. “Say goodbye to your pops for me.” He tells Maggie.  
“Daryl!” I call feeling the tears well up in my eyes. Rick runs after him. They talk for a second and Daryl walks away again. “Daryl!!!” I call again. I run after him as he gets to the car to gather his things.   
“No him, no me. That's all I have to say.” He tells Rick. “Take care of yourself, and Little Ass-kicker, and Carl and Esme.” He says when he sees me. I frown at him as he goes to walk away.  
“Please, Daryl.” I beg again. Not knowing what else to say. He shakes his head at me.   
“So much for you defending my brother when he got back? I kept my end of the deal having Rick’s back this whole time.”  
“That was before your brother beat the fuck out of Glenn and kidnapped my best friends. Your brother is an asshole and you know it! He may be your blood, but that doesn't make him family. I hope you learn that one day, a family is in the soul, not blood! You will always be family to us, but he isn't. So much for always being right behind me. You take care, Daryl, and know that you will always be welcome with us. May the shadows keep you safe and the light guide your way.” My voice cracks at the end and I have to turn around so he won't see my tears, I place my head on Rick’s shoulder and let them finally fall. I couldn't fathom why him walking away felt like he was ripping my heart from me and taking it with him. Rick guides me into the car and shuts the door behind me. I fall asleep on the way back to the prison. 

I jolt awake to see Glenn, Maggie, and Rick yelling at each other. There was a red truck in our way and a tree. Michonne was in the back seat behind me watching them.   
“Do you know what he did to her?” Glenn screamed at Rick. As I get out of the car.  
“What is going on here?” I ask, making my way to them.   
“Leave it alone!” Maggie yells at Glenn. “Let's go.” She says acting like she is going to push the truck.   
“Rick?” I question. He puts his hand up to me still looking at Glenn.  
“After all that effort, all that risk we took, Daryl just takes off with Merle?” Glenn says I look away at that point, my eyes stinging.  
“Well, he had his reasons.” Rick says.   
“Yeah, you keep telling yourself that, Rick. Doesn't change the fact that were up to our necks in shit.” Glenn argues.  
“Do you want me to turn the car around, beg him to come back? Throw down a welcome mat for Merle? This is the hand we've been dealt!” Rick yells in his face. I push the two apart stepping in between them.  
“Enough! Both of you! This is not helping anything. Glenn, I get it, it sucks, you know I think Daryl leaving fucking sucks. More than any of you, but Rick is right. This is the hand we have been dealt and we have to make it work. We can’t beg Daryl to come back or trust me I would. I tried.” I said looking down trying to keep the tears from falling.  
“Let's just get this out of here and get back, get some rest we can talk it out there.” Maggie suggests.   
“No, you guys do all the talking you want. I'm done.” Glenn says and goes to the truck to move it. We move the truck and get back to the prison. 

Carol and Carl open the gate for us, I frown when I see Carol, I didn't want to think about telling her the bad news. Rick stops the car and gets out, I follow.  
“Drive them up, I'll meet you there.” Rick tells Maggie.  
“Okay.” She answers moving to the driver seat and leaving.   
“Thank god.” Rick hugs Carl and I hug them both.  
“Where’s Hershel?” Rick asks.  
“In the cell block.” Carl answers.  
“Where’s Daryl?” Carol asks the dreaded question. I turn around to her looking in the car, Maggie leaves then.   
“It's all right. He's alive” Rick says as she hyperventilates a bit, she calms down a bit but looks to me. I frown and tell her.   
“We ran into his brother. They went off.”   
“He left?” She asks me. I nod, and she looks to Rick and he nods in confirmation. “Daryl left?” She asks again in disbelief. “He's gone? Is he coming back?” I go up to her and hug her.  
“And Oscar?” Carl asks.  
“No.” Rick says, and we walk to the prison in a solemn silence.   
I hug Hershel and help Maggie and Beth get inside. When I get inside I see four new people.  
“Who the fuck are they?” I ask grabbing my gun. They all move back, a big black man moving in front of the girl. Carl shakes his head at me.  
“Carl?” I question. Hershel and Rick come in from outside at that moment and Rick grabs my arm leading me from the group into our cell block. Carl locks the door from there. I walk into my cell fed up, I'll let Rick deal with it all. A bit later Maggie comes in and sits on my bed with me. I sit up and look at her. She just starts cleaning her hands with a wet cloth.   
“You okay?” I ask. She just shakes her head at me.  
“Are you?” She questions me. I shake my head in response. Hershel comes into the door at that moment.  
“You need something that needs looking at?” He asks his daughter.  
“Is Glenn all right?” She asks him. He comes into the cell at that point.  
“Go see.” He tells her. He sits down with us when she won't speak to him.  
“You two seem to be holding something back, You want to tell me what happened?” He asks her. I get up at that moment to leave them two to talk.  
“I'll be outside if either of you needs me.” I tell them both. Hershel smiles at me. 

I'm lying in my bed when I hear the others outside talking.  
“Whenever Thomas went off Oscar always stood up for me, you know? He was my friend.” Axel’s voice carries.   
“He went out fighting.” Rick says.  
“So what now? You think the Governor will retaliate?” Beth asks.  
“Yes.” Maggie says, at this talk, I sit up in my bed. I was tired but needed to know the plan.  
“Let him try.” Glenn says. I shake my head at that and stand, sighing, I stretch a bit.  
“Sounds like he's got a whole town, were outnumbered and outgunned.” Carol says as I walk out of my cell.  
“We could use some reinforcements.” Hershel says as I walk down the stairs.  
“That we could.” I say agreeing.  
Rick looks at all of us then we make our way to the group of people we have held up.  
“I'm Tyreese.” The big man holds his hand out for Rick, but he doesn't take it.  
“Sasha, Allen, Ben.” Hershel introduces. I nod to all of them.  
“How did you get in?” Rick asks getting to the point.  
“Fire damage to the administrative part of the prison. Walls down.” Tyreese explains.  
“That side is completely overrun by walkers. How did you get this far?” Rick asks.  
“We didn't, we lost our friend Donna.” Tyreese says.  
“They were lost in the gyms.” Carl speaks up.  
“You brought them here?” Rick rounds on him.  
“He had no choice.” Hershel defends. Rick just nods.  
“I'm sorry about your friend, we know what that's like.” I say. The others nod with me.  
“Hershel says you guys can use some extra hands, were no stranger to hard work. We’ll go out get our own food, stay out of your hair.” Tyreese offers. “You got another problem with another group, we’ll help with that, too.”  
“We can’t ask that of you.” I say, slightly shocked.  
“Anything to contribute.” Tyreese says to me.  
“No.” Rick says.  
“Please,” Shasha begs. “It's like ten little Indians out there. It's just us now.”  
“No.” Rick says again.  
“Rick?” I question.  
“Let's talk about this,” Hershel says. “We can't just keep….”  
“We’ve been through this, with Thomas, Andrew, look what happened.” Rick says.  
“Axel and Oscar weren’t like them.” Carol says.  
“And where is Oscar now?” Rick retorts. “I can't be responsible.”   
“You turn us out, you are responsible.” Tyreese says.  
“Rick.” Hershel calls to him. Rick goes to him and they whisper to each other.   
“No. No. No, no, no, no… why are you here? What do you want from me? Why are you…. No. I can't help you!!!” Rick starts to freak out looking at nothing upstairs.   
“Dad?” Carl asks. I walk up to him putting my hand on his shoulder. “Brother. What's wrong?” When I touch him, he rounds on me. “Get out” He yells in my face.  
“Rick?” I question backing up a bit.  
“Get out! You don't belong here.” He yells at everyone and pulls his gun. I push Carl behind me.  
“Whoa whoa, alright, relax brother, we're going.” Tyreese says.  
Glenn shoos the group out as I grab onto Rick keeping him looking at me. He calms down a bit and I run my hand down his arm to the gun, slowly getting ahold of it.   
“Rick. What happened?” I ask. He just shakes his head at me and leaves. I look to Hershel wondering what the fuck that was.   
“Let him be for now.” He tells me, I sigh and nod. Going back to my bed. I say my night prayer and try to fall asleep. 

The next morning the group, excluding Rick, gather to discuss how Tyreese and the others got in.  
“He thought he came through here.” Carl points to Glenn’s chalk drawing.  
“That means there is another breach,” Glenn says. “Okay, the whole front of the prison is insecure. If walkers just strolled in, then it's going to be a cake for a group of armed men.”  
“Why are we even so sure he is going to attack? Maybe you scared him off.” Beth says hopefully.  
“He had fish tanks full of heads. Walkers and humans, trophies. He’s coming.” Michonne speaks up.  
“We should hit him now.” Glenn says.  
“What?” I ask.  
“He won't be expecting it and put a bullet in his head.”   
“We're not assassins.” Carol objects.   
“You know where his apartment is.” Glenn gets up and confronts Michonne. “You and I could end this tonight. I'll do it myself.” Michonne nods to him. I shake my head.  
“Glenn, no, this is not a good idea.” I say.  
“He didn't know you were coming last time and look what happened, you were almost killed, Daryl was captured and you and Maggie were almost executed.” Hershel says.  
“You can't stop me.” Glenn counters.  
“Rick would never allow this.”   
“You really think he is in any position to make that choice.”   
“Think this through clearly. Tdog lost his life here. Lori, too. The men that were here. It isn't worth anymore killing. What are we waiting for? If he's really on his way, we should be out of here by now.”   
“And go where?”   
“We lived on the road all winter.”  
“Back when you had two legs and we didn't have a baby crying for walkers every four hours.”  
“We can't say here.”  
“We can't run.” Glenn concludes I watch him looking at something behind me, I turn to see Maggie walking away. “All right. We’ll stay put. We're going to defend this place we’re making a stand.” He says then sits back down to his drawing of the prison. “Carl you and I will go to the tombs. We need to figure out where the breach is.”   
“You got it.” Carl agrees.  
“You’ll need some help.” Michonne tries to pitch in.   
“No, in case anything happens I need you out here.” Glenn says then gets angry all of the sudden. “Who’s on watch? Damn it.” He says walking away. He comes back a bit later. “Esme your on watch, please. Carl, let's go.” He says. I nod but stop in front of Carl first.   
“You listen to Glenn, please.” I say to him. He just nods to me.   
“Glenn, you watch each other's backs.” I say patting his shoulder and make my way to the tower.

Sitting on top of the tower I realize it's the first time I've been alone for a while. I try to ignore the feeling and keep watch. I scan over the graves and try to ignore them as well. I didn't want to think about them. I didn't want to think about anything right now. I scan the perimeter one more time but catch myself scrolling to the graves again. I stop on them, slowly lowering the binoculars as I feel the tears run down my cheeks. All of the sudden I feel a rush of betrayal and anger in me. What were we doing here? I think kicking a chair. Waiting for this group to attack, why? We could just leave, but Glenn was right with Judith and Hershel we wouldn't make it far. I kick the chair again. Tyreese’s group was gone now and we didn't have Daryl anymore. I turn and punch a wall. The person I felt was the strongest in our group left. Gone. My heart ached at the thought of him. Why? Why now? I turn back around in frustration, basically growling at nothing. I stare at the graves, Lori’s and Tdog's, I cried a bit for them wanting to talk to Lori about my feelings, she was one I could always talk to about feelings. Rick was not in the right mind to talk to right now, and Maggie was dealing with her own thing. I had never felt more alone than right now. I wiped some tears away and shake my head. I was here for a reason. I scan again not finding any changes from before. I sit there trying not to think about anything, of course, I fail at this. I go over his words in my mind again. “So much for you defending my brother when he got back? I kept my end of the deal having Rick’s back this whole time.” His words hurt and angered me at the same time. I had his back, but after what Merle did? Why would I have Merle’s back? “Why does Daryl leaving hurt me so much?”  
“Because I think you fell in love.” I hear a voice come from behind me. I jump scared, turning around I see Maggie.   
“God, you scared the shit out of me. I didn't even hear the door.” I say my hand over my heart.  
“Sorry.”   
“It's okay.”   
“So are you going to acknowledge what I said?”  
“Why? It's not true.”   
“Oh really, so you don't think you've fallen in love with Daryl?”   
“No, he's an asshole. Why would I have.” I turn away from her, acting as if I'm scanning the perimeter. Really I was questioning myself.   
“Right, yet here you are kicking chairs and punching walls in anger and just a couple of days ago he wasn't degenerate, he was a loyal and good person, and you didn't slap Andrea for almost killing him.”   
“That's different….”   
“How Daryl may be a stubborn person, and on occasions an asshole, but he is a good person and he is loyal to a fault.”  
“Ugh… no kidding, fucker left us for his bastard brother.”   
“Yes and that pains you more than even Carol.” I turn to her at her words.  
“But why? How do I know? How did you know with Glenn?”   
“Why, I can't answer for you? How do you know, well when Glenn almost died is when I knew. I could tell you liked Daryl when you defended him back at the farm. When you almost killed Andrea. I could tell you loved him when you begged him not to leave.”  
“Well I guess it doesn't matter now, he's gone.” I say turning again and angrily wiping away the stupid tears that now leaked from my eyes. I was tired of crying, I was tired of being hurt.  
“He likes you too, you know.”   
“Oh really? Cause he has a funny way of showing it.” I guester out of the prison.   
“I could tell in the way he didn't stop looking for you, even when he told the group you didn't want to be found. I could tell in the way he would always be watching you. I could tell in the small ways he would help you. When he would ask what your blood sugar level was at. Or the day you passed out. He kept watching over you while you were out. Didn't leave your side till he knew you were in my dad’s care and that he knew my dad knew how to get your sugar level back to normal. Only then did we leave to get the formula.” I turn around and stare at her, I had no idea she paid that much attention. My heart ached to have this all confirmed, but at the same time what good would that do now? He was gone.  
“Well, as I said before, it doesn't matter anyway.” I say to her looking down at the floor now.  
“I'm sorry. I just thought that you should know, and I came to make sure you were okay. You should get your hand looked at soon.” She says turning to leave.  
“Maggie…” I say looking up at her. “Thank you.” She turns and smiles at me for a sec. “Are you okay?” I ask her. She shakes her head.  
“I don't know, but I'm not ready to talk about it.”   
“Okay, I understand, but when you are, I am here for you.” I say placing my hand on her arm. She smiles and gives me a hug. Then turns and leaves. I turn back around thinking about everything she had just told me. I guess in some weird way I did fall for the stubborn redneck with a crossbow. I smile at the thought then frown. Didn't matter I had no way of telling him or acting on my feelings. For some reason this didn't just sadden me, it angered me. If he really did love me why leave me when I begged him to stay? Because he loves his brother as well, and I couldn't fault him for that. I sigh at the antics in my head.


	22. Chapter Twenty One: We're Going to War

I am still keeping watch when I see a movement to the side of the prison. I turn to it and see Rick walking around. I frown and continue to watch him. It looked to me like he was looking for something. I'm watching Rick when I see him turn around grabbing his gun like he was on guard. I follow his gaze and realize I was paying too much attention to him, that I missed the car driving up. God damn it, Esme!!!!! I chastise myself. I turn to look in the prison and see Axel dead.  
“Take cover!” I yell down at Carol. From the tower I shoot the man driving the car, from out of nowhere another van comes it keeps driving, crashing into the prison gate. I watch the truck confused at first. Then the back hatch opens and walkers pour out of it going towards Hershel. I start to try and kill the walkers, but I was not good at long range shooting. I run down the stairs of the tower. I shoot till my gun clip is empty, and have to resort to my 5 throwing knives. I grab them from the walker's skulls and continue. It was havoc all the gunshots cause more walkers from outside the prison to come in. We clear the prison yard and get Hershel and the others in the yard. I look around for Rick. He was not anywhere I could see, and the field was full of walkers.   
“RICK!!!” I call for him.  
“I'm fine!” He calls from across the field. I kill a walker that gets to the gate trying to get to me.  
He makes his way around with two other figures. Only when they are close enough do I realize it's Daryl and Merle. My anger came back to me then. I glare at them, looking at Rick for an answer. He turns me around.  
“Not right now.” He whispers in my ear. I nod. We get into the prison and most of us go to our cells. Merle is locked in the holding place and Daryl takes his perch like before. I toss and turn and can't help, but position myself to watch him. He moves around a bit obviously not able to sleep either. I blink and notice he is watching me watch him, I blush, but glare and turn my back on him. Damn stupid redneck. Coming back!!! Now, what do I do?

The next morning the group gathers around to figure out a plan, I stay in my cell still angry and tired from yesterday and admittedly still confused about my feelings for Daryl.  
“We’re not leaving.” I hear Rick say.  
“We can't stay here.” Hershel counters.  
“What if there's another sniper? A wood pellet won't stop one of those rounds.” Maggie says.  
“We can't go outside.” Beth says.  
“Not in the daylight.” Carol speaks up.  
“If Rick says we’re not running then we’re not running.” Glenn says angrily.  
“No, better to live like rats.” I hear Merle’s voice, his voice just angers me more.  
“You got a better idea?” Rick says.   
“Yeah, we should have split out of here last night and live to fight another day, but we lost that window didn't we. I'm sure he's got scouts on every road out of this place by now.”  
“We ain't scared of that prick.” Daryl says, I stand and move to the entrance of my cell. His back was turned to me and I couldn't help check to make sure he didn't have any new wounds. Also didn't help that I was now realizing just how built and handsome he was. I shook the thoughts from my head and turned my back on him.   
“Y’all should be. That truck through the fence thing, that was just him ringing the doorbell, we might have some thick walls to hide behind, but he's got the guns and the numbers and if he takes the high ground around this place, shoot, he could just starve us out if he wanted.” Merle says.  
“Let's put him in the other cell block.” Maggie suggests. I can't help but agree with her, but stay silent.  
“No, he's got a point.” Daryl says I turn around at his voice, but glare at him standing up for his brother.  
“This was all you! You started this!” Maggie yells at Merle.   
“What difference does it make who’s fault it is? What do we do?” Beth says surprising me at how adult her words were.   
“I said we should leave,” Hershel says. “Now Axel is dead. We can't just sit here.” Rick starts to leave, but Hershel stands up and yells at him.  
“GET BACK HERE!” I jump a bit at his tone. Rick stops dead in his tracks.  
“You're slipping Rick, we've all seen it. We understand why, but now is not the time. You once said this isn't a democracy. Now you have to own up to that. I put my family’s life in your hands. So get your head clear and do something.” Hershel tells him. I could tell that his words got to Rick. Rick puts Maggie to keep watch and the others try to make a plan, I sit at the top of the stairs trying to come up with a plan as well, but admittedly my anger was still getting to me.  
“So we're trapped in here, there is barely any food or ammo.” Glenn says.  
“Been here before, we'll be alright.” Daryl tells him.  
“That's when it was just us before there was a snake in the nest.” Glenn says angrily.  
“Man, we going to go through this again?” Daryl gets in his face. I stand up now. “Look Merle is staying here. He's with us now. Get used to it. All of you all.” He comes upstairs causing me to move.   
“Merle can stay here Daryl, sure, but he will never be one of us, and if he harms a hair on ANYONE in our group, INCLUDING you, I will personally kill him. Even if that means going through the person I fell in love with.” I tell him, anger dripping from my words. His eyes widen at the last part I said and he freezes. Then and only then, does it register what I had said. The room is deadly quiet. I blush and angrily run downstairs. I can hear Merle laughing.   
“Looks like my brother made himself a girlfriend!” I hear him mocking. “Shut up!” Is the only reply I hear from Daryl. I angrily make my way out the door to the watchpoint where Maggie is. 

“What happened?” Maggie asks as I slam the door behind me.   
“I in a way just yelled at Daryl that I would kill his brother if he hurt any of our group.”  
“Okay and that is bad why?”   
“Cause I also inadvertently told him I love him.” I say as I slam my head on the fence.  
“Oh.” Is all she says, I look at her eyes pleading.  
“What do I do?” I ask.   
“Well, you can't go around ignoring him…”  
“Why not?” I ask liking the idea.  
“Because we’re trapped in here and you will run into him at some point.” She explains. I frown.  
“So I have to talk to him?”   
“At some point.” She answers as I sigh.  
“Well, for now, I'm staying right here.” I sit down helping her keep watch.

Carl comes out and helps keep watch as well. I ignore him for the most part when he questions what I meant when I yelled at Daryl. “Psst… Something weird out there.” Carl’s tells Maggie and I. I grab my binoculars as Maggie uses the rifle scope to look where Carl is indicating. As I watch I see a walker with no arms and jaw making its way to the prison. Behind it I see a figure coming in and out of view. I keep straining to see who it is when she moves into my view. It was Andrea.   
“It's Andrea, get your dad and the others.” Maggie says. I groan at the thought of talking to her. Maggie looks at me confused.  
“What? I hate the bitch.” I say to her.  
“Only cause she almost killed your boyfriend.” She jokes at me.  
“Too soon woman, too soon, and besides Andrea is stupid, that's why I hate her.” I clarify.   
The others then come and make their way to the gate and open it to let her in. Rick then puts her on her knees taking her weapons and bag.  
“Are you alone?” He asks.  
“I am.” she says. At that point, Rick leads her into the prison and Maggie and I make our way back in.

Carol hugs Andrea as I stand in the back with Maggie.  
“After you saved me, we thought you were dead.” Carol tells her.  
“Hershel, my god,” Andrea says, seeing him. “I can't believe this, where is Shane?” I look away from her as she turns to me. “And Lori?”   
“She had a girl. Lori didn't survive.” Hershel explains.  
“Neither did Tdog.” Maggie says.  
“I'm so sorry,” Andrea says still looking around. “Carl. Esme,” she says looking at both of us. I just shake my head still not looking at her. She turns to Rick then. “Rick, I…” He steps away from her. “You all live here?” She asks.  
“Here and the cell block.” Glenn answers her, I look at him trying to get him to not say any more.  
“There? Well, can I go in?” She asks pointing to the cell block.   
“No.” I glare at her.  
“I won't allow that.” Rick says walking up to her.  
“I'm not an enemy, Rick.” She tells him.  
“No, but your sleeping with him.” I retort, she looks at me shocked.  
“We had that field and courtyard until your boyfriend tore down the fence with a truck and shot us up.” Rick explains.  
“He said you fired first.”  
“Well, he's lying.”   
“He killed an inmate who survived in here.” Hershel says.  
“We liked him, he was one of us.” Daryl says, his voice drawing my eyes. I get embarrassed again just staring at him and look down.  
“I didn't know anything about that,” Andrea tells us. “As soon as I found out I came, I didn't even know you were in Woodbury until after the shoot-out.”  
“That was days ago.” Glenn argues.  
“I told you, I came as soon as I could.” She looks between Glenn, Maggie and I. I just glare at her.   
“What have you told them?” She rounds on Michonne.  
“Nothing.” She answers. “I don't get it, I left Atlanta with you people and now I'm the odd man out?” I scoff at her and am about to reply when Glenn does.  
“He almost killed Michonne and he would have killed us.”   
“With his finger on the trigger,” She points to Merle. “Isn't he the one who kidnapped you? Who beat you?”   
“We don't like him here either, but we can't very well kick him out either,” I gesture to Daryl. “Besides the enemy of my enemy is my friend...ish….” I say trying to come up with some point of keeping the asshole here. Maggie scoffs from beside me and I glare at her.   
“Look, I cannot excuse or explain what Philip has done, but I am here trying to bring us together. We have to work this out.”   
“There is nothing to work out.” Rick retorts. “We’re going to kill him, I don't know how or when, but we will.”  
“We can settle this, there is room at Woodbury for all of you.”   
“You know better than that.” Merle chuckles from his spot on the stairs.  
“What makes you think this man wants to negotiate?” Hershel asks. “Did he say that?”  
“No.” Andrea answers.   
“Then why did you come here?” Rick questions.  
“Because he's gearing up for war. The people are terrified. They see you as killers. They’re training to attack.”   
“I'll tell you what, next time you see Phillip, you tell him I'm going to take his other eye.” Daryl tells her.  
“We've taken to much shit for too long,” Glenn says. “He wants a war, he's got one.”   
“Rick,” Andrea turns to him. “If you don't sit down and try to work this out, I don't know what's going to happen. He has a whole town.” She sighs when he doesn't answer her and turns to face all of us. “Look at you, you've lost so much already. You can't stand alone anymore.”  
“We have each other and that's enough.” I practically growl at her angry at the thought of her wanting us to become a part of Woodbury. Rick puts his hand out to me stopping me from saying any more.  
“You want to make this right get us inside,” He tells her.  
“No.”  
“Then we got nothing to talk about.” He says walking away.  
“There are innocent people.”  
“So were Maggie and Glenn, he started all this shit! If they were innocent he would have let them go the moment Merle told him about them, he wouldn't have fucking dumped a truck of walkers on our doorstep!” I argue back.  
“The townspeople are innocent, Esme.”  
“Yet you're letting him gear them for war,” I tell her. “If you cared so much about them then you would be trying to stop him, not us.”   
She stares at me, I scoff at the fact that she can't come up with a response.   
“Tell Rick I'm keeping watch.” I say looking at the others. When my gaze runs over Daryl he nods at me, staring me in the eye. I keep his gaze till I blush remembering what I told him. I look away and turn going to my post again. 

“And what happened with Shane?” Andrea’s voice carries to me.  
“Rick killed him.” I hear Carol tell her, as I'm making my way upstairs to my cell.  
“Yup, that night we left the farm, the whole Randall thing was a lie. Shane tried to kill Rick, seems like you like sleeping with the crazies.” I tell her. She turns around.  
“Shane loved Rick, and he would never have done that to you.”   
“My brother would never have, but the person this world turned him into, did.” I say grabbing my niece from her.   
“Ricks become cold, unsteady.” Andrea says.  
“He has his reasons.” Carol says as I glare more at her.  
“Rick helps keep us alive.” I defend.   
“The Governor you need to do something.” Carol says.  
“I am.” Andrea retorts.  
“No, you need to sleep with him, give him the greatest night of his life. You get him to drop his guard, then when he's sleeping you can end this.”   
“Well, at least if she does that she will have done something right.” I say turning and taking Judith into the cell with me. 

Later that night I'm half asleep with Judith next to me, she starts to fuss and I feel someone take her from the bed. I snap my eyes open and put my hand out to get her back to see Rick. He looks at me and I nod, pulling my hand away.  
“Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you.”   
“It's ok.” I say stretching.   
“Go back to bed, I got her.”  
“No, I'm good, I've been asleep for a bit.” I say as I hear Beth start to sing. I get up and walk to the top of stairs sitting down on the first step. I look around at everyone just standing or sitting. It was kind of peaceful. I turn my gaze to see Rick talking to Daryl and Hershel. I can't help but stare at Daryl, he must have felt my eyes on him because as soon as he seems to answer Rick’s question he looks at me. I look down when Rick follows his gaze to me. This is going to be retardedly awkward….. I think as I look up and see Merle smirking at me. I roll my eyes at him and sigh. Looking down at Beth as she finishes her song. 

“You listen to your father.” I tell Carl as they were about to go on their run.  
“I'm not a kid anymore, Aunt Esme.” He tells me with an annoyed look on his face. I sigh.  
“No, but it is still smart to listen to him, and besides, you and my brother are the only family I have left.” I tell him hugging him. He pulls away and looks at me with a smirk.  
“What?” I ask him.  
“The group is our family now as well, and besides isn't Daryl going to become my Uncle soon?” He questions. I bop the top of his hat pushing it down over his eyes as I hear Merle at the gate laughing. I wasn't even going to turn around and look at Daryl who I know heard.   
“Get your ass in the car bud!” I tell him opening the door. I turn to Rick and give him a hug.   
“Be careful out there.” I tell him.  
“I will.” He tells me and hands me his set of keys to the prison. “You know what to do if something happens here right.”  
“Of course. You don't have to tell me a 4th time.” I smile at him and turn to Michonne who was waiting by the driver door.   
“Be careful yourself.” I tell her and she just nods. I watch them get in the car and sigh pulling out my pentacle from my shirt and thinking a small prayer for them as I watch them leave.   
“They’ll be fine.” I hear Daryl’s voice from behind me and I turn to face him.   
“Of course they will.” I say not looking him in the eye.  
“Esme…” Daryl says, I shake my head and turn around.   
“Don't.” I tell him and walk away.   
“Don't what?” He calls to me. I shake my head and keep walking. I don't know why I ignored him, but I did. 

Rick, Michonne and Carl make it back later that afternoon. I basically helped with chores and ignored the others all day, the whole time trying to sort out my thoughts. I run to the car as they were getting out. Rick is hurt but I see that he bandaged it the wound already.   
“Everyone okay?” I ask looking over Carl to make sure he wasn't stabbed as well.  
“Were fine.” Rick answers me after hugging me. I nod and hug Carl. I look to Michonne as she nods to me. I nod back slightly smiling. I look in the car seeing the back full.  
“Wow, good run?” I ask as I open the hatch.   
“Yeah got a lot of supplies, guns, and a baby crib.” Carl answers me. I nod starting to grab some bags and get them in as the others help. After that, the group gets together and Rick explains what happened with Morgan. From there we go through the new supplies and come up with a plan on how to defend the prison. 

The next morning Andrea comes back with a plan for meeting the Governor, I go with Rick, Daryl, and Hershel to the meeting place. I get out of the car and grab my gun.   
“Stay with Hershel, Daryl and I will check around.” Rick orders me. I nod and go to the back of the car and keep watch.   
“Can't help but see that you are ignoring everyone.” I hear Hershel say to me I walk backward a bit to the driver side keep watch still.  
“Nothing personal.” I tell him.  
“I'm not taking it personally, but Maggie and Glenn, I can tell are upset about it, and Daryl seems very confused as to why you keep ignoring him after your outburst.” I scoff.  
“I don't see why he would be confused about that. I embarrassed the crap out of myself. Of course, I'm ignoring him.” I turn to him slightly blushing in embarrassment just thinking about the incident. “As for Maggie and Glenn, hell even the others and you. Well, I don't need them pestering me about it while I myself don't even know what to do.”   
“Understandable, but I do think you should at least give Daryl a break. Poor man thinks he's the one that did something wrong.”  
“How do you know that?” I ask confused.  
“I can see it on his face and he knows that you're still angry about him leaving, that's still written all over your face when you look at him.” I sigh at his words, I was still angry at him for that.  
“I'll get over it soon, I hope,” I say. “Wonder what's taking them so long.” I say changing the subject.  
“Come on let's go see.” I nod getting in the front seat and letting him drive us around. Daryl comes over to meet us. I lean in my seat to see him.  
“He's already in there, sat down with Rick.” He explains. I frown at that thought.  
“I don't see any cars.” Hershel says causing me to look around.  
“It doesn't feel right,” Daryl says causing me to worry more. “Keep it running.” He tells Hershel. “Heads up!” He warns as a car approaches. I get out of the car with my gun pointed towards it.   
“What the hell why is your boy already in there?” Daryl asks as Andrea gets out of the car making her way around it.  
“He's here?”   
“Yeah, already sitting down with Rick.” I tell her. She sighs and makes her way into the shack. I lean against the car watching the other two men we didn't know. One kept writing in a little booklet and the other just watched Daryl as he paced back and forth.   
“Maybe I should go inside?” Hershel asks.  
“The Governor thought it best that he and Rick spoke privately.” The writer said.  
“Who the hell are you?” Daryl asks.  
“Milton Mamet.” He answers.   
“Great he bought his butler.” Daryl replies, I chuckle along with the other man.  
“I'm his advisor.” Milton tells us.  
“Advisor for what?” I laugh.  
“Planning, Biters, Uh you know I'm sorry, I don't feel like I need to explain myself to the henchmen.”   
“You watch your mouth sunshine.” Daryl retorts to Milton, I raise my eyebrow as he steps closer to me.   
“Look if you and I are gonna be out here pointing guns at each other all day, do me a favor shut your mouths.” The other man speaks. Daryl gets in his face.  
“We don't need this, If all goes south in there, we will be at each other’s throats soon enough. “ Hershel tells them.  
“Daryl, get back here,” I say. “Please.” I add when he doesn't move for a second, he then walks back to us, an annoyed look on his face. I lean back against the car when all settles back down. 

Andrea comes out a bit later pissed off. The macho man who hasn't given us his name goes and shuts the door. I glare at the shut door and look at Daryl, he shrugs his shoulder at me but continues to pace. His pacing starts to get to me and I start to fidget with my with my pentacle.  
“There’s no reason not to use this time we have together to explore the issues ourselves.” Milton’s says walking towards us.  
“Boss said to sit tight and shut up.” The other man says.  
“Don't you mean the Governor?” Daryl asks.  
“It's a good thing that they are sitting down, especially after what happened.?” Milton says. Hershel makes his way over and I walk beside him making sure he doesn't misstep. “They are going to work it out, nobody wants another battle.”   
“I wouldn't exactly call it a battle.” Daryl says.   
“I would call it a battle and I did.” Milton says then holds up his little book. “I recorded it.”  
“For what?”   
“Somebody has to keep a record of what we've gone through.” I raised my eyebrow at his comment. I wrote down everything that's happened, but not for that reason. “It'll be a part of our history.”  
“That makes sense.” Hershel says.  
“I've got dozens of interviews…” Milton makes his way over to Hershel as a walker noise interrupts him. Daryl, the other guy, Andrea and I move instantly, however, Daryl turns to me.  
“Stay here and watch them.” He tells me. I was about to speak when he interrupts me. “Please?” He asks. I just nod. Andrea makes her way over back to us. I watch for Daryl.  
“Where is Daryl?” I ask getting worried.  
“Having a measuring contest with Martinez.” She tells me, I shake my head at the thought and laugh as she sits down on a bench near the shack.   
“May I ask how you lost your leg?” I hear Milton ask Hershel.  
“I was bitten.” He answers.  
“So you cut off your leg to keep the infection from spreading? Interesting, how long after the initial bite?”   
“Immediately.”  
“You didn't bleed out?”   
“We have good people. They took care of me.”  
“Doctors?”  
“No, we learned by trial and error.”  
“Me too.”   
“If you’ll excuse me?” I hear Hershel say, I turn to watch him get up and go to Andrea.  
“How’s it going in there?” He asks I make my way over to hear better as well.  
“They kicked me out.” She retorts and sighs. “I don't know what I'm doing here.” I roll my eyes at her. Of course, she doesn't.  
“You're trying to help.” Hershel says.   
“What happened with Maggie?” She asks looking up at us. I glare at the thought.  
“He's a sick man.” Hershel's answers.  
“What am I going to do now?” She asks understanding what his answer meant. “I can't go back there.”  
“We're family, you belong with us.”   
“I'm sure Esme doesn't feel the same.” She says looking at me. I shrug.  
“I live with Merle now, I would rather deal with your dumbass mistakes then Merle’s asshole attitude any day,” I tell her. “But if you join us, it's settled, there is no you and Philip, and no more stupid mistakes.” I warn.  
“I know.” She says nodding to me. I turn when I hear footsteps coming from behind me. I see Daryl and Martinez finally coming back. I raise my eyebrow when I see Daryl with a cigarette.   
“Done with your measuring contest?” I ask. He looks at me confused. “Andrea came back because you two were trying to one-up each other,” I say pointing between the two. He just shrugs. “Who won?” I ask.   
“Me.” They both say at the same time.  
“Right.” I laugh. Just then the shack door opens and the “governor” comes walking out ignoring everyone, I look inside to see Rick coming out. I sigh in relief. He makes his way to the car driver seat and gets in. The rest of us follow. I look at Andrea and shake my head when she goes to Philip’s vehicle. 

Carol and Carl open the gate for us. We go inside and meet with the rest of the group.   
“So, I met this Governor. Sat with him for quite a while.” Rick starts the meeting.  
“Just the two of you?” Merle asks.  
“Yeah.”  
“Should have gone when we had the chance, bro.” Merle tells Glenn, I look at Glenn questioning, but he shakes his head.  
“He wants the prison.” Rick continues. “He wants us gone, dead, he wants us dead. For what we did to Woodbury. We're going to war.” He says and goes outside.


	23. Chapter Twenty Two: Together

The next couple of days are spent preparing for the war. Putting up defenses, killing most of the walkers, hiding some of the vehicles to look like we ran away.  
“If they try to drive up to the gate again, maybe some blown tires will stop them.” Glenn says as he comes back up to the prison. I hand him a water bottle, along with Daryl and Michonne.  
“That's a good idea.” Rick says.  
“It was Michonne’s” Daryl tells him.  
“We don't have to win, we just have to make them getting at us more trouble than it's worth.” Michonne says. I smile at her.  
“Well keep coming up with the good ideas, we can use as many as you got.” I say.  
“Hey.” Daryl calls to Rick.  
“Yeah, let's go.” He tells him.  
“Where are you two off to?” I ask.  
“Just gotta take care of something.” Rick tells me.  
“Need help?”   
“Nah, we’re good.” Daryl replies.  
“Be careful then, both of you.” I tell them both Rick’s and Daryl’s hands wave at me. 

I continue to help get things ready. I'm loading magazines with Carol when Glenn comes up to me. “Can I borrow you for a little bit?” He asks. I look at Carol, she nods.  
“I got the rest of this.” She says.  
“What's up?” I ask him, as he leads me to the gates.  
“I want to marry Maggie, I have Hershel's permission, I want you to help me find a ring.” He tells me looking at the walkers. I stare at him and smile a real smile for what seems the first time in a while.  
“Okay, let's do this.” I say looking at the female walkers.   
“Thank you.”   
“That one has a ring.” I tell him. We get the walkers hand and chop the finger off, but it was only a mood ring. We do this for a bit and finally find one with a pretty diamond ring. We chop her finger off and I clean the ring for him. 

I'm sitting at the table with Hershel and the others when Rick, Glenn, and Maggie come over.  
“When I met with the Governor, he offered me a deal, he said he would leave us alone if I gave him Michonne.” Rick said, I look around for her, but she wasn't there, neither was Daryl or Merle.   
“Rick? You didn't.” I say standing up.  
“No, I was going to do that to keep us safe, I changed my mind, but now Merle went to finish the deal and Daryl went to stop him. But I don't know if it's too late.”   
“Oh, my Goddess.” I say turning my back on him and running my hand down my face. The rest of the group was still quite.  
“I was wrong not to tell you.” Rick continues. I turn back around in anger, scoffing at him. “I'm sorry.” He says. “What I said last year, that first night after the farm. It can't be like that, what we do, what we're willing to do, who we are, it's not my call. It can't be. I couldn't sacrifice myself for the greater good, because we are the greater good. We’re the reason, we're still here, not me. This is life and death. How you live, how you die, it isn't up to me. I'm not your Governor. We choose to go, we choose to stay. We stick together. We vote. We can stay and fight or we go.” He says and walks away. I sigh and sit down. Grabbing my pentacle and praying for Michonne and Daryl to be safe. 

Michonne thankfully makes her way back to the prison.   
“Are you okay?” I ask her. She nods to me as I close the gate behind her. “And Daryl?” I turn and ask.  
“Went for his brother.” She answers still walking. I nod and keep watch for him. It's not till almost dark that he comes back. Merle isn't with him. I open the gate for him.   
“Where is your brother?” I ask him.   
“What do you care? You wished him dead and well…..” He cuts off, it's then that I notice the dried tears on his face.  
“Daryl…..” I say putting my hand on his arm. He yanks away from me in anger.  
“You got what you want. Leave me alone.” He yells turning and walking from me. I run and grab his arm.  
“I never wanted him dead,” I say, turning him around. I look in his eyes as he tries to avoid mine. “I didn't like your brother that's true, but I never wanted him dead. I'm sorry for what happened. I really am.” I tell him. He nods finally looking me in the eye. I frown at him. “Are you… Nevermind, stupid question.”   
“I'll be okay.” He says. I nod and without thinking I hug him.   
“I am sorry for your loss,” I tell him, I feel him nod on my shoulder, he pulls away then, never really hugging me back. “Sorry, I forget you don't like to be touched.”   
“S’okay, I…” Daryl stutters. I tilt my head at him, he shakes his head like he can't make up his mind on what to say. Looking at me, he then kisses me. I freeze, and when I finally realize what's going on, he pulls away. I stare at him as he turns and walks away. I didn't know what to say or do so just silently follow him inside. That night I can't sleep, I can tell even Daryl can't. I lay watching him fidget. I sigh and get up, walking to him. I sit next to him and he looks at me. Without thinking I lay down next to him. He shifts to give me room on the mattress and pulls me into him. I lay there for a little bit, thinking he might soon push me away, but he never does. I turn to face him and he looks down at me, not saying a word, I move my hand to his cheek and lean up to him, lightly kissing him. Asking for permission. He doesn't kiss back right away, but when I'm about to pull away he deepens the kiss. We kiss for a while before I pull away needing to breathe. I lean my head on his chest panting. He pulls me closer and we fall asleep like that. 

The next morning I wake up to movement beside me. I open my eyes and see Daryl sitting up packing the rest of his things. I hear footsteps coming upstairs behind me, and then Maggie’s giggling. I close my eyes not wanting to deal with it at the moment.   
“This looks oddly familiar.” She states.  
“Hmm.” Is Daryl’s reply. I hear movement beside me. Maggie then slightly shakes me.  
“Esme, time to wake up.” I grumble and stretch at that moment, rolling over to face her. I blink my eyes at her smirking face.   
“What?” I ask. At that moment Rick comes upstairs and stops when he sees where I am. He raises his eyebrows at me.   
“Umm…. Esme, I need you to check to make sure all the vehicles are in place.” He tells me, but his eyes are asking a whole different question.   
“Ok, will do, let me check my sugar levels, then I will, and to answer both of your unanswered questions, before we get bombarded by them, yes I slept here, no nothing happened, not much anyway.” I say getting up and going to my cell. Maggie follows me, and leans against my cell door and staring at me, I can tell she wants more details.  
“It's fine by me, just please try not to hurt her, and watch out for her.” I hear Rick’s voice. I look over at the two as Daryl nods to him. “Of course.” I think I hear Daryl say. Rick turns to look at me at that moment and smiles at me. I tilt my head at him. Daryl then walks into my cell, I smile at him.  
“What's your level?” He asks. I look down at the reader.  
“90. A little low, but I'll grab something to eat.” I answer and he nods.  
“Going to go help, Rick.” He tells me.  
“Ok.” I say to him. He then goes to leave, stops, turns back around leans down kissing me on the cheek. He awkwardly grumbles a bye to a grinning Maggie, as I blush.  
“So?....” Maggie asks when he's out of earshot.   
“We just made out, nothing more.” I answer.   
“But?.....”   
“I think we are, I don't know, didn't really get a chance to clarify. We fell asleep.” I answer putting my shoes on. We make our way to the eating area where Carol has breakfast ready. A small number of powdered eggs.   
“So I won the bet.” Maggie says to Glenn as he makes his way in. He stops then stares at me.  
“Couldn't wait another week or two?” He asks.  
“What bet, a week for what?” I ask him confused.  
“Maggie and Glenn made a bet on when you and Daryl would wind up together, Carl was also in on it and agreed with Glenn saying that you were too scared to make the first move,” Carol explains. “So you and Daryl are together now?”   
“I think we are.”  
“Think?”  
“They only made out last night and slept in the same bed, but Daryl did kiss her cheek this morning so my guess is they are.” Maggie explains for me as I eat my food.   
“Yes let's tell the whole world this before breakfast,” I say annoyed. “So what do you get for winning this bet?” I ask her.  
“Off walker killing duty at the outer gate when we clear out the field.” She answers.  
“I'm in on this win as well since I didn't give permission for a bet on me.” I laugh.   
“Girls….” Glenn shakes his head.  
“So why did you think it would be a week or more?” I ask curiously.  
“Cause Daryl is stubborn.” Was his answer. I nod a bit agreeing and understanding.   
“So what about you two?” I look at Glenn with a knowing look. He smiles at me and nods to Maggie. I look at her left hand and notice the ring that I hadn't seen till now. I smile at her. 

When I finish my breakfast I make my way out of the prison and check on the cars. All but the green black car are in their places. We pack up the cars and put them in their respective places. I make my way to Daryl who was talking to Carol.  
“He gave us a chance.” She was saying and helps him up. He nods to her and grabs his bag. She pats me on the shoulder when she passes me, I smile at her. She turns back around at that moment. “You two will be good for each other.” She tells us. I smile at her again nodding. Daryl nods as well. She then leaves. I look at him and smile.  
“What's up?” He asks.  
“Your motorcycle, are we keeping it here or is it going with the other cars?”   
“Should be fine here. It's out of sight and out of the way.”   
“Okay. That's fine. You know I've never ridden on one, they’ve always slightly intimidated me.” I say inspecting his bike.   
“Intimidated you?”  
“Well, I guess mostly the people on them, not really knowing how to dive them. Always use to see them swerving in and out of traffic dangerously.” I explain as I make my way around the bike. “Guess we don't have to worry about that now.”   
“Guess so, I can take you for a ride at some point.” He says looking at the floor.   
“I wouldn't mind that.” I smile at him as he looks up at me. “Though I don't know how to ride one. Any rules or what not about them?” I ask. He nods.  
“I'll teach you later when we get the chance, same with hunting.” I nod and smile at him my smile falters then and he must have seen it. “What?” He asks confused.  
“Daryl, are we?.....” I try to ask partially embarrassed again. He smirks at my blushing.  
“Didn't know I had to clarify.” He says stepping up to me. I look down at my feet.  
“Sorry, I don't….” I try to say, but he puts his hand on my chin and pulls up so that I'm looking at him.   
“S’fine, I'm not good at this romantic crap, nor do I really know what I'm doing, if you understand me.” I nod knowing what he is trying to tell me. “So to clarify, yes woman we're dating if you want to be.” I laugh a bit at how upfront he is, standing on my tip toes I peck him on the lips.  
“That means yes, in case I have to clarify.” I smile at him. He smirks at me.  
“Smart ass.” He retorts.  
“Get used to it.” I tell him, as I'm about to turn around to go into the prison he grabs my hand and pulls me into him, slamming his lips on mine, I gasp and he deepens the kiss. My arms make their way around his neck, and he pushes me against the wall, I can't help but moan for a second.  
“Hey Esme, Daryl.” I hear Glenn’s voice. Daryl pulls away and steps back as the door opens.   
“Yes, Glenn?” I ask, trying to not laugh at Daryl as he acts as nothing happened.   
“You coming?” He asks. I laugh as Daryl looks up at Glenn. “What?” Glenn asks confused.  
“Nothing, yeah we will be there in a sec, just grabbing the last of his things.” I say as I grab his quiver of arrows to make it look more convincing. We follow Glenn inside to our destination where we meet with the group and take our respective hiding spots. 

We sit for a good five minutes before we hear the trucks approaching. I flinch at the sound of something blowing up and all the gunfire. We all stay quiet in our hiding spots till they come back out of the prison running from the walkers. We then commence the plan. I begin helping to shoot from my spot with Maggie. Chasing them happily out of our prison.   
“We did it!” Maggie says happily.  
“We did!” Glenn agrees. I get up happily and laugh with them making my way down to regroup. We come to the decision that we can't risk the Governor coming back and that we have to go after them. We make our way back to Hershel and the others in the prison only to learn then that Carl shot one of the Governor's men, but it was not in defense like he says. I shake my head wondering what to do about the angry kid. Daryl, Michonne, Rick and I go to deal with Woodbury. On the way there we find two abounded trucks from the group, we learn from a survivor Karen that the Governor shot up his group and that Andrea had jumped the wall to come to the prison. She never made it, however. We make our way to Woodbury with Karen to help get us in. We find Sasha and Tyreese there helping keep watch. We tell them what happened and find Andrea in the holding place where they kept Glenn and Maggie.   
“I tried to stop them.” She tells us.   
“You're burning up.” Michonne tells her from her side helping her sit up. She pulls away from her jacket and sees just how bad the bite is.   
“Oh god.” I whisper looking away. Tears sprung to my eyes, I may not have gotten along with her and found her stupid, but this was not how things should have gone for her. Daryl pulls me into a hug and I rest my head on his chest.  
“Judith, Carl?” I hear Andrea speak, I turn a bit to see her. “The rest of them…”   
“Us,” Rick says. “The rest of us.”   
“Are they alive?”  
“Yeah, they’re alive.”   
“It's good you found them.” She tells Michonne. Michonne nods trying hard not to cry. “No one can make it alone now.” She turns to Daryl and me.   
“I never could.” He answers kissing the top of my head. I smile at him and move to crouch down beside her.  
“I'm so sorry for the way I treated you.” I tell her. She shakes her head at me.  
“Don't be, you had your reasons.” I shake my head and she places one hand on mine. I squeeze it. “I just didn't want anyone to die.” She tells us. “I can do it myself.” She says.  
“No.” Michonne argues.  
“I have to, while I still can. Please?” She turns to Rick again. “I know how the safety works.” Rick nods and I squeeze her hand one last time before getting up.   
“Well, I'm not going anywhere.” Michonne says as Rick hands her his gun and gets up.   
“I tried.” She says. I nod.  
“Yeah, you did.” Rick tells her and we leave. We wait in the hall for the dreaded sound, and when it goes off I fall crying, Daryl catches me dropping his gun. I collect myself enough to to get up as Michonne comes out of the room. 

After talking for a while it is decided that we bring Woodbury, the rest of them, to the prison. We bring them on a bus back with some belongings, we will scavenge Woodbury as we needed. Over the next couple of months, we make the prison our home. Rick starts up farming with Hershel’s help on the crops, he attempts to get Carl to help, with only little success. Carl still wants to go on runs and help with the walkers. I also help a bit with farming but only the herbs. There is now a council that helps run the prison and make decisions. We haven’t had any trouble for a while and it was nice. My family, the original group in the prison, is healthy and great.  
Daryl and I were still dating and bonding, getting to know each other little by little, we discovered new things about each other and that was how we liked it. It kept things fresh, it was all mostly about the world before the walkers that we discussed when we were alone. It was intriguing to think that in that world I would have never dared to date someone like Daryl. Shane and Rick would have chased him off in a heartbeat. He laughed at how dorky and shy, I really was in that world, wanting to be a Librarian and author. I knew that his past was dark and that Merle was always in and out of Juvie, I didn't ask much about his past, he didn't like to talk about it and I respected that. When we weren’t talking about the old world he was teaching me how to hunt better, I was great now at catching small game with my throwing knives, but I let him deal with the bigger game. He had the bow that could handle it, I was too weak to pull his crossbow back, that lesson didn't end so well. 

Daryl and I make our way over to Carol who was cooking breakfast, everyone was calling and saying “hi” to Daryl. I could tell he was feeling awkward about it.   
“Smells good.” He tells Carol ignoring everyone now. I smile at her.  
“Just so you know, I liked you first.” She tells him. “Well, Esme too.” She smiles at me.  
“Stop.” He says to her and I laugh. “You know Rick brought in a lot of them, too.”   
“Not recently. Giving strangers sanctuary, keeping people fed, your going to have to learn to live with the love.”   
“Right.” He shakes his head. I laugh again.   
“What don't like love? I could stop and just ignore you if you want.” I tease. He raises an eyebrow at me.  
“Like you could.” He replies as Carol laughs.  
“Good point.” I grumble.   
“You two spend to much time together, your starting to grumble and sound just like him,” Carol tells me. “But anyway I need you two to see something.” She says I get worried all of the sudden. “Patrick, you want to take over please?” She calls to one of the new teens.   
“Yes, ma’am,” He says coming over and taking the grill pick from her. “Oh, Mr. Dixon, I just wanted to thank you for bringing that deer back yesterday. It was a real treat, sir.” He looks at Carol and me for help, we just smile at him. “And I'd be honored to shake your hand.” Patrick holds out his hand. Daryl looks at it, licks his fingers and shakes his hand. I cringe.  
“You are so mean.” I say as we follow Carol.  
“What? I shook the kid's hand.” I shake my head.   
“Did you have to lick your fingers and then do it?”   
“What don't want me sharing ?” Daryl teases. I nudge him.  
“So about today, I don't know if we’re gonna be able to spare a lot of people for the run.” Carol says to us. Daryl and I were usually the ones in charge of the runs.  
“That place is good to go. We're gonna move on it.” Daryl replies.   
“What's wrong?” I ask.  
“The thing is we had a pretty big build up over the night.” She says as we get to the inner gate and look out to the outer gate. “Dozens more towards tower 3. It's getting as bad as last month. They don't spread out anymore.” She was talking about all the walkers herding around our gates.  
“With more of us sitting here, we will draw more of them out. You get enough of those damn fence cleaners they start to herd up.” Daryl explains.   
“Pushing against the fences, again.” I say looking out at the fences starting to lean a bit.  
“It's manageable, but unless we get ahead of it, not for long.” Carol agrees. "Sorry, Pookie.” She calls Daryl by his nickname. I laugh as he nudges her. Picking on him was half the fun of being with him. 

Daryl and I set up the truck for the run. It's decided that Daryl, Bob, Tyreese, Beth’s boyfriend, Glenn and I will go.  
“It's a damn romance novel.” Daryl says as Beth and her boyfriend Zack kiss bye. I laugh.  
“Oh hush you, you could learn a thing or two.” I tease. He looks at for a sec and shakes his head.  
“Thought you didn't mind.” He says loud enough for only me to hear. I look at him realizing he was being serious.  
“Oh, I don't,” I say stopping what I'm doing and turn fully to him. “I'm fine with how things are, I'm sorry. I was teasing.” I clarify as he nods not looking at me. “Daryl,” I say to make him look at me. “I'm telling you the truth.” I make sure he knows.  
“S’fine.” He nods to me, barely touching my hand to let me know he believed me. He wasn't much of an affectionate person in front of others. I didn't mind that. 

We continue to load our gear in the cars. Once done we make our way down to the gate. Daryl and I stop when we see Rick, Carl, and Michonne.  
“Well look who’s back.” Daryl says. I get off the back of his bike and hug Michonne.   
“I didn't find him.” She tells us. I nod. Knowing that finding the Governor was still top of her list.  
“Glad to see you in one piece.”   
“I'm thinking of looking over near Macon.” She says sigh and looks to Rick he didn't look too happy about it either. “It's worth a shot.” She says when she sees our faces.  
“That's 70 miles of walkers, you might run into a few unneighborly types. Is it?” Daryl asks.  
“We’re going to go check out the big spot. The one Daryl found, just seeing.” I tell Rick when Michonne doesn't answer. He nods to me.  
“Yeah, I have to go check the snares, I don't want to lose whatever we catch to the walkers.”   
“I'll go as well,” Michonne says going to the green car.   
“You just got here.” Carl yells to her.  
“And I'll be back.” She calls to him. Daryl revs the motor in his impatience as I hug Rick and Carl bye. I slap his shoulder as I get on the back of the bike. I can feel him chuckle as I wrap my arms around his waist. 

We get to the scavenging spot and kill off only two walkers.  
“Army came in, put these fences up, made it a place for people to go,” Daryl explains to the group. “Last week we spotted this place. There was a bunch of walkers behind this chain link. Keeping people out like a bunch of guard dogs.”   
“So they all just left?” Tyreese asks.   
“Give a listen.” Sasha says and we all quiet down, I start to hear the music.   
“You drew them out?” Michonne asks.   
“Put a boom box up there two days ago.”   
“Hooked it up to two car batteries.” Glenn says.  
“Alright let's go.” Daryl orders. “Let's make a sweep.”   
“Grab what you can,” I say as well knowing the plan. “We will come back tomorrow with more people.”   
I immediately check the tents for medical supplies, only finding a few small things. No insulin.   
“Esme, come on.” I hear Daryl call.   
“Be right behind you.” I reply grabbing a small box of bandages. I follow where I heard his voice and see him with the rest of the group. He bangs on the window.  
“Just give it a sec.” He says.   
“Okay, I think I got it.” Zack says pulling my attention.   
“Got what?” Michonne asks.  
“Oh, I've been trying to guess what Daryl did before the turn.” He answers. I smirk knowing he would never get the answer right.   
“He's been trying to guess for the last six weeks.” Daryl says.   
“Yeah, I'm pacing myself. One shot a day.”  
“Alright shoot.”   
“Well, the way you are at the prison, you being on the council, you’re able to track, you’re helping people but you're still being kind of… uh, surely. Big swing here. Homicide cop.” He guesses. Michonne and I start to laugh. “What and with Esme’s family being cops, I figured that's why she’s into you.”   
“Wow.” I laugh more.   
“What's so funny?” Daryl asks.   
“Nothing, it makes perfect sense.” Michonne says trying not to laugh more.  
“Yup totally makes sense.” I nod to her. “That's exactly why I'm dating him.”   
“Actually the man's right,” Daryl says, Michonne looks at me, I slightly shake my head no to her. “Undercover.”   
“Come on really?” Zack asks excitedly.  
“Yup, I don't like to talk about it. Cause it was like heavy shit, you know?”   
“You're full of shit.” I say laughing.  
“Dude come on really?” Zack figures out he’s wrong. “ Okay, I'll keep guessing.”   
“You do that kid.” I tell him.   
“Yup.” Zack says.  
A walker then makes its way to the window pounding at it trying to get to us.   
“We're going to do this detective?” Michonne jokes.  
“Let's do it.” He calls to the Sasha and the others. I follow to the door.   
“Alright, we go in and stay information for the sweep.” Sasha tells everyone.   
“After that, you all know what to look for.” I say, we then move in and grab things we need. Paper towels, canned food, hygiene products, and meds. I'm checking the med supplies when I hear a huge crash and someone yells.   
“Daryl? Glenn?” I call out.   
“Fine!” I hear Daryl’s reply. I nod, but can't hear Glenn’s.  
I grab what I can and shoving it in my pack as I run towards where the noise came. Daryl and the others are helping Bob from under a fallen wine rack.   
“I'm fine, but my foot is caught.” I hear Bob tell Daryl.  
“He's all right just caught.” Daryl tells the others as they come to check. “Come on help me get this up.”   
“What happened?” Glenn calls to us.  
“Everyone's alright were in wine and beer!” Zack calls to him.   
The men get one rack up, and I jump back when the ceiling caves in, a walker hangs from some cables and guts.   
“Yeah uh, we should probably go now.” Glenn says from around the corner with Michonne.   
“Bob is still stuck let's get him out of there.” Daryl calls. The roof starts to cave in at a lot of places, Walkers falling around us. I kill the ones that land near us as best I could but they just kept coming. I look up as more fall from the roof. I see a helicopter falling in on us as well.   
“Daryl, go!” I hear Glenn yell.   
“Get Bob.” Zack calls, I turn to see Daryl trying to help Bob out from under the rack. Zack helps Daryl by lifting the rack as Daryl pulls Bob out. The roof caves in more.  
“Let's go!!!” I call them. We all move to leave when I hear a scream of pain, I turn to see Zack being bitten.   
“Go, Go!” Daryl tells us all, pushing me to get me to move. We get back to the prison with what little we got.

I escort the others back to their cells making sure they had everything they needed, it was a small routine I got in the habit if we lost anyone on a run. I'm escorting Glenn to Maggie,  
“You know you don't have to escort me.” Glenn says.  
“I know, but I also want to see her before I go check on Beth. Besides your my best friend.” I tell him he nods as we get to their cell. Maggie looks at us and automatically knows.   
“Who?” She asks standing up.  
“Zack.” I answer. She nods sadly, hugging me. I hug her back.  
“Do you two have everything you need?” I ask. She and Glenn nod. I hug Glenn and let them then get ready for bed. I go to Beth’s cell where she's hugging Daryl. I rub her back but notice she's not crying.   
“I'm glad I didn't say goodbye, I hate goodbyes.” She says.   
“Me too.” Daryl says. I smile slightly at him.   
“Are you okay, hun?” I ask her.  
“I'm fine.” She says and turns to her cell. I look at Daryl confused and he grabs my hand gesturing to go to our cell upstairs. 

I follow him upstairs and sigh when I sit on the bed. Daryl closes the curtain on our cell door. We get ready for bed, I then check my sugar level, 111. I crawl next to the wall and lay down. Daryl lays next to with a long sigh of his own.  
“She’s not okay, is she?” I ask him.  
“She’s gotten used to people dying.” He says. I frown.  
“That's not okay….” I say turning towards him. He turns his head and looks down at me.   
“Talk to Maggie about it. Maybe you both can help her then.” I nod at his statement.   
“Don't ever let me get like that please.” I tell him. He rolls over facing me. “So I have to deal with emotional you all the time?” He asks a joking tone in his voice.   
“Yes, the blubbering me you will have to deal with if Rick or Carl dies is a thing.” I say frowning at the thought of losing them.  
“I won't let you become emotionless then if that's what you want.” He tells me. I smile at him.  
“You don't get to lose who you are either, I won't let you.” I tell him, poking his chest. He chuckles at me as I look up at him.


	24. Chapter Twenty Three: Useless

The next morning I'm tiredly checking on the herbs when I hear gunshots coming from inside the prison. I run to catch up with Rick.  
“Where is Carl? “ I ask him.  
“With Maggie in the tower.” He answers I sigh in relief.  
“Walkers in D!” Glenn tells us as we catch up with him.  
“What about C?” Rick asks.  
“Clear,” Sasha says meeting us. "We locked the gates to the tombs, Hershel is on guard.”  
“It ain't a breach.” Daryl calls running to Rick and me.   
“We follow the Plan!” I tell them all.   
We get to the cell and start to help clear the walker. Soon I realize these walkers are faces I've seen before.   
“Esme get the non-bit people in their cells!” Rick orders to me. I start to help get the kids and others in the cells checking the cells for Walkers. After it was all quiet I start to check the survivors for bites with Hershel. After getting the people out we check the dead for wounds to see where this all started. In the last cell, a lone walker is found locked in. Rick puts him down.  
“No bites, no wounds, I think he just died.” Rick says.  
“Horribly, too. Pleurisy aspiration.” Dr. S says.  
“Choked to death on his own blood,” Hershel explains. “Caused those trails down his face.”  
“I've seen them before,” Rick says. “On a walker outside the fence.”   
“I saw them on Patrick too.” Daryl says.  
“They are from the internal lung pressure building up.” Dr. S explains. “Like if you shake a soda can and pop the top, only imagine your eyes, ears, nose, and throat as the top.”   
“Ouch.” I whisper.  
“It's a sickness from the walkers?” Bob asks.  
“No, these things happen before they were around.” Dr. S answers. “Could be pneumococcal, could be an aggressive flu strain.”   
“Someone locked him in just in time.” Hershel says.  
“No, man. Charlie used to sleepwalk. He would lock himself in.” Daryl explained. “Hell he was just eating barbecue yesterday, how could somebody die in a day just from a cold.”  
“I had a sick pig it died quick,” Rick said. “Saw a sick boar in the woods.”  
“From what I understand pigs and birds were carriers for the flu.” I say looking to Hershel for clarification.  
“Yes, that's how these things spread in the past.” He smiles at me. I was learning. “We need to do something about those hogs.”   
“Maybe we got lucky. Maybe these two cases are it.” Dr. S says.   
“Haven’t seen anybody be lucky in a long time,” Bob argues. “Bugs like to run through close quarters. It doesn't get any closer than this.”   
“All of us in here, we’ve all been exposed,” Hershel says, then turns to me. “You are the most at risk with your diabetes, Esme, you start to feel sick you come to us quickly, understood.”  
“Yeah…” I say stepping out of the cell scared now. I did not want to put the others at risk of me turning. I go and shower cleaning myself off of the blood and everything as quickly as I could. 

After showering I go to the Council room where I knew the group would be.   
“We have to separate everyone who has been exposed.” Carol was saying.   
“That's everyone in that cell block,” Daryl says. Then looks at me as I walk in. “That's all of us maybe more.”   
“We know that this sickness can be lethal,” Hershel says. “We don't know how easily it spreads.”   
“Is anyone else showing symptoms? That we know of?” I ask staying at the back of the room.   
“We can't just wait and see,” Carol says. “There are children. It isn't just the illness. If people die, they become a threat.”   
“We need a place for them to go,” Hershel says. “They can't stay in D. We can't risk going in there to clean it up.”  
“We can use cell block A.” Carol suggest.   
“Death row. I'm not sure that's much of an upgrade.” Glenn speaks up.  
“It's clean, that's an upgrade,” Daryl says. “Think that will work for Dr. S?”   
“I'll help Caleb get it set up.” Hershel says.   
Next thing I know we hear coughing coming from outside the room. I freeze wanting to help, but not being able to, was the worst situation I could think of.  
“Esme get to the back of the room.” Daryl tells me. I move away from the door as the others go to check on it. The others find Karen coughing and get her separated into a cell in the tombs.  
“We will have to call another meeting later.” Hershel says. I come a bit to the door at that moment.   
“All right, I'll get to burying the dead ones.” Daryl says.  
“You wear gloves and a mask.” Hershel orders. “And shower before you even touch Esme after.”   
“Of course.” He says looking at me. I smile at him, nodding to let him know I'm fine.

I'm working on my herb and tomato garden when Maggie calls us to help with the fence.   
“No! Esme, stay there. Away from the walkers, some can have that flu!” Daryl orders me. I freeze and watch from the behind the second fence. They start killing the walkers. I pace back and forth as I watch the fence cave in a bit more every moment.   
“Are you seeing this?” Sasha asks and points out dead rats on the ground near the fence. “Is someone feeding these things?” She asks, disgusted. I cringe at the thought.  
“That would explain them herding at this spot.” I yell at the others.   
“Heads up!” Daryl calls as part of the fence starts to fall more.  
“This part of the fence.” Maggie calls.  
“Guys get back it's going to give!!!” I yell at them. They move back then start to push on the gate.  
“Everybody back! Come on back, now!” Daryl calls.  
“If the fence keeps bending in like that those walkers are coming over it.” Sasha states the obvious.  
“Daryl, get the truck,” Rick tells him. “I know what to do.”   
Daryl runs to go get the truck. Rick explains using the hogs for bait to get the walkers away from the fence. I watch as the walkers start to follow them. I start to cry as I watch Rick cut the baby hogs and drop them to the walkers. I shake myself and go back to tending my garden when I hear coughing behind me.   
“Esme get away from me.” I hear Sasha say as I turn. I move to the back of the garden and watch her go into the prison where Dr. S was treating the others.   
“Esme? You okay?” I hear Hershel I turn my head to look at him and nod.   
“Yeah, I think I'm just going to go find something else to do.” I say not really knowing what I should be doing. Just then Sasha comes back out.  
“Esme, tell Hershel and the others, it's spread.” She tells me. I look at her in shock. 

“It's spread,” Hershel says. “Everyone who survived the attack in cell block D. Sasha, Caleb, and now others.”  
“Oh, Jesus.” Daryl says.  
“So what do we do now?” Carol asks.  
“First things first. Cellblock A is now isolation.” Hershel explains. “We keep the sick people there as we tried with Karen and David.”   
“What the hell are we going to do about that?” Daryl asks.  
“Ask Rick to look into it,” I answer. “Try to make a timeline of who was where and when.” I say as I look at the others.   
“But what are we gonna do to stop this?” Carol asks.   
“There is no stopping it,” Hershel says. “You get it, you have to go through it.”   
“But it just kills you?” Michonne asks.  
“The symptoms do,” I say. “Not the illness.”  
“She’s right. We need antibiotics.” Hershel agrees.   
“We’ve been through every pharmacy nearby,” Daryl says. “And then some.”  
“That veterinary college at West Peachtree Tech,” Hershel suggests. “That's one place people may have not thought to raid for medication. The drugs for animals there are the same we need.”   
“That's 50 miles,” Daryl says. “Too big a risk before, ain't now. I'm gonna take a group out.”  
“I'll go with you.” I say.  
“No, you stay here.”   
“What? Why? I can help.”  
“I've been exposed. You shouldn’t even be in here with us.”   
“Daryl, I was exposed as well in that cell block.”   
“I said no.” He glares at me.   
“So what am I supposed to do? Sit here and do nothing? Feeling useless? You won't let me kill the walkers on the gate, I can't help Hershel or Dr. S tend the sick. The least I can do is fucking go on a run.”   
“She is right,” Michonne speaks up. Daryl turns his glare on her. “We take her out of here away from it, if she’s not sick now, it's less of a chance for her to get sick.”   
“Michonne is right Daryl” Hershel says.   
“Fine. But the second……” Daryl starts, but I interrupt.  
“I feel sick, I tell you, yes sir.” I say happily that I don't feel useless anymore.  
“Don't call me sir,” He says annoyed. “And you're bringing extra insulin and glucose shots in case you do get sick.” He tells me. I nod at that.   
“Ok so let's go.” Michonne says.  
“You haven’t been exposed.” Hershel turns to her. “Daryl and Esme have. You get in the car with them.”  
“He's already given me fleas.” She says. Hershel and I chuckle at that.  
“I can lead the way,” Hershel says standing up. “I know where everything is kept.”   
“When we’re out there, it's always the same,” Daryl says shaking his head no. “Sooner or later we run.”   
“I can draw you a map.” Hershel then says. “There are other precautions I feel we should take.”  
“Like what?” Carol asks.  
“There’s no telling how long it will be before Daryl and his group return. Wouldn't it make sense to separate the most vulnerable? We can use the administration building separate office, separate room.”   
“Who is the most vulnerable?” Glenn asks. I then notice that he doesn't look well, very tired.   
“The very young.”   
“What about the old?”   
“Yes.” 

I put all of my gear in the back of the car with Michonne. Daryl is checking the fluids.   
“Son of a bitch is about a quarter low.” I hear him say. I come around to the front of the car. I grab his vest of the hood of the car and put it on.  
“You still keep it at the bottom of tower 3?” Michonne asks.  
“Yeah.”  
“I'll go get one.”  
“Hey, I'm glad you're here.”  
“Where else would I be?”   
“Running off.”  
“You know I'm not running off.” She defends herself, Daryl just nods at her. “So it's just going to be us three? Like the old days.”  
“And Bob.” I say.  
“Still feels like we could use another person.” Daryl says.  
“Who else isn't sick?” Michonne asks.  
“Well we don't ask Rick, he wants to stay here with Carl and Little Ass-Kicker. Keep them safe. Plus there is plenty of stuff he can do here.”   
“So who else we got?” I ask. “Maybe Tyreese?”   
“Yeah, I'll go look for him, you go get the oil,” Daryl says to Michonne, then turns to me. “You make sure the list is finalized with Hershel and Bob.”   
I do as he asks.

“Everything look all right?” Bob aks loading the gas.  
“Yeah, Zack kept this thing running pretty good.” Daryl answers.   
“This is Zack’s car.”   
“Yup fastest one we got,” Daryl answers, Bob doesn't look like he likes that thought. “You alright?  
“You really want me coming along?”   
Daryl waves me over, he grabs the list from me and turns to Bob.  
“What's that word?” He asks pointing to the 1st antibiotic.   
“Zanamivir.” He answers.  
“Yup, we need you.” He says. I smile at Daryl, he could be kind when he wanted to be.   
“Still got the room for one more?” Tyreese asks walking up to us.  
“Hell yeah.” Daryl says.  
“Time to go then.” I pat Tyreese’s arm.   
“Just got to get my gear then.” He says to me, as Bob and Michonne get in the back seats. I nod and turn to Daryl.   
“Hey,” I whisper to him, he turns to me. “Thank you.”   
“For?”  
“Letting me come.” I smile. “I can tell you don't want me to.” He looks away from me.  
“Seems like I can't keep you safe here though.”   
“I've gone on runs with you before. What's different about this one?”   
“Riskier. I don't want to risk you.”   
“But you said yourself, it's ain't now.”  
“I know.”   
“Daryl.”  
“Hmm…”   
“Look at me, please?” I ask stepping up to him. He does. “If it makes you feel better, If I am sick, I'll be the first to get the meds.” He chuckles then.   
“I didn't think about that.” He smirks. I smile knowing I made him feel a bit better. I lean on my tiptoes and kiss him.  
“Saw that!” I hear Michonne laugh from her seat. I laugh and walk to the passenger seat.   
“Shut up.” Daryl says which makes Michonne and I both laugh.   
“What's so special about seeing them kiss?” Bob asks as Daryl gets in the driver seat.   
“They hardly ever show affection in front of others. No PDA is a thing of theirs.” Michonne says.  
“I've seen…..” Bob starts then stops like he is thinking. “You know, that is weird, I know you two are dating but now that I think about it, I've only seen you briefly touch nothing more.”   
“Well, they hold hands on occasion.” Michonne pipes in.   
“What does it matter to you two?” Daryl gets defensive. I put my arm on his shoulder to calm him.  
“You know Michonne likes to tease us.” I say. As Tyreese gets in the back seat.   
“Hn…” He grunts annoyed.  
“I guess it's weirder to me because Esme is very affectionate towards others, I've seen her hug Glenn, Maggie, Rick, Carl, and others, but you don't hug your boyfriend?” Bob asks.   
“What are we talking about?” Tyreese asks confused. Michonne explains really quick then I answer Bob’s question.  
“I do just hardly in front of others. He's not much of an affectionate person unless he wants to be, and I respect that.” I explain.  
“You are not like other girls. Most girls need affection” Tyreese says, I'm about to says something when I hear Daryl.   
“No, she ain't.” Daryl says, starting the car.   
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I ask offended.   
“Think I would be with you if you were like other chicks? Clingy and shit?” Daryl asks looking at me like I should know this.  
“True.” I say rolling my eyes. He chuckles at me and grabs my hand kissing my palm.  
“Saw that!” Michonne and Bob pop off now as Daryl starts to drive.  
“Great now Bob is going to start now.” I grumble.   
“You're starting to sound like Daryl.” Michonne says. I turn in my seat to look at her.  
“Why does everyone keep saying that?”   
“You grumble like him now, hell you even dress like him now.” She points to his vest.   
“Shut up women, I happen to like stealing this vest, every chance I get, and last I check Daryl doesn't wear skinny jeans.” I defend.  
“You just called me women….” She says looking at me, the others in the car laugh. I sigh sitting back in my seat defeated.   
“Apparently you are turning me into you.” I say to Daryl.   
“What do you want me to do about it?” He asks. “You're the one picking up what I say, want me to ignore you from now on?”   
“Like you could.” I shoot back his own words.  
“Challenge accepted.” He says I scoff looking at him.  
“Really?” I ask, he ignores me.  
“This should be good.” Michonne says the others nod.  
“Fine then, your sleeping back on the perch.” I tell him. He doesn't say anything. I roll my eyes.   
“Oooo…” Bob chuckles. 

We drive in silence for a while. Till Daryl speaks.  
“Hey, I know you weren’t running off.” He says looking in the rearview mirror to Michonne. “The thing is that trail went cold. You know that, right?”  
She doesn't say anything.  
“If it was any different.” He continues. “I’d be right out there with you.” I look at him knowing he was serious. I frown at that thought. For once I was glad that the trail did go cold. Daryl starts to mess with the radio and there is nothing but static. He starts to reach for the glove box. Then looks at me.  
“Would you and me one of those CDs right there?”   
“HAH!!!” I laugh at him, he looks at me confused, then realizes what he did. Michonne and the others laugh. Daryl than shushes us.  
“Was that a voice?” Bob asks.  
“....determined to survive….” was coming from the speakers. “....Keep alive….” I look at Daryl confused. He then looks at the road.  
“Fuck.” He says hitting a walker and swerving the car into other walkers. We then come to a complete stop as we realize we're in the middle of a heard.   
“Grab something!” He says. I brace myself as he starts to go in reverse. Hitting more walkers till he can't drive anymore. He puts it in drive and tries to go forward, but we can't.  
“We’re jammed up!” He says frustrated.  
“Alright, make a run for the gaps right there! You guys make a run for the woods and you don't stop for nothing, you hear me?” Daryl orders. I look at him like he's crazy. “I'll be right behind you.” He says when he sees my scared face. I nod and turn to the door, I grab my hunting knife, waiting for his command. “Now!” I open the door and kill the first two walkers near me and continue to kill the ones that get in my way. We're killing walkers left and right I turn when I hear Bob calling for Tyreese, he's not getting out of the car.  
“Ty!!” Let's go!” I call him. He gets out of the car then with a strangely determined look. He then starts to call the walkers to him. “Tyreese! NO!!” I scream at him.   
“Go! Go!” He yells to all of us. Daryl then grabs my hand trying to pull me into the woods. I can't help but stay and stare at him hacking at the walkers.  
“Esme!” Daryl pulls on my arm again. Only when I see Michonne kill a walker getting too close to me am I able to move, I turn and follow the others. Finally, we get to a spot where we can stop and breath, what Tyreese did keeps playing in my head and I feel like I need to throw up. I do. I lean against a tree sliding down to sit with my head between my knees.   
“Hold up.” I hear Daryl say. I ignore him for a second as another wave of nausea hits me. I roll to my side a throw up again. I can sense that the others are on guard.   
“You ok, Esme?” Michonne asks.  
“I will be in a sec.” I say.   
“Esme you have to get up we gotta go.” I hear Michonne say trying to help me up. I look up seeing the walkers again.   
“Damn it.” I get up following the group I realize that there is a fourth person again. “What?” I look at Michonne, she just smiles at me. 

We get to Turner Creek where we stop for a small break. I have to give myself a glucose dose. My sugar was low and I wasn't feeling that well. I knew Daryl could tell, no matter how well I tried to hide it. Michonne had given me stale M&Ms, but they only helped so much. We finally come across a new town and find a car but it needs a new battery. After a mishap with some more walkers, I help clear the car of the bushes. Once done with that I help clear the station of what we could use. Then we get the car running and go. We finally get to the college and make our way in. I grab what I can with the meds find some useful things and we try to make our way out. We hear some walkers and start running down the hall and run into a dark room.   
“There!.” Michonne says finding a door. When we get to it, it is locked with walkers behind it.  
“How many?” Daryl asks.  
“I can't tell.” I say trying to look in. I turn around and see the walkers that were chasing us coming through the door.  
“We can take them.” Ty says.  
“No, they're infected!” Bob says. I frown. Great I didn't escape it. “Same as at the prison, if we fire at them, get their blood on us, breathe it in. We didn't come all this way to get sick.”   
“How do we know the ones in there are any different?” Ty asks.   
“We don't.” Michonne says.   
“Well, it's gotta change sometime,” Daryl says. He looks at me. “Keep as far away from them as you can.”   
“Right.” I say grabbing my gun. We all get ready and Daryl forces the door open. I start to shoot as the first one comes through. Thankfully there were only three walkers. We run up the stairs and down the hall only to be blocked in.  
“We don't have an exit.” Michonne yells.  
“Then we make one,” Daryl says. I have a strange sense of dejavu thinking of the CDC.   
“We don't have a grenade, babe.” I yell at him and flinch when I hear glass shatter. Tyreese had thrown a fire extinguisher at the window.  
“Jump down the walkway below.” He tells Michonne as helps her up. “Esme follow her lead.” He tells me grabbing my hand to help me up. We jump out and start to run down. Bob jumps last his bag falling down to have walkers holding on to it.   
“Let it go!” We all tell him.   
“No.” He says yanking on the bag still.  
“Bob let it go we have to go!” I yell at him.  
“Let it go man.” Daryl tells him.  
“No!” Bob argues, yanking on it again. This time the walkers let go and he throws it on the roof with us. Daryl walks to the bag taking out a bottle of alcohol.   
“No meds in your bag?” He asks. “This is it? You should have kept walking that day.” Daryl says, he goes to throw the bottle.  
“Don't!” Bob says his hand going to his gun. My hand flies to mine and I pull it out, but Daryl gets in his face. He takes his gun and pulls him up.   
“Just let it go, Daryl,” Ty says. “Let it go, man. The man has made his choice, nothing you can do about it.”   
“Daryl. Let's go, we have better people to attend to.” I tell him. He lets him go.   
“I didn't want to hurt nobody,” Bob says. “It was just for when it gets quiet.” Daryl gives him back the bottle.  
“Take one sip. When those meds get in our people, I will beat your ass into the ground.” He threatens. The others go to leave, but I wait for Bob. He stops and looks at me. I glare at him.   
“Threaten my man over a bottle again and I will personally feed you to the walkers.” I turn around to see the others staring at me.   
“Let's go.” Daryl says I walk up to him and grab his hand. He looks at me.  
“What?” I ask.   
“Only if he threatens me over a bottle?” He asks, I laugh and nudge him.   
We get to the car and decide on Highway 100 to get home the fastest.   
When we finally get back to the prison it's dark out. I look around and notice the fence is down.   
“Daryl!” I get his attention from in front of me.   
“Hmm?” He asks turning his head a bit.  
“The fence….” I say. Everyone at that point looks.   
“Son of a bitch.” Daryl grumbles.  
We pull up and I swing the door open when I see Rick and Carl.  
“What happened?” I ask hugging him.   
“The fence came down, were okay though, we handled it.” He tells me. I nod to him. 

The next day were all helping get the fence fixed and the dead walkers out. I'm helping Michonne with the dead bodies, pulling them onto the trailer to go burn them. I look up seeing Hershel coming towards us, Daryl drives the truck up with Tyreese as well. I look at Michonne.  
“Hey, I'll be right back,” I tell her, she nods and I run to Hershel. “How’s Glenn?” I ask.  
“He made it through the night.” He says his hand on my shoulder. “He's breathing on his own now, Maggie and Bob are with him. He seems stable enough for me to get some air” I sigh in relief.  
“He's a tough son of a bitch.” Daryl says.  
“He is.” Hershel replies.  
“You're a tough son of a bitch.” Daryl points at him. I laugh and nod.  
“I am.” He says.  
“Hey Esme, we going?” Michonne calls for me.   
“Be right there!” I call back, I walk to Daryl and peck him on the lips. “See you in a bit.”   
“Be careful.” He mumbles to me, I nod.  
“Always am.” I say running to Michonne.  
We get the last 4 dead walkers out when Hershel walks to us.  
“Heading out?”   
“Yeah, wanna come?” Michonne asks.  
“Hell yeah.” He answers, getting in the front seat. I sit in the back holding on to the rails as Michonne drives us out of the prison and to the spot we are burning the corpses. We get there and burn the corpses, I'm packing up the leftover fuel when I look up and see Michonne fall the ground. Hershel and I pull our weapons.   
“I wouldn't if I were you!” The Governor says. I glare at him. “Come on, throw them to me now.” He says. I glare at him more. Damn do I wish looks could kill. “If you don't she gets it.” He says pointing his gun at Michonne’s head. Hershel throws his gun first, I frown and do the same. “Now your knives.” He tells me pointing to my throwing knives and a hunting knife. I take off my utility belt and throw it in the back of the truck nearest him. Then I unstrap my throwing knife sheath. “Good, now let's go.” He indicates us getting in the truck.


	25. Chapter Twenty Four: Follow the Tracks

Michonne, Hershel and I are sitting in an RV tied up. We had been alone for about an hour now. I can hear people outside talking, but nothing distinguishable. Michonne and I have tried to get out of the rope and zip ties many times. I was getting extremely angry and could not figure out a way to get out of this mess. I bend down to bite at the zip ties again. My gums were now bleeding.  
“Esme, stop, that's not going to help you.” Hershel tells me for what is now probably the 13th time. I'm about to say something when the door opens. In walks the Governor with a first aid kit.  
“Glad I brought this.” He says when he sees me. I spit blood in his face. He retaliates by backhanding me. I fall back onto the couch I was on.   
“Leave her alone!” Michonne yells from her seat as I sit up glaring more.   
“I only came in to patch you up, not be disrespected.” He tells her opening up the first aid kit and taking out some gauze, he moves to clean up Michonne she fights the whole time till there is a band-aid on her wound. He then turns to me. I can feel that my eye is swelling. He comes to clean me off and I move away till I'm in the corner he bends over and still cleans off the blood on my face.   
“You two girls are being ridiculous.” He tells us as he is putting away the first aid kit. “Now you should eat it is going to be a long day. Nobody's going to hurt you.”  
“Tell that to my face.” I mumble.   
“I don't believe that.” Hershel speaks up.  
“I don't care.”  
“Just tell us what this is.”   
“It isn't personal.”   
“Then what is it?”   
“Michonne, I want you to know… Penny, my daughter, she was dead. I know that now. Now I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to hurt anyone. I need the prison, that's it. There are people I need to keep alive. You three are going to help me take it. No one needs to die.”  
“I'm going to kill you.” Michonne states like it's nothing.  
“No, you won't.”  
“I'm going to take my….”   
“Stop it.” Hershel interjects.  
“If she doesn't, I will.” I say.  
“Stop it both of you, you want the prison?”  
“Yeah, and I'll take it as peacefully as I can.” The Governor answers.  
“Governor…”   
“Don't call me that.”  
“Your people, our people, we can find a way to live together.” I scoff at Hershel and see Michonne roll her eyes. “These people you need to keep alive, do you love them?”  
“Your a good man Hershel, a better man than Rick.” I glare at his words.  
“Rick is a better man than you will ever be.” I spit at him again.  
“Maybe, now just who are you? I'm sorry, I never got your name. I glare at him even more.   
“Her name is Esme, she is Rick’s sister, married to Daryl.” Hershel answers when I won't. I raise my eyebrows at the last part.  
“Oh, well you will surely help change Rick’s mind.” The Governor says patting my head. I go to bite his hand, he moves away quickly. “How is Daryl by the way? Missing his brother?”   
I jump up at his words now and he pushes me back down. “He's probably looking for me now and when he finds you…. You will regret it!”   
“Esme, enough.” Hershel says again. I glare at him. 

After a while were loaded up into a jeep and driven to the prison. The Governor’s nock is to use a tank to blow up one of the towers. After a second I see Rick and the others run to see what's going on.   
“Rick! Come down here. We need to Talk.” the Governor calls.  
“It's not up to me.” I hear him call down, “There’s a council now, they run this place.”   
“Is Hershel on the council?” Philip asks, and indicates to someone to take him out, they do. “What about Michonne?” They take her out next. “And your sister Esme? Are they on the council too?” He asks as they pull me out.   
“I don't make decisions anymore.” Rick calls down. As I am forced to my knees next to Michonne.   
“You're making the decisions today, Rick. Come down here and let's have that talk.” 

I look up at Rick and the others. Maggie I could see was trying to keep calm for Beth, Rick looked like he didn't know what to do, Carl kept staring at the Governor and Daryl I could tell was pissed. He kept stepping back from the gate then up to it. Pacing like he always did when he was stressed. He finally stops and I can tell looks at me. I kept my eyes on him when his hand came up to grab the gate I knew he could tell I was watching him. I see him nod to me then turn to Rick. I then watch Rick walking down the path to us.   
“Let them go, right now!” Rick says. “I'll stay down here, talk as long as you want, just let them go, you have a tank you don't need hostages.”   
“I do. This is just to show you I'm serious, not to blast a hole in our new home. You and your people you have till sundown to get out of here, or they die.”   
“Doesn't have to go down this way.”  
“I've got more people, more firepower. We need this prison. There it is, it's now about the past, it's about right now.”   
“There are children here, some of them are sick they won't survive.”  
“I have a tank and I'm letting you walk away from here. What else is there to talk about?”   
I watch Rick till I see movement up at the prison. Daryl is moving one of the white bins. I know then he is arming Maggie and the others.   
“I can shoot you all, you'd all shoot back, I know that, but we would win and you'd be dead all of you. Doesn't have to be like that, like I said your choice.” The Governor says just then I hear a gunshot, then another. I turn my head to make sure that the two next to me are okay. Michonne and Hershel are looking to me as well. I then turn to notice two dead walkers.   
“Noise will only draw more of them over,” He continues. “The longer you wait, the harder it will be for you to get out of here. You got maybe an hour left of daylight, I suggest you start packing.”   
I turn to look at Rick, I can tell he's trying to figure out what to do.   
“We can all, we can all live together,” Rick says. “There is enough room for all of us.”   
“Yes more than enough, but I don't think my family will sleep well enough knowing that you were under the same roof.”   
“We’d live in different cell blocks. We’d never have to see each other until we're all ready.”  
“It could work,” Hershel speaks up. I look at him. “You know it could.”  
“It could’ve, but it can't. Not after Woodbury. Not after Andrea.”   
“Look, I'm not saying it's going to be easy, the fact is it's going to be a hell of a lot harder than standing here shooting at each other. But I don't think we have a choice.”   
“We don't, you do.”  
“We're not leaving. You try and force us we will fight back. Like you said gunshots will bring more of them out. They will bring down the fences and without the fences this place is worthless. Now we can all live in the prison or none of us can.”   
I hear movement behind me and turn to watch the Governor get off the tank. He takes Michonne’s sword at that moment and stocks over to us. He then holds it to Hershel’s throat. I gasp and start trying to get out of the zip ties at that moment, I could feel them cutting into my wrist and the blood being drawn then.   
“You, you in the ponytails, is this what you want? Is this what any of you want?” Rick asks. I can hear the desperateness in his voice.   
“What we want is what you got.” I hear someone say. “ Period, time for you to leave ass hole.”   
“Look I've fought him before.” Rick tries. “And after we took in his old friends. They’ve become leaders in what we have here. Now you put down your weapons, walk through those gates, you're one of us. We let go of all of it, and nobody dies.” I turn to look at Rick at that moment. “Everyone is alive right now, everyone who has made it this far, we've all done the worst kinds of things just to stay alive, but we can still come back, we're not too far gone.” I look around, still trying to get the zip ties off. I then notice the sword moving.   
“No.” I say, Michonne looks at me, then to Hershel.  
“We get to come back I know we all can change.” Rick was still saying. I look at the Governor and know then what he is going to do.   
“NO!!” I scream. As I see the sword slice through the air than through Hershel. I hear the gunfire then. I fall to the ground to protect myself. Michonne does the same and looks at me.   
“Roll!” She tells me. “Behind the trucks.” I do as she says. We roll together, making it behind the truck. I stop and turn around. “Let me get your ropes!” I say and she turns her back on me. I untie her hands, and she gets up tripping someone that's running with a gun. She stomps on his neck and takes the gun. She then picks me up and we find her sword. She undoes my zip ties and we run to help the others she gives me the gun. We fight our way up to the prison. She took out the walkers and I took out the governor’s men. We find the Governor and Rick fighting, Rick was being choked. I look at Michonne and nod to him, she smiles at me and stabs him through the chest. I push him off of Rick. He looks at me and Michonne.   
“Carl?” He asks. “Where is Carl?” I stand up then looking around.   
“Carl!!!?” I call.  
“Carl?” Rick calls as well. Two walkers are coming towards us, I pick up my gun but before I can fire, they drop dead. Carl had shot them. We run and hug him.   
“Judith?” Rick asks.  
“Where is she?” I panic.  
“I don't know.” He answers. I frown. We are walking to get out when we see a car seat. It was Judith’s. We run to it and it's full of blood.   
“No!” Rick and I yell at the same time. Carl goes on a rampage shooting a walker.   
“Carl, Carl!” Rick grabs him. He's crying, I walk up to him holding them both as we cry.   
“We gotta go,” Rick says. “It's over, we gotta go.”   
“We have to find the others!” I say.  
“Esme, we have to go, this place is gone, the others probably left.” Rick tells me.  
“We’ll find them right?” I ask sounding like I was 10 again. Rick looks at me then.  
“We will.” He tells me. I nod. I grab my pentacle, and with tears streaming down my face, I pray. I pray for the others to be safe, I pray that we will find each other again. I go through the list in my head of every person I could think of and praying for them. As we walked I felt like I was being taken away further and further from my home. That place had become a home and I grieved for it. It was where I found my family again, where we were able to finally relax and most of all where Daryl and I came together. 

We walk for a while Carl ahead of Rick and me.   
“Carl, slow down,” Rick says. I look at him. “Carl, STOP!”   
“Rick?” I question.   
“We need to stay together. We need to find a place with food and supplies.” Rick says when we catch up to Carl. The look that Carl gave Rick is one I can not explain. It was almost hatred. Rick sees this as well and lets' Carl go ahead again. Eventually, we come across a small bar.   
“Let us go in, you keep watch.” Rick tells Carl. I get my gun ready when Carl speaks up.  
“You keep watch.”  
“Excuse me?”  
“You can barely stand,” Carl argues. “You should let me clear it myself.”  
“Carl, we can clear it together. Rick, he has done this before.” I tell him. Rick looks at me for a second, then nods. We open the door and find only one walker. Rick tries to take it with an ax, but Carl shoots it when the ax sticks.   
“I said not to!” Rick says upset.  
“You couldn't do it with the ax.” Carl argues.  
“I had it, every bullet counts,” Rick argues back. “What if we needed that one later?”   
“Enough you two,” I say annoyed at them both. “Rick, we need to find hand weapons, every bullet counts, yes, but if that's the case then Carl and I are useless.” I point out.  
“Ok.” Is all he says. I find some permanent markers and mark the door with a pentacle, Rick looks at me weird.   
“Daryl will find us this way.” I whisper. Looking down at the floor.  
We scavenge what we can and move on. Carl continues to go ahead and throw fits, but I also understand. Rick was still treating him like a child. We then decide to stay in a white run down house. 

I wake up to Rick still asleep and Carl is gone. I try to wake Rick, but he won't wake up. I check his pulse to find him still alive, I sigh in relief. One fine now time to find the other. I think as I go out the back door to find Carl. I can't find him anywhere and I'm pissed and worried to no end when I get back. I hear Carl yelling at a still asleep Rick. I let him yell and get it all out. Only when he tries to leave do I stop him.   
“Where are you going?” I ask.   
“To go look for supplies.” He says it as if it's obvious.   
“Carl….”  
“I'm going whether you like it or not.”   
“I'm not the enemy here, bud. You can go, but try to stay safe. And take this.” I say handing him a knife. “I'll stay and watch your dad. Whether you want him dead or not.” I let him know I heard. “Only a few houses, please. Don't make me go looking for you.” He nods and leaves. Carl comes back a few hours later with some canned food and a can opener. I smile at him and we eat some food. Rick finally wakes up and I let them talk. I only come downstairs when I hear a knock on the door. Rick is laughing, I look to Carl and he shrugs.   
“It's for you.” Rick tells Carl. He then pulls the chair and opens the door. It's Michonne, I smile at her and cry. One down four left to go. I think. 

Daryl’s POV  
Beth and I have been together now for a couple days trying to track the others. The more we find dead, the more I lose hope, my survival instincts tell me to stop, but Beth keeps hoping to find the others and she is always reminding me of Esme. Part of me knew she was alive, I felt it, I trained her how to survive on her own. She was once on her own and she survived that. Part of me also was scared I would find evidence that she was gone from this world. Most of the time Beth and I were running from the walkers and eating what I could find. At one point we find a country club where the people there hung themselves. Still, we found no sign of the others. There she wants to drink. So I take her to an old run down shack that has moonshine and we drink. There we both break down. Crying for Maggie and Esme and all of them. After that, we burn the house down and move on. We come across a mortuary house and there I lose her, Beth ends up picked up by a car with a white cross. Her words about Esme keep ringing through my head as I chase the car. “You don't get to give up on her! Why? Cause she wouldn't give up on you, and I won't let you!” Those words now applied to her as well. 

Esme’s POV  
I smile at Rick as we hear Carl laughing with Michonne.   
“It's good to hear him laugh.” I say.  
“Yeah, it is.”   
The laughing stops and we hear him run upstairs. I frown not knowing what happened. Michonne walks in.   
“Thank you,” Rick says to her. “It's good to hear him laugh, I almost forgot what it sounded like. You know I can't be his father and his friend all the time. He needs you. I know that's a lot to throw at you so if you ever need a break….”  
“I'm done taking breaks.” She replies. “So what's the plan? Is this place home or just stop along the way?”  
“Well let's just stay here while we figure it out.” Rick says. I look at him confused.  
“No, we stay here till your healed then we look for the others.” I tell him, “You promised.”   
“Esme….” I can tell he's about to argue the point.   
“NO!” I yell at him standing now. “You don't get to do that! You don't get to go back on a Grime’s promise! You promised we would look for them! We're lucky that Michonne found us! If we don't go looking for them, I will go on my own!”   
“ESME! Enough!” He yells. “Ok. I get it. You want to find Daryl.”   
“It's not just about Daryl, It's about our family.” I say stomping out of the room.   
A bit later Michonne walks up to me, I keep watching out the window, but turn my head a bit to indicate that I noticed her.   
“Carl and I are going on a run, I'll try to find some insulin and medical supplies for you and Rick.”   
I just nod to her and when she reaches the door I speak.  
“Michonne,” She turns around as I do. “Please be careful, and watch Carl.”   
“I will.” She says. 

An hour later I walk down the hall to check on Rick, I was mad at him, but he was still my brother.  
“How are you feeling?”   
“I'm okay, hurt, but I'm okay.”   
“How are you?”   
“I'm fine for now, haven’t overdone myself yet.”  
“You don't have any inulin do you?”   
I shake my head. “Michonne said she will look for me.” He nods as I sit down next to him.  
“Brother?”   
“I know, and I'm sorry too.” I lean into him and start to cry. He lets me cry just rubbing my back for comfort. We both must have fallen asleep because I wake to a noise downstairs, I sit up, Rick was still asleep next to me. I listen hard and realize it's men downstairs and I did not recognize their voices. I shake Rick and he wakes up sitting up he pushes me off the bed and indicates for me to get under. A man walks into the room and after searching it he lays down. I put my hand on my mouth too keep me from making a noise. We stay like that until the man falls asleep. Were about to get out from under the bed when another man comes into the room starting a fight with the sleeping man. He punches him and he falls on the ground. Rick and I freeze staring at them fight when the man opens his eyes and spots us.   
“Len, stop.” The man tries to get the other man’s attention. “Len.”   
The man keeps begging for the other to stop, but he doesn't till the man is unconscious. I look at Rick as the man jumps on the bed again. We lay there for a while till Rick indicates getting out. I nod and start to move. I get out first, crouching by the chair, and wait for Rick to follow. We get up and move into a different room when we hear someone coming upstairs again. When he leaves the room we start to check the windows. They move back downstairs when one yells about finding either mine or Michonne’s shirts. We then go into a bathroom and I turn to stare at a man. Rick and I get him down and we sneak out the window. I hand Rick the man’s gun and we sneak around the house to the front. Only to be stopped by a man on the porch. We crouch down in our hiding spot till I see Michonne and Carl coming back. I panic and am about to get up when I hear a walker and gunshots, the man on the porch runs in the house and we run to the others. 

We follow the tracks till we see a sign about a haven called Terminus.  
“What do you think?” Michonne asks.  
“Let's go,” Rick says. I look at him and he turns to me. “The others might have gone there. It's a place to start.” He tells me when he sees that I'm about to argue. I consider what he said and nod. So we follow the tracks. 

Daryl’s POV  
I chased after the car for a while only stopping when I came across an intersection not knowing which way the fucking car went. I sit there not knowing what to do. Till a group of men come along. I stick with them for a while, learning their ways and that they claim things. They were looking for this group of people that did them wrong. Apparently, this group was on their way to Terminus. So that's where we were heading. They tell me they spotted the man and lady, but I didn't want anything to do with it. I'm about to leave when I see the back of the truck has a drawing of a black pentacle. Esme was there. I look further and see Rick and Michonne. 

Esme’s POV  
We follow the tracks more. To keep ourselves from getting bored we played games, made bets and talked. I drank a lot of water and slowly ate a piece of candy bar to keep my sugar level as good as I could, but I was slowly starting to feel weaker. We stopped to make camp for a bit I helped put up some snares and thankfully we caught a small hare. From there we come across a broken down truck. Michonne kills the walker nearby and we stay there to camp that day. At each camp, I've been leaving my Pentacle drawings. Hoping, that one day Daryl would find them or maybe someone else from our prison. We sleep that night in the truck. 

I'm asleep when I feel tugging on my foot I wake up to see Carl shaking my leg and someone knocking on the car window. A man I don't know has a knife. His face up against the window. Then I hear his voice, Daryl’s I turn then and watch him talk to the person that's the leader.  
“These people, you're going to let them go,” he says. “These are good people.”   
“Well, Lou would have to disagree on that.” The gray-haired man says.”but of course I will have to speak for him.”   
“You want blood I get it,” Daryl says dropping his crossbow. “Take it from me, man.”  
“NO!” I scream. Crawling to the front driver seat next to Carl. Daryl doesn't even turn to look at me.   
“This man killed our friend, so did his partner.” The leader speaks. “You say he's good people, see now that right there is a lie. It's a lie!”   
The other men in the group start to punch and kick on Daryl at that point.  
“Leave him alone!!!” I yell grabbing a knife and opening the car door at that point, but one man stops me by pointing a gun at me. The other man starts to pull Carl out of the car.  
“You leave them be!!!” I hear Rick scream.   
“No see we’re going to beat Daryl to death, then we’re going to have both the girls, then we're going to take the boy, then shoot you.” The leader tells Rick. I hear movement behind the car and Carl whimper. I get angry then. I slap the gun out of my face and try to run to Carl, but someone grabs me. I turn to try and slice at the man, but he grabs my hand and pulls the knife away.  
“Where are you going, babe?” He asks pushing me to the ground. He pins me and runs his hands all over me.  
“Esme!!!” I hear Daryl scream, I turn my head to him and watch him get kicked in the gut again.   
“Get off of me!!!” I try to push him off of me.   
“Hmm… I like it when they fight.” He leans down on me. I get angry as I smell his nasty breath. He uses my knife to slice at my shirt. I can feel a sting of pain and know that he cut me as well. I try to fight him off of me more as I hear Carl’s get louder.   
“GET OFF OF ME!!!” I scream as I hear gunshots and Michonne tells someone to let Carl go. At that moment Daryl comes barreling into the man on top of me, beating him and smashing his skull in. I get up slowly.   
“Daryl.” I call him. Only then does he stop, he turns to me panting. I look around to see Rick stabbing the man that had Carl. I turn back to Daryl and crawl to him. I hug him and kiss him, more than I probably should have.   
“Esme….” I pull away and look at him, he stares at me in the eye. “Come on.” He says indicating that we need to get up. I stand up and he takes one look at me and starts to undress.  
“Daryl?” I question only for him to put his shirt around me, I look down and frown. I had forgotten that my shirt was ruined. “Thank you.” I say to him. I put my arms in the sleeves and button the shirt. I then pull my old shirt off through the sleeves. Daryl puts his jacket and vest back on and we make sure that the others are okay. 

That night I couldn't sleep, part of me was scared that if I closed my eyes Daryl would disappear. The other part of me was still upset about what could have happened. I sigh and get out of the car I walk to where Rick and Daryl are, Daryl takes one look at me and knows that I can't sleep.   
“Come here.” He tells me. I sit next to him. “Lay down.” He tells me and I lay on his lap. I look up at him and smile.   
“I'm glad you found me,” I whisper to him. He stares down at me, I can't tell what's going through his head. “What's wrong?” I ask.  
“Just can't believe it.” He says. I laugh a little.   
“I can,” I say. “Because you promised to always be right behind me.”   
“Right.” He says, I still can't read his face, but I smile anyway.   
“Try to sleep.” I nod and get more comfortable and fall asleep after a while. 

The next morning I wake up to Daryl’s vest under my head. I smile and get up to see Rick where he was last night but no Daryl. Panic starts to set in until Rick talks to me.  
“He will be right back, he went to go get some things.” I nod and sit up.   
“Are you okay?” I ask him. He looks at me.  
“I don't know.” He answers. I nod.   
“We're okay.” I tell him, he nods and stares at me.   
“Are you okay?”  
“I'm okay.” I tell him looking down.  
“I'm sorry that, that almost…..”   
“Don't Rick, It's not your fault, okay. We are fine. We will be.” I say.  
I hear footsteps behind me and Rick looks up and nods. I turn to see Daryl with some water and a rag. He pours some on the rag and tries to hand it to Rick.   
“No, we should save it to drink.” Rick tells him.  
“You can't see yourself. He can.” Daryl counters. Rick takes it and starts to clean himself. Daryl sits down next to me and sighs.   
“I didn't know what they were.” He says looking at Rick. Rick nods.  
“How’d you wind up with them?” Rick asks.  
“I was with Beth, we got out together, I was with her for a while.” Daryl starts to explain, I cover my mouth afraid to ask.  
“Is she dead?” Rick asks for me.  
“She’s just gone.” He says I tilt my head no quite understanding. “After that, they found me. I mean I knew they were bad, but they had a code. It was simple. Stupid, but it was something, it was enough.”   
“And you were alone.” Rick nods understanding. I reach over and grab Daryl’s hand.   
“Said they were looking for some guy” Daryl continues. “Last night they said they spotted them, I was hanging back, I was going to leave, I then saw Esme’s pentacle on the back of the truck, I then saw you four. Right when you saw me. I didn't know what they could do.”  
“It's not your fault, Daryl.” I say, he scoffs.  
“It's not on you, Daryl.” Rick tells him “Hey. It's not on you. You being back with us here, now. That's everything. You're my brother. You're her man.” Rick says pointing to me. I smile at him.  
Daryl nods and looks between us and sighs. “Hey, what you did last night….. Anybody would have done that.”  
“No not that.” Rick disagrees.  
“Something happened. That ain't you.”  
“Daryl, you saw what I did to Tyreese.” Rick starts to argue. “It ain't all of it, but that's me. That's why I'm here now, that's why Carl and Esme are. I want to keep them safe. That's all that matters.” He says looking at me.  
“Hey, we keep each other safe Rick.” I tell him leaning over Daryl a bit to put my hand on his.   
“I understand it, I almost did the same thing to the man that almost got Esme. She’s the one that called me out of it.” Daryl tells Rick. I pull back cringing and I know Daryl could tell it still bothered me by the look on his face. Rick nods and sighs cleaning himself off more.   
“So what's the plan now?” Daryl asks.  
“We go to Terminus, hope the others are there as well.” I answer.


	26. Chapter Twenty Five: Train Cars and a Church

We follow the tracks more till we come across some small shops on the side of the road, we decide to scavenge some more. We split into two groups, Daryl and I and the other three together, I was honestly happy to get some alone time with him, but strangely it seemed to bother him. He wasn't talking, he wasn't even really paying attention to me other than to make sure I was behind him. It was almost like we before we started dating. The silence was starting to irritate me.   
“Daryl?” I say as we're going through a kitchen.   
“Hn?”   
“Are you okay?”   
“Fine.”   
“Are we okay?” I ask turning. He just continues to grab a few cans out of the cabinet. “Daryl?” I ask now worried.  
“Fine.” He says again, still not looking at me.  
“Then why are you ignoring me?”   
“I'm not, I'm talking to you.”  
“You know what I mean.” He turns to me then, anger on his face.  
“Really woman? You want attention now? Want me to hold you and….” He yells getting in my face.  
“Daryl!” I push him away. “What the fuck? You know that's not what I mean. What the fuck is wrong with you?”   
“YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME FINE! I AM NOT A GOOD BOYFRIEND! I DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE YOU WERE GONE THAT LONG! I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE TAKEN! I DIDN'T EVEN HELP HERSHEL! BETH IS NOW GONE AND I CAN'T FIND HER! HELL, I ALMOST DIDN'T EVEN LOOK FOR YOU AFTER THE PRISON! I COULDN'T EVEN PROTECT YOU FROM ALMOST GETTING RAPED!” He yells at me I sigh and let him yell. When he is done I slowly walk up to him. I place my hand on his cheek and slowly hug him.  
“None of that is your fault, Daryl, You couldn't have known, Hershel, Michonne and I were gone for only a little bit, I wouldn't have expected you to start looking for us until maybe before it got dark. It's ok. As for being the best boyfriend, well hey, I'm not the best girlfriend am I? I mess up. I don't expect you to be the best boyfriend. You couldn't have helped Hershel, what happened, happened. I fucking hate that it did, but none of you could have known that was going to happen. I was right there and didn't see it till the last minute. You did protect me from getting raped, you tackled his ass and killed him, if that's not protecting me I don't know what is. As for Beth, babe, I don't know what happened, but we will find her. I'll help you.” I tell him as he calms down.  
“She said the same thing.” He mumbles to me, I pull away not understanding for a second. “Beth, she said the same thing about you. Told me that we would find you and the others. Always had her hopes up. She helped me, in a way. But then I couldn't even find her. I couldn't keep her safe.”   
“Daryl…” I try to look at him at him.  
“I still am a terrible boyfriend. You deserve better.” He says turning away from me. “You deserve a man that would look for you.”   
“Daryl, what are you saying?” I ask scared now.   
“You know what I'm saying.” I shake my head, heart pounding in fear.  
“Daryl, you say that I deserve better? Right?” He nods. “Don't I deserve what I want?” He nods again. “I want you!” I say sternly. “Does it upset me that you didn't really look for me? Yes, but I understand what you went through out there and you found me in the end.”  
“It doesn't count.”   
“I don't care. It's enough for me, it counts that were together again, here, now.” I say walking up to him and putting my hand on his back. He tries to pull away and I grab his shoulder forcing him to turn around. “Don't.”  
“Don't what?” He asks.  
“Don't pull away from me, you know I don't like that. Let me ask you one question, one question only, then you can decide if we should be together or not.” I say looking him in the eye. He nods. “Do you love me?” I ask. He looks at me. We had never really said it to each other. We said it in other ways, but never those three words. He stares at me and I can see him thinking. He nods then. “No, Daryl I want you to say it.”   
“Why? What does it matter?”   
“You know why it matters. You say you want to break up, that I deserve better, but yet you can't ignore me. Hell, I wouldn't be able to ignore you if we did break up. Why? Because…. I love you.” I say shaking, scared and feeling defenseless now. All my cards were shown, I had no hand now and if he were to leave, I would be shattered. He moves closer to me.   
“I won't just say it, I'll show you.” He says closing the gap between us. He kisses me hard. I kiss him back, wrapping my arms around his neck. He pulls me up and places me on the kitchen counter. I run my hands down his back and start to pull at his vest. He takes my shirt off then and tosses his vest off as well. I kiss him again and start to unbutton his shirt. I bite his lip, gaining a low growl in return. He starts to undo my pants when I hear a noise outside. Not hearing it again I ignore it. He is kissing down my neck when I hear a bang against the kitchen window. I jump as Daryl turns around grabbing at his knife. A stupid walker has ruined the mood. I glare at it and sigh. I grab my shirt and jump down getting dizzy a headache starts to form. I put on my shirt.  
“We should get back to the others.” I say putting my hand on my head.  
“You okay?”   
“A headache.” I answer, turning to leave. Daryl’s hand on mine stops me. I turn back around and look at him in question.  
“I do…. Love you.” Daryl tells me. I smile at him and kiss him. We get ourselves in shape again and find the others. 

We continue on the tracks to Terminus. I was not feeling that well, my headache was worse and my vision was blurring. I take another sip out of my water bottle and stumble on a track again.   
“You okay?” Rick asks me, I shake my head.   
“She has a headache.” Daryl tells him.   
“Esme, come here,” Rick tells me I slowly walk up to him only to have him bend down and smell my neck. I knew then what he was looking for. He nods to me. “You smell like sugar, we need to find her insulin quickly.” He tells the others. Daryl looks confused.  
“How long have you gone without your meds?” He asks.  
“Since the prison, so 10 days now.”   
“Son of a bitch.” He grumbles. “How long to Terminus? Think they have meds?”   
“It's our best shot.” Rick answers.   
“What we standing here for then, let's go.” Daryl orders. I smile at him and we continue on, when I stumble a few times again, Daryl insists on giving me a piggyback ride. A little while later we find another sign.   
“We're getting close,” Daryl says. “We’ll be there before sundown.”  
“Good.” I mumble groggily.   
“Now we take the woods,” Rick says looking at me. “We don't know who these people are.”   
“All right.” Michonne agrees. I start to try and get off Daryl’s back.  
“What you doing?” He asks me.  
“I'm not going… to make you carry… me in the woods.” I say trying again.  
“I'll be fine stop moving around.” He says bouncing me to position me correctly again.  
“Oh god, please…. Don't do that again.” I say laying my head on his shoulder.  
“Can we go now?” He asks I just nod. 

After a while, we get to the fence of Terminus and Daryl finally sets me down. We all look at the gate. We all watch the gates for a while and bury our main assortment of weapons. Then we all jump the gates. I follow behind Carl who helps guide me. We get to a room where the radio frequency is dispatched.   
“Hello.” Rick calls to the woman speaking into the microphone. She looks puzzled at us being here.   
“Well, I bet Albert is on perimeter watch.” One man says. He starts to come near us. “You here to rob us?”   
“No, we wanted to see you before you saw us.” Rick explains.   
“Make sense. Usually, we do this where the tracks meet.” He says and clears his throat. “Welcome to Terminus. I'm Gareth. Looks like you've been on the road for a good bit.” He says looking at all of us. He sees me then, “Are you okay?”  
“We have.” Rick answers. “And no she’s not okay. She needs insulin. I'm Rick, that's Carl, Daryl, Michonne, and Esme.”   
“Well, we have a Dr. Let's have you looked at. I'll have someone take you to him.”  
“No, he can bring insulin to me.” I say moving a bit more behind Daryl.   
“Ok, if that's how you want it,” Gareth says. He turns to someone. “Have the Dr bring everything needed for diabetes and some extra looks like the poor woman ran out on her way here.” The girl nods and runs out. Gareth turns back to us.“Look you're nervous, I get it. We were all the same way. We came here for sanctuary. That is what you here for?”  
“Yes.”  
“Good you found it. Once the Dr gets here we can take you around for a tour. But first, we need to see everyone's weapons. Hey Alex, come here.”   
I suddenly feel better that Rick had us bury our extras. We then put our weapons on the ground. Just then the girl and an old man come walking in.   
“I heard we have a new arrival that needs attending to.” The man says. He looks to my group and spots me, he comes right over to me. “My name is Dr. White, my dear, I heard you need this.” He says to me holding out a black carrier that looked a lot like my old one. “Come, sit down and I will help you.”  
“No,” I interject grabbing the kit. “I will have Rick help me.” I say loud enough for Rick to hear. He comes over and grabs the kit.   
“Well, I will go get you all some water then.” Dr. White says. Rick helps me check my sugar level, 198. He gives me the right amount of insulin as Dr. White comes back with water. I pack up the insulin kit and as I am notice something on it. A small carving of a pentacle. “Dr. White?” I gain his attention.  
“Yes?” He turns to me.  
“May I keep this?” I ask.  
“Of course. No one here has diabetes, the person who previously owned that, sadly has passed. There should be enough to last you for a month.”   
“Right, thank you.” I say leaning on Daryl. I look up at him and tap him on the back, he looks down at me in question. I move the pack enough for him to see the pentacle. His eyebrows scrunch in confusion then recollection. He nods understanding. We gain our weapons back and go on the tour. Alex takes us on our tour. He tells us the history of this place. As he leads ups to the front “welcome.” area. We are greeted then by a woman.  
“Hi, heard you came in through the back. Smart, you'll fit right in here.” She tells us.   
“Hey, Mary would you fix each of these new folks a plate for me?” Alex asks her.  
“Of course.” Mary says.  
“Why do you do it?” Michonne asks. “Why do you let people in?”  
“The more people become a part of us, we get stronger,” Alex explains. “That's why we put up the signs, invite people in, that's how we survive.”   
I move to Rick’s side and lean against him he looks down at me confused. I don't normally do something like this. I then show him my pack as well. He understands then and starts looking around. Then I see him start to get angry and worried. He walks me over to Daryl and then walks to Alex, slamming the plate of food out of his hands and grabbing something out of his pocket. He pulls his gun on Alex and we all do the same.   
“Where the hell did you get this watch?” Rick asks him. I notice then that it's Glenn’s pocket watch that Hershel gave him. I frown in worry. That explains how my diabetic pack got here. The others were here.   
“You want answers? You will get them when you put the guns down.” Alex says.   
“I see your man on the roof with the sniper rifle. How good’s his aim? Where did you get the watch and the diabetic pack?”   
Gareth then comes out. He tries to get Rick to tell him what he wants.  
“Where are our people?” Rick asks him.  
“You didn't answer the question.” He says and shooting begins. We try to escape out a sideways but there are too much bullets. We try to escape but it seems like the bullets were following us and corralling us. We enter into a room with a tone of candles.   
“What the hell is this place?” He looks at me as if I can answer the question. I look around.  
“These people I don't think they are trying to kill us.” Michonne says as I continue to figure out what we had just entered.   
“No, they were aiming at our feet.” Rick says.  
“This is a remembrance hall.” I speak up answering Daryl’s question.   
“There.” Rick says pointing to a door. We run for it but it closes we go through another door only to be stopped by a line of gunman.   
“Drop your weapons now!” Gareth yells. “Now.” So we all do. “Ringleader go to your left, to the train cart go. You do what we say and the boy goes with you. Anything else, he dies and you end up in there anyway.” He threatens, Rick nods to Carl and goes. “Now the archer.” Daryl follows Rick “Now the samurai.” Michonne goes next. “Now the diabetic.” He orders. I slowly follow Michonne. “Stand at the door, Ringleader, archer, samurai, and diabetic, in that order.” We hear him call. I turn watching Carl stand there.  
“My son!” Rick calls.   
“Go, kid,” Gareth tells him. I sigh in relief. “Ringleader, open the door and go in.”  
“I'll go in with him.” Rick yells back.  
“Don't make us kill him now!” Gareth threatens.   
“Rick, I'll get him.” I whisper loud enough for him to hear. Rick nods, steps up and opens the door. I turn to keep and an eye on Carl. Just a few more steps. The others follow Rick in and I wait at the entrance and practically yank Carl in. The door shuts then on its own. I sigh and hug Rick and Carl.  
“Rick?” I hear a familiar voice. I practically cry in relief and tackle Glenn.   
“You're here!” I hug him. “Maggie?” He nods.  
“I'm here.” I hear her say, I run to her hugging her. Only when I pull back do I see the rest of the people here. I hug Bob and Sasha.   
“They're our friends.” I hear Maggie explain to Rick. “They helped save us.”  
“Yeah, now they are friends of ours.” Daryl says, I smile and walk next to him holding onto his hand.   
“For however long that will be.” One with a big mustache says.   
“No,” Rick says. “They are going to feel pretty stupid when they find out.”  
“Find out what?”  
“They’re screwing with the wrong people.” Rick says angrily. I laugh a bit.

While we’re in the train cart we come up sit plans on what to do making our belt and objects weapons. Everyone explains how they ended up here and what happened in the ten days that we were away from each other. I finally learn what happened to Beth as Daryl explains to Maggie about the car that took her. Daryl keeps watch, as we make makeshift weapons. I shred my rope belt into a whip and make the metal part into a knuckle punch.   
“Alright got four of these fuckers heading our way.” Daryl says and we all get ready.  
“Y'all know what to do.” Rick starts to order. “Go for their eyes first. Then their throats.” I make sure one last time that my diabetic pack is tied to me well and get ready.  
“Put your backs to the walls at either end of the car now!” Someone orders from outside. I start to hear the door open, but I don't see it open, only when the light comes from the top do I realize they opened a hatch from above us. I look up and see something thrown in. I look at it, it's a smoke grenade.   
“MOVE!” Abraham yells. We all jump as far away from it we can get. I cough as it goes off. My head starts to hurt again from the light and smoke.   
“Esme.” I hear Daryl call for me.   
“I'm here,” I call and cough again. I recognize Daryl struggling “Daryl!” I call for him in confusion. “Daryl?” I call again. I can no longer hear him. Then I hear Maggie calling for Glenn. Carl starts to call for his dad and Sasha calls for Bob. “Rick, Glenn, Bob,” I call for them now worried even more. As the smoke clears, I realize that all four of them are missing. “DARYL, RICK, GLENN, BOB!!!” I call out hoping they will answer from outside. I get nothing. “Carl? Where are you?” I call out. “Over here.” I blink away my tears from the smoke and see him with Michonne. “Is everyone okay?” I ask. “Yeah, we’re okay.” Maggie says looking at everyone as they nod. After what seems like ten minutes of trying to find a way out, we hear gunshots from outside. Then an explosion happens. Abraham begins to bang on the door, but Eugene then tries to use a shell to open the door. Eugene apparently knows the cure to this walker apocalypse and the others want to hear it. He goes into this elaborate explanation of what he was a team of and how it all started. For some reason, it all sounded way to elaborate and thought out for me to believe it, but I didn't care, I had bigger things to worry about. Daryl, Rick, Glenn, and Bob were on the top of that list. We then hear banging on the door I push Carl behind me as the door opens. Thankfully I see Rick. “Come on! Fight to the fence!” He orders and that's what we do. 

Rick wants to go back and end them. The others all argue against it, I was on the fence with the idea. On one hand, we were safe and away. On the other, we know what happened when we let the Governor go. I'm leaning against a tree with Daryl when I see someone walking up to us.   
“Behind you.” I whisper to him grabbing a knife he has. He turns then and moves out of my way. Only then do I see that it's Carol, He runs hugging her.   
“Did you do that?” Rick asks and hugs her when she nods. I hug her next.   
“Thank you!” I tell her more times than I can count. She nods and looks between Rick, Carl and I.   
“You have to come with me.” She tells us. We nod and follow her.   
She leads us to a shack in the forest where we see Tyreese holding a baby.   
“JUDITH!” I run to her, Carl and Rick right behind me. I practically yank her from Tyreese turning to hug Rick and Carl at the same time after hugging her I pass her to Rick and turn to Tyreese. “Thank you!” I say hugging him.   
“Of course.” He says smiling at me.   
“I don't know if the fire is still burning.” Rick says later.   
“It is.” Carol says.  
“We need to go.”  
“Yeah, but where?” Daryl asks.   
“I don't know, but somewhere far away from there.” 

We head out, at that point away from Terminus. We walk for a long while catching up and only restocking on water and what we can find. We rest at night, making small fires and sleeping in shifts. Daryl and I go on hunts every once in a while. After the 4th night out we hear someone calling for help. Carl convinces us to help him. We run and kill the walkers around this man trapped on a boulder. Only when we’re done killing the walkers do I realize this man is a priest.   
“We’re clear, keep watch.” Rick orders. “Come on down.” He tells the shaking man. “You okay?” The man nods but then throws up. I turn away almost gagging at the noise.   
“Sorry.” The man says. “Yes, thank you. I'm Gabriel.” He introduces himself,  
“Do you have any weapons on you?” Rick asks him. The man starts to laugh.  
“Do I look like I would have any weapons?”   
“We don't give two short and curlies what it looks like.” Abraham responds. I laugh.  
“I have no weapons of any kind,” Gabriel tells us. “The word of God is the only protection I need.”   
“And here we go….” I whisper rolling my eyes and shaking my head. Daryl smirks at me knowing I hate pushy, godly Christians.  
“Sure didn't look like it.” Daryl says turning to Gabriel.   
“I called for help. Help came.” Gabriel responds. “Do you have any food? Whatever I had left, it just hit the ground.”   
“We have some pecans.” Carl says giving his over.   
“Thank you,” Gabriel tells him and looks around. He sees Judith as she coos. “That's a beautiful child.” He says we all look at him undecided. “Do you have a camp?” He asks nervously.  
“No. Do you?” Rick questions.  
“I have a church.” He answers.   
“Hold your hands above your head,” Rick tells him. He slowly does and Rick searches him. “How many walkers have you killed?”   
“Not any actually.”   
“Turn around.” He does. “How many people have you killed?”   
“None.” Gabriel answers looking at Rick like he is crazy.  
“Why?” Rick asks the last question.  
“Because the Lord abhors violence.” Gabriel answers. I snort into my hand trying not to be heard.   
“What have you done?” Rick asks him unable to believe his answers. Gabriel at first doesn't understand the question. “We've all done something.”  
“I'm a sinner.” Gabriel then says. “I sin almost every day, but those sins, I confess them to God, not strangers.”   
“You said you had a church?” Michonne asks. Gabriel nods to her and we all agree to go to the church for a bit. It was a safe place as much as I hated the idea of staying in a “house of God.”   
When we get to the church we all search in and around it to make sure it wasn't a trap. After figuring out a place to scavenge, the group goes out to get what they can. I stay back with Carl, Tyreese, and Judith, I still need some time to rest after the hyperglycemic attack, Terminus and all the walking. 

I fall asleep and wake up when Daryl and Carol get back with water.  
“How are you feeling?” Carol asks me when she sees me sitting up.  
“Better,” I answer as Daryl passes me a gallon of water with no lid. “Thank you.”   
“Welcome.” He says sitting next to me.   
The group gets back by then with a lot of food. We pretty much have a feast going for dinner.   
“I would like to propose a toast,” Abraham speaks up and the happy chattering stops. “I look around this room and I see survivors. Each and every one of you has earned that title. To the survivors!” We all happily cheer to that. “Is that all you want to be?” He asks then silencing the group again. “Wake up in the morning, fight the undead pricks, forage for food, go to sleep at night with two eyes open, rinse and repeat? Cause you can do that, I mean you got the strength, you got the skill. Thing is, for you people, for what you can do, well that's just surrender. Now, we get Eugene to Washington and he will the dead die and the living will have this world again. And that is not a bad takeaway for a little road trip. Eugene, what's in DC?”  
“Infrastructure constructed to withstand pandemics even of this fubar magnitude. That means food, fuel, refuge. Restart.” Eugene answers. I look around at everyone. There was a small glint of hope in their eyes. I couldn't blame them. I wanted it to. I missed not having to look over my shoulder every day.  
“However this plays out, however long it takes for the reset button to kick in, you can be safe there. Safer than you've been since this whole thing started. Come with us. Save the world for that little one. Save it for your partners. Save it for yourselves. Save it for the people out there…. Who don't got nothing left to do except survive.” Abraham looks to Rick, we all look at him in that minute. Rick chuckles as Judith coos. I smile at her.   
“What was that?” He asks her, we all laugh. “I think she knows what I'm about to say.” He looks at Tyreese. “She's in, If she's in, I'm in. We’re in.” We all laugh and cheer again. I turn to Daryl then and smile at him. He nods to me a small smirk on his lips.   
“What?” I ask.  
“Nothin’” He answers, I tilt my head not believing him.   
“Really?” I smirk back at him.  
“Just don't like thinking of what the world use to be like.”  
“I know, but that world won't exist if Eugene does fix all of this. It will be a new world and you can do what you want in it. The horrors of the past and now would be gone.” He looks at me with a strange look in his eyes and nods. I can't tell if he believes me. I then turn and lay down on his lap. I must have fallen asleep again because I am woken up by movement next to me. Daryl is moving.  
“Daryl?” I question.  
“I'll be right back, sleep.” He tells me putting his folded vest under my head. I nod and cuddle into the smell of him and leather lulling me to sleep again. 

I sit up startled as I hear Rick yelling at Gabriel.   
“Where are our people!!!” I look around confused. “What's going on?” I ask walking up to Glenn. He looks at me sad at that moment. “Glenn?” I question as Maggie walks up to me putting her hand on my shoulder.  
“Daryl, Bob and Carol are missing.” She tells me.  
“Missing…. When? How long ago?” I ask frightened now.   
“We don't know.” Glenn says. I frown at his answer and remember then Daryl waking me up. I try to remember how long ago that might have been. I turn around and walk to Rick, Gabriel was crying on the floor at that point.   
“Rick, how long have they been missing?” I ask, he turns around to answer my question, but we hear whistling outside.   
“There’s something,” Glenn says looking outside. “There is someone outside lying in the grass.”   
“Who is it?” I ask, running to his side worried.  
“I don't know.” He answers.  
Sasha runs to the door and opens it. “BOB!” I hear her scream. I can't help but sigh in relief that it's not Daryl. I run outside to help kill the walkers as the others bring Bob inside. When we all get inside Bob explains what happened.  
“I was in the graveyard, somebody knocked me out. I woke up outside this place, It looked like a school, It was that guy Gareth and five other ones. They were eating my leg right in front of me.” I frown and cringe. “Like it was nothing, all proud like they had it all figured out.”   
“Did they have Daryl and Carol?” I ask him desperately.   
“Gareth said they drove off.” I look at him confused.   
“Drove off?” I ask looking at the others.   
“He's in pain, do we have something?” Sasha asks.  
“I think there is a pill pack in the first aid kit.” Rosita answers.   
“Save them.” Bob says  
“No.” Sasha argues.  
“Really.” Bob sits up and shows us he's bitten on the shoulder. “It happened at the food bank.”  
“Oh, It's okay.” Sasha smiles at him. He then falls back in pain.  
“There is a sofa in my office… it's not much but….” Gabriel speaks up.   
“Thank you.” Sasha turns to him.  
“I got him.” Tyreese says, getting up to pick Bob up. They take him to the office and I turn to the window worry and confusion coursing through me, why would Daryl and Carol drive off somewhere? How did Gareth know? And were they coming back? What happened? I stare out the window until I'm brought back by Abraham’s loud voice.  
“Time for a reality check,” He says. I turn to listen to him. “We all need to leave for DC right now.” I scoff.  
“I am not leaving without Daryl and Carol!” I argue.   
“He drove off with her,” He turns to me. “Do you really want him back?” I stock up to him and slap him.   
“DARYL WOULD NEVER!” I yell at him. “They are close, but not like that, and how dare you speak of a man like that, that you barely know.” I glare.  
“Esme…” Rick gains my attention. I look to him and walk to his side. “Daryl and Carol are going to be back. Esme is right, we’re not going anywhere without them.”  
“I respect that, but there’s a clear threat here to Eugene,” Abraham says. “I need to extract his ass before things get uglier. So if you all won't come, good luck to you. We’ll go our separate ways.”   
“You leaving on foot?” Rick asks as they turn to leave.   
“We fixed that damn bus ourselves.” Abraham says turning around in anger.  
“There are a lot more of us.” Rick gets in his face.   
“You want to keep it that way? You should come.”   
“Carol saved your life. We saved your life.”   
“Well, I am trying to save yours! Save everyone’s.”   
“We’re not going anywhere without our people.”   
“Your people took off!”   
“THEY ARE COMING BACK!” I yell at him in anger.   
“To what picked over bones!” Abraham yells over Rick’s shoulder.  
“You are not taking….”   
“Do not lay hands!” Abraham says pushing Rick.   
“Hey, hey, stop! Now!” Glenn gets in between the two. He turns to Abraham as they calm down. “Do you really think that you're gonna be any safer leaving right now in the middle of the night?’  
“Yeah. Yeah.” He answers.  
“What about tomorrow? We need each other for this.” Glenn tells him, he turns to all of us. “We need each other to get to DC. We can get through all of it together.”  
“I have an idea.” Tara walks up to them both. “If you stay one more day and help, I'll go with you to DC no matter what. Okay?”   
“Glenn and Maggie, too.” Abraham says.   
“That's not your decision to make.” I scoff at him.   
“Good luck then.” Abraham looks at me. “I'm not interested in breaking up what you have here. Rosita, grab your gear.”  
“Abraham….” Rosita tries to speak.  
“Now.”   
“Eugene, let's go.” Eugene just sits there. “Eugene. Move it.”   
“I don't want to.” Eugene speaks up.  
“Now.” Abraham orders.  
“Okay.” He whispers defeated.   
The group starts to walk out then, but Rick stops them.  
“You're not taking the bus.”   
“Try to stop me.” Abraham says.  
Rick then starts to walk up to Abraham, I grab the gun I have because Abraham has one, but thankfully he hands his to Rosita and turns to punch Rick, but again Glenn gets in the middle.  
“You stay and help us, you stay, and we will go with you.” He says pointing to Maggie.  
“No.” Rick orders.  
“It's not your call.” Glenn uses my words on him. I frown. “You stay and help us.”   
“Half a day,” Abraham says. “Come high noon we’re tail lights. I'm not waiting for the other damn shoe to drop.”   
“And we will go with you.” Maggie speaks up. My heart sinks a bit.  
“Maggie…” I turn to her. She frowns at me and nods.   
“I know.” She whispers to me.


	27. Chapter Twenty Six: Grief

After we get Bob moved to the office with Sasha we gather around and try to think of a plan.  
“They think they’re in control.” Rick was saying, I was trying to pay attention, but I was still confused. “We're in here they could be anywhere. But we know exactly where they are.”  
“Plans got stones, I'll give you that.” Abraham says.  
“Make our move before they do.” Glenn confirms.  
“That's right,” Rick says. “They are not counting on us thinking straight.”  
“Are we?” Rosita asks, looking to Rick then me and back. I glare at her. “I'm just making sure, it's a big play.”  
“Remember what these people are capable of,” Rick tells her. “Tyreese.” He calls to him.  
“Yeah?”   
“You up for this?” He's about to answer when Sasha comes out of the office.  
“I'm coming with you.” She says. I frown at her words.  
“You should stay with Bob.” Tyreese says what I'm thinking.  
“No, I want to be out there. I want to be a part of this.” She says angrily. Tyreese goes to talk with her and I turn my attention back to Rick.   
“What about Daryl and Carol?” I ask, putting on Daryl’s vest. Rick walks to me and places his hand on my shoulder.  
“We will find them, or they will come back.” He tells me. “Daryl would not have run off without a reason, you of all people know that.” He says looking me in the eye. I nod to him, feeling a bit better. He was right. We finish making the plan from there and make our way out of the church. 

We make our way out of the church, and make it look like we walked out to where they kept Bob. We then hid in the woods watching them go into the church when we know they are in trying to get to the others we make our way back. Rick and I both shoot the people at the door of the office.   
“Put your guns on the floor.” Rick tells them when they turn around in shock.  
“Rick, we'll fire right into that office so you lower your gun…” Gareth starts, but Rick shoots him in the hand. “AH!!!”   
“Put your guns on the floor and Kneel.” Rick orders again.   
“Do what he says,” Gareth tells the others. Two of them do, one does not. “Martin there is no choice here.”   
“Yes, there is.” Martin replies.   
“Wanna bet? Abraham asks him when he makes his way around. I make my way to his other side with Michonne, I pick up the gun the girl had. Rick and Sasha make their way up the center aisle to Gareth, he turns and faces Rick.  
“No point in begging, right?” He asks.  
“No.” Rick answers.   
“Still you could have killed us when you came in, there had to be a reason for that.”   
“We didn't want to waste the bullets.”   
“We used to help people, we saved people. Things changed, they came in and…” Gareth groans for a sec on the floor. “After that… I know that you've been out there, but I can see it. You don't know what it is to be hungry. You don't have to do this we can walk away.”  
“Like you let us walk away?” I ask angrily.  
“We will never cross paths again,” Gareth turns to me for a sec. “I promise you.”   
“But you will cross someone’s path,” Rick tells him. “You’d do this to anyone, right? Besides, I already made you a promise.” Rick says taking out his machete and slicing into Gareth. Michonne takes out the girl and Abraham takes out the other guy. Sasha deals with Martin, I turn around not watching as the screams feel my ears. I look at Maggie, seeing the horror on her face, I walk to her putting my hand on her shoulder, she looks at me away from it and I nod. We stay like that until it's done, both of us cringing every once in a while. 

After we all clean up, we move into the small office to say bye to Bob. Maggie had just said bye and I sit down with him for a sec. He smiles at me weakly and I smile back.  
“You don't forget what I, Hershel or Dr. S has taught you, and read, read every book you think will help you learn more, you’ll make this world Esme.”  
“I will, I promise, and when I need to remember something I'll just look to the sky and ask, so you all better be there to help answer.” I laugh with him when he chuckles at me. I wipe a tear away and look down frowning then.  
“Hey.” I look at him when he pats my leg. I take his hand. “You will find him, Daryl, I know you will.”   
“Thank you.” I say to him and get up. We all go to leave when he calls Rick. I smile one last time at him and then shut the door to let them talk. 

Abraham, Eugene, and Rosita get the bus ready. I know what this means and sadly turn to Glenn and Maggie when Abraham gives us a map of their route to DC. I move in between the couple and put my arms around their shoulders pulling them in just a bit.   
“We will follow when we can.” I tell them frowning.   
“I know.” Glenn tells me. I look at him wondering if this will be the last time I see him.  
“You were supposed to just be delivering pizzas, and now you're helping to go save the world.” I say to him. He laughs shaking his head at my joke and hugs me.   
“You be careful, okay.” He says pulling away, I nod to him and hug Maggie one last time.   
“Who am I supposed to hang out with now?” I ask her. She smiles at me and they both make their way onto the bus. I stand by Rick staring at them sadly. Lord and Lady please, please do not let this be the last time I see them. I pray. I go inside sitting down. I have nothing to do now, I busy myself with odds and ends, trying to keep my mind off of everything. At night I can't sleep all that much so I lay there staring at the colored windows of the church. I turn and look when the church doors open again from Michonne, but there are others behind her.   
I blink and sit up looking around, everyone else was inside.  
“Michonne?” I question.   
“Esme.” I hear a familiar voice and jump up happily.  
“Daryl!” I practically tackle him. “Where did you go? What happened?” I ask, not really letting him answer as I try to look him over in the dark to make sure he was fine.  
“I'm fine.” He tells me. “I'll explain what happened, are you okay.”   
“I'm fine,” I tell him finally realizing that Carol wasn't with him. “Daryl where is Carol? And who is he?” I question as I see the new black guy with him.   
“She’s alive, but was taken, this is Noah, he's going to help us get Beth and Carol back.” He tells me. “Wake the others, please.” I nod but don't move. Maggie wasn't here to help get her sister back. What do I tell Beth? “Babe?” He questions when I still stand there.  
“Right.” I say shaking my head and moving to get Rick first. I wake all the others and Daryl tells us what happened and why he took off with Carol. We then start to plan and gear for war, something I am sadly used to now. We make the church as protected as possible and get the truck Daryl found ready. 

The whole group, excluding Michonne, Carl, Judith and Gabriel, all go to get Beth and Carol back. We get as close as we can then go on foot, from there we make it to a building and pause to make a plan. We come up with a plan to get two of her cops and trade for Beth and Carol. Noah then starts the plan. He shoots off a couple of rounds gaining the attention of cops on duty, he runs down a path and leads them into an ally where we all are hiding.  
“Put it down, Noah.” The girl says.  
“Put it the gun down.” The man calls as well.  
Noah does as they say.  
“Hands up, turn around.”   
He again listens to them, at this point as they are cuffing him we start to move from our spot weapons drawn. Rick whistles to the cops to gain their attention.   
“Hands.” Rick tells them.  
“What do you want?” The girl cop asks.  
“Whatever this is we can help.” Says the man.   
“You do what we say, we don't hurt you.” Rick tells them.   
“Okay.” Says the man, he moves to his fingers off the trigger and raises his hand, the female then does the same.  
“Good, now turn around,” Rick tells them. “Put your guns on the floor and kneel.” They do as they are told and we take their weapons. Tyreese unties Noah’s hands.   
“We need to talk.” Rick continues to talk to them as we do check them for more weapons. “There is water if you need some and food.”  
“Mind if I ask you something?” The man speaks as Rick and I walk to go inside. We turn around. “The way you talk… The way you carry yourself, were you a cop?” Rick just stares at him. “Believe it or not, I was too.” Rick just nods.   
“That's Lamson,” Noah speaks up. “He will be down for this, He's one of the good ones.”   
“Good, that makes this……” I was saying when a car comes squealing into where we are. We start to shoot at it and duck behind some garbage when the two cops we have to get into the car. It takes off and we try to chase after them. We chase them till Rick signs for us to stop. I then notice the car with a flat and evacuated. Around is a bunch of corpses that look grotesquely melted. I frown and almost gag at the smell. We see the cops running away, and start to chase after them. I follow Rick till I realize that Daryl isn't following.   
“Rick!” I call him. He slowly stops and turns around. “Daryl.” He nods and we double back seeing Daryl fighting the driver of the car. I shoot a walker that is way too close to him for my liking and the cop freezes as he realizes Rick and I have guns pointed at him.   
“Okay.” He says. “You win, assholes.” I put my gun in my pocket and go check on Daryl. Daryl is watching Rick.  
“Rick. Rick!” He calls to him, I look at my brother then, he is ignoring Daryl.   
“Brother.” I call him. Nothing.  
“Rick, three is better than two.” Daryl tries again. Finally, Rick looks at one of us, he lowers his gun. Daryl then zip ties the cop. We get the other cops finally escort them to where we were held up at the moment. Rick, Noah and I are trying to figure out a way to talk to Dawn when Daryl calls to Rick.  
“Hey, Rick, you're going to want to hear this.” He waves us over. We get up and walk over, I stand beside Daryl as he puts his arm around me. I move closer and lean a bit into him. He tells us how Dawn really is, how she says she won't compromise, but in the end, she always does. After we talk we then start to scavenge from the car and a bit into the surrounding buildings. I come back in with some supplies when I notice that Sasha and Sergeant Lambert are missing. 

“Rick, Daryl!” I call out placing down my scavenged goods. Rick goes looking for him and comes back shaking his head in anger. “Did he get away?” I ask he shakes his head again. I frown.   
“He wouldn't stop.” Rick says.  
“This change things?” Daryl asks.  
“It has to.”  
“Maybe not.”   
“She said the plan won't work, the guy who did is dead. Maybe we got to rethink this.”   
“They also said the cop in charge didn't have any love for him. Maybe you did her a favor.”   
“I don't know if they’ll play ball.”   
“Let's find out?” We all nod to each other and confront the two cops.   
“He was a good man.” The girl says. “He was attacked by rotters, saw it go down.” I raise my eyebrows at her.  
“Huh.” Rick grunts. “Your a damn good liar.”   
“Were hanging by a thread here. He was attacked by rotters, that's the story.”  
“You said the trade was a bad idea. What changed?” Daryl asks.  
“Lamson was our shot. So it's this or you go in guns blazing, right?” She asks “You don't want that right?”  
“It's some bullshit your spinning and if things go south…”  
“I know.” She says. “I know the good ones from the bad. Let us help you.” She begs. Rick turns around unsure of himself I look at him and our eyes meet. I nod slightly and tilt my head to the other man with her. He nods understanding and turns to him.  
“What about you? You wanna live? How much?” Rick asks him.  
“Dawn’s afraid she will look weak in front of us. Thinks it'll tip things against her.” He says looking at the female cop. “Hell, it will. She will see this trade as a rip off if she thinks you took out one of our guys. So it's a good thing Lamson got aced by rotters.” I sigh in relief that at least that was settled. 

We move than to get things done, to get Beth and Carol back. We watch from a roof where Rick is to talk with other police officers. I watch through binoculars as he puts his gun on the ground and turns around. I can see them talking and barely hear them. A walker starts to walk by and Sasha shoots it, scaring the officers. I chuckle as they jump and look around for us. Rick then steps back from his gun. A few minutes later Rick gives us the signal that we were good to go. We follow the officers into the hospital, they lead us to meet with Dawn. As we round a corner I see four officers, a doctor, Beth, and Carol. Beth looked okay, she had a broken arm and some stitches on her face. Carol was in a wheelchair and looked tired and weak but otherwise okay. I smile at them, sighing in relief that I had solid proof they were alive. 

“Where is Lamson?” The one I'm assuming is Dawn asks.  
“The rotters got him.” The female cop says.  
“We saw it go down.” The male cop confirms.  
“Oh,” Dawn says. “I'm sorry to hear that, he was one of the good ones. One of mine for one of yours.” She says finally looking at Rick. He nods and indicates for Daryl to give up the male.  
“Move,” Daryl says making him walk, they then start to move Carol to us as well. They then trade and give Carol over to us. I smile at her when he wheels her over to us. Dawn then starts to walk with Beth to us. Rick walks the female over as well. I help hold on to Carol as she stands up.   
“Glad we can work things out.” Dawn says.   
“Yeah.” Rick says and we move to leave.   
“Now I just need Noah,” Dawn calls to us, we all stop in our tracks. “And then you can leave.”   
“That wasn't part of the deal.” Rick says walking to her. I frown handing over Carol to Tyreese. I could feel that things were going to go wrong.   
“Noah was my ward,” Dawn says. “Beth took his place and I'm losing her, so I need him back.”   
“Ma’am, please, it's not…” Shepherd starts.  
“Shepherd.” Dawn calls stopping her. “My officers put their lives on the line to find him. One of them died.” Noah starts to walk towards her, but Daryl pushes him back.  
“No, he ain't staying.” Daryl says.   
“He's one of mine you have no claim on him.” Dawn tells him.  
“The boy wants to go home, so you have no claim on him.” I tell her stepping in front of Noah.  
“Well, then we don't have a deal.” She says.  
“The deal is done!” Rick tells her.  
“It's okay.” Noah says moving around me.  
“No, No,” Daryl tells him as Beth and I try to pull him back. Rick puts his arm out stopping him.   
“I gotta do it.” Noah tells Rick and hands him his gun.   
“It's not okay.” Beth says to him walking up to us.   
“It's settled.” Dawn says.   
“Wait!” Beth says and hugs Noah.   
“It's okay, Beth. It's okay.” He tells her.  
“I knew you would be back.” Dawn sarcastically tells Noah. I watch in confusion as Beth let's go of Noah and she turns to Dawn.  
“I get it now.” She tells her. She then moves quickly and stabs Dawn with a pair of scissors that come out of nowhere.   
“Ah!” Dawn screams and a gunshot is heard. I freeze as I watch Beth fall to the ground. I hear another gunshot go off from next to me and only when I see Dawn fall do I realize that Daryl shot her. Every cop now pulls there gun and I pull mine.   
“Hold your fire!” Shepard orders all the cops. “It's over, It was just about her.” She tells us. “Stand down.” She orders her group. They all listen and I turn when I feel a hand on my shoulder, Carol is crying but trying to get us all to stand down as well. I nod to her and turn to Rick, I place my hand on his arm lowering his gun.  
“Let's go, brother.” I tell him, my voice breaking. I turn to Daryl and grab his hand.   
I turn when I hear Shepard speak.   
“You can stay.”   
“We're surviving here.” The doctor says. “It's better than out there.”  
“No,” Rick says. “And I'm taking anyone back there who wants to leave. If you want to come with us… Just step forward now.” I look at the other group no one steps forward. I nod and watch sadly as Daryl picks up Beth. On our way out of the hospital, I notice Maggie and the others. I start to cry again as I watch Maggie run to us happy, only to realize what is wrong, she falls to her knees, screaming. I walk with Daryl, my arm around his waist as we take Beth to Maggie. 

We burry Beth and have a small funeral for her. We then make plans for going to Richmond, Virginia, to take Noah to his family. I agree to go on the run, going with Noah and me; is Rick, Glenn, Michonne, and Tyreese. We find a van and get it ready to go. I walk to Daryl who is getting ready to go on a small hunt, he turns around when he hears me walking to him.  
“Going?” He asks.   
“Just about to,” I answer, he nods. “Be careful out there, please.”  
“Hm.” He nods to me. I place my hand in his, as he looks down at the ground. “You too.”   
“I will,” I tell him, I squeeze his hand then and slightly pull on it to make him look at me. I walk up to him and kiss him. He kisses back barely. I pull back and slight frown at him. “Take as much time as you need out there, but please don't make me come looking for you when I get back.” I tell him, he nods again and kisses the top of my head. I watch him then as he walks into the forest. I sigh and walk back to the group that I'm going with. 

I'm sitting in the back of the Van with Glenn staring out the window aimlessly when I hear Rick speak up.  
“How far out?” He asks. I turn my head to watch Noah lean over and look at the mileage on the dash.   
“Five miles.” He answers.  
Rick then pages Carol on the radio. “Hey, Carol.”  
“I'm here.” She answers.  
“We’re halfway there, just wanted to check the range.”  
“Everybody’s holding tight, We've made it 500 miles, maybe this can be the easy part.”  
“Got to think we’re do. Give us 20 minutes to check in.”   
“If we don't hear from you we will come looking.”   
“Copy that.”   
I stretch a bit and watch Glenn play with an old CD. I watch as he stares at his face in it, then breaks it in half. I don't know why, but I jumped at the noise.   
“Sorry.” He tells me.  
“It's okay.” I smile at him.   
He nods and looks down.   
“I can't believe it happened…” Glenn whispers, I frown thinking of Beth.  
“I know, she was…” Glenn nods when he understands I can't finish the sentence.   
“How much time will she need?” Glenn asks looking at me. I tilt my head in confusion. “Maggie.” He clarifies.  
“Oh, well, grief isn't necessarily something you get over… at least I think it is more you learn to live without the person. However, there are times that it just hits you randomly. One minute you will be fine and happy, the next something small will remind you of that person, a scent, or a memory you randomly remember. It just hits you and you miss them again…” I answer staring out the window as a tear slides down my face. I wipe it away and look back at him. He is frowning at me.   
“So you still grieve for Shane, is what you are saying?” I nod to him as I look to Rick, he is watching through the back mirror.  
“I grieve for my Shane, who he was before this crappy world we now live in. I grieve for everyone we have lost, Sophia, Herschel, Andrea.... All of them.” I answer and watch as Rick’s shoulders ease a bit. He still worried that I blamed him for Shane… I realize then. 

Rick parks the truck in a small clearing with other broken down trucks. Glenn helps me out of the back of the truck and we all huddle together, waiting on Rick. He makes his way around to us.  
“This is good, Through the trees, it might just look like part of the wreck.” Rick says. I smile at Noah as he jumps and gets scared as a walker starts to bang on one of the windows of an old car to try to get to us.  
“It's this way.” He says wanting to get out of here. We all nod and follow him.   
On our way there we come across wires wrapped around the trees. It looked like something to keep the walkers out.  
“Your people do this?” Michonne asks Noah.  
“Wanted to, they must have.” He answers as we make our way through it.   
“It's good to keep the walkers out, that's for sure.” I say ducking under them.  
“Agreed.” Glenn replies following me.  
We make our way to the front and Rick stops us, he turns to Noah.  
“Do they have spotters? Snipers?”  
“We built a perch on a truck. Sometimes it's out front.” He answers. Glenn and I look towards the town. I scan what I can see and look to him shaking my head when he looks to me.  
“Not today.” He tells Rick and Noah. We then make our way further to the town. We come to the road and pass a strange old grandfather clock in the middle of it. I stare at confused as I get a bad feeling in my stomach.   
“Esme.” Michonne calls to me. I turn and nod running a bit to catch up to them. Rick looks at me questioning, I shrug my shoulders still confused. He nods as we make our way to the gate, Noah starts to bang on it and shake it. We start to hear the annoying moans and growls of walkers.  
“You hear that?” Tyreese asks.  
“Just wait.” Glenn says and starts to climb the wall to look over. We all watch him desperately waiting for the report. He sighs and turns to us sadly shaking his head. I frown sadly now knowing what my gut was trying to tell me. Noah then starts to climb the wall and we all sadly follow him. He starts to try and run into the town.   
“Noah, hold up,” Rick calls to him as we take in the burnt house nearby. He starts to run and we all try to catch up.   
“Noah!” I call. We get to a four-way intersection where he stops as he sees some dead town’s people and falls to the ground crying. We all stand around sadly as Tyreese sadly tries to console him. I look around at all the torn up buildings wondering what happened.   
“I'm sorry Noah, I truly am.” Rick’s words catch my attention. “We should see if there is anything we can use and head back.”   
“Then what?” Michonne asks as I finally turn around. “They see us.” She turns around not waiting for an answer and goes to kill the walkers making their way to us.   
“We can make a quick sweep.” Glenn says.  
“I'll stay with him.” Tyreese says, indicating the still crying Noah. I nod to Rick as he nods as well. He then takes out the walkie and pages Carol.  
“Carol, you copy?’  
“We’re here.” She answers.  
“We made it. It's gone.”


	28. Chapter Twenty Seven: To Fight or To Give Up?

We move to scavenge the town going from house to house. I move into a garage grabbing some trash bags to start collecting things when I hear glass shattering. I turn to see Michonne breaking a picture frame. Rick taps her on the shoulder.  
“Clean shirt.” She says leaning down and shaking the glass out of it. I shrug understanding.  
“We’ll figure it out.” Rick tells her. I frown and sigh. I didn't know if we would.  
“We will.” She answers and walks to me.  
“Found some garbage bags to use.” I say not knowing what to say to her.  
“You didn't think it would still be here?” I hear Rick ask Glenn as I am packing some supplies into my bag.  
“Did you?” He asks Rick.  
“After it happened, right after with Beth in the hospital, I saw that woman, Dawn. She didn't mean to do it. I knew it. I saw it. But I wanted to kill her...” Rick starts to explain. I frown seeing Beth fall in my mind. I shake my head as tears start to pick my eyes. “I remember I just wondered if it even mattered one way or another. Didn't have a thing to do with Beth.” I look at Rick then understanding what he was saying. I wanted Dawn dead ten times more after seeing Maggie’s pain when she lost her sister after just losing her father. I didn't understand how for Rick it had nothing to do with Beth though. “I don't know if I thought it would still be here, but Beth wanted to get him here. She wanted to get him back home. This was for her. And it could have been for us too.” Rick tells him and looks around. I smile when his eyes meet mine.  
“I was thinking about that guy in the storage container.” Glenn starts to speak as I hear Michonne step beside me. “Back at Terminus, how I made it stop. After the prison on my trip, I got Maggie back. Things went okay. Losing Washington, Losing…” I frown angrily as I think about Eugene lying to everyone, as Glenn bends down and picks up a bat. “Losing Beth, right after just finding out she’s alive… I hadn’t caught up with you yet. If it were now, I wouldn't make us stop. We'd run right by, and I would have shot that woman dead. Right or Wrong.” I frown at Glenn and walk over to him placing my hand on both their shoulders.  
“We need to stop.” Michonne gets our attention. I turn around as Rick and Glenn stare at her. “You can be out here too long.”

We gather more supplies till we can't carry anymore and start heading back to Tyreese and Noah.  
“We can stack some garage doors up against the break and park a car in front to hold it,” Michonne says she wanted us to regain this neighborhood as our own. “Do that till we can brick it back up.”  
“It's not a bad….” I start but Rick was shaking his head no.  
“It can work.” Michonne tells him.  
“This place is surrounded by a forest. There are no sight lines.” He explains. “Whoever or whatever would be on top of us without us even knowing it. That is probably what happened.”  
“That's what happened to us.” Glenn says. I sigh, he was right.  
“So then what?” I ask.  
“We can start by bringing down the trees. We use them to build the walls up.” Michonne says. “Look.” She says walking faster to show us what she means. We follow her as she stops dead in her tracks. When we catch up we see bodies torn apart, the wall on this side coming down.  
“It doesn't matter.” Glenn says. I turn in confusion.  
“What?” Rick asks confused as well.  
“You said you wondered if it even mattered if you killed her or not. It doesn't matter if you had done it or if I had, or that Daryl did. It doesn't matter.”  
“Washington.” Michonne speaks up.  
“What?” I ask puzzled. “No, Eugene lied."  
“Yes, Eugene lied about a cure, but he thought of Washington for a reason.”  
“But he was lying.” Glenn argues.  
“About the cure, but he did the math and realized that Washington was the place where there’d be a chance.” She explains. “We’re close.”  
“Michonne…” I go to stop her, as I hear Rick sigh.  
“What if there are people there? What if it's someplace that we can be safe? We’re 100 miles away. It's a possibility. It's a chance. Instead of just being out here. Instead of just making it.” She yells. “Because right now this is what making it looks like.” She points to the dead bodies. I didn't know what to say, part of me knew she was right. “Don't you want one more day with a chance?” Walkers start to come out of the trees. I glare at them.  
“We should go,” Rick speaks up then. I nod picking my bag back up and leaving with Glenn. “It's 100 miles away.” We both stop and turn at his words. “We should go to Washington.” I smile as I look to see Michonne smiling as well.  
“RICK!!!” We hear Noah screaming for us. “Help, Rick, Glenn! Michonne! Help Esme!!!” We run to him as he screams for us. I pull out a throwing knife getting ready for anything. As we catch up we see him fending off 4 walkers. I throw my knife at the head of one as it sees us. Michonne and Rick take care of another as Glenn helps Noah up.  
“Are you okay?” I ask.  
“Fine. But Tyreese.”  
“Where?” Rick asks.  
“My house. He's been bitten.” I feel my heart become weighted with another stone at his words. Lately, we have lost too many people, I think as we follow at Noah’s house.  
We get to the house and find Tyreese in a room leaning against the wall. He was bitten twice on one arm. I check the rest of his body for any bites.  
“He's clean, just those two bites. Rick hold his arm, nice and tight.” I say as I hold Tyreese against the wall, Taking off my belt and wrapping it around his arm as tightly as I can. I look at Michonne. “Your sword, one clean hit. As hard as you can. NOW!” I scream at her as I push Tyreese to not move. She slices through his arm and I take off my first shirt using it to staunch some of the bleedings. I grab a blanket and tie it around him as well.  
Rick and Noah take him as we start to run as fast as we can to get Tyreese to safety and the others. We come across a gate and with walkers I start to kill as many as I can when Noah drops Tyreese. I kill a walker to close to him and we struggle to get him to the car.  
“Rick! We need to cauterize this ASAP!” I yell as I check the wound once in the car.  
“Carol! We’re at the car we need to cauterize the arm once we get there! Get Carl and Sasha away! They don't need to see this!” He yells into the radio.  
“Turn it off.” Tyreese mumbles. I turn to him and see that he is staring at the radio in the car. It was off. I frown.  
“Shh… It's ok. Tyreese, just stay with us.” I tell him rubbing his cheek with my thumb. I could tell he wasn't really listening. “Rick, we need to hurry,” I tell him, his answer is to step on the gas. I watch Tyreese as he continues to mumble in his fever. “Stay with us, Ty. It's going to be ok.” I say as I continue to hold pressure on the wound. He continues to mumble and then goes quiet. I look up at him as his head falls to the side. No. “No! Ty, hey wake up, wake up Ty!” I yell at him and shake him to try to get a response.  
“Esme, ESME!!!” Glenn pushes me away from Tyreese. He shakes his head at me. Rick pulls the truck over and the boys get him out. They lay him on the road and I move to his side. I grab my knife and pull his beanie off of him. I put it in my pocket and bury my knife in the back of his head. We meet back up with the others and have his funeral. I place his beanie on the cross we made for him and shoveled a pile of dirt on him. I pass the shovel to Daryl and walk away.

A day and a half later we have run out of water, food, and gas. I was starting to have to ration my insulin again. We were walking now as much as we can each day. We hardly talked to each other, only when needed. I was walking behind Rick and Daryl when Daryl turns around to look at us. I smile weakly at him, letting him know I'm okay for now. I smile at Rick as he turns as well.  
“We’re not at our strongest,” Rick says. “We’ll get ‘em when it's best. High ground, something like that. They’re not going anywhere.” Daryl didn't say anything in return. “It's been three weeks since Atlanta. I know you lost something back there.” I frown at Rick’s words but stay quiet. Daryl looks to Judith as she fusses a bit.  
“She’s hungry.” He says ignoring Rick’s earlier words. He didn't like to talk about Atlanta.  
“She’s Okay. She’s going to be okay.”  
“We need to find water, food.”  
“We’ll hit something in the road.” Rick answers and looks to the sky. “It's gonna rain sooner or later.” Daryl stops and shakes his head. Taking his rifle off and handing it to me.  
“I'm going to head out. See what I can find.”  
“Want me to…” I start but he shakes his head.  
“No, you're too weak right now.”  
“I'll go with you then.” Carol states.  
“I got it.” He says. I roll my eyes and push Carol to go with him. She tilts her head in confusion. I smile at her. “Watch him for me please.” She smiles, nods, and follows after him.  
Daryl was right I was too weak right now to help him, but I trusted Carol to help him and be there for him. Besides they were friends and he needed one right now. We all did. With that thought, I turn and watch as Carl gives Maggie a jewelry box.

We come to a bridge where we can push off the small heard behind us. The group lines up on each side whereas I stand in the middle to take on any that gets past. It goes well for a bit till Sasha’s anger gets in the way and we have to kill them instead.  
“Stay in line. Flank her, keep it controlled.” Rick says. I nod killing two with my throwing knives. I kill one getting too close to Glenn he nods his thanks. I turn to kill another but Michonne gets it. I hear Rick yell and turn seeing one about to bite his arm. I throw my knife but it only stabs it in the neck. “Rick!” I yell in worry, but just in time, Daryl pulls the walker away from him. I sigh in relief as that is the last walker to deal with.

“Dad, look.” I hear Carl say. I look up shielding my eyes from the sun. There are cars up ahead. I smile, a small amount of hope for us to find food and water.  
“I'm going to head out into the woods.” Daryl says and nods to me when I walk up to him he leaves before I can say anything. I frown my small happiness dashed just like that. I shake my head and head to a car to scavenge. We don't find anything, nothing but booze.  
We are all sitting on the side of the road in the shade, I lay down on the cool ground when we hear rustling. I turn hand on my knives. Daryl comes out and looks to us, I shake my head at the silent question. I lay down again when I feel a wave of nausea hit me. I roll and try to sit up.  
“What's wrong.” I hear someone ask.  
“Mmm…” I shake my head and try to stand up. Someone helps me and I try to take a step to the trees. I gag a bit and feel myself heave.  
“She’s going to be sick.” I hear Tara say. I gag again this time feeling the burn of stomach acid in my throat. I stumble to a tree let it come up. After a few more tries of trying to throw up what I didn't have in my stomach, nausea goes away. I crouch and lean against the tree. I jump a bit when I feel a hand on my back.  
“Just me.” I hear Rick say. “Let's check your sugar.” I just nod and let him take my hand to prick my finger. I hear him sigh and I look down at the reader. It was beeping 225. My sugar was too high. “We don't have enough insulin.” He says holding up the bottle. There was only a small amount left. Maybe enough to get my sugar level down to 200. I shake my head when he starts to pick up a needle. “Esme….”  
“Save it for if my sugar is higher than 300.” I tell him he looks at me, sighs and then nods. He packs away my kit, picks me up and lays me down where I was earlier. I look up at Daryl and move to lay on his lap. I pull his hand over me, holding it in place.  
“We need to find water and meds quickly.” I hear Rick tell him.  
“What's her sugar at?”  
“225. And she’s starting to smell like cotton candy.”  
“Damn…” I hear Daryl about to reply when I get jostled from his lap. I open my eyes about to cuss at him when I see that he is in a defensive stance. I sit up a bit when I hear growling, it's a sort of growl I haven’t heard in a while. I look around to see dogs surrounding us. Everyone grabs their knives as they start to bark at us. I sit up enough to put myself between Carl and the dogs. I jump then as I hear the dogs whimper then die. I turn around to see Sasha with a gun, silencer and all. Rick gets up then and starts to make a fire. We eat dog that day…

Were continuing walking when we all got our strengths back up. My sugar was still high, but I knew that walking and drinking a bit of water would keep it tolerable. I would still get bouts of nausea every once in a while, those were the times I knew that my sugar was getting too high. I stopped letting Rick check it. Part of me didn't care anymore. I was too exhausted to. Too tired of everything. Tired of feeling sick, tired of not being able to help, tired of being ignored by Daryl, tired of feeling like I was a burden by taking up too much of the water. I was walking next to a silent Maggie with Glenn in front of us. He turns and looks at her.  
“Maggie take a drink.” He tells her.  
“No.”  
“Okay. How about you just talk to me?” He whispers to her, almost begging.  
“I never thought she was alive. I just didn't. After Daddy, I don't know, if I couldn't.” She talks almost like she doesn't know what to say, but then just word vomit as she let it come out “And after what Daryl said, I hoped she was out there alive. And then finding out that she was, and then she wasn't, in the same day….” I blink back tears as she continues on. “Seeing her like that… made it feel like none of it was ever really there. Before… this was just the dark part and I don't know if I want to fight it anymore.” I look up at her, understanding what she was saying but still scared of what she was saying.  
“You do,” Glenn tells her quickly. “You do. That's who you are. And maybe it's a curse nowadays, but I don't think so. We fought to be here and we have to keep fighting.” He tells her. “Drink.” He says and she does. I smile at him, he was an amazing person. And she was lucky to have him. I turn and look to Daryl. Glenn nudges me and hands the drink to me. I take a small sip. He looks at me when I try to hand it back. “One more.” He tells me. I glare at him. “Please?” He begs. I sigh and take another sip and hand it back. He turns to Daryl. “Daryl.”  
“No, I'm alright.”  
“Daryl.” He tries again.  
“Don't.” He argues. I scoff.  
“Hey, we can make it together. But we can only make it together.” Glenn tells him and walks off.  
“Tell them I went looking for water.” I hear Daryl say. I turn in time to see him wander off in the woods. I glare at Abraham as he lets him go.  
“What, he went looking for water?” I just shake my head and try to follow Daryl.

Anger and frustration well up in me when I lose him and have to track him just to find him again. I track his boot prints for about minutes and start to smell cigarette smoke, I know then that he has stopped and I follow the scent till I see him sitting by a tree across a path from me. I'm about to yell at him when I realize he is crying. Something I haven’t seen him do in a long while. My anger is smothered when I hear him sob. I silently walk to him and he startles when he realizes someone is near. He reaches for his knife and I freeze to let him realize it's me.  
“Should have never trained you to track.” He turns away from me. I sigh.  
“Daryl…”  
“Don't.” He grunts when I try to reach for him.  
“Don't what? Don't try to comfort you? Why?” I ask.  
“Cause I don't need it.” He grumbles and starts to walk away.  
“Right, of course, you don't. Fine. I'll just ignore you then.” I say, hoping for his normal smart ass remark, but I get nothing. My anger flares up inside me again as he still continues to walk. “Damn it, Daryl, ENOUGH!” He finally stops and turns around. “I AM TIRED OF YOU IGNORING ME. I'M TIRED OF YOU ACTING ALL FUCKING TOUGH! YOU WANT TO ACT TOUGH FINE DO THAT IN FRONT OF THE OTHERS, BUT I KNOW YOU! I HAVE GIVEN YOU TIME AND SPACE, STILL, IGNORE ME, I TRY TO TALK TO YOU, STILL YOU IGNORE ME! I LET CAROL TRY TO HELP! STILL NOTHING! I TRY TO COMFORT YOU AND YOU WALK AWAY! WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO TO YOU? FUCKING…..” I freeze when he pulls his crossbow from his shoulders and shoots. The arrow brushes past my hair and I hear something fall behind me. I turn shocked to see a walker a foot away from me.  
“Stop yelling and pay attention.” I hear next to my ear. I jump not realizing he had walked closer to me. I turn and glare when I register his words.  
“I am paying attention.” He scoffs.  
“Oh, really then why did you not hear…”  
“I am paying attention enough to know that you don't fucking care about me anymore.” I interrupt and start walking back towards the road. “Maybe I should have let you just break up with me back then.” I toss over my shoulder only to get yanked backward and turned around to face him. Daryl glares at me, I can't read his face as he just stands there staring at me. I try to pull my arm away but he doesn't allow me to, his grip only tightening more. “Let me go, Daryl.”  
“No.” He whispers.  
“Daryl.” I try to take a step back but he just pulls me back.  
“No, you don't get to say that.” He finally speaks up.  
“Say what?” I ask confused and angry.  
“What you just said. For me to let you go.”  
“I can say…”  
“You don't get to tell me that we should have broken up. You’re the one that fought for this relationship.”  
“Maybe that's where this relationship is broken. I shouldn’t be the only one fighting for it.” He finally loses his grip on me, his face puzzled. I take a step back.“I can fight, Daryl, sure, but I need a reason to fight for this relationship, and your not giving one.” He tries to say something but I just continue on. Stepping back again. “I get that your hurt with everything that has happened. Like Rick said you lost something back in Atlanta, but you didn't lose everything. You still have Rick, Carol, and the others, you…”  
“But not you. Is that what you're saying?”  
“If you continue to push me away…. Then yes that's what I am saying.” I watch his face as he tries to think of what I was saying. Finally, I can tell that he comes to a decision and he looks at me with no emotion.  
“Fine. Then I guess I don't have you. I guess we’re done.” His words hit me in the gut and tear at my heart. I stare at him trying to understand, but I he still hides his emotions from me. I can feel that I am about to break, so I turn my back to him and try to walk away, but I can’t, I wanted, no, needed to know why. I take a shaky breath and turn around. His face was still a mask.  
“Why?” I ask, my voice barely audible.  
“What?”  
“WHY? What did I do to make you ignore me, to make you end this now?”  
“You didn't do anything, but… I….”  
“But what Daryl?”  
“I can't explain why okay?” He says trying to walk by me. I grab his hand yanking him to me.  
“Don’t, If I can't fucking walk away you don't get to either,” I say tightening my own grip on his hand he hisses and tries to pull it away, I look down to see a burn on it. I blink not understanding until I see the ash around the wound. I look at his face and in shock. He tries to pull away again but I just use my other hand to grab his wrist. “Daryl… Please. I still want to fight just give me a reason.” I whisper pulling him to me. He goes rigid as I hug him, but eventually, he relaxes. I pull away a bit to look at his face, but he tries to hide it. I move my hand under his chin and pull up. He stares at me not knowing what to do. Without thinking I kiss him and even though I've kissed these lips enough times to have known them, today they felt like a stranger and it shocked me. I try to kiss harder, attempting to find the feeling I knew. Tears start to sting my eyes and I finally pull away when I know he isn't going kiss back. They must have shocked him, cause finally, he reacts. I feel his arms wrap around me and pull me closer.  
“Esme…” He whispers to me when I look away. “I'm sorry.”  
“No, Daryl, I'm sorry. I guess I am like all the other girls. I'm emotional and get angry when you ignore me. I guess I know why you broke up with me.” I move out of his arms and they fall to his side.  
“Esme, that's…” I brush the tears angrily away as they start to fall.  
“Please don't, Daryl.” I turn away not wanting him to see exactly how bad he hurt me. I walk a few steps and hear him walking behind me. The crunch of his boots on the gravel annoying me as I try to ignore him. I get a few more steps in when a wave of nausea hits me. I gag a bit and turn to the trees to balance myself. The annoying crunch I was trying to ignore stopped next to me.  
“Are you….”  
“No, no I am not okay…. My sugar is too high, my boyfriend, whom I thought loved me has ignored me for a week, My best friend lost her sister, I couldn't save Tyreese, we have no food or water, we are not safe in the woods and to top it all off, cherry on the top, said stupid boyfriend breaks up with me.” I say not really knowing why.  
“I didn't break up with you,...” I roll my eyes and place my head on the tree watching as my tears fall onto the bark.  
“Yes, you did….” I frown when my voice breaks.  
“Let me finish…” He interrupts my interruption. “I didn't break up with you, because you are like other girls, we've gone over that, I get why you're angry about me ignoring you. I wasn't trying to ignore you, I didn't even realize I was till you pointed it out.” I sigh as my anger rises again and turn around.  
“Then why, Daryl?” I ask wiping away more tears. Fuck it, he can see me cry I think angrily.  
“I'm not good at this emotional shit and you know that.” He sighs, running his hand through his hair. I raise my eyebrows at him.  
“No shit,” I grumble at him. “Find a way to explain it.” I can see his anger rising again as well.  
“I can't do this anymore. I can't keep losing people.” He turns his back on me, his angel wings taunting me to touch them like I use to.  
“So you want to push them away? Do you really think that's going to stop the pain, Daryl? I've already become something to you, and whether we are dating or not, whether you ignore me or not, you losing me will still hurt.” I hear him scoff. “How do I know? Because you fucking became something to me as well. You flew in with your damn angel wings and shot my heart with an arrow. That arrow is now a part of my heart, and losing you is going to tear that arrow out and hurt like nothing I have felt before.”  
“Don't go getting dramatic on me, woman.” He turns around glaring.  
“You can act like what I said is not true, but trust me when I die here soon, it’ll hurt you, whether we are dating or not,” I say as I feel another bout of nausea hit me. I turn feeling the burn of stomach acid again. When I'm done I don't even look at Daryl I just start walking.  
“Damn it,” I hear behind me as Daryl starts to follow. I continue to ignore him, too tired to argue anymore. I sigh when he grabs my arm and turns me around.  
“What?” I snap.  
“What is that supposed to mean?” He growls.  
“What does it matter to you? You don't want to care?” I ask sarcastically. I was being petty and I knew it, but I didn't care. If he wanted to act like I didn't matter fine, I'll give him what he wants.  
“What do you mean ‘when you die here soon’?” He shakes me. The anger in his voice shocking me.  
“Daryl, I don't think you realize just how high my sugar is? We’re not finding enough water to help, I'm too exhausted to do anything to keep my sugar down, and I don't have enough insulin to manage it. I will die in the next few days or so.” I explain, a lot more calm then I felt thinking about it. He stares at me and I see his mask finally break, anger and pain well in his eyes and contort his features.  
“I knew it…” He says looking down. I blink not sure if I saw the tears in his eyes or not.  
“Daryl?” I ask confused at his words.  
“I knew it, that is one of the reasons I am so angry. I watched you every day slowly run out of insulin, watched you ration it. Then you started to get sick and I couldn't help, you couldn't hold down all of the dog meat, then you started to refuse Glenn’s water. How much do you have left?” He finally looks at me. His tears silence me. He shakes me again. “How much do you have left?”  
“What?” I ask confused staring at his tears.  
“Insulin, how much do you have left?” He asks trying to take my pack off of my belt.  
“4 units left.” I explain grabbing his hand away from the pack. He looks at me.  
“What is your blood sugar at right now?” He looks back at the pack. I sigh.  
“Probably at 300ish.”  
“Probably? You don't know?” He looks at me in disbelief.  
“I haven't checked in a while.” I tell him bluntly. His eyes anger and he starts to grab at my pack again.  
“Daryl. Enough.” I push him away.  
“No, you don't get to give up. You have to fight.” He tells me finally looking me in the eye.  
“Why Daryl?” I ask still shocked by his outburst.  
“If not for me then for Rick, Carl and Judith, and the others. They all love you.” He says desperately. I frown at his words almost angry that he pulled that card.  
“Daryl, even if I wanted to fight, I don't have enough Insulin.” I state.  
“We will find a way.” He walks up to me grabbing my hand and starts pulling me with him.  
“Daryl!” I yank my hand away and fall down. “Umph… what the fuck?”  
“Sorry.” He says with his hand out. I push it away glaring at him.  
“Why the sudden want to help?” I ask still sitting on the ground. He just looks at me and holds his hand out again. I glare at it and cross my arms. “Not till you answer me.”  
“Damn it, woman, because I love you okay! Is that what you want to hear?” He yells at me. I frown a bit but still feel my heart react to his words. I didn't want to hear them if I couldn't be with him.  
“No, not really.” I answer getting up and brushing myself off. I push past him and his confused face.  
“I don't understand you, women.” He says catching up to me. I scoff at him.  
“And I don't understand you.” I stop and push him. “One second you break up with me, the next you're saying I love you. Talk about confusing.” I start to walk away again. He catches up with me easily, he places his hand in mine and tries to get me to stop again.  
“Esme, stop walking damn it.” I do and turn around.  
“Why? Why? Daryl, so you can confuse and hurt me more? Or so that you can…” I am shocked when he kisses me.  
Not expecting it I freeze. He pulls me closer wrapping his arms around me. I finally melt into him and kiss him back. He starts to pull away, but I grab on to his vest and pull him into another kiss. I didn't want words right now. I was too scared to hear them. I wanted him, I wanted all of him, even if it was the last time I would get to have him. He kisses back and I started to push his vest off. He lets it fall to the ground and pushes me against a tree, starting to work at my belt, my utility belt falls from my hips and Daryl growls when he remembers my normal belt. I chuckle a bit and work on his own belt yanking it open and hurriedly work on his jeans. I moan when starts to kiss and nibble on my neck. I push down on his pants to free him, I feel him shudder as I drag my nails from his hips to him. He moans and bites down on my neck when I wrap my hand around him and start to jack him off. His hand slips into my pants and he starts to rub my clit. I moan again feeling my core burn for more, but I whimper a bit when he stops and pulls my own pants down. He kisses me then and removes my hand from him. He pulls me closer and teases me, rubbing himself against me as I squirm to get him inside me. I move my hands down to his hips and dig my nails in pushing myself against him. He moans and finally I feel him enter me, he fucks me till I come. He pulls out and I allow my hand to work on him till he comes as well.

I start to clean up and get dressed again, trying not to allow my thoughts to go wild. My anxiety and confusion must have shown, because after Daryl was done dressing he grabs his crossbow and walks to me and pulls my chin up so that he's looking me in the eyes, a smirk slowly forms on his lips. “In case I have to clarify that means yes we are dating.” I laugh remembering our time back at the prison when we first started dating. I smile at him.  
“Let's get back to the others.” I say shaking my head at him.


	29. Chapter Twenty Eight: From a Friend

As we make our way back to the others I look at Daryl.  
“Are you going to be okay?” I ask, he sighs.  
“I will be, I have to be.”  
“You know it's okay, not to be okay, you don't always have to be strong for everyone.”  
He just nods, I can tell he doesn't know what do say or do. We continue to walk a bit more when I hear him chuckle. I raise an eyebrow at him when I see he is looking at me.  
“What?”  
“Very poetic your angel and arrow reference.” I can feel the blush rising, it wasn't every day I said things like that. They mostly stayed hidden in my thoughts or in my journal, which was lost in the prison.   
“So what?” I snap embarrassed still.   
“You know that I am no angel?” I think for a bit then smile.  
“I think in some ways you are a fallen,” I nod. “A fallen angel, My fallen angel.” I smile at him. He shakes his head at me.   
“Maybe in some ways you are like other girls.” I can hear the teasing in his voice.  
“I am different, but I am still a girl, Daryl.” I point out.   
“Hmm.” Is all I get out of him when we make our ways through the trees and onto the road. I see Rick and the others crowded around something and Rick turns with worry on his face to us. He walks up and hands over a piece of paper. “From a friend.” I read and look down at what the others are crowding. 10 water bottles and 4 gallons of water. My mouth waters at the sight of it, but my heart races with anxiety. Automatically Daryl goes on the defensive looking around and getting his crossbow ready, my hand grabs a throwing knife.   
“What else are we going to do?” Tara asks. I shake my head.  
“Not this,” Rick says, I nod, agreeing. “We don't know who left it.”   
“If that's a trap we already happen to be in it.” Eugene states. “But I, for one, would like to think it is indeed from a friend.”  
“What if it isn't?” Carol asks.  
“Exactly, it could be poisoned.” I point out. Eugene then goes and grabs a water bottle.  
“Eugene!” Rosita calls.  
“What are you doing, dude?” Tara asks.   
“Quality assurance.” He says opening the water bottle and is about to take a drink when Abraham knocks it out of his hands. Everyone stays quiet for a bit. I shake my head, sighing.  
“We can’t.” Rick says.   
Just then thunder starts to rumble and rain starts to pour. We all start to laugh and smile as the heat of the day falls off of us. We all turn our faces to the sky and drink what we can.  
“Everyone get the bags, anything you can find. Come on.” Rick orders and we all get empty cans, bottles, and bowls to collect the water. As we are doing this the rain gets stronger and the thunder gets louder.   
“Rick, it's a thunderstorm!” I call him staring at the clouds get darker.  
“Let's keep moving.” He nods to me and the others.  
Judith starts crying and I grab her from Carl pulling a sweater from my pack and putting it over her.   
“There’s a barn!” Daryl calls.  
“Where?” Rick asks Daryl and I lead the way.

We clear the barn and make ourselves at home. Carl lays down with Judith and I lay facing them, tired from today's events, but no matter how much I try to sleep I can't so I lay there staring at them both. Daryl’s words echoing in my head… “If not for me then for Rick, Carl, and Judith.” How could I fight a disease that needed medicine that was running out in the world? I would find a way, no, we would find a way. No matter what I would fight… I would fight for all of them, not for me, but for them. Especially Daryl, cause no matter how much he didn't want to admit he needed us, he did. I would fight for my fallen angel.   
“They are going to be okay.” I hear Carol say. “He bounces back, more than any of us do, and Esme she’s never been one to give up, whether she wants to or not”  
“I used to feel sorry for kids that have to grow up now. In this,” Rick sighs. “But I think I got it wrong, Growing up is getting used to the world. This is easier for them, and Esme has always been able to learn and adapt, no matter how hard.”   
“This isn't the world.” Michonnes words cut through everyone. “This isn't it.” After a long pause, Glenn speaks.  
“It might be. It might.”  
“That's giving up.”   
“It's reality.”   
“Until we see otherwise, This is what we have to live with.” Rick stops the almost argument. “When I was a kid, I asked my grandpa once if he ever killed any Germans in the war. He wouldn't answer, he said that was grown-up stuff, so… so I asked if the Germans ever tried to kill him, but he got real quiet. He said he was dead the minute he stepped into enemy territory. Every day he woke up, and told himself “rest in peace, now get up and go to war.” And then after a few years of pretending he was dead… he made it out alive.” Rick pauses and sighs, I remember Rick telling me this story after grandpa died. “That's the trick of it I think. We do what we need to do and then we get to live. But no matter what we find in DC, I know we’ll be okay. Because this is how we survive. We tell ourselves, that we are the walking dead.”   
“We ain't them.” I hear Daryl speak after everyone takes in his words.   
“We’re not them.” Rick answers after thinking, I turn around and stare at him talking to Daryl. “Hey, were not.” Daryl stands up grabbing his crossbow, I know he's about to leave.  
“We ain't them.” He says again and goes. I stare at his back his angel wings disappearing with him as I close my eyes to finally sleep, too exhausted to call for him even though I wanted to. 

The next day something in my eyes is bugging me, I try to roll over but I can't move. I feel something shake me, but I can't open my eyes or move still. I hear people talking but I can't understand them, their voices were too far away. My heart pounds in fear when I can't even talk. I try to scream as I feel nausea hit me again, and that's when I know I allowed my sugar to get to high, the pain in my stomach also confirmed this, I haven’t felt this pain in 10 years. I feel the shaking again and it only makes nausea worse. I try to call for Rick as the pain in my stomach worsens, I feel something on my forehead and try to shake it off. Only when I hear a shushing noise do I realize that it's someone's hand. I try to open my eyes and only get the blurry light again.   
“We need to give her the rest of her insulin, she's going into diabetic ketoacidosis, if we don't stop it she’ll fall into a coma.” I hear as I feel someone move beside me and take my pack. I barely feel the prick on my finger as this person checks my sugar level. “430.”   
“Is this enough to help?” I hear Carol’s voice, their voices still sounded so far away.   
“It’ll barely help, but we need to wake her up to get her to drink a lot of water, we need to start getting her to urinate the sugar out. It's all we can do to help her.” I realize it's Rick who is talking. I feel the prick in my stomach as he gives me the shot. “Start boiling the water we caught from the rain. She should be waking up in a bit.”   
“RICK! Everyone…” I hear a distant voice call, this voice was in a warning tone and I didn't like that I could barely pay attention to the voices as I felt the group's atmosphere go in defensive mode. I try to sit up only to be pushed down by someone. The shushing noise came again and I realize that Carol is by my side.  
“Mwat is gozin on?” I try to speak with a dry mouth.  
“Shhh… everything is fine Esme.” Carol whispers to me. “We’re just having a discussion with someone new.” I blink trying to focus on her face. I barely am able to see her when another bout of nausea hits me and my stomach pain worsen. I feel her move me on my side as stomach acid comes up, she cleans my mouth for me and rolls me back on my side, as I feel myself fall back into a fitful and frightful sleep. 

I come to with Carol washing my face as I had obviously vomited again. I can see better now. I blink the last of the blurriness away as she smiles at me.  
“How are you feeling hun?” She asks me.  
“Mmm… stomachs not hurting as much anymore.” I say my voice hoarse. She nods and gets a bottle of water to give me. She helps me sit up as I take a sip.   
“Drink more, you need to get your sugar lowered, so you need to drink up.” She tells me in her mother tone I know now not to argue with. I drink half the bottle before I realize that the others have their weapons out and are on the lookout.  
“What's going on?” I call out. Rick and Daryl turn around at my voice.   
“Drink your water, Esme. All of it.” Rick orders turning around.   
“Brother, what is going on?” I ask him as he walks to the front of the barn. “Daryl?” I ask since Rick is ignoring me. He looks outside from a crack in the barn, then turns to me.  
“This guy Aaron,” He indicates to the front of the barn that I can't see. “Wants us to apparently join his community. Been watching us, has a flare gun.” He explains. Fear envelops me as and I try to get up.   
“Esme, no,” Carol says pushing me to sit again. “You need to rest.” I glare at her without meaning to.  
“I need to get up,” I argue trying to stand again. Carol sighs and helps me stand on shaking legs. She bends down and gets my water and grabs my hand, glaring as she hands it to me. I take a drink again and smile at her. She nods and helps me to the front of the barn. I lean against a post as I watch Maggie and Michonne fuss over a new person. I glare at him and watch as he comes back to. “What happened to him?” I ask  
“Rick punched him.” Abraham answers.   
“Ah.” I mumble as Carol taps my hand. I do as she asks and takes a drink again.   
“That's a hell of a right cross there, Rick.” Aaron says as he flexes his jaw and smiles.  
“Sit him up.” Rick tells the girls.  
“I think it's better if…” Maggie starts but Aaron interrupts her.  
“It's okay.” He groans.  
“He’s fine,” Rick says nodding. “Sit him up.” He groans as they do.  
“You're being cautious.” He says. “I completely understand.” He says looking to everyone.   
“How many of your people are out there?” Rick asks. “You have a flare gun, you have it to signal your people. How many of them are there?”  
“Does it matter?” Aaron ask.  
“Yes.” Rick answers. “Yes, it does.”   
“I mean, of course, it matters how many people are actually out there, but does it matter how many people I tell you are out there?” I look between Aaron and my brother, still, a bit confused on what happened while I was out. “Because I'm pretty sure no matter what number I say… 8, 32, 444, 0, no matter what I say you're not going to trust me.”   
“Well, it's hard to trust anyone who smiles after getting punched in the face.” Rick states I chuckle at that. Carol taps my hand and again I take a drink from my water bottle, realizing it's almost done Carol gets me another one, her motherly instincts still kicking in even with everything that was going on. I was amazed by her.   
“How about a guy who leaves bottles of water for you in the road.” I choke on my water a bit when Aaron says that.   
“How long you people been following us?” Daryl asks my question I choked on.   
“Long enough to see that you practically ignore a pack of roamers on your trail.” He looks around at all of us. “Long enough to see that despite a lack of food and water, you never turned on each other, Long enough to see that you give the most of the water you do have to the person who needs it the most.” He looks to me. “You're survivors and you're people.” He looks to Rick now. “Like I said and I hope you won't punch me for saying it again, that is the most important resource in the world.” Rick walks up to him now.  
“How many others are out there?” He asks.   
“One.” Aaron answers Rick shakes his head. “I knew you wouldn't believe me. If it's not words if it's not pictures, what would it take to convince you that this is for real?” He looks around, his face pleading, I could tell he was starting to worry about something. “Medicine?” He looks to me, I tilt my head but shake it no. “Or.. or what if I drove you to the community? All of you? We leave now, we can get there by lunch.” Rick shakes his head and looks around.  
“I'm not sure the 16 of us can fit in the car you and your one friend drove down here in.”   
“We drove separately.” Aaron counters. “If we found a group we wanted to be able to bring them all back.” He explains further. “There is enough room for all of us.”   
“And you parked just a couple miles away, right?” Carol asks now questioning him.   
“East on Ridge Road, just after you hit Route 16,” Aaron answered quickly. “We wanted to get them closer, but then the storm came, blocked the road we couldn't clear it.”  
“Yeah you really thought this through,” Rick says, I could tell he wasn't believing him.  
“Rick if I wanted to ambush you, I’d do it here. You know, light the barn on fire while you slept, picked you off as you ran out the only exit.” He said his eyes begging. “You can trust me.”   
“I'll check out the cars.” Michonne says.  
“There aren't any cars…” Rick starts.  
“Brother.” I say pushing off the beam I was leaning on. He holds up his hand to me.  
“Only one way to find out.” Michonne says.  
“We don't need to find out.”   
“Yes, we do.” Michonne and I say at the same time.   
“You know what you know and you're sure of it, but I'm not.” Michonne says to him.   
“Me neither.” Maggie says.   
“Your way is dangerous, mine isn't” Rick argues.  
“Everything we do is dangerous, brother,” I tell him. He turns to me, I can feel two pairs of eyes on me now. “But we always get through it. We can handle ourselves.” I say now turning to Daryl.  
“I don't trust it.” Rick tells me. I turn back to him.   
“Passing up someplace where we can live? Where Judith can live?” Michonne asks. “That's pretty dangerous. We need to find out what this is, Esme is right, we can handle ourselves. So that's what we’re going to do.”   
“Then I will, too,” Glenn speaks up. “I'll go.” Rick shakes his head and turns around.  
“Abraham.” He calls.  
“Yeah.” He turns and nods to Rick’s silent question. “I'll walk with them.”   
“Rosita?” Rick turns again.  
“Okay.” She nods her yes.  
“If there is trouble, you got enough firepower?” Rick asks Glenn.  
“We got what we got.” He answers. I frown and grab my gun.  
“Maggie,” I call to her, she walks over, I hand her my gun. “Be careful out there.” She nods.  
“Get better, drink your water.” She tells me holstering my gun. I just roll my eyes but smile at her.  
“The walkies are out of juice,” Rick tells the group. “If you're not back in 60 minutes we will come. Which just might be what they want.” The others nod.  
“Be careful and watch each other’s backs!” I call as Carl hands me Judith and they leave.   
“If we're all in here we are a target.” Rick says.   
“I've got the area covered,” Daryl says. He walks over kisses my forehead. “Drink your water and try not to worry.” He tells me. I nod and smile at him.  
“All right, groups of two, find somewhere safe within eyeshot.” Rick orders. I stay where I am knowing if I tried to go on watch I would be told to just rest anyway. I sit down bouncing Judith on my knees and watch Rick as he watches the door.  
“When the world was still the world.” Aaron starts to speak to Rick. I turn to him. “I worked for an NGO, our mission was to deliver medicine and food to the Niger River Delta. Bad people pointed guns in my face every other week. You're not bad people. You're not going to kill us. And we are definitely not going to kill you.” He looks between Rick and I. I smile a bit at him and drink my water.  
“Just because we’re good people doesn't mean we won't kill you. If the five of them aren't back in an hour… I'll put a knife in the base of your skull.” Rick tells him. Aaron turns to me frightened. I understood his fear and new that Rick wasn't lying. I nodded to Aaron to let him know this.   
A few minutes later Judith starts to cry and Rick starts to crush some nuts to make her food.  
“Shh… Shh… Shh…” I coo at her trying to calm her down. “I know honey, Auntie Esme is hungry too.” I coax but she won't stop.  
“You did see the jar of applesauce in my bag, right?” Aaron asks, Rick glares at him. “This isn't a trick. This isn't about trying to make you like me. It's self-preservation.”   
“What?” I ask shaking my head.  
“If the roamers hear her and come this way, I know I'll be the first to go.” He says looking at me. I look to Rick, we have a silent conversation and he nods. He goes to where the applesauce is, gets some on a spoon and goes to feed it to Aaron to test it.   
“You think I'm trying to poison your baby daughter?” He asks revolted. “I am tied up and you've already expressed a willingness to stab me in the head. How would cruelly killing your daughter in front of you help this situation?” Rick bends down in front of him.   
“Maybe she doesn't die. Maybe she gets sick. Maybe you're the only one that can help her and I just lose.”   
“I am the only one that can help her because I have applesauce and we all win.” Aaron says. I try to calm her down more but she won't stop. I look over to see Rick still holding the applesauce in his face.  
“Just eat the fucking stuff, it's not going to kill you right?” I say glaring at him now.  
“I hate applesauce. My mom used to make me eat food I didn't like to make me more manly. Salmon patties, applesauce, and onions. She was a very confused woman who tried her damnedest.” Aaron argues. “I just bring the jar to show that we have apple trees nearby.”  
“As you said, you’ll be the first to go,” Rick says. He gives up and with a disgusted face, he eats it. Satisfied Rick brings me the applesauce to feed her.   
“The community is big enough, we can find a place for you to live where even when she cries, no one, nothing can hear it outside the walls,” Aaron says. I frown, how big was this community, I start to worry.   
“You got 43 minutes.” Rick tells him. 

The group got back with 15 minutes to spear. I smiled when they brought a bunch of canned food and non-perishables back.   
“This, this is ours now.” Rick tells Aaron. He nods and smiles.  
“There is more than enough.”  
“It's ours whether or not we go back to your camp.”   
“What do you mean?” Carl asks. “Why wouldn't we go?”  
“If he were lying or if he wanted to hurt us… but he isn't.” Michonne states. “And he doesn't. We need this. So we’re going all of us. Somebody say something if they feel differently.” I look to Rick as he looks around at all of us. I feel a pair of eyes on me and turn to see Daryl staring at me, I tilt my head in question when I can't read what he is thinking. He looks to Rick then.  
“I dunno, man this barn smells like horse shit.” He says. I smile at his joke.  
“Yeah,” Rick says. “We’re going” I look at him surprised. “So where is your camp? Where’s your camp?”   
“Well, every time I've done this, I've been behind the wheel driving recruits back,” Aaron says. “I believe your good people, I've bet my life on it, I'm just not ready to bet my friends lives just yet.” Rick grabs a map and Michonne goes to Aaron.  
“You're not driving.” She states. “So if you want to get home. You will have to tell us how.”  
“Go north on Route 16.”  
“And then?”   
“I'll tell you when we get there.”   
“We will take 23 north. You’ll give us directions from there.” Rick says looking at the map.  
“That's, I don't know how else to say it, that's a bad idea, we've cleared 16. It'll be faster.”   
“We’ll take 23. We leave at sundown.”   
“We’re doing this at night?” Sasha asks.  
“Look I know it's dangerous. But it's better than riding up to the gates during the day. If it isn't safe we need to get gone they know we’re there.”   
“No one is going to hurt you.” Aaron tries to convince Rick. “You're trying to protect your group but you're putting them in danger.”   
“Tell us where the camp is and we will leave right now,” I say standing up and glaring at Aaron. He wasn't going to call Rick out on his shit without me calling him out on his. He looks at me in disbelief. And shakes his head. “Exactly, my brother is protecting us the same way you're protecting yours. So shut your damned pie hole if you're not willing to give up your friends safety for ours.” He thankfully stays quiet. I nod to Rick.   
“It's going to be a long night, eat, get some rest if you can. Esme, drink more water.” Rick says and leaves the barn. I grab another water bottle and start rummaging through the food for something with the least sugar in it and high fiber. I find a can of green beans and a can of peas, grabbing them I start to eat. 

We pack up all the gear and at sundown, we are heading down Route 23 in the RV. Rick, Michonne and Glenn were in the car with Aaron. We drive for a couple of miles when I hear Abraham yell.  
“SHIT!” I get up from my seat with the others standing as well and feel the RV lerch to a halt.   
“What's going on?” Carol asks.   
“There is a herd of walkers on the road. The others just drove through it.” Daryl answers.   
“What? Why?” I ask worry and confusion lacing my voice. He shakes his head. “Can we follow?” I ask making my way to the front window. Staring out I see the trial they left but there was still too many to follow them. Not with the RV.   
“Not in this shit hole.” Abraham answers me.  
“Should we make our way back…..” I am in the middle of answering when I hear a loud pop and see a bright flash. I turn to my left and see the flare falling in the air. “That can be them!”   
“Has to be.” Daryl says. We drive back and follow the flare to a water tower. We find a man yelling and fighting of 4 walkers. Daryl, Abraham, and Maggie take care of them. This man tries to stand up and falls. Maggie and I help take care of his broken ankle while he explains that he is the one person traveling with Aaron. His name is Eric and he tells us that Aaron wasn't lying and where Alexandria is. Alexandria is the community. Daryl and Abraham stay on the lookout for the others while I pace impatiently waiting for them. A while later I hear Daryl pound on the door and Maggie and I yank it open. Carl runs past me barrelling into his dad.  
“Are you okay?” I ask them looking them all over.   
“Were fine.” Michonne answers.   
We make our way back in as we explain what happened to Rick and the others. We then make a decision to rest and head to Alexandria in the morning. 

We drive halfway to Alexandria when the RV breaks down. I start to laugh and the others look at me like I'm crazy.   
“What's so funny?” Noah asks. I shake my head at him and turn to Glenn.   
“Going to fix it, Dale?” I ask a sad smile on my face. He just nods. Carol and Daryl chuckle understanding while the other look on confused. I shake my head and stand up stretching. I make my way onto the roof of the RV and sit looking around. After a bit, I hear someone climbing up as well.  
“Here.” I turn and see Daryl with a water bottle. I smile at him and take it. Opening it and taking a sip. I continue to look around lost in my thoughts.  
“What you thinking about?”   
“Deja vu.” I answer.   
“With Dale and his RV?” I nod.  
“It feels surreal sitting on top of an RV without him. I remember those days and thinking that we will find someplace safe and now…. I just don't know. I see it in Rick as well, I understand him, part of me wants to just side with Rick and say no. No place is safe, but the other part…” I trail off for a bit.  
“Hn…” Is all I get from Daryl, I'm about to ask him a question when the RV starts up again. The group cheers and we climb down getting back into the RV. 

We drive the rest of the way there and see a gated off community. We all get out of the RV and immediately I am shocked, I hear children playing and people laughing from the other side of the gate. Without thinking I move closer to Daryl and find his hand. He looks down at me.   
“You okay?” I shake my head not knowing how to answer. I was scared most of all. I turn to Rick as he gets out of the small car. He takes Judith out of the back and smiles at her. I smile seeing that he is relaxed for the most part. A loud thud sounds next to us and we all go on the defensive. Daryl shoots the possum and the gate opens more. We turn and see Aaron and someone else staring at us.   
“We brought dinner.” Daryl says. I roll my eyes but smile nonetheless.   
“It's okay guys, come on in.” Aaron says to us and we slowly follow him in. I get anxious again when the gate starts to close.  
“Before we take this any further, I need you all to turn over your weapons.” The new person says. I frown and look around. “To stay, you hand them over.” He tells us.  
“We don't know if we want to stay.” Rick tells him.  
“It's fine, Nicholas.” Aaron tells the new person.  
“If we were gonna use them, we would have started already.” Rick says.  
“Let them talk to Deanna, first.” Aaron says to Nicholas.  
“Who’s Deanna?” Abraham asks.   
“She knows everything you’d want to know about this place.” Aaron explains. “Rick, why don't you start?” We hear a walker start to makes it's way over to the gate. Rick turns.   
“Sasha.” He says nodding to it. She shoots it and Nicholas gets the second gate shut all the way.


	30. Chapter Twenty Nine: Surreal

I look around the living room that I am in avoiding Deanna’s face as she watches me. This place looks clean and untouched by the world outside. There was still a tv on the wall, it was all making me feel as if I was in a dream the whole time. But what part was the dream? The walkers or Alexandria? It was still feeling all too surreal.  
“Do you mind if I film our talk?” Deanna finally asks. I look at her from my seat.  
“Why?” I ask unsure of what to say.  
“It’s to get to know you better, I can rewatch the tape, we're all about transparency here.” She answers.  
“I guess I understand.” I shrug watching as she turns on the recorder.  
“How long have you been out there?” She asks as she sits down again.  
“Since it all started.” I mumble now avoiding the camera.  
“What were you doing before it all started?”  
“Finishing college.” I answer, blinking as I remember those days.  
“What was your degree?” She asks with interest.  
“English and Literature.” I smile. “I wanted to be a Librarian and an Author.”  
“What do you do now?” She smiles at me. I tilt my head in confusion.  
“I survive, help protect my family.” I answer.  
“How do you do that?”  
“I don't understand. I help hunt, umm... Help kill walkers, we watch each other's backs.”  
“You hunt?” She questions, her voice a bit surprised.  
“Well, only small game. Daryl, my boyfriend, does most of the hunting…” She nods.  
“What are you good at?” She asks again confusing me.  
“Reading…..” I answer not knowing how to answer. She laughs a bit.  
“Do you help cook for the group? Do you mostly help hunt?”  
“Well I can cook, not well, I have learned, mostly from books and some old friends, how to help the wounded.”  
“So you're the medic of the group?”  
“Sort of, I have only just started to learn. I know how to stitch up wounds, clean wounds, how to help with colds, I know a lot about using herbs to heal.” I shrug not thinking much of it.  
“Is that something you want to continue to do?”  
“I guess, the knowledge will help my family a lot.” I laugh “They tend to get hurt a lot.” I smile.  
“We have an amazing Dr here who I am sure can help you with not only your diabetes but your knowledge.” I stare at her in shock.  
“How did you know?” I ask.  
“Aaron told me. I also know that you are Rick’s sister, and even though you act shy you are extremely loyal and protective of your family. Aaron says that we can trust your group.” I shake my head at her.  
“I would not trust anyone you don't know.”  
“Rick said almost the same thing.” She smiles at me.  
“He's right. People out there would do anything for this.” I gesture with my hand to envelop the whole room.  
“That's why we need people like your group.” She says leaning forward. “We need protective healers and people who know what it is like out there.”  
“Well, I'm only staying if Rick deems it safe here for my family.” I tell her standing up. Part of me wanted to stay, part of me wanted to trust her, but fear was still coursing through me. I did not want to get my hopes up for another home just to be blown up like the prison. Deanna nods and stands up with me. She leads me out to where the group is waiting, I was the last to be interviewed. She takes our weapons stating that they are still ours but we were to only check them out if we were going outside the wall, I frowned what if someone gets inside the walls? I think to myself.

I walk around Alexandria looking at everything and everyone, people here seemed to be living a dream, hardly caring that outside the walls were things and people who could kill them in a second. They went around cooking and doing jobs as if it was normal these days. Of course, they rationed and had people go on runs to get things that were needed, but they did not seem to understand the need for more protection than the walls that blocked their minds from the real world. I jump when I hear a kid scream and turn around my hand on my knife to see it was just a girl running from another kid, she was laughing now as he gained on her. I stare at the sight with wonder as the boy lightly tackled her and she was now trying to escape. He let's her free and she thinks she gets away and starts to run again as her mom starts to call her into the house for dinner.  
“This isn't something you have seen in a long time, is it?” I hear someone aks a little to close to me. I jump again turning to see a blond woman, she takes a step back from me. “I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you.”  
“It's okay.” I mumble to her. She holds out her hand in greeting.  
“I'm Jessie.” She smiles at me. I nod and take her hand. “You must be Esme, Rick’s sister.” I nod again.“I just came from your house, Deanna asked me to drop of somethings off for you guys.”  
“Thank you.” I nod again not knowing what to say.  
“I'm sorry this must be awkward for you.” She laughs. I shrug.  
“Like you said, not something I've seen in a long while,” I say looking around again still feeling like this was all a dream. “Can you please show me where my house is, I am a bit lost…,” I say now realizing that I am not exactly sure where the house was.  
“Of course it's just one block this way.” She says pointing as I follow her.  
“Thank you.” I mumble again. She leads me to two big houses at the end of a block, they were huge probably 4 bedroom houses that looked grand and boogie.  
“These are both your group's houses, Rick is in that one.” She says pointing to the last house.  
“Thank you, again.” I say and walk inside.  
I walk into the house that was given to us and see Rick cleaned up and with a new haircut. I stare at him and blink.  
“What?” He asks.  
“You're clean… and…. Your hair….” I stutter at him and then smile. “You look good.”  
“Thanks, the showers work. Can you give Judith a bath when Carl brings her back?”  
“Of course. Rick?....” I frown not knowing how to word my question.  
“What's wrong Esme?” He asks his hand on my shoulder now.  
“Is this all a dream? I mean there is apparently a doctor here that is extremely good, there is electricity, running water. I mean… Is it safe?” I ask not knowing what question to ask first.  
“It's all real, but if it's safe? I don't know.” He answers I sigh and nod. Carl walks in then with Judith, I take her to give her a bath and she has fun for a good 30 minutes splashing around. I laugh when I hand her over to Rick.  
“Looks like she gave you a bath already.” He says taking in my soaked clothes.  
“It's okay, she had fun.” I smile. I then turn to take a shower myself. I stay in the nice hot shower for a good 30 minutes myself not only getting the crap out of my hair and off my body, but I also let the water help relax me as I try not to think of everything.

A couple of days later it seemed like the whole group except Daryl were pretty much settling in. My new job was of course to help Dr. Pete. I wasn't sure I liked him yet as he always smelled lightly of alcohol, but it didn't seem to keep him from doing his job. I was in his office/home when I look outside due to screaming. Daryl was tackling someone and Rick and Deanna were screaming at him. I run outside yelling for him.  
“Daryl!!!” I run to him as Rick is trying to pull him off Nicholas whom he was choking. “Babe, enough,” I tell him when I get there, I push his chin up to look at me. He lets go when he sees me and I push him away from the others. “What happened?” I ask him. He won't listen to me as he paces and watches Nicholas. I shake my head and turn when Deanna starts talking.  
“I want everyone to hear me, okay!” She gets everyone’s attention. “Rick and his people are part of this community now, in all ways as equals. Understood?” She turns to her son and glares at him.  
“Understood.” He answers, but I don't believe him.  
“All of you, turn in your weapons. Then you two, come to talk to me.” She points to Nicholas and her son. She turns to Rick then. “I told you I had a job for you, I’d like you to be our constable.” She tells him. “That's what you were. That's what you are, and you too.” She turns to Michonne. “Will you accept?” I look at Rick as he nods.  
“Okay.” He answers.  
“Yeah, I'm in.” Michonne answers as well. I hear a scoff beside me and turn to watch Daryl pick up his crossbow and leave, I frown at his back not sure what to do.  
“Thank you.” I hear Deanna say and turn around to see her looking at Glenn.  
“For what?” He asks her.  
“For knocking him on his ass.” Glenn just nods and leaves. I turn and go to find Daryl on the porch of what is supposed to be our home.  
“Hey.” He looks up at me. “You do know that if this place isn't safe we can always leave, right?” I ask him. He nods. “Rick may be ‘playing house’ here, but it's not permanent if it will harm us in any way.” He nods again. “What's wrong Daryl?” I ask sitting next to him.  
“It's not safe here.” He mumbles. “They are all weak. They don't know what they are doing.”  
“I know, I see that too, but you know what counts?” He turns to me.  
“What?”  
“We are not weak,” I answer leaning my head on his shoulder. “We can't ever become weak.” I say the last part as almost a whisper. Almost like I am reminding myself.  
“So does this Dr. Pete have insulin?” He asks after a while of silence. I nod.  
“He even has new glucose readers and a lot of strips. He also has something called an insulin pump. It's weird.”  
“Hm. Enough to help you for how long?”  
“A good while, no one here has diabetes. So it's all mine….” I mumble.  
“Good.” We fall back into a familiar peaceful silence, something we haven’t done in a while. I feel Daryl relax beside me after a good minute. He shifts and grabs my hand lacing our fingers together. I smile as I watch him place his other hand on top and start to play with my fingers. I can tell that he is thinking as I look up and see him staring off in the distance. I lay my head back down and let him think. For the rest of the day, we talk about random things. Just us two together like it use to be at the prison. It was nice. Every once in a while Daryl would stare out in the distance thinking but he always brought up another conversation eventually. That night I was still outside with Daryl when Rick comes out wearing a cop outfit. I blinked almost thinking I was in the past again or dreaming.  
“We good?” He asks Daryl.  
“Yeah.” He answers. “You a cop again?”  
“Trying it on for size.” He answers.  
“So we're staying?” Carol asks coming outside.  
“I think we can start sleeping in our own homes.” Rick answers. “Settle in.”  
“Are you sure, brother?” I ask now getting afraid.  
“If we get comfortable here, we let our guard down…” Carol says. “This place is gonna make us weak.”  
“Carl said that,” Rick says. “But it's not going to happen.”  
“We won't let it,” I say. “We can't.” I voice my thoughts from earlier.  
“She’s right. It's not in us anymore.” Rick agrees. “We’ll make it work. If they can't make it then we’ll just take this place.” I stare a Rick shocked.

The next day I wake up in my bed alone, I sigh and sit up seeing that Daryl had already gotten dressed and taken his crossbow with him somewhere. I get out of bed and get dressed to go to Dr. Pete’s places and help out and learn. Downstairs I find Carl and Michonne, she now also had her cop uniform on. I tilt my head not sure if it fits her normal attire.  
“What?” she asks me. I shake my head not wanting to be rude.  
“Just a different look than I am used to seeing you in.” I answer and grab a plate of eggs for myself. “Did Daryl say where he was going?” I ask them. They both shake their heads at me.  
“He’ll get used to it.” Michonne says and I sigh.  
“I'm not sure if I want him to, I'm still not sure if I even want to…” I say staring at my plate. Michonne nods understanding.  
“I can see this working out, for all of us.” She says rinsing her plate and waving buy as she leaves.  
“So what are you doing today bud?” I ask Carl.  
“Going to go hang with some of the other kids.” He says. I nod looking at him. “What?” he asks, I shake my head.  
“Just be careful. Okay.” He looks me in the eye.  
“I won't let myself get weak Aunt Esme.” I smile at him.  
“Good.” I rinse my plate and kiss Carl on his forehead and leave to go meet with Dr. Pete.

At Dr. Pete’s he showed me more of where he kept things. How he stored his meds to keep them from going bad, He showed me what books were good to learn things from and why he kept them. I was astounded by just how much books he had gained from people going on runs. He gave me the small files he had on all the residences at Alexandria and I studied some that day. He then made a file on me and gave me a small check-up. As expected I was a bit malnourished, however, my sugar was finally at a normal and great number of 110.  
“So have you convinced your family to come to get checked up?” Dr. Pete asks as he is putting away his diabetes kit.  
“No, I haven’t talked to them about it yet, we are still all very new to this.” I answer as I go to grab a file of one of the residences at Alexandria.  
“Understandable. Have you given the Insulin pump any thought yet?” He asks. I had learned that the Insulin pump is small, devices that mimic the way the pancreas works. It delivers small doses of short-acting insulin continuously. It can also deliver variable amounts of insulin when a meal is eaten.  
“It would be smart of me to use it since I am running out of the normal insulin I use every day.” Dr. Pete nods. “My only worry is if it is smart to have if I go outside the wall….” I say. Dr. Pete turns at this.  
“Are you looking to go outside the wall? I look at him.  
“If Rick decides we are not staying here then, yes I am. Also if I am needed outside the wall, by my family for whatever reason then I am going, no questions asked.” I answer seriously. He nods.  
“The pump isn't permanently attached it is made to detach and reattach via needles.” Dr. Pete explains.  
“So if a walker grabs it, it won't hurt me?” I ask. Dr. Pete looks at me worried.  
“No, but then the walker has your pump. That is what you need to worry about. If the pump is damaged, well you won't get your insulin.” I nod.  
“Right. So I need to find a way to keep the pump safe if I go on runs or outside the wall.” I mumble to myself. “So how will my body fair getting used to the slow acting insulin versus the fast acting insulin I am used to already?” Dr. Pete looked relieved that I was no longer talking about going outside the walls.  
“Your body may take about a week to get used to the insulin, it may sometimes drop your sugar low as it tries to regulate the insulin again. You will also have to watch what you eat more often on slow acting insulin. That is where you will still need your fast-acting insulin doses when you eat. That is set up through your pump as well though. Here are the instructions on how to use the pump.” He says handing me a booklet and then handing me a box. “Take it home to mess with, figure it out. Tomorrow if you are still wanting to try it I'll help you set it up.” I nod.  
“Thank you.” I smile at him and get up to leave.  
“Oh, Esme.” He calls me. I turn from the door. “There is a party today at Deanna’s, it's a welcome party for you and your family. You should attend.” My eyes go wide at the mention of the party.  
“Oh, umm... Maybe.” I stutter out. I never really like parties even before the apocalypse. I didn't mind gathering with people I knew, but parties with a bunch of people I didn't know, I did not like. I turn and leave then making my way back to the house we were staying at.

I notice Daryl walking up to the house as well. I smile when he stops to wait for me.  
“Where did you run off to this morning?” I ask looking at the dirt on him I can guess that he went off into the woods again.  
“Just out.” He shrugs. “Didn't want to wake you this morning.” I nod.  
“You needed time to yourself, is what you are saying.” I smile at him, he looks down and I place my hand on his. “I'm not mad about it Daryl. It's fine. Just next time tell me, please, I don't like waking up alone in a random new place.” I mumble out the last part because I sound like a child. Daryl looks up at me and I can tell he is trying to suppress a laugh. I roll my eyes at him.  
“What's that?” He asks as we start walking to the porch of the house.  
“This is that diabetic pump I told you about yesterday. I actually think it will help me a lot.” I tell him handing him the box as I open up the instructions. I explain to him, and partly myself, how it works till Rick and Michonne come back from their cop duties. They are apparently going to the party, they ask me to go but I shake my head the whole time, coming up with an excuse that I don't still quite feel good and want to read how the pump works, it's more important than a party. Finally, they accept and leave. Daryl turns and looks at me as I sigh in relief.  
“I figured you would go.” He says. I shake my head.  
“Never was a party girl. My type of party is a book and tea.” I state as he laughs and helps me up from my seat on the porch. I look at his dirty arms and laugh a bit.  
“What?”  
“You need a shower.” He scoffs at me and I raise an eyebrow at him and smirk. “Mind if I join you?” I ask. He stares at me for a second and raises an eyebrow of his own, I see a smirk rise on his face as he turns and walks into the house with me following.

After our fun in the shower, we go around walking Alexandria as it is empty. We stop at Deanna’s house watching the party. I frown a bit worrying for the others inside, or maybe it was my worry of them fitting in too well here. I couldn't decide at that moment. We are walking home when Aaron calls out to Daryl.  
“Daryl. Hey.” We turn to him. “Oh, Esme. Hi.” He waves to me when he notices me. I smile and nod.  
“Thought you were going to that party over there.” Daryl asks.  
“Oh, I was never going to go,” Aaron says. “Cause of Erick’s ankle, thank God.”  
“Why the hell did you tell me to go, then?” Daryl asks I raise an eyebrow.  
“I said try. You did.” Aaron explains. “It's a thought that counts thing.”  
“Alright…” Daryl says and goes to leave, slightly tugging on my hand to follow him.  
“Hey, come in,” Aaron calls again. “Have some dinner.” He smiles at us. I look to Daryl. He looks to me, I shrug. “Come on, man, It's some pretty serious spaghetti.” Daryl raises his eyebrow at me when I gasp.  
“Spaghetti is my favorite food.” I laugh. Daryl sighs. “We don't have to if you don't want to. Just remind me to make some later.” I whisper to him so Aaron doesn't hear.  
“S’fine.” Daryl whispers and turns to Aaron. “Alright.”  
I can't help but laugh throughout dinner as Daryl slurps up his meal. The spaghetti was good, not like my mom’s who always made the best spaghetti I can think of. I could tell that Aaron and Eric found Daryl slightly funny as well. I roll my eyes when Daryl finishes and wipes his mouth on his sleeve. He looks at me with a questioning face and I just grab my napkin and use it. He then uses his.  
“Thanks.” Daryl says.  
“Yes, thank you.” I agree. “It was good.”  
“Your welcome.” Aaron smiles at us.  
“Oh, when you're out there, uh if you happen to be in a store or something.” Eric turns to Daryl. “Mrs. Neidermyer is looking for a pasta maker, and we are all really trying to get her to shut up about it.” I tilt my head in confusion, I look to Daryl who looks just as confused as I do. “I mean we have crates of dried pasta in here, but she wants to make her own or something.” Eric continues I look to Aaron who is looking more annoyed at this point. I raise my eyebrows at him. Clearly, he knew something Daryl and I didn't. “I really think she just wants something to talk about so… if you see one on your travels, It would come a long way to…” Eric turns to Aaron and finally sees his annoyed face. He looks to his plate then. “I thought it was done… You didn't ask him already?” Aaron shakes his head.  
“Ask me what?” Daryl turns to Aaron.  
“Can I show you something?” Aaron asks and gets up. Daryl gets up and I move to get up then stop, looking to Aaron for clarification. “You can come as well Esme, I'm sure after all that you would want a say in this…” I nod and get up as well. We follow Aaron to his garage where he shows us a bike shop. Daryl walks in looking at everything. I step in and move to the side as I watch him, I could tell deep down that he was like a kid in a candy store.  
“When I got the place there was only that frame. And some parts and equipment. Whoever lived here built them.” Aaron explains.  
“It's a lot of parts for one bike.” Daryl says.  
“Whenever I came across any parts out there I brought them back.” Aaron laughs. “I didn't know what I would need. I always thought I would learn how to do it but, I get the feeling you already know what to do with it. And the thing is your going to need a bike.”  
“Why?” Daryl asks what we're wondering. He moves to look under the tarp at the frame of the bike.  
“I told Deanna not to give you a job because I think I have one for you.” Aaron says nervously. “I’d like you to be Alexandria’s other recruiter,” Aaron explains. I frown not knowing what to think. “I don't want Eric risking his life anymore.” I glare a bit.  
“So you want Daryl to risk his life, for Alexandria?” I ask barely keeping my anger down. I can feel Daryl’s stare on me. Aaron turns flinching a bit at my tone.  
“Yes, because he knows what he is doing. He's good out there, Esme. He may not belong out there, but he is good out there.” Aaron tells me. I frown knowing he is right.  
“Still why me?” Daryl asks.  
“Look I know it's hard getting used to people getting used to you. And I understand right now you need to be out there sometimes. So do I.” Aaron explains “But the main reason why I want you to help me recruit, is because you do know the difference between a good person and a bad person.” I frown more knowing that Aaron is right. Daryl didn't like people getting close to him, it was hard to even with how close I was to him. Daryl was the type of person that needed his space, just like this morning. I watch Daryl as he listened to Aaron. Finally, I can tell that he made his decision as he nods.  
“I got nothing else to do.” He says. “Thanks.” He slightly smiles at Aaron. I sigh inwardly knowing I can't and won't change his mind.  
“Yeah.” Aaron nods and looks to me worried. I smile at him letting him know I was okay with it.  
“I'll get you some rabbits.” Daryl jokes.  
“Great.” Aaron laughs. I raise my eyebrows and shake my head not understanding the joke.

I sit on the bed my legs tucked under my chin as I watch Daryl get ready for bed. Worry coursed through me as I think of him going out there only with Aaron to recruit others he didn't know. I knew that Aaron was right, Daryl, of course, knew what he was doing, hell he taught me a lot about surviving that no one else could have taught me, but still I didn't know Aaron well, what if he didn't have Daryl’s back or what if he messed up got Daryl hurt? I sigh and jump when I feel a hand on my shoulder. I look up at Daryl and move my hand to his.  
“I'll be fine out there..” He tells me. I shake my head at how well he knows me.  
“I know, I just…” I sigh again.  
“Stop.” He tells me as he sits on the bed in front of me. I look at him. “You worry too much sometimes women.”  
“I'm your girlfriend and were family, it's in my job description to worry.” I roll my eyes and watch him rolls his as well.  
“I got this, done it many times before.”  
“But not with just you, and someone we barely know,” I mumble knowing it was a stupid excuse to try and change his mind. I look at him when he doesn't say anything, his face tells me he knows it's just me worrying and making excuses. I sigh. “Fine. On one condition will I let you go.”  
“Let me go, since when did I need your permission to do anything?” He laughs a bit at me.  
“Since you said I love you.” I say matter of factly.  
“Please, I'll go if I want.” He shakes his head at me.  
“Not if I tie you to this bed.” I argue.  
“Oh, really.” He challenges and stares at me. I blush when I realize what I said and see the smirk playing on his lips.  
“Shut up.” I push him away and he laughs rolling to his side of the bed.  
“What's your condition?” He finally asks as I lay down.  
“You have to bring me something special from every run.” I say turning to face him. He turns to me.  
“You want me to bring you presents, from every run I go on?” I nod.  
“Yes. That way I have something to look forward to and keep me distracted from worrying. It's bad enough I have to worry about Glenn, Noah, and Tara as well.” I say sighing again as I frown knowing that they were going on a run tomorrow.  
“You are a girl aren't you….” He mumbles I raise my eyebrow at him.  
“Last I checked, yes, and I am sure you know that just as well, Sir.” I say and laugh when I see his face when I called him Sir.  
“Don't call me Sir….” He mumbles and I laugh again. “What I meant is you've never asked for presents before. Why now?”  
I shrug. Not knowing why it popped in my head. “Just thought of it. Do you want me to think of something else as a condition?”  
“S’fine I don't know what to get you, though.” He says and turns on his back. “What do you want Chocolate, Flowers, Jewelry?” I laugh as I see the confusion on his face.  
“Whatever you think I'll like, It can be something as simple as a pretty rock. I don't need extravagant things. Hell, I hate most jewelry.” I say shrugging. “Chocolate will run my sugar up so none of that. Though it does sound good right now.” I mumble.  
“Why presents?” Daryl sighs and I laugh. I could tell this was one of his ‘i'm not good at this romantic crap’ moments. I move closer and lay my head on his chest.  
“You’ll think of something,” I say. “You are good at reading people, remember.” I joke.  
“Hn.” Is all I get in response. I lay there and let Daryl’s heartbeat lull me to sleep.


	31. Chapter Thirty: Luck Runs Out

The next morning I wake up to Daryl slightly shaking me awake. I open my eyes and smile at him.   
“Going to be heading out soon.” I nod and sigh. I sit up watching him get ready. I grab his arm as he sits on the bed to put on his boots. He turns to me, I lean in and kiss him, he kisses back and goes to move away, I groan and pull him in again.   
“Esme…” He mumbles, but I shake my head.  
“Please don't. You're going to be leaving for a couple of days.” He looks me in the eyes and I finally look away but turn again when he puts his boot down and pulls me in for a hug. I bury my head in the crook of his neck taking his scent to calm me.   
“I know you will still worry, but how about this, I'll make you a promise. A what do you and Rick call it a Grime’s promise?” I laugh and pull away.  
“You're going to make me a Grime’s promise… But…”   
“Yes, I know that I'm not a Grime’s but we’re family right?” I nod and smile. Thinking how special a Grime’s promise is. It was something that the Grimes family has done for years and when you made a Grimes promise you could never go against it. It was like an oath it meant more than a normal promise and if you broke one it there had to be an extremely good reason as to why or it hurt the people involved a lot. Daryl knew this as I had explained what they were to him.  
“Daryl I can't ask you to…”  
“Your not. I promise that I will do everything in my power whenever I am in danger to always make my way back to you. I will fight to get back to you and that the only thing that will keep me from fighting is death. I will Grimes promise this.” He says. I blink back tears that randomly decide to appear as my heart swells at his words. I smile at him when I see the worry in his eyes at my tears.  
“I'm fine, girl moment.” I say as I wipe a tear away and laugh a bit when he relaxes. “You know for not being a romantic those are the most romantic words you have ever said to me. I accept your Grimes promise and I Grimes promise the exact same thing to you.” He nods and I kiss him again, he deepens the kiss and I'm about to attempt to make more out of it when there is a knock on our door. I sigh and grumble as Daryl chuckles at me.   
“Come in,” I yell sitting back on the bed as Daryl now moves to put his boots on. Carl pokes his head in. “What's up bud?” I ask.  
“Dad wanted me to tell you that he and Michonne left for their constable duties and that I am going to be going out to play with the other kids.” He says. I nod and stand up.   
“Okay, if you need me for anything I will be seeing Daryl and the others off then I will be at Dr. Pete’s till dinner time.” He nods and leaves. I get ready for the day and begrudgingly follow Daryl out of the house.

After saying bye to Daryl I walk up to Glenn and the others as they are about to leave for their run.   
“You got this, you always do.” Maggie tells Glenn as I hug the others bye.   
“Watch each other’s backs out there. All of you. I glare at Nicolas and Eugene. They just nod, I turn to Glenn as he is done saying bye. I give him a hug.   
“Stay safe, please.” I mumble to him.  
“I always do right.” He smiles at me as I step back and nod.   
“Daylight’s burning let's go!” Aiden yells. They all then get in the back of the van and loud music starts to play. I sigh and shake my head.  
“They will be okay.” Maggie says to me as she wraps her arm around my shoulders.   
“I know, but I still worry.” I mumble watching the van drive off.   
“Yup, that's why we love you, you're the glue that keeps our group together, you and Carol.” I just smile at her. 

The rest of the day is spent in Dr. Pete’s office, I get to learn about the insulin pump more and decide to go with it. He shows me how to put it on and the new type of needle works and everything. I then treat a crew member with a sprained ankle she received from jumping off a tractor during a walker attack. After I wander around town to find stuff to do. It's nearing dark on my way home when I hear my best friend calling for me and my heart starts to ache in fear again.  
“Help! SOMEBODY HELP! ESME!!!!” I hear Glenn call from the front gate. I run. When I get there I see that Tara has a severe head wound and I see that Nicolas has some small other wounds, Eugene and Glenn are thankfully fine but Aiden and Noah are missing. I have no time to think of that as Tara needs my help.  
“Go and tell Dr. Pete to get the surgery table ready! NOW!” I yell at a person I don't know the name of yet from the community. She nods and runs to get him. “Glenn drive this van to Dr. Pete’s.” He nods to me and does as he's told. When we get there Dr. Pete thankfully already has the door open and table ready. We get to work. When she is stable I leave her with Rosita to meet with Glenn to get the full story of what happened. I then go to my room and lay down on Daryl’s side of the bed to take in his scent.

After an hour I go outside for some fresh air and hear a commotion coming from Dr. Pete’s and Jessie’s house. I round the corner when I see Rick and Pete fly out the window.   
“Rick!?!?!” I yell trying to get him off. He pushes me back Carl tries as well for him to get pushed back as well. Anger flies threw me I yell at him. “Rick! Enough! Stop it!” Deanna then runs to us.  
“Stop it! Stop it right now!” She yells. Rick looks at her and then I finally.  
“You touch them again and I will kill you.” He tells Pete. Realization of the situation finally hits me. Pete was a drunk that hit his family, this was why Rick was fighting him.   
“Damn it, Rick! I said stop.” Deanna yells at him.   
“Or what?” Rick asks as he pulls a gun. I push Carl and his friend behind me. “You going to kick me out?”   
“Rick?” I question him, but he ignores me.   
“Put that gun down, Rick.” Deanna says.   
“You still don't get it,” Rick says panting. “None of you do! We know what needs to be done and we do it. Were the ones who live.” He yells. “You, you just sit and plan and hesitate. You pretend like you know when you don't.” He waves the gun around. I turn to make sure that Carl was still behind me. “You wish things weren’t what they are. Well, you want to live? You want this place to stay standing? Your way of doing this is done. Things don't get better because of you… you want them to. Starting right now, we have to live in the real world.” He continues yelling at Deanna. “We have to control who lives here.”   
“That's never been more clear to me then it is right now.” Deanna answers back. I sigh knowing what's coming next.  
“Me? Me? You, you mean, you mean me?” Rick starts to laugh and part of me wonders if he is starting to become like Shane. “Your way is going to destroy this place. It's going to get people killed.”   
“Rick!” I call stepping up a bit from my spot he throws his hand out at me for me to stop and like always I listen. I sigh in frustration at myself knowing that one day I will have to break this habit.   
“It's already gotten people killed.” He continues. “And I'm not going to stand by and just let it happen. If you don't fight you die. I'm not going to stand here by and…”   
At that moment Michonne walks by and clocks Rick over the head. I gasp and run to him as he falls.   
“Rick!”   
“Sorry, Esme.” Michonne says to me as I check him.  
“It's fine.” I mumble shaking my head and sighing. 

Glenn, Abraham, Carol and I walk into the house Rick is at to see him up. I dash to his side.  
“Take these.” I say handing him some pain killers and opening a water bottle for him.   
“I'm fine.” He says.  
“Rick, don't argue right now with me.” I glare at him my tone a warning. He sighs and takes the meds, I check his wounds and then stand up satisfied so far. “How are you feeling and don't tell me fine, because I just spent all night patching your ass up and pulling out glass from your hand and head.”   
“Sore and head hurt but you just gave me pain killers so I should be okay in a bit.” He answers I nod.  
“So where did you get the gun? You took it right from the armory? That was stupid. Why did you do it? Carol asks when I'm done worrying.  
“Just in case.” Rick answers.   
“Deanna’s planning on having a meeting tonight. For anyone who wants to.” Glenn says.  
“To kick Rick out?” Abraham asks. I stand up at this and turn.  
“To try.” Carol says.  
“No…” I start.  
“We don't know that,” Glenn says placing his hand on my shoulder to calm me. “Maggie is with Deanna right now. She’s going to find out what it is.”  
“At the meeting, you say you were worried about someone being abused and no one was doing anything about it. You say you took a gun just to be sure that Jessie was safe from a man who wound up attacking you. You say you will do whatever you want them to. Just tell them a story that they want to hear.” Carol says. “It's what I've been doing since I got here.”   
“Why?” Michonne asks.  
“Because these people are children and children like stories.”   
“What happens after all the nice words and they still try and kick him out?” Abraham asks.   
“They’re guarding the armory now.” Glenn states. My head starts to reel in fear. If they kick Rick out, I will have to go with him, yet Daryl wasn't here and he would come here looking for me, for us. We would have to stay close until he gets back.   
“We still have knives. That's all we will need against them.” I nod.   
“Well, tonight at the meeting, if it looks like it's going bad I'll whistle. Carol grabs Deanna, I grab Spencer, you grab Reg,” Rick starts and points to Michonne. “Esme you make sure Carl is safe. Glenn and Abraham cover us and watch the crowd.”  
“We can talk to them.” Michonne starts.   
“Yeah, we will, but if we can't get through, we take the three of them and say we will slit their throats.”  
“Like at terminus?” Glenn asks.  
“No, we just tell ‘em. They give us the armory and it's over.”  
“Did you want this?” Glenn asks.  
“No. I hit my limit. I screwed up.” Rick answers. “And here we are. Now if you will excuse me I’m just going to sleep some more.” I shake my head at him as we all leave. I didn't know what to think. 

I spend the rest of the day till the meeting in my room. When I get there I look around and see Maggie, I make my way to her.   
“Where is Glenn?” I ask.   
“Not sure, he said he would be here. Rick?” She asks.  
“At the house with Michonne, they should be on their way.” I answer. Michonne makes her way to us alone a few minutes later. “Where is Rick?” I ask her.   
“He should be on his way, he is thinking some things over.” She tells me. I nod.   
“Did you see Glenn on your way here?” Maggie asks.  
“No.” Michonne shakes her head. I sigh and look around hoping to see at least one of them. When it finally gets dark I start to finally panic.   
“We're going to start.” Deanna says.  
“Can we wait? There are still people coming.” Maggie says.   
“Glenn and Rick.” I agree.  
“We're going to start. It's already dark.” Deanna finalizes. I sigh.   
“Where could they be?” I whisper to Maggie.  
“I don't know.” I can hear the panic in her voice as well.  
“We're going to talk about what happened. Not the fight. Not what precipitated it. We’re dealing with that. We’re going to talk about one of our constables. Rick Grimes. We’re going to talk about how he had a pistol he stole from the armory, about how he pointed it at people and we’re going to talk about what he said.” Deanna states. “I was hoping he would be here.”   
“She said he's coming.” Michonne says.  
“I’m sure he’ll be here.” Carol says.  
“Something must be holding him up,” I say panic still gripping my heart. I get up finally needing to do something, I turn to Maggie. “I'm going to go find him, I'm going to go find them.”  
“Okay. I'm going to help here.” Maggie says nodding and hugging me really quick.

I make my way towards our house when I see the front gate opening. I shine my flashlight over and see Glenn walking in with Nicholas both covered in blood. Rage and panic envelop me and I run to him.   
“What in the fuck?” I ask.  
“I'm fine Esme. Just help please, I'll explain in a bit.” I nod but glare at Nicholas none the same. I help the limping Glenn to Dr. Pete’s office. When we get to the office I see that Rosita is in again helping I smile at her and become happy when I realize that Tara is finally awake. Glenn allows me to check on her and make sure that she is fine before patching him up. Glenn then explains that Nicholas lured him out of the community and tried to kill him but he convinces me to give him a second chance, more like third, I think as I glare at him.   
“You hurt anyone else in my family and I will not hesitate to kill you, even in your sleep, or poison your food. Watch yourself! You hear me!” I warn him. He nods and is about to say something when we hear a gunshot. I'm out the door, hand on my knives running to the meeting spot ready to protect Rick with my life. 

When I get there, I hear the people screaming and crying. I look around trying to find out what the fuck happened, there was a dead walker, Pete was dead gunshot to the head, Reg was dead sliced in the throat Rick had somehow got another gun.  
“Rick?” I call pushing past people to get to him. “What happened?” He turns to me and is about to answer when he looks past me.  
“Rick?” Says a voice I don't recognize. I turn around to see Daryl, Aaron and a black man staring at my brother confused.   
Come to find out that that the gate was left open by Gabriel, walkers got in, that was why Rick was late to the meeting when he got to the meeting, Pete showed up, killed Reg, Deanna ordered Rick to kill Pete, still don't know how Rick got the second gun yet. Thankfully Rick was not being kicked out. This was an eye-opener to Deanna and most of her community. 

The next week was spent getting the community used to being under Rick’s leadership, getting them used to this insane world. Showing them just how lucky they have been and how unprepared they are for attacks. We found out that the reason they were so luck was a big ravine closed off by semi trucks filled with thousands of walkers the noise drew them into it, but the more it fills the more that got in the the more that they could move the semis and it could open up funneling them right towards Alexandria. We had to deal with them quickly as luck would run out soon, we come up with a plan and are going to do a dry run today. I will be with Daryl on his bike helping keep the walkers going and killing any that get too close to us.   
“This is where it all starts tomorrow,” Rick explains going over the plan again for the dry run. “Tobin gets in the truck, opens the exit and we’re off. He hops out and catches up with his team at red staying on the west side of the road.” Indicating the red balloons left at a marked point we mapped out. He then points to Daryl and I yelling over the walkers growling he continues. “Daryl and Esme get on the bike…”   
“You see that?” Sasha yells as we hear a loud groan. I look over and see one of the other semis falling off the ledge and think this ain't now dry run anymore, our luck has just run out.   
“Son of a bitch…” I groan.   
“It's open.” Someone yells.  
“We have to do this now!” Rick orders and I run to the bike already knowing the plan. Everyone is shambling for last minute crap to get done. When I think of the tractor place that hasn't been emptied. We were supposed to do that today.   
“Glenn!” I call to him. He turns to me. “The Tractor store. The noise.”  
“Shit.” He turns to Rick. “Rick, I'll hit the tractor place.”  
“Okay, Who else?” Rick calls.  
“We got to take them out or they will distract the herd.” Glenn tells Heath.   
“I'm here let me help!” Nicholas tells Glenn.  
“No!” Glenn and I yell at the same time. “I'll go with you.” Just as I'm about to turn to Daryl.   
“No, Daryl needs you, I'm here already.” Nicholas tells me I turn to him.  
“Do everything I say!” Glenn orders him and he nods.  
“You come back without my best friend and I will kill you!” I yell at him and turn to Glenn.  
“Be safe.” I give a quick hug and run to Daryl.   
“They’re coming!” Daryl calls out. I grab my gun and turn the safety off. Pointing it at the walkers. I stand next to the bike ready to shoot any walker I need to. I wait for Rick’s signal.   
“Now!” He calls and the flares go off. “Tobin hit the truck.” Rick calls and he drives the truck a couple of feet to let the walkers out. Daryl shoots the closest one and jumps on the bike I holster my gun and follow suit. He revs the engine to get the walkers attention some more and we start our semi-slow and long drive. I can hear the radio as everyone lists off the checkpoints and Rick encourages everyone to just stick with the plan. I turn to make sure that none of the walkers are lingering too much or going the wrong way but so far so good. A while longer and we meet up with Sasha and Abraham at checkpoint red. We get to checkpoint orange where we built up a wall to turn them in I see the flares go off and know that Rick, Michonne and Morgan are on the other side. I pray that the walls will hold for their safety. Daryl takes the turn and I watch the walkers slowly follow and crash against the wall still following. A further bit later and I see Abraham getting out of the car.   
“What are you doing?” I call to him, Daryl slows a bit on the bike to watch.  
“Just keep going.” Abraham waves to us and Daryl goes back to his normal pace. I watch Abraham rally up some walkers that were wondering off from the herd and come back with some shiny blanket. He jumps back in the car everything goes back to normal. I sigh in relief as the stragglers return to the herd.   
“Ok everyone, we're almost there. Just stick with the plan.” I hear Rick’s voice over the radio. “How we holding up in the front?”  
“All sweet as can be here chief.” I hear Abraham’s reply. I just chuckle a bit and check again on the walkers, all good up here.   
“Tobin, they are breaking off.” I hear on the radio. I sit up a bit to listen.  
“What do you want us to do?”  
“Fire your guns and draw them back.”   
After a bit, I hear distant gunfire.   
“It's working the gunfire is bringing them back on the road.” I sigh in relief again. Thank god this was working so far. I say a thank you prayer to the Lord and Lady.   
“You got them, Tobin.” Rick says.  
“Copy that. What was that screaming?”   
“That was Carter, he got bit right in the face,” Rick replies. I cringe and feel Daryl tense a bit. “I stopped him.”   
I check the walkers again and sigh, shifting just a bit to get comfortable again as I know this is going to be a while. I check my pump and make sure that the fanny pack I have everything in is secure and finally rest for a bit knowing that we will have to take them 20 miles out from here. A while later I start to hear what seems to be some type of fog horn blaring from behind us. I frown and look at the others in the car, Abraham shrugs at me, but I can see the worry on both of their faces.   
“Daryl, page Rick.” He nods and grabs the radio.   
“Rick?” He pages.  
“I'm here.” I hear what seems to be a stressed and tired brother.  
“What's going on back there?”  
“Half of them broke off, they are going towards Alexandria.” Fear for Carl, Judith, and the others course through me.   
“Towards you?” I hear Abraham ask.  
“We ran ahead. There’s a horn or something. Loud, coming from the east. It's not stopping.” Rick explains.   
“Daryl… We…” I start but he's already on it.  
“I'm going to gas it up turn back.” He tells Rick I nod sitting down and holding on to him to get ready.   
“We have it, you keep going.” Rick tells us.  
“They are going to need our help.” Daryl argues.   
“We gotta keep the herd moving.”   
“Not if it's going down we don't.”   
“The rest of that herd turns around, the bad back there gets worse…” Panic and anger sets in me.  
“Daryl?...” Rick calls again.  
“Yeah, I heard you.” He replies and I smack my head on his back. His arm comes off the radio and he drops it on my arm around his waist lacing his fingers in mine trying to comfort me. I knew he felt just as useless as I did right now. A little while later and and I feel him squeeze my hand then pull his away.   
“Esme..?” I sit up ready for anything.  
“Yeah?”   
“Our family is back there.”  
“I know…” I whisper not knowing where he was going with this.  
“We do anything for our family right?”  
“Of course…”  
“Then promise to forgive me if something goes wrong with what I'm about to do.” I blink taking in his words.   
“Of course.” I tell him, not knowing why he would need forgiveness. He nods and rides closer to the car.  
“Hey, we have gone 5 miles out yet?”  
“Give or take some yardage.” Abraham answers. “Got a reason for asking?”  
“Next intersection we’re gonna spin around and go back.” Daryl says. My heart lifts a bit at him and I smile. We were going to help our family.   
“The plan is to go 15 more.” Sasha says.   
“Yeah, I'm going to change that. 5s going to have to work.”  
“The magic number is 20. That's the mission. That's making sure they’re off munching on infirm raccoons the rest of their undead lives.” Abraham says. I sigh.   
“You two want to go we can't stop you. But without you, they could stop us.”  
“Nah, I got faith in you guys,” Daryl tells them. “Esme.” He warns me as he revs the engine. I hold on.  
“Daryl!” I hear Sasha yell and Abraham yell something as well.   
“I love you!!!” I call to Daryl and know he heard cause he pats my arm in return be for he takes a sharp turn at the intersection. A while later we hear Glenn on the radio.  
“Rick, it's Glenn, we’re in a town 5 degrees east of the green marker. If you get around on redding in the next 20 minutes you should be good. I think that's how far we’re ahead of the herd. I'm going to try to set a fire and distract them. If you don't see smoke, they’re still coming your way. I gotta go. Good luck, dumb ass.” I feel Daryl chuckle at his words. I give a small smile at my best friends efforts. Good luck to you my friend as well, I think. After making it about halfway to the meeting point Rick comes back on the radio.   
“Glenn, I'm in place by my best guess. You guys make it back yet?” Nothing, just static. “Glenn?” Nothing still. I sit up about to grab the radio. “Tobin, you there?” Nothing. “Daryl?”   
Daryl gets on.   
“I'm here.”   
“Won't be long now, they're almost here, we will get them going your way again.”   
“How about that Daryl? He's going to be coming our way.” Sasha’s sarcastic voice comes on the radio. I roll my eyes.  
“There’s gunfire coming from back home. We gotta sit with it and hope they can handle it. I think they can, they have to. We keep going forward to them. Can't turn back ‘cause we’re afraid.” Rick tells us.  
“We ain't afraid.” Abraham says.   
“Going back now before it's done that’d be for us.” I glare at the radio. “The herd has to be almost here.” Rick goes quiet for a bit, then we hear static as if he is going to say something and then hear gunshots over the radio. I almost jump and the bike lurches a bit. Daryl corrects the bike and grabs the radio.  
“Rick, Rick!” Rick doesn't answer. Daryl pulls over and I pull the radio towards me from his vest.   
“Brother! Bother!” Nothing. “BROTHER!!!” I try again, nothing.   
“Esme.” Daryl pulls the radio down and places it back on his vest.   
“We.. we need to get to Rick, we have to hurry now. Let's go.” I say sitting down again. He doesn't move. “Daryl, Let's go.”  
“Esme, Rick is right, we need to keep going forward for Alexandria, we need to turn back and help Abraham and Sasha.”  
“Wh… What?” I sputter. “But Rick…”  
“I'm sure that Rick and the others are fine.”   
“Daryl. No, we need to go to Alexandria. They can't protect themselves.” I say angry with him. He turns a bit to face me.   
“They have Carl, Carol, and Maggie there to help protect them.”   
“Our best protectors are outside Alexandria!”  
“Esme, They are on there way back to Alexandria we heard that. They will be fine, I'm sure of it.” I get off the bike facing away from him trying to control my thoughts and anger. “Esme?” He grabs my hand keeping me from walking away. On the one hand, I knew he and Rick were right. The Alexandrians may not know how to handle themselves but my family did. But on the other hand, I was worrying the same as always I wanted to see for myself that they were okay. I turned toward Daryl and looked him in the eyes, his blue eyes calming me only a little as I felt the tears trying to spill. He is right I think. I take a big breath, squeeze my eyes shut, forcing back my tears, and nod.  
“Ok, ok babe.” I whisper. He squeezes my hand and pulls on it. I realize then that I kinda need to get back on the bike. I try to move but hesitate, if I get on this bike that means I am willingly turning my back on Carl, Rick, Judith, and the others when they need my help. Daryl must have seen something in my eyes as he leans over kisses my forehead and grabs me.   
“Esme come on.” He tells me as he pulls me over to the bike, when I'm next to it I force myself onto the bike and sit there almost numb. “Just hold on. You don't have to do anything this time. I'll do it all for you and if something happens you can blame me.” Daryl tells me.   
We get back to Sasha and Abraham but I don't do anything I just sit there and let the others handle the herd.


	32. Chapter Thirty One: Precarious State of Affairs

“Alright, that's it.” I numbly hear on the radio.  
“That's 20?” Daryl asks.  
“It will be. 642 is a mile ahead. We gotta put distance between us and them before the turnoff.”  
“So floor it.” Abraham says.  
“Alright try to keep up.” Daryl says.  
“Daryl have you seen this car, believe me, we want to get back there too,” Sasha says. We take the turn and ride for about another 10 minutes when out of nowhere we start taking fire. I duck pulling my gun and trying to shoot back. I feel a burn on the side of my stomach and know I'm shot. I yell as we swerve and I fall off the bike, instinctively I roll to the side so Sasha doesn't run me over. Abraham opens his door and pulls me in.  
“Go we got her!” Sasha yells at Daryl as I stay ducked down giving Abraham my gun so he can still shoot. They run into something and Sasha stops the car. She gets out and comes to the side helping me out. I don't realize how bad the wound is until I try and stand.  
“AAAHHH!!!” I say falling my hand on my side.  
“Fuck, ok, you stay here we’re going to get rid of them. Sasha says placing me back in the passenger side of the car.  
“No, Daryl.” I protest and try to move again. Not a good idea. “Aahh.” I sit back down as my vision blurs.  
“You're not going anywhere Miss Eyes.” Abraham tells me as they walk off with the guns a sec later I hear the gunshots as they shoot up the car. They come back and help patch me up as best we can and we get to walk back the way we came.  
“There it's clear, his bikes gone.” Sasha says as we come to the spot we were separated at. I look around leaning against a white jeep.  
“These are his shells.” Abraham says.  
“He fired, got away.” I say. Trying my best to see if I can track but the pain from my wound was distracting me.  
“He caught a good bounce.” Abraham says. I get off the car and walk a few steps trying to see which way Daryl could have gone.  
“There aren't enough people around to just waiting around for somebody to ambush.” I hear Sasha say. “And they couldn't have just been watching us, not with what we were doing.”  
“Nah, they were looking to chew up someone in particular.” Abraham says. “Whoever the hell they were.” I sigh and try the radio again.  
“Daryl, you copy?” I wait. Nothing. I growl almost tossing the radio on the ground but instead hand it to Sasha.  
“Dollars to donuts he's on is way back to Alexandria by now.” Abraham says.  
“He wouldn't leave us behind.” Sasha says.  
“He already did.”  
“He wouldn't leave her behind.” Sasha points to me.  
“If he thinks I'm at Alexandria and safe he would,” I say. “However he came back, and the best way to find a tracker is to stay put.”  
“You just want us to stay here with our precious leathers in our hands?” Abraham looks at me like I'm crazy. “I don't think so Miss Eyes.” I raise an eyebrow at him, that's the 2nd time he’s called me that.  
“No, we can't.” Sasha says getting up and making an obvious footprint in the mud next us and walking away Abraham gets up and helps me follow her.  
“Miss Eyes?” I ask as I lean into him.  
“It's a compliment,” Abraham tells me. “Referring to your two different colored eyes.” I nod but still really don't get it.  
“Thank you, I guess.”  
We follow her to a building with a white door where she writes Daryl’s last name on the door. I nod in approval and follow her in using the walls to help me walk so that Abraham can fight if needed. We make our way to the back room and I lay down and rest a bit.   
Daryl’s P.O.V.  
We watch from behind the trees as this Wade guy chops of Cam’s arm and takes his watch and they leave.  
“We thought you were with them. We knock you over the head, tie you up, why did you come back?” The guy asks.  
“Esme would kill me if I didn't give the Insulin back.” I answer without thinking.  
“Esme?” The brunette girl asks.  
“My girlfriend, she has diabetes too.”  
“You could have taken it for her…” I shake my head.  
“No, she would have fed me to the walkers at that point,” I say. “I don't know. Maybe I'm stupid too.”  
Esme’s P.O.V  
After a day of resting and Abraham finding some grenade launchers, Daryl finds us and he has a truck thankfully. Sasha helps me re-patch up my wounds and we start to drive back to Alexandria. The truck is small and I have to sit on Abraham’s lap with my legs across Sasha. Daryl tries the radio after we get in range.  
“Rick, you copy? Anybody?” We hear something on the walkie but can't make out what it is with all the static. “Say again.” Daryl tries.  
“Help.” Someone whimpers.  
“Who was that?” I ask. Trying to sit up but wincing as my wound pulls.  
“I don't know.” Daryl says. We try again but get nothing after that.  
We drive for a few more hours during which I keep going in and out of sleep; after what I think is another hours sleep I feel Abraham shake me a bit.  
“What in the holy shit?” I hear him say. “Miss Eyes time to wake up.” He says when I look at him.  
“What's going on?” I ask and look out the window to see what appears to be a gang of bikers blocking the road. I glare immediately gaining flashbacks of my last encounter with bikers and these guys didn't seem to be any nicer than those, Daryl stops the truck.  
“Why don't you come on out, and join us in the road?” The apparent leader says. “You know if you want to resist, try something. I mean, it's a choice, I guess. But we will end your asses, split you right in two, straight through to the sinuses. So, come on.” I roll my eyes as Daryl turns off the truck. He opens his and gets out half way as Abraham and Sasha push me off of them to him and he helps me out though he doesn't let me get far away from the door. I know then that he is being protective.  
“Yeah, that's great. It's going well right out of the gate. Now step two, hand over all of your weapons.” Leader says.  
“Why should we?” Daryl asks.  
“Well, they’re not yours.” Leader dude says. I scoff.  
“What?” I hear Abraham ask from the other side of the truck.  
“See… Your weapons, your truck, the fuel in your truck, if you got mints in your glove compartment, if you got porn underneath the seats, change in the seats, hell, the seats themselves, the floor mats, your maps, the little stash of emergency napkins you got there in the console, none of those things are yours anymore.”  
“Excuse me?” I laugh.  
“Whose are they?” Sasha asks.  
“Your property… now belongs to Negan.” The leader says taking a step towards us. “And if you can get your hands on a tanker, your people our person wants to know. So let's get those side arms shall we?” He says taking more steps towards us. “Right now.” Daryl hands him his gun. I quickly turn my fanny pack so it is behind me. It's the last thing I need taken from me and I pull my gun passing it to Daryl so he can hand it over. “Thank you.” The guy says as he hands it to him. He walks to Sasha and Abraham. They hand over theirs.  
“Who are you, people?” Sasha asks.  
“I get the curiosity, but we have questions ourselves. And we will be the ones asking them while we drive you back to wherever it is you call home.” The leader says. Anger flares in me immediately and I growl in frustration. Daryl tenses and shakes his head quickly silently telling me to be quiet, this silences me, if I give away anything the others would be in danger. “Take a gander at where you hang your hats. First, though your shit. What have you got for us?”  
“Yeah, you just took it.” Daryl answers.  
“Come on,” Leader dude shakes his head. “I mean, can we not, okay? There’s more. There’s always more.” He sighs turns around gestures to one of his guys. “T.” This guy gets up and starts walking towards us. “Take my man to the back of the truck, start inside the back bumper, work your way to the front.” the leader orders. The guy walks to Daryl and pushes him.  
“Go,” T tells him. I glare and lean against the truck my back on the front bumper squishing my fanny pack. My heart was pounding for all I knew they would search us.  
“Who’s Negan?” Abraham asks.  
“Ding dong.” The leader sings and points Daryl’s gun at Abraham. “Hells Bells. You see; usually, we introduce ourselves by just popping one of you right off the bat. But you seem like reasonable people. I mean your sporting dress blues, for Christ's sake. And like I said we’re gonna drive you back to where you were. I mean do you know how awkward it is carpooling it is with someone’s friend it is you just killed. oof. But I told you not to ask any questions. And what does this ginger do? So that's that. I don't want you to get the wrong impression of me.” He says and pulls the hammer of the gun. I tense up.  
“Wait!” Sasha calls panicking Abraham and I both look at her. She takes a deep breath. “Wait.” she says more calmly. “You don't have to do this.” The leader gets more annoyed and pulls a second gun on her as well.  
“Shut up.” Abraham tells her.  
“I'm talking to the man.” She tells him I raise my eyebrow at the tone of her voice.  
“No your not.” The leader says he pulls the hammer back on the second gun, acts like he is going to shoot them then laughs and pulls the guns back. “I'm not going to kill you.” He shakes his head, as the tension falls he points the guns again. “Wait… Wait… Yes, I am.” Next thing I know my ears are ringing and there is heat in my face from a bigger explosion than a gun should have. I pull my hand up to my face, coughing and Sasha helps me up. I turn around to see Daryl with one of the grenade launchers. I blink and start to laugh. Shaking my head at the thoughts running through my head.  
“Son of a bitch was tougher than he looked.” Daryl was saying as I came back to reality.  
“Did he cut you?” Sasha asks. I grab my pack and my aid kit from the truck to patch him up with what little we had left.  
“A little.” Daryl answers. “What a bunch of assholes.”  
“Let's get you fixed up at home.” Sasha says as I finish cleaning the wound and bandage it.  
“Yes ma’am.” he says. We get back on the road at that point.  
When we get back to Alexandria we find it overrun with walkers, my worst fears coming true the herd had made it to our home. We park the tanker by the gate and Abraham and Sasha get on the roof. Next thing I know they are shooting up a storm.  
“Can you get the gate!” I hear Abraham yell to someone. “Appreciate it, pal.” Daryl and I are in the cab of the truck and we watch as Glenn opens the gate I smile at him in a bit of relief. I hug him and kiss his forehead when he gets in the cab with us.  
“Thank god you two are safe.” I say to him as Sasha and Abraham help Maggie and Enid on the roof of the tanker.  
“I'm glad you guys are okay as well.” He tells me.  
“What the hell happened?” Daryl asks.  
“I don't know I just got back.” Glenn answers. “Listen… We can… We can lead some of them away, but they are scattered.”  
“No, we get ‘em all together,” Daryl says. “Won't have to lead ‘em away.”  
“How?” I ask.  
“We burn ‘em.” He answers as he pounds on the roof to check on the others. They pound back letting us know they are good and Daryl drives to the small lake in Alexandria that we have. We empty some of the fuel into it. He then lights it on fire with a grenade. Soon we see a lot of the walkers being attracted to the fire.  
“It's working.” I smile from my seat in the tanker.  
The next morning I'm sleeping next to Carl in bed. After learning that he was shot in the eye I immediately checked on him and made sure that Denise had done everything correctly, it wasn't that I didn't trust her, I knew that once she got over her anxiety she would do great, but I couldn't help but be overprotective of him. I felt so bad for not being here with him when he needed me, but I am so grateful to Denise for what she has done for him. Only after I was done checking on him did I allow Denise to stitch me up.  
“I was wrong.” I hear Rick’s voice. “I thought after living behind these walls for so long that… maybe they couldn't learn. But today, I saw what they could do, what we could do. If we work together. We will rebuild the wall, expand it. There's gotta be more. Everything Deanna was talking about is possible. It's all possible, I see that now.” I barely open my eyes to see Rick sitting in the chair next to us holding Carl’s hand. I smile. “When I was out there... with them. When it was over; when I knew we had this place again... I had this feeling… It took me a while to remember what it was because I hadn’t felt it since before I woke up in that hospital bed.” Rick starts to cry and my heart aches for my brother as I watch the tears start to run down his face. “I want to show you the new world, Carl. I want to make a reality for you. please, Carl. Let me show you. Please, son, please don't die.” I'm about to move and comfort him when he looks up shocked and looks to Carl. I look at Carl then as well and see that he is awake. I smile and start to cry tears of joy.  
The next week is spent doing light stuff around the community as I heal however I am now bored out of my mind. Today Rick and Daryl are going on a run for things we need and I make a list of things I need/want, I meet them at the gate with my list. I lean into the driver window where Rick is I smile at him as I hand him the list.  
“Sure I can't come with you?” I ask as politely as possible. He just gives me a look as I see Daryl shakes his head.  
“Esme, we talked about this.” Rick says.  
“Oh, come on… I'm bored…” I groan and bend even further causing pain in my side from my wound stretching. I wince and try not to react when Rick looks at me with concern. “I'm fine.”  
“You're not coming with,” Rick tells me as he pats my head as he used to when I was younger. I glare at him. “Now is this everything you need?” He says looking at my list. I sigh and nod knowing I'm not going to win.  
“Promise me you’ll be okay out there,” I whisper to Rick. I don't know why I whisper I just do. Rick smiles at me, leans over gives me a hug and kisses my forehead. I smile at him when he pulls away. I make my way over to the other side of the car as Daryl rolls down his window. “Don't forget you still owe me a present Mr.” I laugh when he scrunches up his face in annoyance. Rick looks at us confused.  
“Hn.” Is the only reply I get as I lean in.  
“Be safe,” I tell him. He nods and we kiss. “Love you.”  
“Love you.” He whispers back. I wave goodbye as Eugene opens the gate and lets them go. I frown and say a prayer for their safety.  
Ricks P.O.V.  
Daryl and I have been driving for a while on our way to one of the stops that Eugene marked on the map, it was silent for a while other than the loud music I had on earlier to “draw” the walkers away. I look over at Daryl and he seems deep in thought staring out the window. I wonder how he and Esme are doing I haven’t really asked since the prison.  
“So present?” I ask him.  
“Huh?” He looks at me confused.  
“Present you owe my sister?” He shakes his head. “What's that about?”  
“Just something she came up with when we first got to Alexandria and I had the recruiting job. Her way off getting her mind off of worrying was that she would look forward to getting a present when I got back. So it was my job to bring her back something. Well as you know the first job didn't go too well. So I never had the time to bring her back anything.” He shrugs. “Guess she still wants a present.” I laugh that sounded like Esme.  
“So what are you going to try and find her?” I ask.  
“I don't know, she doesn't like most jewelry, can't really do candy, what do you think? She’s your sister.” He asks mumbling the last part.  
“Herbs to start another garden, but that's kinda not personal since that's something the community does need as well. Umm… She loves books, I haven’t seen her write in a while. You could get her another journal.” I say. He nods.  
“Yeah, thanks.” He says biting his nails and looking out the window again.  
“What's on your mind?” I ask nothing that he's more quiet than normal. He shrugs a bit still looking out the window. “Daryl, come on, brother what's bugging you?” I try again. He turns to me this time and sighs.  
“Look I ain't good with this romantic crap… and I don't know if I'm doing it right, or if it's the right time; or if you, or Carl. will say yes… Oh, never mind…” He trails off mumbling something about not being the right person and turns to the window again. I think for a bit on what he said, it almost not making any sense, it clicks in my mind what Daryl is trying to say and I start to laugh and bring the car to a stop.  
“Daryl are you trying to ask for mine and Carl’s permission for Esme’s hand in marriage.” Daryl freezes and stares out the window for a bit before he nods. “Of course you have my blessing brother.”  
“Thanks, man.” He says and I can see him relax. We lean over and give each other a hug, pulling back I shake my head in wonder at the man that once used to be just a stubborn redneck. now my loyal brother… in more ways than one.  
Esme’s P.O.V.  
I open the door to check on Carl and Judith when I hear Carl talking to her.  
“See that bright one.” He says pointing up, Judith mimics him “Yeah, that's the North Star. It's at the end of the Little Dipper. If you get lost at night just find that star. Your Aunt Esme taught me that and now I'm going to teach you that.” I smile at him and as Michonne walks up.  
“Hey.” She says to him.  
“Hi.”  
“You have fun today?”  
“I guess so.” He replies and stands up. “I'm going to take her in.” He tells her. I can feel the tension so I finally make my presence known.  
“I got her.” Opening the door all the way, I take Judith and smile at them.  
“Carl,” Michonne calls to him as I go back inside. I sigh as I listen to their story. I smile, but I still I sigh with worry for Carl I thanked and gods for Michonne at that moment.  
I sigh in pleasure getting out of the shower I freeze as I hear my room door shut.  
“Daryl?” I call, I get no answer so I open the door and see no one. I shrug and get dressed when I hear someone walking in the house. I open my door and see Rick’s door open. Did Rick need something? I think so I go to check.  
“Rick, Rick.” I hear a voice I don't know saying. I get confused and push the door open more to see a man I don't know standing over his bed, but I also see Michonne. I blink wondering if I am dreaming. “Rick wake up.” This man says again and I know I am not dreaming when both Rick and Michonne stand up buck ass naked brandishing their weapons.  
“Who the fuck are you?” I ask this man grabbing my gun and pointing it at him.  
“We should talk.” This guy says. “How about you get dressed.”  
“Right...” Rick says. “Uhh… Esme.” I just nod.  
“This way.” I say. Leading him out to the hallway gun still pointed at him, Carl comes out of his room sees me with my gun and reacts as well.  
“What are you doing in my house?” He asks.  
“Waiting for your mom and dad to get dressed. Hi… I'm Jesus.” The guy tells Carl and Carl looks at me confused, I'm about to explain his comment when Rick and Michonne come out of Rick’s room; Rick with no shirt on. I guess Carl now gets what happened At that moment Daryl, Maggie, Glenn, and Abraham all come barging into the house as well.  
“You said we should talk so let's talk,” Rick says as we all are in the kitchen. “So, how’d you get out?”  
“One guard can't cover two exits or third-floor windows,” Jesus explains. “Knots untie and locks get picked. Entropy comes from order, right?”  
“Right.” Rick says.  
“I check out your arsenal, I haven’t seen anything like that in a long time. Your well equipped, but your provisions are low.” I raise my eyebrow at this guy. Who the fuck is he? “Very low for the number of people you have. 54?”  
“More than that.” Maggie answers.  
“Well, I appreciate the cookie. My compliments to the chef.”  
“Yeah, she ain't here.” Daryl says getting defensive and taking a step towards him from our spot on the wall. I smile at him walking to him and place my hand on his back tracing the top of one of the wings.  
“Look we got off to a bad start.”  
“Well, that tends to happen when you steal from someone.” I say raising an eyebrow at Jesus.  
“But we’re on the same side the living side. You and Rick hand every reason to leave me out there, but you didn’t. I'm from a place that's a lot like this one. Part of my job is searching for other settlements to trade with.”  
“So stealing from them is supposed to help you with that how?” I ask confused. He sighs.  
“I took your truck because my community needs things, and both of you looked like trouble. I was wrong, your good people and this is a good place. I think our communities may be in a position to help each other.” He explains. I sigh, slightly ducking behind Daryl for some composer. After everything we've been through I didn't know if we could handle another bad group. I take a deep breath and look at Glenn when he speaks.  
“Do you have food?”  
“We’ve started to raise livestock. We scavenge, we grow. Everything from tomatoes to sorgam.” Jesus answers.  
“Tell us why we should believe you.” Rick asks.  
“I'll show you. If we take a car I can take you back home in a day, and you can all see for yourselves who we are and what we have to offer.”  
“Wait…your looking for more settlements.” Maggie leans forward in her chair. “You mean you're already trading with other groups?” She asks.  
“Your worlds about to get a whole lot bigger.” I blink when he grins at the whole table.   
I'm helping Carl fill up the gas tanks when Rick walks up to us holding Judith. Little Judith waves to us and I smile at her and play with her hands.  
“Hi, my little precious.” I coo at her.  
“You sure?” Carl asks Rick. I look up at him.  
“No.” Rick shakes his head sighing. “But if he's telling the truth, this could be the start of everything.” Just then we hear Michonne from up on the porch of our house. I just chuckle at the awkwardness.  
“Look, I was gonna tell you both about me and Michonne, but it just happened,” Rick explains. “It just happened. Last night. this, this is different.”  
“It's cool.” Carl chuckles. Rick looks to me worried.  
“I'm fine with it, as long as I don't walk in on you two again…” I say. Rick laughs.  
“Alright.” He says. “Well, get your stuff, both of you.”  
“Wait?” I gasp. “I can go?”  
“Yes. It's only a ride to a community so it should be safe enough.” Rick answers and I run off to get my stuff.  
Carl’s P.O.V.  
“You too, Gabriel can take care of Judith while we’re gone.” Dad tells me as Aunt Esme runs to get her pack from the house.  
“No, I'm not coming,” I answer shaking my head. “Someone’s gotta stay back, keep this place safe. A kid with a messed up face probably would make the best first impression anyway.” I sigh and see the sad expression on my dad's face but I smile anyway to let him know I'm okay. He just nods and hands me, Judith. He bends down to grab the gas can then stands back up.  
“Oh hey, Daryl wanted to talk to you go tell him I said to make sure he just straight up asks you,” Dad tells me and walks away to go talk to Michonne and Jesus. I walk in confusion over to Daryl who is checking the engine of the RV.  
“Hey Daryl, my Dad said you wanted to talk to me.”  
“What?” He asks looking at me in confusion.  
“He said to just straight up ask me what you need.” Daryl just looks at me then nods, stopping what he's doing and turns fully to me.  
“I want to know if your okay with me asking for Esme’s hand in marriage…” He asks. I blink a bit in surprise.  
“Why do you need my permission if you already have my dads,” I ask confused. “I mean of course I'm cool with it, though.” I smile.  
“‘Cause you’re one of the most important people in her life,” Daryl says and puts his hand on my shoulder. “Thanks, kid.”  
“So when are you going to do it?” I ask as he finishes working on the RV.  
“Don't know gotta find a ring first.”  
Esme’s P.O.V.  
On the drive most people are in their own thoughts, I'm sitting leaning against Daryl’s legs as we are staring out the window, one of his hands is on my shoulder, his thumb absently rubbing. I smile as I look around and see Maggie asleep next to Glenn, his hand on her stomach, the smallest baby bump beginning to show. My smile widens as I think of how great of parents they will be.  
“Hey,” I look to Abraham who is talking to Glenn. “Can I ask you a question?”  
“Sure.” Glenn nods and Abraham sits up leaning forward so Glenn does the same.  
“When you were, uh, pouring the Bisquick, were you trying to make pancakes?” Abraham asks. I try not to laugh at Abraham’s choice of words, but Glenn’s face is priceless and I giggle a bit, Daryl snorts from behind me as well. I look away but know they heard me.  
“Uh… Yes…” Glenn answers confused. “Oh, Okay, um... it's something that we talked about, yeah.”  
“Yeah.” Abraham still doesn't seem to understand something.  
“Why?” Glenn asks.  
“No, I just… Given the precarious state of affairs on any given Sunday, I am damn near floored that you or anyone else would the cojones to make a call like that.” Abraham argues.  
“I mean well… we’re trying to build something me and her... all of us.” Glenn tries to explain.  
“For the record, I see the rain coming, I'm wearing my galoshes,” Abraham says pointedly. “I double up.” I scoff and try to hide it with a laugh, Abraham looks at me and I know I'm busted. “What?”  
“Nothing…” I say shaking my head. “I just I get it, and for the record doubling up doesn't work?”  
“Elaborate?” Abraham asks.  
“Doubling up… it will rip the condoms and will…” I start to explain but he interrupts me shaking his head.  
“No, you get it part? So you get wanting kids in this crazy time?”  
“Oh, well… yeah. I get it. Why?” I answer Daryl’s thumb stops moving.  
“So you want little Daryl and Esme Juniors running around as well?” He asks perplexed I freeze my thoughts derailing.  
“I no, I mean… I… Ugh…” I shake my head trying to think. “No, not right now, Daryl and I are not at that point, hell we're not even married or anything like that...” I point to Glenn and Maggie.  
“Haven’t you guys been together longer than them?” Tara asked from her seat, now choosing to join the conversation, I shake my head, as I feel Daryl fidgeting behind me, he still didn't like talking about personal things.  
“No, we've known each other since the beginning, yes, back in Atlanta,, but we only started dating at the prison a few months before we met you.” I explain.  
“So you've been together for a while now why not get married yet?” She asks looking from me to Daryl, I feel him freeze behind me and I blush at the thought. I go to answer, but don't know what to say, I honestly hadn’t even thought of marriage yet. I shake my head and shrug deciding it's best to change the subject back to the original topic at hand.  
“Just haven’t talked about it yet given the precarious state of affairs,” I answer using Abraham’s words. “Anyway, I understand what Glenn and Maggie, were all trying to build something, a better world,” I answer looking out the window to think better. “Granted there was a time when I was extremely against it. When I found out my sister Lori was pregnant with Judith I was flabbergasted and angry, how could she do that? I mean we barely knew how to handle the world. But now we know how to stay alive, and kids well they adapt faster then we adults do. They will grow knowing how to stay safe in this world.” I shrug and go back to looking out the window trying my damnedest to get my mind off of Tara’s words. Were we there yet?


End file.
